


goodnight n go

by grimeysociety



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Daddy Issues, Darcy Lewis Feels, Darcy Lewis Is a Good Bro, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Smut, F/M, Female Friendship, Friends to Lovers, Male-Female Friendship, Manipulative Relationship, Puppies, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2019-07-04 23:20:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 86,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15851499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grimeysociety/pseuds/grimeysociety
Summary: After SHIELD falls, Darcy is asked to come back to Jane's side, moving into the apartment across the hall from Steve's in Brooklyn. Inspired, she and Natasha vow to play matchmaker for Steve and finally get him a girlfriend. Darcy just wants to do what she can, balancing her well-meaning boyfriend Danny with work and budding friendships.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> When I first got this idea, I was listening to Ariana Grande. To make a long story short, I was so drawn to her cover of Imogen Heap's song "Goodnight and Go"; it took me back to 2005 when my crushes had a new dimension of sexual tension and longing and everything was REALLY OVERWHELMING. Overall, this ShieldShock fic did not let me sleep once a plot popped into my head. It invaded. 
> 
> Anyway, this is a slowburn and any shippy moments won't be too significant for a while. Yay, friendship! Yay, personal growth! Are you good? Are you ready? Cool.
> 
> If you want to message me you can [here](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/ask). I love any feedback you give me, it keeps me grounded. 
> 
> Also, thanks to everyone who takes a second to read what I've managed to forge so far. At times it feels like pulling teeth, but I get there in the end.

 banner made by skyforgedsoul on Tumblr

 

 _"I don't mind you comin' here, and wastin' all my time... I guess, you're just what I needed."_ \- The Cars

 

 

 

**I.**

 

 

Darcy met Danny after she returned from London.

At a party, of all things. Darcy was not the type to party, but her long-time roommate Annie was always trying to get her to come out each weekend.

Darcy was not antisocial. She usually just kept to herself. The polite word to use was introverted. She was introverted and Jane always indulged Darcy in that sense when they worked together, because Jane was also introverted.

Contrary to whatever Annie said about her, Darcy did not hate people. She was friendly and thorough when she got to know people. She remembered birthdays, the TV shows that certain friends liked.

When she walked on campus she waved to people she knew.

But she would rather spend a Saturday night with her Netflix queue than with a bunch of other drunken grad students who bitched things Darcy did not relate to.

It became harder to pretend to be interested in things other than Thor-related shenanigans. It was her secret weak spot.

She came to the party with Annie because their WIFI was down and they still had not fixed it, so maybe the universe for once was telling Darcy to not watch Queer Eye _again._

She sat on a couch alone with a red cup with lukewarm beer in it while Annie stood against a wall with a friend, laughing.

Darcy frowned yet again, feeling a little left out.

As if on instinct, Annie turned her head, giving Darcy a sharp look.

It was funny how she came across as so beautiful and quiet to most people when just beneath the surface, Annie had the temperament of a barely contained cobra snake.

Darcy imagined Annie with a forked tongue darting out of her plush pink lips and sniggered, making Annie give her another sharp glance.

Darcy shrugged.

“Can I sit here?”

Darcy looked up toward the voice and saw a man with untidy brown hair, square glasses and a flannel shirt.

She blinked a couple times, understanding he meant the space beside her on the couch. She could not escape the feeling of dread that the guy was going to try asking her out at some point if he was allowed to stay close enough to her.

Darcy saw Annie glance at the mystery man from her spot on the wall, making Darcy feel more self-conscious than ever.

He was a decent-looking guy. Cute, even, if she thought about it long enough. His sleeves were pushed up to his elbows and his scruffy facial hair were usually right up Darcy’s alley.

She regarded him. “I don’t know, _can_ you?”

She imagined Annie face-palming or even hitting the back of Darcy’s head at her impertinence. Darcy was not being funny by most standards.

The guy smirked a little, and Darcy felt something loosen a little inside her. He did not mind a challenge.

“Excuse me, may I sit here, miss?”

 _Miss_. That did something to Darcy. Made her want to make him laugh. Made her want to tease him more. Maybe even flirt.

She just nodded, and the music coming from the kitchen area of the apartment changed over, and Darcy groaned.

Whoever picked the music needed a fucking lesson or two in reading a room. This trance bullshit might work if everyone was on molly but the most they had between the thirty or so people at the party was a couple kegs of beer and some Pinot Grigio Annie smuggled in.

The guy sat beside her, arm over the top of the couch above her head, and Darcy heard him sigh.

“Jake’s music sucks.”

Darcy chuckled. “You can stay.”

“Awesome,” the guy murmured. “I’m Danny, by the way.”

Darcy looked down to see his large hand extended to her, and she shook it. His palms were rough and dry.

He pushed his glasses up his nose, looking at her.

“Short for Daniel?” Darcy asked, and he nodded.

He took a sip of his beer, and Darcy saw his eyes had an unfocused glaze to them. She only arrived twenty minutes ago, but the party had been going for nearly three hours.

Annie cackled at something the guy next to her said, and Darcy smiled a little.

“Yeah,” Danny replied.

“Jewish?”

“Bit soon to be asking personal questions?” he threw back, smirking again.

Okay, so maybe he was drunk. His smile was crooked and his gaze kept shifting up and down her face. He stared at her mouth.

“What, it’s personal to ask if you’re Jewish?” Darcy countered. “I’m Jewish.”

She was half-Jewish but Jewish all the same. No bat mitzvah but most other traditions her mom kept up as Darcy grew up.

It made her stand out a little when she went to a Catholic high school, but that was because her best friends went there and she begged her mom to let her go, even though her mom warned her she could not keep wearing her Star of David without a teacher making a scene.

Her mom was only a little off. It wasn’t a teacher but a student that asked her why she was wearing ghetto jewellery under her shirts. When Darcy thought of the incident now she still cringed, wishing that at the time she had unpacked that for the nosy girl. At the time, all twelve year-old Darcy could do was mumble “shut up” to the girl and turn beet red.

“Nothing wrong with that,” Danny replied, one hand up in defense.

But that was kind of the point Darcy had been making. There was nothing _wrong_ with being a Jew.

“So it’s not biblical,” Darcy murmured, turning her gaze elsewhere and taking a sip of her beer.

She regretted it, deciding that the beer wasn’t worth swallowing to get a tiny buzz. She tried to spit it back into the cup subtly, but she just made Danny laugh beside her.

“It’s disgusting. I should have brought something else. Jake’s idea again.”

Darcy just looked at Danny, who was shaking his head fondly.

“This is Jake’s place, isn’t it?” Darcy asked, feeling for the first time like a bit of a dick.

“Yeah, whose place did you think this was?”

“No idea,” Darcy said. She set down her beer cup. “I came with Annie.”

Connecting the dots, Danny looked from Darcy and then Annie against the wall and smiled.

“ _You’re_ Darcy Lewis?”

Darcy did not know what to make of his tone. He sounded surprised. Whatever he heard about her was probably way more impressive than whatever air she exuded now with her eyes downcast and her voice quiet.

“Yeah,” she muttered.

“Dude, you’re hot shit around here!”

“Oh,” Darcy said. Her eyes widened a little, and she dared to look at him.

Still drunk, but somehow looser.

“The fuck are you doing back here? Where’s Thor?”

Darcy always found it fascinating to witness the Avengers’ impact from the outside. First, Tony Stark turned out to be Iron Man, and then Puente Antiguo happened – and then New York happened.

And then London and the Dark Elves happened.

Darcy pushed some old fears away. She was back with civilians again, and closest thing to danger here was some guy streaking across the football field during their hazing, and Darcy had not seen a naked dick in the flesh (so to speak) in months.

“Doctor Foster was sent to Norway again and I’m doing my Masters.”

She fed everyone that line. It was a version of the truth Jane and Darcy deemed appropriate enough to answer outsiders, but it gave very little away.

Darcy didn’t usually tell men right off the bat that she knew any Avenger, let alone Thor.

“You serious?” Danny asked, eyebrows quirking. “Huh.”

His disappointment was obvious. Darcy felt the urge to get up and leave. Spending this much time her already had to be enough to satisfy Annie, and maybe if Darcy stuck to the task, she could reconnect the WIFI or even read a book off the shelf. She still had her phone’s data.

“Sorry, I’m being an asshole,” Danny said, and Darcy looked back at him, his eyes looking sharper to her. “It’s probably classified, right?”

“Yeah,” Darcy admitted. “My mom is still recovering from when SHIELD searched her house last year.”

Danny’s eyes widened. “Yikes.”

“Yikes, indeed.”

Darcy felt a little better. The song finally changed over to something vaguely bearable. Darcy sighed.

“Somebody hijack that?” Annie called, and there was an affirmative yell from the kitchen.

Annie gave Darcy a thumbs-up, and then pulled the guy beside her along toward the music.

“Getting a refill – you want one, Darcy?” her friend called.

Darcy grimaced. “God, no.”

Danny laughed beside her.

He was cute. And not dumb enough to pry about Thor too much.

Toward the end of the night, she kissed him goodbye, a light peck on his unshaven cheek.

He reeked of beer, and drew his thumb across her lips before she left with Annie.

-

Back at their place, Annie’s words were slurring a little but she made several good points.

“The guy who was trying to get into my pants tonight – he was asking about the Korean war.”

Darcy handed her friend a cup of black coffee, settling down on their couch.

The WIFI was still down. She frowned at the modem by the TV, wondering what to do.

“Why the Korean war – _OH!”_ Darcy cut herself off mid-sentence. “Oh, God.”

“He was asking if it affected my family, like if some of them were stuck in the North,” Annie went on. She rolled her eyes. “ _I’m from Queens_. My parents are from Vietnam. Who are these dumbass kids?”

Darcy gave her a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. “We might have to wait until we graduate to find some sugar daddies. Become trophy wives.”

She was joking. They both joked about resorting to that, given their shared dating track records. After Ian in London, Darcy had not had a single serious relationship.

She was still friends with Ian on Facebook and they chatted occasionally. She knew they would always be friends. But she was nearly twenty-six years-old and men were not flocking to her side.

Annie, on the other hand, had plenty of opportunities. But for whatever reason she attracted men a lot dumber than her.

“Would you date George Clooney?”

“Um, _duh_ ,” Darcy replied. “We have discussed this.”

“No, I mean – he leaves Amal and the twins and dates you.”

Darcy thought for a second. “Sure. But only if he sees his kids. I am not into deadbeat dads, George Clooney or otherwise.”

Annie let out a laugh. “Yeah, okay. Maybe we’re just destined to be hookers with hearts of gold.”

They sat and drank their coffee, Annie’s head resting on Darcy’s shoulder.

“What if I settle for some Wall Street guy?” she murmured, and Darcy shook her head.

“You won’t.”

“What if I did though? For real.”

“That’s not gonna happen.”

Darcy’s phone vibrated, and she took it out, unlocking it.

Annie read over her shoulder. “Oh, hello. Danny Palazzo.”

“Web development,” Annie continued to read, as Darcy accepted Danny’s friend request and scrolled through his page. “Excellent career choice.”

Darcy kept scrolling, aware of Annie’s hot breath on her cheek.

“Your page is so bare, I wonder what he’s making of it,” Annie finished with a low chuckle.

“Alright. I think you should go to bed, you drunk,” Darcy muttered, pushing her off and walking toward her room and shutting the door behind her.

They knew each other well enough to know that Darcy meant nothing by it, and she wanted privacy.

Darcy threw herself on her bed, staring at her phone.

Danny sent her a message.

_You want to grab dinner tomorrow?_

She smiled, staring at his photo that smiled up at her.

-

They were dating for nearly two years.

SHIELD fell. Darcy did not have the opportunity to participate when it all unravelled. She watched TV screens with bated breath, Annie beside her before Danny joined them.

“You hear from Jane?” Annie asked, and Darcy nodded quickly.

“She’s okay. When the shit hit the fan, someone came to take her to a safe house.”

“That’s good,” Danny murmured. He pushed his glasses up out of habit. “You sure the door won’t get kicked in by anybody looking for you?”

The more Darcy thought about it, the more laughable the idea seemed to be. Not many people knew her involvement in Thor and Jane’s research. Erik Selvig was in greater danger than her, and luckily he still lived in London, and Jane had assured her that he was safe.

“Shit is _on fire_ ,” Danny added, but Darcy shook her head.

“It’s fine. No-one cares about me.”

“I care about you,” Danny muttered, sounding a little hurt.

She glanced at him and felt a twinge of annoyance, but knew he meant well.

“You’re sweet,” she replied. “Really. But SHIELD doesn’t remember me that much.”

-

A couple days later, more news spread. Forums blew up about the major government conspiracy. It made Darcy ill, and she spoke to her mother on the phone for over an hour, trying to assure her that everything would be okay.

“The whole thing makes me sick,” her mom muttered, and Darcy sighed.

“Mom, I’m sorry,” Darcy whispered.

She sat on her fire escape, remembering the distress her mother was in when SHIELD showed up and scoured every inch of her family home, demanding Darcy’s mom cooperate.

Knowing that they were secretly run by fascists made Darcy want to punch the brick wall beside her head, but she decided against it.

“You sure it’s okay? I’m scared people will come back.”

“They won’t. It’s all over now. I’m just sorry I got you involved,” Darcy whispered back.

There was a tap on her window behind her, and Danny was looking out at her, expectant.

“I have to go, Mom. Danny’s waiting.”

“When are you coming to see me, the two of you?”

“Soon, I promise,” Darcy said.

Danny motioned Darcy wrap it up. Darcy frowned at him.

“Maybe just me, no Danny,” she muttered.

Once she climbed back inside, Danny shook his head at her.

“I told you I don’t like you going out there when it’s not an emergency. It freaks me out,” he said, and Darcy narrowed her eyes just slightly, the same annoyance from earlier returning.

“My mom needed to hear my voice,” Darcy retorted. “You need to be more patient.”

She knew she was avoiding his request for her to stop going out onto the fire escape. She didn’t want to argue about that.

“She’s really freaked out about Washington. She thinks Nazis are about to knock her door down.”

Danny gave her a sidewards glance from his spot on the couch. “She realizes they’re not Nazis, right?”

Darcy closed her eyes for a second, hoping her tone would not sound too harsh to his ears.

“How are HYDRA not Nazis?” she asked, her eyes still shut.

“Well, it’s not 1930’s Germany, for one thing,” he said, and Darcy knew she made a mistake arguing with him.

She could either drop the conversation and go make them dinner, or stay in the room and continue.

Damn all her instincts, because she was too stubborn to back down.

And no matter what, every argument went this way.

“Okay, rule number one when talking about fascists: when you don’t call a spade a spade you’re giving an ideology too much legroom.”

“I know that,” he spat. “Don’t talk to me like I’m a fucking five year-old.”

Darcy glared at him. He didn’t show any sign of fear or regret, and just pushed his glasses back up, eyebrows furrowed.

“They’re Nazis, Danny. The biggest intelligence organization in America was run by _fucking Nazis_ for the better part of a century. So can we not get into semantics?”

Her voice grew to its shrieking nasal height that she hated most, and she knew Danny was not a fan of it.

Their first ever big fight, she tried her hardest not to sound hysterical. She hated that she was self-conscious of her voice, hated that she had to change the way she sounded to be taken seriously.

“Alright, alright,” Danny muttered, hands up. “Jesus. _I get it_. Why do you have to make such a big deal out of this?”

He got up from the couch, walking toward the front door.

“Where are you going?” Darcy called after him.

Her voice had less bite. She didn’t mean for him to go. When he did this, he didn’t always pick up his phone, and gave her the silent treatment whenever he got back.

She hated being ignored. She hated the heavy weight of silence, and the inevitable guilt.

She had reacted poorly. He meant well. He wasn’t making excuses for Hitler or something like that.

Danny gave her a short glance before grabbing his coat off the hook.

“I’m getting a drink.”

“Please don’t.”

She raced after him, trying to hug him from behind.

“I’m sorry. Please don’t go. I’m sorry.”

She knew why she acted like this. It was her dad, who she stopped seeing once he remarried when she was ten.

Danny shrugged her off him, opening the door.

The tears were sudden and hot, blurring her vision.

“Please, Danny. I’m sorry.”

“Let me go, Darce.”

He slammed the door behind him, and Darcy’s face crumbled, and she began to sob.

-

For two whole days there was radio silence, and Annie kept giving her The Look.

Darcy didn’t have to ask to know what The Look meant.

It was the _really, girl?_ look. It made Darcy stay in her room and avoid any kind of judgemental quips. She’d heard enough.

She still felt guilty. She still felt like Danny leaving was her fault.

When he came back, he had a dozen red roses and a pizza box for her, and she peppered his face with kisses, sure than Annie was rolling her eyes somewhere in the background.

-

They made up, and then she got a call from Jane the morning after.

“I need you to come back.”

Darcy’s heart began to hammer. “What?”

There was a rustle on the other line. Danny beside her rolled over, muttering something under his breath. Darcy nudged him with her foot, indicating her phone at her ear.

He mouthed, _what?_

“They’re going to rebuild it all. Uh, I don’t know what else I can say on the phone.”

“You need me to meet you somewhere? Where are you?”

“I’m outside your building, Darce.”

Darcy climbed out of bed, and looked out her window into the street.

Sure enough, the familiar diminutive shape of Jane Foster stood outside the foyer doors, looking up at her, smiling.

“I think you’re gonna have to move.”

Darcy gave her a confused look.  
  
Jane let out a little laugh.  
  
“To Brooklyn.”

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story will jump around a little, narrative-wise. I'm hoping to do a lot of explanatory flashbacks for context's sake as we go, but I hope no-one finds this too confusing to follow. Thanks for reading. <3

 

 _"Oh, why'd you have to be so cute? It's impossible to ignore you."_ \- Imogen Heap

 

 

 

**II.**

 

 

“You’re easy to talk to,” Natasha said, and Darcy tilted her head so that she rested it on the couch as she faced the woman opposite her.

“I don’t know about that,” she replied. “I pick fights with people.”

“You don’t pick them with me.”

“Because I’m not an idiot!” Darcy cried, laughing a bit.

She was sitting on her scratchy IKEA couch from college, the one that Annie made her take the second she announced she was hightailing it to Brooklyn when Jane offered her a job.

Her Masters done and gathering dust and her savings at next to nothing, Darcy was over the moon. She met so many people in a short amount of time, including the ex-assassin Natasha Romanoff.

“So who do you argue with?”

“My mom. Danny.”

Natasha frowned.

She had not had the pleasure of meeting Danny yet. He still needed to be cleared by intelligence as a non-threat to the new organisation.

Darcy didn’t tell Danny or her mom that she was employed by SHIELD or the Avengers, because neither would be true, but there was no doubting that their fates were tied together just the same.

“When you meet him - Danny, just –” Darcy hesitated. “Don’t scare him.”

“Scare him?” Natasha repeated, her voice flat.

“You know what I mean.”

Several sharp barks ran out from somewhere beyond Darcy’s front door and they both turned their heads toward the sound. Then a door slammed.

“Steve’s back,” Natasha murmured.

She got up from her seat, brushing her hands on her jeans before giving Darcy a quick glance.

“You want to come, too?”

The idea of inviting herself over to Steve’s was daunting to Darcy. She spoke to him a few times at work but was not in the comfortable position to call him a friend.

She didn’t want to overstep a boundary.

“That’s okay.”

“Come on. I’m going to go bug him about his sex life. You’re more than welcome to participate in the nagging,” Natasha replied, beginning to smile.

Darcy paused, considering the offer.

She got up from her seat as well and Natasha smiled, her voice husky. “Great.”

Natasha knocked on Steve’s door and they waited a few moments. From inside, more barks started up.

“The hell is he doing in there?” Darcy muttered.

“He’s sitting for Sam’s puppy.”

Darcy grinned. “A _puppy?”_

The door opened slightly, and Darcy saw Steve Roger’s eyes partially obscured by the door.

“Nat. And Darcy! Hey.”

Darcy felt something bloom in her chest, and she smiled, then looked down. A small snout was trying to make its way through the gap in the doorway.

“Max is still hyper,” Steve warned.

“I wanna meet them.”

“Okay,” Steve said, and he smiled back at her.

He opened the door wider, a blur of yellow fur hurtling toward Darcy.

From what she could tell, it was a Golden Retriever.

-

Darcy had not spoken to Steve much. Her first day at the Tower, Natasha rescued her when she stepped into the full elevator, almost entirely male staff looking down at her.

Natasha’s red head poked out from behind someone’s arm and she nodded at her.

“You Darcy?”

“Yeah,” Darcy breathed, relieved. “I’m lost.”

Someone grumbled about holding the door open to long and Natasha shot a look at someone Darcy couldn’t see.

“You a damsel in distress?” Natasha continued, and Darcy felt eyes fall back on her, her cheeks burning.

She knew it was a joke, just Natasha’s way of trying to make her more at ease, but she was so self-conscious with all the men staring at her.

She hated to admit it, but a room full of men made her feel vulnerable, maybe even unsafe.

She knew all these people were good; they were the ones who _weren’t_ Nazis.

“Sure,” Darcy managed to reply, wincing a little.

“Cool. Let’s subvert that trope,” Natasha said, and squeezed out from her spot and exited the elevator, grabbing Darcy by her elbow and walking down a hallway.

“Where are we going?” Darcy asked, and Natasha threw her a glance.

“We’re taking the executive route.”

Down one hallway, and then another, Natasha opened a door and stepped inside. The secretary who guarded it gave her a brief glance, nodding.

“Where are we – oh, God!”

Darcy realized they were in Tony Stark’s office a few seconds too late. A portrait of his parents hung above a fountain, the Stark Industries logo on another door as they made their way toward a private elevator.

“I can’t be in here.”

“Yes, you can.”

Natasha seemed totally untroubled, more than happy to guide Darcy through breaking every rule.

Their friendship grew from there. It made sense that she and Natasha melded so well together. They both didn’t like being told what to do but wanted to be part of a large organisation like the new SHIELD in order to do good.

Or in Darcy’s case, help others do good.

-

Standing in the hallway with a puppy trying to jump on her, its paws pressing into her chest as it licked her chin, Darcy giggled.

“Sorry, she’s a handful.”

“She’s gorgeous, I love her,” Darcy sighed, and the puppy keep licking her, before noticing Natasha.

“Oh, okay,” Natasha chuckled, patting her once the puppy moved onto her.

Steve watched this happen, and Darcy figured he was amused by the same thing as her – watching someone like Natasha dealing with a slobbering animal.

“What’s her name?” Darcy asked.

“Max,” Steve said. “Uh, Maxine. She’s Sam’s. He’s in Costa Rico with his girlfriend.”

Natasha pushed Max back a little, glancing at Steve.

“Speaking of which - I have Andrea’s number for you.”

Steve looked at Darcy and then Natasha. “Which one is she?”

“She’s a receptionist in R&D.”

Steve seemed to be drawing a blank. “Uh.”

“She wore the polka dot skirt last week?”

Steve nodded a couple times, seeming to connect the dots. “Right. Yeah, she’s cute.”

Max barked a couple more times.

Steve shot Darcy an apologetic look. “Sorry, she’s supposed to have dinner now.”

Natasha ducked past him, Max following her into Steve’s apartment.

“I was just –” Darcy gestured behind her. “I live here, too.”

Steve just smiled a little, his eyes looking away. “I know, I’m not great at welcoming new people here. I should have stopped by weeks ago.”

Darcy shrugged a little, knowing he was busy. When he wasn’t leaving to go for a run or work, he didn’t stop to say hello when she was in the hallway.

Maybe once he nodded at her, but Darcy considered it a fluke, and maybe he was above her security clearance.

But Natasha was always flitting around their apartment building, and they had just finished a movie and were talking about Danny when Steve got back.

She didn’t want to get ahead of herself, thinking that being close to Steve would be fun. She didn’t want to bother him, didn’t want to be one of those fangirls always trying to get his attention at work.

He didn’t respond to that usually. At least, that was what Darcy learned from Natasha earlier. When they talked about Danny being under investigation before he could join Darcy in Brooklyn, he never said he wanted to meet anybody, except maybe Thor.

Thor was Danny’s favorite Avenger, which was one of the things that made Darcy love him so much.

“I’m not the best host, either,” Steve added, in a low voice.

“Don’t worry about it,” Darcy said with a little wave, mimicking his low tone. “Can I come in, now?”

Steve remembered he was blocking her way and moved aside, and Darcy squeezed past him, smelling whatever fabric softener he used.

He smelt of baby powder and sweat.

He dwarfed her, but she knew that already. Most people were taller than Darcy. He was broad all over, and the thought made her think of Danny and how he went to the gym, but badmouthed a lot of the guys he called “Instagram model meathead posers”, men he thought were inferior try-hards.

The last time Darcy reminded Danny that Thor’s muscles could be seen as poser-like because he was a god, but Danny just hated the fact that she couldn’t wait to correct him.

No matter how much she loved Danny, the idea of him knowing she was talking to Steve more made her uneasy.

Looking around his place, Darcy noted how sparse it was. He had a cereal box on his kitchen counter and a few pieces of furniture, but not much else.

“Uh, Nat. How’s Steve meant to bring anybody back here when there’s nothing?”

Natasha was playing with Max on the couch with a chew toy, and glanced Darcy’s way.

“Fair point. We may have to go to IKEA.”

Steve shut the door, marching over to the two women, his eyebrows raised.

“ _No_. Even the idea of the place scares me.”

“You need a makeover if you’re gonna get laid, Steven,” Darcy said, looking him up and down. “We’ll do it like Queer Eye.”

Steve let out a short, disbelieving laugh. “I haven’t had any complaints so far. And that other part I’m guessing I’m supposed to understand but don’t because I’m old.”

“Dinosaur,” Natasha said, smirking a little.

“Practically a protozoa,” Darcy agreed. “We’re watching Queer Eye and then we’re definitely going to IKEA. This weekend.”

“And _then_ I get laid?” Steve asked, and Darcy laughed.

“I guarantee it.”

-

After Max ate her dinner and was sleeping on Darcy’s feet while she sequestered one couch, with Natasha and Steve on the other, they set up a Netflix account for Steve.

“So, the idea of the show is five non-straight men makeover someone, usually a guy, over the course of a week. Each episode is one hour.”

“Okay,” Steve said, nodding.

He seemed to be taking everything she said seriously, and Darcy appreciated the lack of eye-rolling she would otherwise get from other men in her life.

“Each one of the Fab Five specializes in some aspect of modern life. My favorite is Jonathan.”

Natasha began to laugh, and Darcy shot her a look, Steve not understanding the significance.

“That makes so much sense.”

“Then who’s _your_ favorite, Romanoff?” Darcy retorted.

They all looked at the redhead, Max included.

Natasha shrugged. “Tan.”

Darcy smiled, thinking. “Yeah, I can see that.”

She pressed play.

-

With the credits rolling, Darcy looked over at Steve expectantly.

“Thoughts?”

“I get why you like it so much,” Steve mused, and he smiled a little wider as Darcy placed a hand on her chest, signalling her gratitude.

“Thank you.”

“Quick question,” Natasha piped up. “Why not just nominate Steve for Queer Eye?”

“Because there’s no guarantee even in getting an episode, when with us Steve is one hundred thousand percent likely to be _swimming_ in puss-”

“Okay,” Steve interjected, louder than Darcy. “I think I got the message. We’ll do it your way.”

Darcy grinned. “Are you serious?”

Steve shrugged. “What do I have to lose?”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Yes, Jonathan is my fave, too. I know I'm the most like Antoni though, being a sensitive Pisces that loves avocados.)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my mother whose IKEA catalog was accidentally sent to my place instead of hers. Hoping to incorporate more Swedish product names in coming parts for the sake of IKEA hilarity.  
> Also: Danny's a dick.
> 
> <3

_"You remind me of a time when things weren't so complicated...all I need is to see your face..."_ \- Ariana Grande

 

 

 

**III.**

 

 

 

Seconds after Steve agreed to the makeover, they were standing in his bedroom, Natasha sitting on his bed with Max with Darcy standing in front of Steve’s closet, Steve resting against the doorframe with his arms crossed.

“Anything secret in here I’m not supposed to find?” Darcy asked, and Steve shook his head.

“You have my permission.”

She flashed him a quick grin, and pulled open the doors.

His scent was amplified in this room, and the musty closet smell reminded Darcy of her childhood when she rifled through her mom’s shoes and drew on the mirror inside with lipstick.

His collection was modest, considering he could afford a much larger wardrobe, but Darcy understood then that he was understated.

He wasn’t prone to slogan shirts and knitwear like she was. All his shirts were ironed, and all his pants were pressed.

“Army regulation,” Darcy muttered.

Natasha chuckled from her spot on the bed.

Darcy glanced Steve’s way. “That’s a good thing. Women like men who are responsible.”

She did not mean to sound condescending. She didn’t want Steve to get the impression that she was undermining him in any way.

He did not seem to be bothered by her, just nodded.

“You don’t have many ties,” Darcy noted.

There was one. Black and skinny, and it hung beside a suit that was still in its dry-cleaning bag.

 “I don’t wear them that often.”

“Can I buy you a tie?” Darcy asked, and Steve just blinked.

“Uh, sure.”

She closed the closet, sighing. “Might not need to buy many clothes. Your style isn’t half bad, considering you could pass as a Brooklyn hipster with the amount of plaid in there.”

Steve’s mouth twitched, and he failed to suppress his smile despite Darcy’s shady comment.

“Good to know, Darcy,” he countered. “But I was punching Nazis before any of those snotty baristas were a twinkle in their great-granddaddy’s eye.”

His sass caught her off-guard. Sometimes she forgot he was nearly a hundred. It probably did not help that he treated her differently to what she expected from his generation.

She needed to not generalise when it came to Steve Rogers.

“So, IKEA?” Natasha interrupted them, and Darcy cleared her throat.

“Yeah. This Saturday. We’ll go in the morning and then we’ll build everything when we get back.”

They moved back into the living room, Darcy looking around.

“I’ll make a list. I have a catalog at home.”

“What about Danny?” Steve asked, and Darcy whipped her head toward him at the mention of the name.

She had not mentioned having a boyfriend before then. He must have heard something from Natasha. Darcy did not want to know what had made that topic come up.

She checked her phone to distract herself, shrugging.

“He doesn’t like shopping.”

Natasha looked at Steve, and they exchanged a look.

“No, it’s just,” Darcy began, feeling a sickly twist in her stomach. “He works all the time and his weekends are precious.”

“But so do you,” Natasha said. “He won’t go shopping with you even if it means spending some time with you?”

Darcy felt herself blush. She should have lied, made some excuse. He had a large family and there was a mammoth of opportunities to use them as an alibi.

“He probably won’t be moved here by then anyway,” Steve said, shrugging. “I doubt by the weekend he’ll be allowed to move in and help set everything up.”

Darcy could only nod, so thankful for Steve saving that conversation from going somewhere dark. It happened all too often whenever Annie spoke to Darcy about Danny.

Annie had been exposed to nearly every little fight, had been a shoulder to cry on.

Natasha was still at the stage of understanding Darcy’s relationship dynamics. Most of the time, Danny did his thing, and Darcy did hers. And that was fine.

Except she knew if she brought this makeover project up with him, he’d think it was stupid. Especially once he learned who she and Natasha were planning to fix.

Not that Steve needed fixing. But he was in desperate need of some life in his apartment.

“He has a Christening this weekend,” Darcy added. “I forgot. His cousins in New Hampshire. Their kid.”

She was lying to people trained in espionage, and knew how she sounded. It was like lying you had a girlfriend in another state to get out of telling people you were single. Darcy had seen it in comedies on TV often enough, for fuck’s sake.

They must have known not to question it, because neither Steve nor Natasha did, and Darcy was grateful for it.

-

The next morning Darcy heard a knock on her door when she was midway through her first coffee, and she rubbed the sleepiness some more from her eyes before shuffling off to the door.

She had not thought about who would be visiting.

She blamed the earliness of the morning on her lack of sense, and saw Steve staring down at her in her low-cut nearly see-through yellow tank top and matching pajama shorts, her hair a wild tangle and the dark circles under her eyes.

“Hey. Sorry, did I wake you?” Steve asked.

His eyes swivelled away from her body to the space behind her, and Darcy realized he was trying to make out her apartment in the background.

“No, actually,” Darcy mumbled, and Danny came to mind.

He would not be happy knowing Steve saw her like this. It had to be crossing some line.

“Steve, why are you here?”

“I was going to walk Max before work. You wanna come with?”

He was so casual and kind that Darcy could not say no, no matter how much she looked and felt like a zombie.

She shook her head a little but said, “Sure. Just give me ten minutes to finish my coffee.”

“And change?” Steve added, and Darcy felt herself blush.

“Yeah, that, too.”

Darcy knew she felt embarrassed because he saw her like that. And she also knew that if Natasha had seen her like this, she wouldn’t be embarrassed.

She didn’t want to unpack that just yet.

She shoved on some leggings and some sneakers, running her brush through her hair.

She put in her contacts, wincing a few times because she was sure she put one in inside out.

It was a mess, trying to pretend she was more put together than Steve. It seemed almost hypocritical to be wanting to give him a makeover when she was the way she was as well, but Darcy shoved that thought away, too.

She met him in the hall, Max barking hello.

“Hey, sweetie,” Darcy murmured, kneeling to pat the puppy and get licked.

“She really likes you,” Steve said, and Darcy smiled.

“I like her, too.”

They walked down into the street, and Steve handed her the leash.

“You think Sam would be open to sharing her when he gets back?” Darcy asked, and Steve broke into a smile.

Max was sniffing along the pavement, pulling Darcy along.

“Maybe. He’s away a lot,” Steve said.

“So are you?” Darcy asked, and Steve nodded.

He wore shorts and sneakers with a gym shirt.

“Yeah. Kind of the nature of the job,” Steve said.

Darcy looked at Max, who barked at an old woman they passed.

 _Sorry_ , Darcy mouthed.

“I’m gonna jog,” Steve said, and Darcy shot him a look.

“So this was a ruse? I stay here with Max while you run?”

“Yeah. False pretences, Lewis. Keep up,” Steve teased.

Her stomach fluttered. She didn’t want it to, but it did.

She felt a spike of anxiety as well at the realisation.

She wanted to ignore it, so kept bantering with him as if nothing had changed.

“Isn’t it kind of the point that I can’t keep up? Isn’t this your element, with you having super speed or whatever?”

Steve chuckled. “Yeah, I guess so.”

He took off, and if he was a cartoon, Steve Rogers would be the Road Runner.

“Meep meep,” Darcy muttered under her breath, and then Max took off to follow Steve down the street.

Darcy was yanked from her standing position, and knew if she tried stopping Max it would end in pain, so she conceded she had to try running, too.

She was self-conscious, sure that anyone watching her would be drawn to her thighs jiggling as she moved, tits bouncing and breath huffing.

No-one was actually staring at her, but she convinced herself that everyone was secretly, and she felt her cheeks redden from embarrassment again, before going even redder from exhaustion after running around the corner and around, doing a full circle.

Steve came up behind her, and slowed down.

“Hey, you’re doing good.”

“No, I’m not, I’m dying,” Darcy gasped. She winced. “Fuck. I got a stitch.”

She halted, Steve doing the same. Max kept barking, unperturbed.

She doubled over, feeling like such an idiot.

She felt Steve’s hand on her shoulder.

Gentle and telling her she was okay.

She moved back, Steve’s hand slipping off, trying to laugh a little.

“Yeah. Your element, not mine.”

Steve took off again once they decided Darcy would walk Max around the building a few more times.

-

When they got to work together, Darcy spotted Andrea in the lobby, the woman whose number Natasha had for Steve last night.

“Dude, you totally have to ask her out,” she said, pointing her out to Steve.

“Okay, but not until after the makeover,” he murmured, watching Andrea move across the floor toward the elevator doors.

She turned back briefly.

She was tall, much taller than Darcy or Natasha. At least Pepper Pott’s height or more. She reminded Darcy of an Amazon. There had to be thick, wondrous thighs in those suit pants.

Her black bob swished as Andrea looked over her shoulder, spying Steve.

The briefest smile flashed crossed her face before she turned her head back toward the elevator.

Darcy slapped his arm, making him jump.

“Yeah, I saw,” Steve said, his voice still low.

“You’re _in_ ,” Darcy whispered. “After this weekend, she’s all yours.”

Steve just nodded, swallowing a couple times.

“You nervous?” Darcy asked, and he nodded.

“Sure.”

“You’re a catch. Do you have to hear me say that to feel better?”

Darcy was just kidding, but Steve didn’t return her teasing grin this time.

Darcy’s face fell.

More people moved past them to get to the elevators. Someone saluted Steve and he returned it, feet together and his body rigid.

“Captain.”

“Agent Lowell.”

Darcy blinked at the man, who ignored her, moving on.

-

That evening, she got a call from Danny, after about a million texts to him over the past several hours.

“What’s up?” he said, chewing something on his end and making Darcy frown from her spot on the couch.

“I’m going to IKEA this weekend,” she said.

“Yeah, I read the texts.”

That twinge of annoyance again. Why didn’t Danny just do things when she wanted him to? Like answer her when he got the chance instead of making her wait around?  
  
“You not interested in joining me?”

“Not likely,” he muttered.

“What?”

Darcy heard him the first time. She just wanted him to repeat himself, to hear himself be an asshole.

“Not likely,” he repeated, louder.

“It could be fun. I haven’t seen you in ages,” Darcy said.

She made her voice as calm as possible. The second she made herself as aggressive as him, she’d lose, and then he would hang up.

“Then don’t go to IKEA this weekend.”

“I need to,” Darcy retorted. She slipped, her tone could be interpreted as whiny.

She picked fights. She made him angry too much, too often.

“You _want_ to,” Danny corrected her, and Darcy stared at a loose thread in her cardigan sleeve, and began to pull it out further. “Why do you _need_ to go?”

She could imagine him using air quotes, rolling his eyes. She pulled the thread more, sure she was ruining the sleeve for good.

“Natasha and Steve want to go.”

There was a brief silence.

“Don’t they have people to do that for them?”

“They want to do it with me,” Darcy murmured.

“Thanks. Make me sound like an asshole because I don’t want to waste my Saturday at IKEA, but your friends want to.”

“It wouldn’t be a waste,” Darcy said, sighing. “I’m sorry.”

He ignored her apology. “You being a third wheel?”

“No,” Darcy said.

She wondered how to propose her idea without sounding like a lame idiot. He would call her materialistic or naïve.

The time Darcy wanted to buy Danny a watch, he said she had to get used to the idea that he didn’t care about style or stupid shit like that.

“Nat and I are trying to give his apartment a makeover.”

“But why, though?”

“Why not? I saw his place and it looks empty and sad –”

“Why were you at his place?”

“He’s my neighbor,” Darcy explained, trying to keep her voice neutral. If he detected any anxiety, he might suspect something that wasn’t even _there_.

“What? It’s Steve Rogers, right? Captain America?”

Why was he making this conversation so painful? Darcy felt her stomach twist again, willing herself to remain calm on the phone.

“Yeah. Some other people from work live around here.”

“But why’s he gotta be in Brooklyn with the grunts beneath him from work?”

“He was born here,” Darcy whispered.

“He sounds like a pretentious asshole.”

Darcy let out a breath. “Cool, Danny. You don’t even know the guy.”

“Because _I’m not allowed to move there_. Fuck.”

He sounded so incensed, Darcy closed her eyes, imagining him throwing his phone after he hung up on her.

He did that once after another fight over the phone, and Darcy knew what a pain it was to get a new one with the little time he had to himself anyway.

“Not yet, baby,” she replied, trying to sound sweet and concerned. “But so soon, I promise. They told me another week, tops. And then we can be together again.”

Danny sighed, and Darcy knew her plan worked. He wasn’t going to punish her.

“Sorry, I just. You know,” he murmured. “I miss us.”

“I miss us, too,” Darcy said.

-

Darcy did not see or even hear Steve for a couple days.

He must have walked Max in the middle of the night, or when she left for work.

Friday came and went, and then Saturday morning Natasha rolled in, quirking her eyebrows at Darcy when she answered her door.

“You ready to change lives?”

“Yes!”

They pounded on Steve’s door, and after a minute there was a scuffle and he answered, dressed with his shoes on.

“No Danny?” he asked.

It threw Darcy for a second, and she shook her head wordlessly. There was an awkward pause.

“Ready?” Natasha asked him, hooking an arm through Darcy’s.

“He was born ready,” Darcy stage-whispered, making Steve smile.

Steve left Max with toys and some food, promising to return in a few hours.

When they rocked up to IKEA, after jumping into Natasha’s corvette, Darcy’s face lit up.

“The mothership!” she declared, and a family walking past them glanced their way, alarmed.

“Okay, noted,” Darcy added, her voice lower. “I’ll try not to be too extra today.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Natasha said, her husky voice like a dream. She winked, moving aside to get them a cart.

“How long’s the list?” Steve asked, and Darcy showed him her phone.

He scrolled through the list, reading.

“I don’t speak Swedish,” Steve said, and Darcy chuckled.

“Neither can I. They’re just the names of the products.”

She held her phone, too, her fingers brushing Steve’s.

“ _Skådis_. That’s a pegboard.”

Natasha returned, cart rattling against the cement of the parking lot. She nudged Steve, making him knock into Darcy, her face against his chest.

“Sorry,” Natasha said, and Darcy could only keep very, very still and try not to react. Natasha did not seem that apologetic.

“Anyway, pegboard,” Darcy said, pointing to her phone. “Also, I want to get you some picture frames.”

They set off together, Natasha pushing the cart as they walked behind her.

“You need a picture of your mom in your apartment,” Darcy said. “No matter what.”

“Sure. I mean – I just – I didn’t think about that.” Steve was looking around at all the signs and different people with their own carts. “It’s really busy.”

“This is nothing. I’ve been here on Black Friday,” Darcy said with a wave.

Natasha turned her head. “Darcy, don’t tell him about Black Friday, you’ll scare him.”

“Right,” Darcy said, pointing at Natasha. “Can’t shatter any illusions just yet.”

Steve craned his head. “Are we going the right way?”

Darcy knew where they were. Natasha turned back again, as if to check what the plan was.

A smile crept across Darcy’s face. _She_ was in her element this time.

-

They separated, and maybe it was a little mean of Darcy to cause that, but she found it funny just the same when she was walking around a children’s bedroom display by herself, her phone buzzing.

There was no caller ID, but she answered it, guessing who it was. She was right.

“Darcy, where are you?”

“Who’s speaking?”

“ _Steve_. Nat texted me your number. I’m – I actually don’t know where I am right now.”

He sounded confused and Darcy covered her mouth to smother the sound of her snort.

“Read something to me and I’ll try to figure it out.”

“I’m next to a toilet, Darcy.” His voice was sharper, annoyed.

She could not stop herself from cackling.

“Remember it’s fake, so don’t pee in it, Steven.”

“I’m going to – ”

“What?” Darcy said, breathless. “What are you going to do to me?”

She swallowed, thinking back on what she said. Maybe she could have worded that better.

There was a felt mouse that she spotted on the small desk beside the fake bed, and she stroked its soft ears.

“I’ll come find you,” she murmured, before he could give her an answer.

She hung up, biting her lip.

-

She found him with Natasha in tow, the cart still empty.

However, Steve’s arms were full with scented candles.

The second he spotted Darcy he said, “I panicked.”

She smiled a little, trying to assure him. “That’s okay. Candles are good.”

She felt her phone vibrate in her hand, and she looked at the screen.

Danny was calling her.

She unlocked it and answered.

“Hey! I just got a call from your work. I’m all clear. I’ve got time to take a bag over and stay tonight.”

Danny’s words were a jumble in her ear, and they didn’t quite register for a few seconds, and Darcy just looked away from her friends.

“That’s amazing. I can meet you back at home.”

“Okay! I’m about to get to the subway. My reception’s patchy. I’ll call you soon, okay? I love you!”

“Yeah,” Darcy said, her voice faint.

She hung up, not thinking to say goodbye.

“Good news?” Natasha asked.

Steve put the candles into the cart with a clatter.

“Yeah. Danny’s coming over.”

She avoided Steve’s gaze. Natasha smiled.

“Hey, that’s great! He can help us out.”

“Yeah,” Darcy said.

She just wasn’t convinced bringing Danny into this was such a good idea anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read what I've written so far. And the kudos make me smile. >3 <3 <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **(EDIT Sep. 8th: Since writing part 9, I feel the need to add a warning for those who may be triggered by depictions of abusive relationships in this part as well.)**
> 
> Oh, boy. Me writing this, though it's only been a few parts, has been a fucking journey, honey. Thanks to crimtastic for letting me vent my angst in between parts.  
> Danny is based off of a lot of fucked up scenarios behaviors I've witnessed and experienced. He is, like I've said before, a dick.

_"What kind of man loves like this?"_ \- Florence + the Machine

 

 

 

**IV.**

 

 

 

Darcy tried to diffuse her anxiety by doing a flurry of shopping, directing Natasha and the cart this way and that, grabbing what they could on the list.

They got one flat pack of furniture into Natasha’s corvette and ordered several other things to be delivered to Steve’s place.

All the while, Darcy was pretending she was at ease, and comfortable with Danny meeting Steve and Natasha for the first time.

What was the worst that could happen?

She did not want to entertain that line of thinking, so she sat behind Steve in the car, the seat beside her full with bags.

She bought the felt mouse on her own credit card, wondering how she’d justify that purchase to Danny if he found out. She was always complaining he spent too much on booze and food delivery, yet she was willing to pay an obscene amount for a kid’s toy.

“What’s the damage?” Darcy asked Steve, when he read the receipt on the way home.

Natasha craned her head, seeing the total on the paper.

“You don’t wanna know.”

Darcy chuckled. “I appreciate you letting me do this.”

Steve turned around in his seat, and Darcy was confronted by his lit up eyes and wide smile.

“Thank you so much, Darcy.”

Darcy’s stomach flipped, and she blinked, looking out the window.

“No problem. It’s easier when it’s not me paying.”

He was so sincere it made her ache in her chest. She would tear up if she was not careful, and then maybe she wouldn’t stop crying.

Steve just chuckled, turning back.

The three of them were quiet the rest of the way, with Darcy leaning her forehead against the glass, looking at her phone.

_I’m waiting outside the building._

Darcy thought about first impressions, and maybe she was being an asshole, assuming Danny might not make a good one.

She should have trusted that instinct.

-

Once they arrived back in Brooklyn, Natasha’s corvette pulling up outside the building, Darcy spotted Danny sitting on the steps to the building, his duffel bag at his feet.

Darcy got out first, grabbing a couple bags.

“Hey,” she called, and Danny looked up from his phone.

“Finally. I was wondering what took you.”

Natasha marched up to him, her boots clomping on the pavement, her hips swinging.

“Sorry to keep you waiting, Your Highness.”

She said this all in a low voice, walking past Danny to get the door and go inside.

Darcy stared after her, knowing that if she’d done the same thing, Danny would have chewed her out in seconds, and then she’d been a crying wreck, begging forgiveness.

He stood stunned, and then shot Darcy a sharp look.

“Jesus, what’s her deal?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Darcy said, and she kissed him on the lips. “She’s tired.”

Steve was coming up with the flat pack under one arm, and offered Danny his spare hand.

“Steve,” he said, and Danny shook his hand back, smiling a little.

“Danny. Brooklyn, huh?”

 _God, Danny,_ Darcy thought. He was already trying to make fun of Darcy’s new friends.

“Yeah. Where you from?” Steve asked, and Darcy saw him look Danny up and down, as if he was sizing him up.

He was taller and broader than Danny, and seeing them beside one another was jarring to Darcy. It was her two worlds colliding. Danny never met anyone from work, not even Jane.

“Staten Island,” Danny replied, and he pushed his glasses up his nose out of habit.

“Nice,” Steve said, though there was barely any emotion behind the word.

He looked at Darcy, and his face changed to something softer, making Darcy hold her breath.

“I’m gonna head to my place. Maybe you should give Danny a tour before you head over?”

Darcy swallowed. “Sure. I’ll see you soon.”

Steve moved off toward the door, and pushed inside.

Darcy watched him go, feeling sick.

Danny let out a low whistle. “Okay. Definitely an asshole.”

Darcy shot him a look. “He’s not. You don’t know him.”

He seemed hurt by that, but covered it by rolling his eyes and grabbing his duffel bag from the ground, and threw the strap over his shoulder, looking at Darcy’s bags.

“You sure you want to help them?”

Darcy frowned, following him up to the door. He opened it for her, letting her in, and she squeezed through, her arms starting to ache from holding her bags so rigidly.

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“Seems like he’s already got a girl,” Danny said, lowering his voice. “Whatshername.”

Darcy grit her teeth for a second, beginning to climb the stairs to her floor.

Danny knew her name was Natasha.

“I don’t think so. They would have said if they were interested in each other.”

“You sure they wouldn’t keep that from you?”

Darcy stopped her climbing and glared at him.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Darcy shrugged, eyebrows hiking up. “I just mean they’re probably humoring you, letting you help decorate the place. They’re just being nice.”

Danny made her second guess, made her think back on every moment she’d been with them. Maybe she had misinterpreted their relationship. Natasha did not talk much about her love life that much, and she knew Steve had been reluctant before to start dating people.

Darcy remembered the incident with the cart. It could have been Natasha’s way of telling her to back off, Natasha’s way of telling her Steve was hers to touch only.

Darcy swallowed. “Maybe.”

“So you wanna go see them still?” Danny asked.

“I promised I would.”

“You’re too nice, Darce,” he muttered, shaking his head a little. “But that’s why I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Darcy said, her voice a barely audible whisper.

She felt like such a fool.

-

She showed Danny the apartment. It was a brief tour, but he seemed pleased. There was a spare room and his face lit up.

“I can move my computer in here.”

Darcy looked around the room. “Sure.”

Danny suddenly took her by the wrist, pulling her toward him, their noses brushing. He kissed her, his eyes closed.

Darcy’s own eyes fluttered shut, and she felt the arousal beginning to pool between her legs.

She moaned as Danny’s tongue slipped into her mouth.

“God, it’s been forever,” he whispered, his hands under her shirt and cupping her tits.

Darcy shuddered. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he murmured back, and then his hand was down the front of her leggings and stroking her roughly, making her jump against him. “Just make it up to me now.”

Darcy grinned, more than willing to oblige.

They made their way to her bed, Danny rolling them so she was straddling him, looking down into his warm brown eyes.

Darcy leaned down and pulled his pants partway down, exposing himself to her, and she licked up his thigh.

“Fuck, Darcy. You’re so good at this.”

He made her feel so wanted sometimes that she wondered why she had to pick so many fights with him. She wished they were always this good together, not just in bed.

She sucked him off for a few minutes, until he was grabbing at her shoulders, signalling her to move up to kiss him again.

She sank onto his cock a couple minutes later, shuddering once more.

She did not know she was feeling so empty before then, but once he was inside her, she felt at ease.

Her senses were heightened. She rolled her hips, making him moan.

It did not last as long as she hoped, but it felt good just the same.

-

After she cleaned up, Danny was reaching for his duffel bag, and Darcy spied the six pack of beer he brought, and frowned.

“It’s four PM.”

“It’s Saturday,” he retorted. He rolled his eyes. “I’m allowed to drink on weekends, Darce.”

Darcy huffed, picking up her leggings and underwear and pulling them back on.

“I’m going to Steve’s.”

She jumped a couple times to pull everything up, wishing she didn’t feel so snug. Danny was always onto her about her health.

“Come on, stay here.”

“I want to. I’m going,” Darcy snapped.

Danny got up from his lying position, his soft cock flopping a little, still sounding wet. The sound stuck out in Darcy’s mind and Danny pulled on his jeans and socks.

They went across to Steve’s, Danny’s beer under his arm with Darcy under his other.

She knew he smelt of sex, but if she made him wash up, she was afraid he’d draw attention to it.

It wasn’t that she was ashamed of sex, or people knowing she had sex. It just didn’t seem like the right time to bring it up, even as a joke.

Natasha opened the door, looking from Darcy to Danny and back again, moving aside to let them in.

Max bounded up to Darcy, trying to reach her for a kiss.

Darcy twisted herself out from under Danny’s arm and dropped to the floor, letting Max lick her face, and she couldn’t help laughing despite her uneasiness.

Steve looked up from his spot on the living room floor where he was assembling the flatpack and smiled at Darcy, then his eyes fell to Danny.

“Hey.”

“Hi,” Darcy replied, feeling weird.

Danny put his beers down on the kitchen counter, opening his second one in twenty minutes.

At the rate he was going, he’d run out and go get some more.

And then Darcy would be the one making sure he didn’t choke on his own vomit later.

But Darcy knew she had to not think the worst so soon. He had not got drunk around her in a long time, and maybe he just needed a couple now to get over his nerves.

Darcy joined Steve on the floor, Max following her. The puppy rested her head on Darcy’s lap when she sat cross-legged, watching Steve pore over the instructions.

“This shit’s confusing,” Steve muttered, and Darcy couldn’t help laughing at the sight of him.

Steve looked her way. “I’m glad my suffering amuses you.”

“Remember when we had to put together that coffee table, Darce?” Danny piped up, and Darcy glanced his way, seeing he had chugged half his beer.

“Oh. I somehow managed to put the cabinet part in upside down.”

“My point is, don’t count on her to read that without something ending fucked up,” Danny added, winking at Darcy.

It was a joke, so Darcy tried to take it as a joke, forcing a little laugh, looking away.

She patted Max’s head absently. Natasha was still in the kitchen, and Darcy could hear Danny and her talking in low voices.

“You okay?”

Steve’s voice was low enough that Darcy had to strain to hear him. He wasn’t looking at her, instead pretending to still be absorbed in the instructions.

Darcy stared at the side of his face, wondering how to answer that.

“Yeah,” she lied, her voice cracking.

She looked at his hand, the one that touched hers when they both held her phone earlier. She wanted to reach out and grab it and squeeze it, to thank him for just being there.

Her eyes stung. She blinked, looking away from him and back at Danny and Natasha.

The redhead looked mildly displeased by something Danny was saying.

She shot Darcy a look. “He’s being a movie snob.”

“He’ll do that,” Darcy called back to her. She forced a smile, hoping that from this distance Danny couldn’t see she was trying not to cry.

He finished his beer, putting the empty bottle on the counter and reaching for another one.

There was a flash of petulance on his face, and Darcy swallowed, regretting letting him bring those over.

He got up from his spot suddenly, walking over to the living room and standing over Steve and Darcy.

Max barked at him when he tugged Darcy up from her spot, kissing her.

“Mmph,” Darcy said against his mouth, and she froze up.

Danny didn’t notice, or didn’t want to notice her discomfort, and only wrapped an arm around her waist, deepening the kiss.

Darcy drew back, the taste of beer overwhelming in Danny’s mouth.

He also smelt of her. He hadn’t washed his hands earlier. She wondered if Steve could smell it from his spot on the floor; the smell of sex.

“Sorry, man,” Danny said to Steve, who was not looking their way. “I can’t help it sometimes, you know?”

Darcy felt hot all over. She was so angry, so hurt. She felt shame and rage envelop her. She shook with it, and Danny’s arms fell, his eyes stuck on Steve and not Darcy.

Darcy thought about chiding him, making a big deal out of it. But she was trying so hard to make everybody get along, so that wasn’t going to help.

“I hear ya,” Steve said, and he turned toward them, looking right at Darcy.

He was visibly upset by Danny’s presence. His square jaw ticked, his brow was furrowed. His voice, however, was neutral enough for Danny to shrug, moving to sit on the couch, pulling Darcy with him.

She settled on his lap, but she knew she was stiff all over.

She caught Steve’s eye, trying to broadcast her apology to him.

-

Natasha put on a movie, and they all watched, Steve trying to assemble on the floor, grumbling under his breath every once in a while.

Then he got distracted, and joined Natasha with Max on his lap.

Darcy wished she was sitting with them and not Danny, who got through his beers quick enough to consider getting some more from down the street.

The second he left, Darcy turned to Steve.

“He’s a little – uh, stressed,” she tried, and Natasha shook her head behind Steve, giving Darcy a pointed look.

“It’s fine, Darcy,” Steve replied.

He patted the space beside him, and she joined them on the couch, and they started watching _To Have and Have Not_.

She felt Natasha squeeze her shoulder as the redhead reached around behind Steve, Max giving a short bark of jealous protest.

-

Danny returned, words slurring. He carried beer and a couple boxes of pizza under each arm, and Darcy thanked him, finding some plates and handing Steve and Natasha something to drink.

Danny slumped in his spot on the other couch with Darcy beside him.

The credits rolled, and Steve turned it off, the four of them eating and drinking in silence.

“How long you two been together?” Danny asked, and Natasha paused her chewing, her eyebrow arching.

“They’re not together, Danny,” Darcy whispered.

“You sure?” Danny said, he pointed at Natasha.

“I asked her about her boyfriend and she got all cagey.”

“She’s like that with everyone, pal,” Steve answered for his friend, his gaze steady.

Darcy got the impression that _pal_ was the last thing Steve meant to call Danny in that moment.

Danny took a swig of his beer, chuckling. It lacked any warmth, and Darcy felt her stomach coil with anxiety.

“Sure you’re not secretly fucking on the side?”

Darcy thought maybe she could break her beer bottle with her bare hand if she tried hard enough. She stared at Danny, mortified by his words.

“Nope,” Steve said, not even twitching.

“Not even once?”

“ _Danny,”_ Darcy snapped. She had enough.

“I was just kidding!” Danny said, laughing again. He put up a hand in defence. “It’s just a joke.”

“Not even once,” Steve replied, ignoring Darcy’s outburst. “And if it ever happens, you’ll be the first to know, Danny. I promise.”

That was Steve’s way of telling Danny to fuck off, Darcy realized.

Natasha got up from her spot on the couch, and Darcy felt her heart sink.

The redhead shook her head, as if to tell her she wasn’t at fault. She headed towards the bathroom, putting down her half-finished beer.

Danny rolled his eyes. “Whoops.”

Darcy jumped up from the couch. “I think we should be going.”

Steve just nodded, getting up and heading to the kitchen, putting plates away.

Darcy heard the sink running and she turned toward Danny.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” she snapped.

Danny’s face immediately changed. His features twisted.

“Alright, fuck you, too.”

“They have been nothing but nice to you and you ask them disgusting stuff like that?”

They bickered in sharp whispers. Darcy knew her time to argue with him was limited when he was this wasted.

“Why are you being such a dick?”

Was Danny jealous? Darcy thought about her smiling at Steve when Danny could see them together.

“Why are you being such a bitch?” Danny retorted. “These people are fucking _phoneys._ All that old-fashioned gee-golly charm? Fucking garbage. He doesn’t give a shit about you. And Natasha, she’s a fucking bitch who –”

“Don’t call her that,” Darcy said, her voice like ice. She didn’t care if she was making it worse by defending her, but Natasha didn’t deserve whatever Danny meant to say about her.

“Fine.”

Danny huffed, moving past Darcy. He headed for the front door, giving Steve a quick glance over his shoulder before slamming the door behind him.

Darcy shut her eyes, willing herself to not let the tears come.

Natasha came out of the bathroom, looking toward the front door.

“I should go, too,” Darcy said, not wanting to give people the opportunity to make her explain what had just happened.

Natasha cleared her throat. “We can finish up tomorrow. I’ll come by after lunch.”

It gives Danny plenty of time to recover from the inevitable hangover; Darcy felt that was implied there.

Steve put down the plate he was drying with a dish towel. He looked at Darcy.

“You don’t have to come over.”

“I want to,” Darcy said immediately.

As if detecting her distress, Max wandered over to her, her nails scratching on the floor. The puppy licked Darcy’s fingers.

“Okay,” Natasha said.

She suddenly brought Darcy into a hug, wrapping her arms around her. Darcy returned the hug, overwhelmed. Natasha had never done that before.

The redhead left, winking at Steve on her way out.

“I don’t know about coming by tomorrow,” Darcy admitted, and she heard the dish thunk against the other as Steve put them away in the cupboard.

“If I need you, I’ll text you. I got your number, now,” he murmured.

He looked at her, deep into her eyes.

Darcy wished she had the guts to say thank you. Or sorry.

She made her way to the front door, and tilted her head to the side.

She smiled a little despite her dread, despite her sadness.

“You don't have to say anything, and you don't have to do anything. Not a thing.”

Steve stared at her, and Darcy smiled wider.

“Oh, maybe just _whistle_ ,” she said. “You know how to whistle, don't you, Steve? You just put your lips together and... blow.”

Steve’s face changed, his eyes taking a different shine to them, his shoulders slacker.

Darcy shut the door behind herself as she exited, and then marched across to her apartment.

-

Danny was standing just beyond her front door, arms folded.

“The fuck is wrong with you?” he snapped, and Darcy felt icy fear wash over her.

He didn’t seem as drunk as before, as if his anger sobered him enough to confront her face on, and she snuck past him, kicking off her shoes and running a hand over her face.

“I don’t like you when you get like this,” she murmured.

“I don’t like you like this, either,” he snapped. “Hanging around those people, trying to show off.”

“Show off?” Darcy repeated, clenching her fist. “What about you, with your tongue down my throat right in front of Steve?”

Danny returned her glare. “What’s wrong with me kissing my girlfriend?”

She knew it wasn’t like that. She wasn’t wrong this time. He’d been the one throwing his weight around, trying to make a statement.

Darcy phone buzzed in her leggings pocket and she took it out, staring at the message.

Danny still spat at her while she read it, but his words barely registered.

 _Steve heard everything Danny said when I was in the bathroom._ It was from Natasha.

Darcy let out a shaky breath. Of course Steve’s ears were enhanced. It made sense.

“Darcy!” Danny yelled, and she snapped back to reality, staring at him.

He took her phone from her, and she tried snatching it back, but he twisted his arm around out of her reach.

“Oh, poor little Cap got his feelings hurt. Good Lord, he’s meant to be one of Earth’s Mightiest Heroes and he’s a complete pussy.”

“Fuck you!” Darcy yelled, and she knew Steve would have heard that from his apartment.

She hoped he wouldn’t come running. If he fought with Danny he’d do some real damage, and Darcy didn’t want that, despite everything.

Danny could only blink at her, his rage starting to disappate.

“Darce.”

Darcy began to cry, angry hot tears sliding down her cheeks. He handed her back the phone, and she sniffled.

“Darce, I’m sorry.”

“I know,” she whispered.

“Come to bed,” he said, and his voice was quieter than ever.

-

It was barely late, and Darcy did not fall asleep. Danny was out cold within minutes, and she lay there beside him for several minutes, listening to him snore while she stared at the ceiling.

She got out of bed, padding out into the hallway and heading toward the front door.

She slipped out, the door shutting behind her softly.

Steve was down the hallway, putting a bag into the garbage chute and closing it.

He turned and stopped still, taking in Darcy’s red eyes and wet face.

“You okay?” he whispered, and Darcy shook her head.

He came toward her, and she sniffed.

“Can I watch another movie with you?” she whispered.

Steve just nodded, his smile gentle. His throat bobbed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [...blow.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MheNUWyROv8)
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> Ouch. My heart. <3 <3 <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me for this part...but I wanted there to be some kind of 'realistic' aftermath for when an abusive partner fucks up yet again. I don't condone Danny. I don't condone any of his shit. Please don't think less of Darcy for something she has less control over than most people think.

_"Figures, I'm willing to stay... 'Cause I'm sick for your love."_ \- Jessie Reyez

 

 

 

**V.**

 

 

 

Darcy was not in her own bed when she woke up.

It took a few seconds for her to remember, but she sat up from her lying position on the couch, blanket over her.

She was in her pajamas from last night.

She was in Steve’s living room, and the memories flooded back, and she put her face in her hands.

There was a clatter, and Darcy whipped her head around, seeing Steve pick up the fork he dropped on the floor of the kitchen.

She must have fallen asleep when they were watching _Queer Eye_ , after they sat through another movie. She didn’t remember anything else, so Steve must have tucked her in.

Steve put the fork in the sink and look over at Darcy, an apologetic look on his face.

“Sorry. I tried to make as little sound as possible.”

“Klutz,” Darcy muttered, but she wasn’t really mad.

Steve smiled, nodding. “Anyway. Waffles if you want any.”

He indicated the piles on two separate plates.

Darcy’s eyes widened at the sight. “Whoa, okay.”

She got up, padding over to the kitchen island and grabbing a plate, sure she’d only have a couple. She pushed the rest onto the other plate so Steve could have them.

Steve was busy pouring coffee and Darcy made a face.

“I’m buying you a machine, by the way,” she said, and he chuckled. “The automatic kind.”

“You mean, I’m buying a coffee machine but you’ll be there to guide me through it,” Steve said.

Darcy watched the outline of his muscles under his t-shirt as his back was still to her, and inevitably her gaze settled on his rear end.

She looked away. “Sure.”

She walked back to the living room and sat down with her waffles and some syrup, checking her phone on the coffee table.

There was a message from Annie that stuck out the most.

_Can you fucking call me? What the fuck?????_

Darcy imagined Annie stabbing at her phone in her confused fury last night.

Dialling Annie’s number, she rested her phone between her shoulder and ear, starting to hack at her waffles.

It only took a couple of rings for Annie to pick up.

“Hi, what the fuck?”

“Hi, Annie,” Darcy replied, shoving some waffle into her mouth.

She remembered Steve’s hearing and thought about ducking out into the hallway for privacy, but she had no idea if Danny was waiting for her.

“Since when am I the person Danny calls to find out where you are?”

“Uh, I didn’t sleep there last night.”

Steve came in with her mug of coffee and put it beside her plate.

Darcy remembered the coasters they bought yesterday, wondering where they got to.

“ _Where_ were you?” Annie’s voice was sharp, prompting Darcy.

“Steve’s.”

She looked at Steve, to see if he’d visibly react, and he didn’t, as far as she was aware, but he didn’t look at her when he came back with his own plate and cutlery, settling on the other couch.

“Steve? What?”

“No. Not like that,” Darcy mumbled, and she got up again, knowing how it sounded, hoping if she went into the bathroom she wouldn’t feel like she was under a microscope.

She shut the door behind her, and stared into the mirror.

She was a mess, and her eyes were still red from last night.

She sighed.

“Danny called me and I told him you were at my place. He’ll flip the fuck out if he finds out you’re at Steve’s,” Annie continued. “Though I say fuck him, let him know where you stayed. I’m guessing he did something Danny-style shitty for you to end up sleeping somewhere else last night.”

Darcy ran her hand through her hair, turning one way and the other.

She imagined Steve tucking her in last night, making sure the blanket covered her, and that she had a soft enough pillow.

She didn’t remember any of that, and a part of her wished she did.

She couldn’t help thinking it but what did she look like, dozing beneath him as his body bent over her, putting her to bed?

There was a lump in her throat, and she tried to clear it.

“Danny was disgusting.”

“Is it over?”

“No,” Darcy said immediately.

She knew how she sounded. Stupid or even masochistic. Except Danny hadn’t been like this in months. He hardly drank usually.

Annie let out a breath, but then she laughed, kind of bitter.

“ _Jesus_ , Darcy.”

And then Darcy was back to defensive, wishing she had not said a thing, wishing she had just let Annie lie for her to Danny and left it at that.

Danny had been through a lot with Darcy’s work investigating her, and he was suddenly surrounded by the reminders that she had a whole other life separate from him, and that he would never truly be a part of it.

They created their own world together, and when it was good, it was great.

It was the happiest Darcy had ever been, when they were at their height, so when they fell any way away from that, it was a huge fall.

She hung up on Annie, knowing it was a little petty, but maybe she didn’t have the patience for her right now.

She went back to the living room, tapping her phone against her hand, chewing her lip.

“You okay?” Steve asked, looking up from his seat.

Max had come in from Steve’s room, and sat on the floor with her head on Steve’s foot, looking at Darcy with curiosity.

“I need to head back,” Darcy said, deflecting the question.

“Okay.”

“I’ll come back when Natasha’s here.”

She may have just drawn a line in the sand, and Steve’s face fell, looking at his plate.

“Okay, Darcy.”

If she disappointed him, she didn’t want to know.

She was disappointed in hed own damn self, anyway.

-

Her front door shut behind her, and Danny’s shoes were on the floor where he’d kicked them off last night after stumbling back from Steve’s apartment.

She listened for any sign of life, but there was nothing like Danny running to her, or stomping around.

She ducked her head into her room and saw him, on his side, his glasses still on.

There was a bucket beside him, and the stench of vomit permeated the air, making Darcy’s nose wrinkle in disgust.

She left Steve and waffles for this.

She got into the shower, not caring that the glass door thudded, not caring that she slammed the cabinet once she got out, retrieving the painkillers she knew Danny would need.

She returned to her room, got dressed, her wet hair sticking to the back of her neck, dripping down into her shirt.

She sat on the bed, touching Danny’s arm.

“Wake up.”

He grunted, beginning to stir.

She shook his shoulder a little rougher. “Danny, wake up!”

His eyes opened, staring up at her.

“Darce. You weren’t here when I woke up. I feel like shit.”

“You look like shit, too,” Darcy retorted, and Danny rolled onto his back, and then tried to sit up.

“No, I mean – I’m so sorry. I’m a piece of shit.”

She didn’t disagree, just nodded a couple times, feeling her chest tighten.

He looked like he might cry. He bit his lip, readjusting his glasses.

“Saw you’ve been puking,” Darcy muttered. “It’s the least of what you deserve.”

She didn’t sound too mad anymore, and she hated that she was already thinking about him moving in properly, his _Godfather_ posters and all.

If Danny spent more time with Steve he’d know him better and not make judgements based on people snooping around in his life before they vetted him.

“Where were you?” Danny asked, his fingers threading through hers and squeezing.

“Annie’s,” Darcy whispered.

She knew why she was lying. It was to protect Danny. If he suspected anything happened with Steve and Darcy being alone together last night, he would collapse under his own insecurities.

Darcy knew she was guilty of the same behavior whenever she saw an ex of Danny’s like something of his on Facebook. She made the immediate comparisons.

“Darcy, I’m so sorry.”

“I know,” she said. “You have to make it up to me.”

-

Danny left for more of his stuff. He would be back in a couple hours.

He promised to not drink like that again.

He promised to apologize to Steve and Natasha.

Annie texted her.

 _You took him back, didn’t you?_ A side-eye emoji accompanied it, and Darcy rolled her eyes.

She didn’t break up with him anyway, so it wasn’t like he was being taken back.

Once he returned, and after Danny finished his lunch and didn’t throw up again, they trekked across the hallway to Steve’s place.

Once again, Natasha opened the door.

“Hey.”

Her face was expressionless.

“Natasha,” Danny began. “I’m truly sorry for how I behaved last night.”

Darcy stared at him, wondering if it was too good to be true. He dealt with people at his job all the time that he didn’t like. He was able to say one thing to a cousin’s face and then turn to Darcy a second later and shit all over them.

Natasha’s lips quirked for a second. “Apology accepted.”

She was too nice. Darcy didn’t believe her for a second, and wondered if Natasha was armed.

Scratch that – Darcy wondered where on her person Natasha had stashed a knife or a little pistol.

All the spy did was touch Darcy’s hand briefly before letting them in.

From the front door, she could see into the living room, and she saw Steve had packed away the blanket and pillow.

Darcy’s eyes darted to Steve’s, and he nodded, understanding.

“Steve,” Danny said, offering a hand, and Steve took it automatically.

“I’m so sorry for last night, man. I get like that when I drink sometimes. I need to learn to say no.”

Steve nodded. “Water under the bridge.”

 _Thank God_ , Darcy thought, letting go of the breath she’d been holding.

“You ready to fix the rest of this graveyard?” Natasha asked Darcy.

Darcy broke into a smile.

-

At the end of their Sunday together, they managed to transform Steve’s place into a certified bachelor pad.

Deliveries came as Natasha and Darcy decorated.

Max watched as Danny and Steve assembled bookcases, cabinets and other little stands for Steve’s things.

Darcy unwrapped a couple silver photo frames, and handed them to Steve.

“For you mom. And whoever else in the other.”

“Thanks, Darcy.”

He went off into his bedroom, coming out a few minutes later, empty-handed, and Darcy understood that the photos were staying out of sight for guests.

At least until her brought a girl into his room, but Darcy didn’t want to pry about that too much.

Danny looked at his watch, letting out a low whistle.

“Christ, it’s getting late. I can go get some dinner.”

Darcy lit up from her spot on the floor with Max, feeling the warmth of love wash over her.

She couldn’t help smiling. “Yes, please. Thai?”

“Any objections to Thai?” Danny surveyed the room, Steve and Natasha shaking their heads.

Danny smiled. “Thai it is.”

He leaned to kiss Darcy and the lips and then left.

Darcy patted Max, waiting for Natasha.

It was their first moment alone all day.

The redhead muttered something in Russian under her breath, shaking her head a little.

“You got something to say, Romanoff?” Darcy asked, making her friends turn toward her, surprised.

There was a beat.

“Not to _you_ , Darcy,” Natasha replied. “Nothing to say to you.”

Darcy just nodded, getting up from her spot on the floor.

“I need something,” she called over her shoulder. “I’ll be back.”

She skipped across the hallway, passing Danny on his way out. He left the door open for her, kissing her forehead and walking off to the staircase.

Inside her place in a plastic bag lay the felt mouse from yesterday that Darcy bought on impulse.

She traced its thick stitches, before bundling it up again and taking it back to Steve’s.

“What are you -?” Steve began, as she marched off toward his bedroom.

She turned back. “It’s a surprise. You’re not allowed to come in here yet.”

Natasha was craning to see.

“You neither,” Darcy said, pointing.

She saw the flicker of a smile on Steve’s face and her stomach fluttered.

Once she got inside his room, she shut the door after her.

She looked around, seeing it was virtually the same as yesterday, but one pillow was stashed at the end of his bed.

Darcy realized she must have slept on his own pillow last night. No wonder she smelt of him before she had a shower.

She swallowed, unwrapping the mouse and ripping off the tag.

She walked over to the side of his bed and placed the mouse in the middle, facing forward.

Something shiny caught her eye, and Darcy’s head turned to see the picture frames sat on his bedside table, shining in the afternoon sun.

The one on the left was a black and white photo of a woman wearing an apron and smiling from ear-to-ear, her expression so stark for such a dark and derelict background.

It had to be Steve’s mother. She had his eyes, and perfect teeth. She was painfully thin, but shone full of life just the same.

Darcy felt her eyes prickle. She should have remembered that Steve grew up with just his mom.

Just like Darcy had.

She stroked a finger down the pane of the frame, swallowing a couple times.

“You raised him well, Mrs. Rogers,” she whispered.

Her eyes swivelled to the picture frame on the right. There stood Steve in his army uniform, post-serum, beaming at the camera, with a man beside him.

The man was shorter, with dark hair. Handsome but tired, with deep circles under his eyes. This must have been after Steve liberated some POWs from HYDRA seventy years ago.

It had to be Bucky, the one Jane told Darcy was brainwashed and working as a HYDRA assassin. He was the one that got away when SHIELD went down.

It had to be Bucky, because Darcy knew he was Steve’s closest friend from way back, and he chose this photo out of however many he had to put in the other frame.

Darcy felt like she was trespassing. She moved back, crumpling up the plastic bag.

Once she exited the bedroom, Steve caught her on her way back to the living room.

She must have seemed off because he stared a little longer than necessary, seeming to try and gauge what Darcy was feeling.

She licked her lips, building herself up again. She pointed at him.

“Don’t go in there until you go to bed. Or it’ll ruin the surpise.”

“Okay,” he said. He smiled again.

What was it about Steve and smiling at her? Up close it threatened to make her blush, so she moved back into the living room and sat on the couch.

“While we wait for Danny and our provisions, I think we need to see what Steve’s gonna wear when he goes on his first date with Andrea,” Darcy announced, and Natasha nodded.

“We don’t know if she’ll say yes to me.”

“She will,” Darcy and Natasha said in unison.

Steve chuckled. “Okay.”

He began to walk back to his room, but Darcy jumped up remembering the felt mouse.

“Uh. Why don’t I pick something?”

She sounded hasty, so Steve stopped midstep.

“Like in the show?”

“Yeah,” Darcy said, nodding.

She slipped past him and ducked into his room, rummaging through a few options.

She came back out into the living room, and handed one outfit to Steve.

“I’ll go change in the bathroom.”

He walked off, everyone including Max watching him.

“I told him about the thing you called him the other week,” Natasha muttered, her voice low.

Darcy frowned. “What did I call him?”

“A Dorito,” Natasha said, smiling a little.

She had the same look on her face as yesterday when she collided them with her cart. Completely unapologetic.

“You didn’t,” Darcy groaned.

“Why not? It’s cute.”

“Cute? No,” Darcy hissed. “He’s going for sexy.”

“He _is_ sexy. I meant calling him a Dorito was cute of you.”

_“Why would you care if I’m cute to St-?”_

The bathroom door opened and Darcy abruptly cut herself off, glaring at Natasha in warning.

She forced herself to relax, rolling her shoulders.

Steve came out, wearing his suit and tie.

Darcy felt her mouth go dry. Every inch of him was sculpted muscle; the material that clung to him barely left much to the imagination.

Steve looked bashful for the first time, one hand up to scratch the back of his head.

“Thoughts?” he asked, and Natasha gave Darcy a long look, tilting her head.

“Good,” Darcy managed, swallowing.

“The full Dorito effect?” Steve asked, and Darcy’s eyes widened.

“Yes.”

“Good,” Steve said, repeating her down to her light inflection.

He walked back toward the bathroom and Darcy stared because she was a straight woman with a pair of eyes, and he was shaped just like a Dorito chip – wide at the top and skinny at the bottom like a triangle.

Natasha sniggered and Darcy shot her another glare for good measure.

“Don’t.”

“What was the surprise you had for him in the bedroom, Darce?” the redhead whispered, and Darcy shook her head.

“It’s not like that.”

“Hmm.”

Natasha sounded entirely unconvinced, making Darcy’s anxiety spike again, her heart hammering.

She tried to forget that the sight of Steve - so earnest and willing to please Darcy - made heat pool in her insides.

There was a knock on Steve’s front door, and Darcy flew to it, knowing it had to be Danny.

“Hey,” she said, breathless.

She kissed him on the lips. He had no free hands. She took a few bags from him, glancing toward the bathroom.

“Steve’s been showing us date outfit ideas.”

“Suit and tie, I’d go with,” Danny said.

Darcy knew for a fact that Danny had never worn a suit and tie on one of their dates. It made her cross her arms once she put the food down.

“Since when do you care about style?” she asked, and Danny shrugged.

“I can’t pull off a suit like Cap,” he said, and Darcy felt strange hearing the nickname on her boyfriend’s lips.

“Right, anyway,” Darcy muttered. “I’m getting hangry.”

-

Two days later, Natasha texted Darcy.

_His date’s tonight with Andrea._

“That was quick,” Jane said, who happened to be reading over Darcy’s shoulder at the time.

It made Darcy twist her phone out of view, glaring at her boss.

“Thanks, Jane.”

That afternoon, she went straight to Steve’s instead of her front door, knocking.

Once he opened his door, Max bounding out, Darcy high-fived him.

“I mean, that’s pretty good, right?” Steve said, eyes bright and smile wide.

“Smooth operator! Yes!”

There was a pause, and Steve gestured behind him.

“You want a beer?”

“Sure!” Darcy said, following him inside. Max barked, circling her as Steve handed her a bottle, and she sipped it.

“You nervous?”

“Yeah.”

Darcy frowned.

Steve took a gulp, shrugging. “I mean, it’s been a while. I’m so busy, I was surprised she was willing to meet up so soon.”

“I want to hear every detail. How’d you ask her?”

“Went to her office and asked for her. Went into the hallway.”

Darcy blinked a couple times.

“You’re meant to embellish it, Steve. Make it sound more romantic.”

“Not much else happened, Darcy,” he chuckled, and shrugged again.

“Did she bat her lashes at you?” Darcy teased, fluttering her own up at him.

“Sure.”

“And you took her into your arms and – ”

“What?” Steve said, his bottle poised.

“And you said _I must have you_ and then she collapsed – ”

Steve just started laughing, clutching his stomach. Max barked a couple times, wanting to join in with making noise.

He kept on laughing. He was breathless when he finally spoke.

“I tripped over my shoelace on the way out of R&D and everyone saw.”

That sounded like something clumsy only Darcy would do. Just that morning she nearly rolled her ankle in the labs.

“But that’s cute!” she cried, and she giggled as well. “Oh, poor Steve.”

“Yeah, poor me,” he muttered, rolling his eyes a little.

He let out a breath, still looking like he could burst out laughing again.

“Anyway, good luck. Hopefully you don’t get the giggles to much when you see her tonight.”

Steve just nodded, his eyes fixed on Darcy’s.

She raised her bottle.

“To the Dorito effect.”

He grinned. “Dorito.”

Their bottles clanked together.

Max barked a couple more times. Steve checked his watch.

“Shit, I gotta walk her before I go pick up Andrea.”

“I can do it,” Darcy said, touching his arm. “She can stay with me until you get back.”

There was an awkward pause, but Darcy chose to keep touching him. If she whipped back her hand it would draw attention to it, and instead she swallowed.

Steve’s face changed, and Darcy watched his eyes travel over her.

“You’re so nice to me.”

Darcy swallowed. “You’re easy to be nice with.”

She finally drew back her hand, looking away, drinking her beer.

Steve put his down, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

The boyish gesture made Darcy want to run away. He was sexy, like Natasha said, but he wore it in such an understated way.

Being alone with him had begun to feel dangerous. Not because she thought he would try to approach her, but because she wasn’t sure if she could keep away from him.

“You didn’t have to get me the mouse.”

“I like her,” Darcy said immediately. She pushed aside her half-empty bottle, knowing she’d be burping soon and she didn’t want Steve to witness that.

“I knew it was a her,” Steve said, and Darcy dared look at him in the eye once more.

“What’s her name?”

Steve smiled, the warmth reaching his blue eyes, making Darcy’s lips part as she contemplated him.

“"Darcy', of course.”

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Danny does not get off the hook completely. We'll see in the next couple of parts.
> 
> Natasha's on our side though. CLEARLY. So there's that. Also, I highly recommend "Figures" by Jessie Reyez, which illustrates the angst of a crappy relationship perfectly.
> 
> Also, Annie's back soon.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks a million for all the comments and kudos, and special thanks again to crimtastic for being a great listener and helping me figure shit out. Writing Danny makes me feel shitty sometimes but the other stuff makes it worth it. <3

_"Well, how did we get here? When I used to know you so well. I think I know..."_ \- Paramore

 

 

 

 

**VI.**

 

 

 

Max did not settle even after her walk around the block. She barked, panted, jumped on Darcy, tried to chew on her sleeve, and then nearly tripped her as Darcy shuffled around the kitchen, making her dinner.

Danny was not home yet. He had been really good the last few days, trying to make up for the disaster Saturday had been.

He was usually home by then, helping Darcy prepare dinner. It was nothing fancy, just fish tacos, but the scent peaked Max’s interest.

“Not for puppies,” Darcy chided, shooing her away, only for Max to return, barking.

It became a game, and Darcy almost didn’t notice when Danny came home, the door slamming behind him.

She looked toward the door, frowning.

“Hey, don’t do that,” she called, and Max turned her head toward Danny, who walked in with his jacket still on, rolling his eyes.

“Not you, too. I’ve had a shitty day.”

Darcy came over to him, and kissed him lightly on the lips, rubbing one of his arms.

“Go sit down, dinner will be ready in a sec.”

“What’s the dog doing here?” Danny asked, moving off to go sit down on the couch.

“Steve’s date’s tonight. I’m sitting.”

“Hmm, you’re sitting for another sitter? You gonna forward the owner an invoice?”

Danny was not being serious, his phone already out, texting. Darcy knew that meant nothing was too wrong. He was easily distracted if he was not about to blow his temper.

“Oh, ha ha,” Darcy said, and she was back to the pan, getting Danny’s serving.

The taco shells were probably stale but she hoped Danny wouldn’t notice.

He kept texting up until she was close enough to hand him his food, and he shoved his phone away, eager to eat.

“My mom asked about you today,” he said, looking up at Darcy where she stood beside.

“Oh?” Darcy asked, wondering how Sofia was. She had not seen her since Christmas.

Christmas was amazing. The whole Palazzo extended family crammed into the one house in Staten Island. It was the second time Darcy had met a lot of them, but they all acted like she was one of the family already.

One cousin – also named Sofia – asked Danny outright when in the hell he was going to ask Darcy to marry him, and Darcy promptly choked on her roast potato, giggling at Danny’s red face.

“Mother’s Day. We gotta go see her.”

“Right,” Darcy said, biting her lip. “We’ll pick up my mom, too, make it a trip.”

Darcy frowned. “Oh. I thought – you’d go see your mom. But that’s okay. I’ll ask my mom if she’s okay with it.”

 _Why wouldn’t she be?_ Darcy thought, mirroring his frown.

“You asked her already? Without asking me first about my mom?”

“It’s not a big deal,” Danny said immediately.

He shrugged, tucking into his food.

It was though, wasn’t it? He invited his mother out, thinking Darcy would be there, too. Except Danny was assuming Darcy’s mom was not invited.

Darcy’s single mom who lived all by herself upstate, always asking for Darcy to visit her.

“Right,” Darcy said, her voice terse. “Except you don’t give a shit about my mom.”

Danny shot her a look. “ _Hey_. It was a mistake, Darce. I’ll call your mom myself tomorrow if you want.”

Darcy only blinked at him, since he never did that before – spoken to Darcy’s mom on the phone.

He seemed genuinely hurt by her statement.

She turned away, going to get her own dinner. Max, who was circling Darcy again, finally got what she wanted – when Darcy threw a little piece of fish on the kitchen floor for her.

She made sure it had no spices. She didn’t want to end up poisoning the puppy when Steve had only been gone a couple hours.

She joined Danny on the couch to eat in silence.

-

Instead of watching something together after dinner, Danny went to have a shower and go to bed, leaving Darcy alone in the living room with Max lying across her knees as she waited on the couch.

Eventually, after staring at her Facebook feed for what felt like an entire night – when really, it was just over an hour – she heard laughter coming from out in the hallway beyond her front door.

She got up from her spot on the couch, Max giving a short bark of protest, and padded over to the front door, putting one eye to the peephole.

Steve and Andrea were outside his front door, Steve’s suit jacket around Andrea’s shoulders as she smiled at him while he unlocked the door.

Darcy took that as a good sign. He brought her all the way back to Brooklyn. She thought of his room with her felt mouse – but refused to feel like a child for a friendly gesture.

He must have put it away. Maybe he planned all this? But wasn’t that the whole point of the makeover, that Steve put himself out there and had real interactions with other women?

Darcy thought of the lack of condoms – she did not find a single one amongst all his things.

Did he go get some? Did Andrea have some?

Darcy ducked away, annoyed with herself for being so invasive. It wasn’t her business. And what if Andrea did actually come back for coffee and not to sleep with Steve?

She looked down at Max, who’d followed her to the door, tail wagging.

“Not now, sweetie. He’s busy,” she whispered.

She heard Steve’s door shut and looked back outside.

No-one there. She let out a breath.

“Bed,” she said to Max, who just seemed happy to have the company.

Darcy didn’t say a word to Danny, choosing to sleep with her back to him, cuddling the puppy while she failed to fall asleep.

She remembered when she and Danny first went out, and how much she laughed with him. Now they fought over the most minor things.

She stroked Max’s ears, sighing.

-

Darcy woke the next morning with Max’s paws on her chest, bounding on top of her like a she was a springboard.

“AH!” Darcy yelled, but Max was relentless, and all Darcy could do was shove the beast off her, coughing.

Max ran out into the living room, and Darcy looked around, seeing Danny had already left for work.

She checked her phone for the time.

“Shit,” she hissed, getting up.

She threw on a clean shirt and the same jeans as yesterday, trying to find her boots.

She stalked out of her room, searching, and spotted Max chewing one of them.

“No!”

She ripped it from Max, seeing puppy-sized bite marks had ruined the suede.

“Max,” she groaned, but the puppy just wagged her tail, staring up at Darcy.

Danny wasn’t around. He must have left for work as normal.

She must have slept through her alarm. When she did finally manage to go to sleep last night, she knew she’d be exhausted in the morning.

Well. More exhausted than usual.

She found her hi-tops and pulled them on, grumbling about the laces as Max bounced around her.

A few minutes later, she marched across the hallway with Max, pounding on Steve’s door.

When he answered, he stared down at Darcy, eyes wide.

“I’m so sorry. I got side tracked last night.”

Darcy realized she was glaring at him and shrank back, appalled by herself.

It was not Steve’s fault she had a fight with Danny and slept in.

She did not even think Danny was at fault when she really thought about it. She was just upset.

“Don’t worry about it,” she muttered, and Max bounced indoors and out of sight.

Steve just looked down at her, and an awkward silence settled over them as Darcy could hear Max’s chew toy squeaking in the background.

“How’d it go last night?” Darcy asked.

She tried to look behind him, covering her mouth.

“Oh! Is she - ? Is Andrea here still?” she whispered.

Steve cleared his throat. “No, she left last night.”

He didn’t elaborate, and Darcy took that as a sign to back off. She would grill Natasha later when she got the chance.

-

She was late to arrive at the labs, apologizing to Jane.

The doctor was not too bothered by her assistant’s lateness, just looking up from her work to give her a cursory glance.

“Late night?”

“Not really,” Darcy said.

She sat at her desk, poring over yesterday’s data she still needed to add to another file on her laptop.

“How’s the project?” Jane asked.

For the first time, Darcy felt guilty. She usually included Jane in everything, but since moving to Brooklyn, hanging out with Natasha seemed more exciting. Especially since the ex-assassin usually wasn’t neck deep in data and theories and perpetually distracted by her work.

Darcy used to relate to that, being a workaholic. And then she met Danny and she figured it was easier to have a personal life and a professional life.

“Natasha tell you about it?” Darcy asked, and Jane shrugged. “Sorry, I – I just figured you thought it was stupid?”

“Playing makeover buddies?” Jane asked, and Darcy nodded.

Her boss deliberated for a moment, before looking away toward her notes again.

“I guess I’m no expert in that department.”

“Neither am I,” Darcy said, gesturing to her beat up sneakers. “Clearly.”

Jane looked up. “No, Darcy. I meant relationships. I’m no expert.”

Darcy frowned. “Says who?”

Jane was intelligent, passionate and beautiful. Darcy hated the idea of her feeling down about herself.

And then Darcy thought of Thor, and regretted it.

He was off again, wherever the fuck that was, and Jane was always waiting for him, even when she said she was ready to throw in the towel.

Darcy knew that deep down Jane would be in love with Thor.

“Jane.”

Her boss looked up again. “Hmm?”

“Do you want to hang out when I get a second with Nat later?”

Jane thought again for a second. “Sure.”

-

At lunch, Natasha arrived, eyebrows quirked.

Darcy was onto her fourth coffee that day, rubbing her eyes with her glasses askew.

“Late night?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Darcy mumbled, sipping from her Wonder Woman mug. “You figure out if Steve got lucky last night?”

Jane smiled from her spot at her own desk, unwrapping her sandwich Darcy procured her when she went on another coffee run.

Natasha looked from Jane to Darcy, folding her arms.

“Steve’s not the type to kiss and tell.”

“But?” Darcy asked, hand raised as if to say _go on_. “What are you instincts telling you?”

“No. He didn’t get laid,” Natasha said.

Darcy thought of Andrea wearing Steve’s jacket home. Did he go to bed alone and didn’t want to take Max back from her because he was disappointed?

Had he lied about being side-tracked, as he put it?

“What’s Andrea’s problem?” Darcy muttered, and Natasha snorted.

“I think it’s cute you think it’s Andrea who turned Steve down,” the redhead said.

There was an odd expression on her face Darcy couldn’t decipher.

“Is he really that old-fashioned?” Jane asked, her mouth full.

Steve did not seem that way. He used language that was a little odd at times. He called Lauren Bacall a ‘dame’ when they watched the movie with her in it the other night. He tucked his shirts into his pants.

But he had been in the 21st century for a few years now.

He wore Under Armor. He knew how to use a phone.

“Maybe,” Natasha said. She was still looking at Darcy.

“What?” Darcy snapped, aware Jane was copying Natasha, but probably not for the same reason.

“Nothing.”

There was a beat, and Darcy drained her mug, setting it down on her desk. She turned away from Natasha’s gaze, determined to distract herself with work.

Natasha hung around, chatting to Jane. Once the two of them were alone when Jane went to the bathroom, the redhead turned to Darcy, her hands resting on Darcy’s desk as she leaned forward.

“You have a fight with Danny last night?” she asked, her voice low.

Darcy wished she wasn’t so goddamn anxious all the time. She could feel a headache coming on.

“Yes. I mean,” Darcy pushed aside her papers. “I bit his head off. Max stayed with me last night while Steve was gone.”

“Who’s idea was that?” Natasha asked, though Darcy was sure she had an idea already.

“Mine.”

Natasha just pushed her lips together and said nothing.

Once Jane returned, Natasha squeezed Darcy’s shoulder and left without another word.

-

A few days passed before Darcy saw Steve again. She was on her way home when she came across Steve, another man and Max walking together.

The puppy began to back at Darcy when she recognized her, causing Darcy to kneel, encouraging Max to run toward her in the middle of the street.

Getting kisses from an adorable puppy was the best thing that happened to her that week. Even though she and Danny were talking, she was anticipating Mother’s Day to be a pain in the ass, Danny constantly trying to keep civil with her.

Darcy still wanted to snap at him whenever he did something to piss her off, but instead she tried being honest.

“I’m sorry. I don’t like fighting with you,” she murmured, tugging him toward her to hug him the night before, wanting to be closer to him.

He put his phone down, enveloping her and pressing his chin to her head, sighing.

“I’m sorry. Work’s been stressing me out,” he said.

“Me, too,” Darcy murmured. That was a lie. Work was her solace while her home life felt almost constantly tense. She disappointed herself every time she snapped at Danny for things he was not aware of.

She wished they were like Steve and Andrea appeared to be when she saw them together – just happy enough being around each other.

She looked forward to seeing her mom, though. She missed her badly but her weekends were nearly constantly spent with Danny.

Darcy felt guilty nearly all the time, and it was usually her own doing. She was overly sensitive. Her buying her Taser all those years ago was probably a good indication that was dramatic as all hell, but it manifested itself in worse ways with the people around her, especially Danny.

The heat of the day still bearing down on her, Darcy could feel the sweat pressed her dress against the skin of her back, and she thought she should head inside, but coming across Max was too good of an opportunity to pass up.

“You must be Darcy,” said the man beside Steve.

She stood up straight, nodding. “You’re Sam, huh?”

He just nodded, smiling.

They headed inside together. Steve put on the AC, Max still managing to have the energy despite the humidity to jump around the living room, bumping into things as she went.

They drank beer at the kitchen island, and Darcy felt shy for the first time in a while.

Sam just kept _looking_ at her, but he seemed to like her.

There was a slam of a door somewhere in the distance, and Darcy looked toward the sound, sighing.

“Your boyfriend?” Sam asked, and Darcy nodded.

Darcy looked at Max. “I guess this is goodbye for now?”

Steve had hardly said a thing the whole time, but nodded now. “Sam came by to get her, so…”

Darcy frowned. “Bye, sweetie.”

She patted Max, getting a few more licks on her hands and face for good measure.

“When we go away again for missions, you can look after her,” said Sam.

“For free, I’m guessing?” Darcy muttered, one eyebrow quirked.

“Right, because it’s such a chore, Lewis? Are you really offended by me not paying you?”

Sam smiled at her, Darcy returning it, shaking her head.

There was a sudden knock on Steve’s door, making Max bark close to Darcy’s ear.

Steve went to answer it, revealing Danny in the doorway, and Darcy felt her stomach drop.

She came here before going home. Danny would know that because her handbag sat on the floor by the door, her shoes beside it.

“Hey,” Danny called to her, and Darcy nodded.

“Hey.”

Sam looked over, understanding who Danny was to her, nodding.

“Hey, man. I’m Sam.”

“Hey,” Danny replied, distracted. “Thought Darcy’d be home by now.”

It wasn’t even six. She was early. But maybe he had just been worried.

Danny came inside, and Darcy saw Steve watch him as he approached her.

“You drinking?”

“Yeah,” Darcy said, her voice light. “You want one?”

“No,” Danny answered, short.

She tried to gauge his mood. She was edging towards making him lose his patience.

“This is Sam,” Darcy said, the idea to re-introduce him stupid and sudden, but the point was to deflect whatever it was that Danny felt in that moment.

“Yeah, he just said,” Danny replied, but his features seemed neutral.

Sam came toward him, offering his hand, and shook Danny’s in turn.

“You here before helping my man set up his place?” Sam asked, and Darcy felt like hugging him for changing the subject.

She picked up her beer bottle again and took a gulp, her heartbeat beginning to slow.

“Yeah,” Danny replied. “Darcy and Natasha did a makeover thing. They all went to IKEA and Steve bought everything.”

“Not everything,” Darcy said.

Danny looked at her, a flash of something across his face, before setting to perplexed.

“What?”

Darcy swallowed, licking her lips. “I bought Steve some frames. And this dumb toy.”

Darcy watched as Danny tried not to frown. She didn’t need to ask what he was thinking. He was jealous, and upset that she kept this from him.

It seemed like a safe time to bring it up, since it was not supposed to be a big deal. Steve was her friend and friends did things for one another, and giving Steve presents was harmless enough.

He wouldn’t yell at her in front of Sam and Steve. And Danny _knew_ she knew that.

“What dumb toy?” He chuckled, and Darcy would have believed it if he had not known her.

What was he thinking? Probably, how long will it take me to make her sorry for this?

In a way, keeping a secret and then revealing it later was embarrassing for Danny, and Darcy was well aware of that.

She should have told him about the presents straight away if it wasn’t important.

The fact that she lied by omission was enough to see the brief flash of fury before he chuckled.

“A mouse,” Steve said.

His voice was steady, but his arms were crossed.

 _Please let it go, Danny._ Darcy begged him inside her head, behind her eyes as she stared at him.

“Right. Well, cool,” Danny muttered, and looked away from her, but reached out a hand to pull her away from the kitchen island.

“We need to head back. Date night.”

That was a lie. Danny hadn’t asked her if she wanted to eat out tonight. Darcy decided to go along with it, because – because –

She glanced at Sam and Steve, smiling. “Call me about Max if you need a sitter soon. Get my number from Natasha.”

She didn’t mention Steve was in her phone.

She watched their eyes, not sure what they thought of her. Perhaps nothing good.

Most likely, Darcy came across as pathetic.

She picked up her bag and shoes, Danny ushering her out into the hallway, fingers wrapped around her wrist.

Inside their apartment, she turned to him, waiting for the chastising. Instead, he turned away from her, letting her wrist fall to her side.

“Danny, are you okay?” she asked, because he didn’t say a thing for a few moments, just went and sat down on the couch, taking out his phone.

“Sure. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You don’t care about me giving Steve presents?” Darcy ventured, and Danny glanced at her, mid-text.

His voice was soft. “No. Am I supposed to be jealous of that guy?”

Darcy blinked, surprised he actually brought it up alone. And him saying it loud made it sound stupid. Nothing was going on with Steve, and never would, so why was she flattering herself thinking that Danny thought Steve was a threat when the guy had shown zero signs of that?

“No,” Darcy whispered.

She wanted to cry but wasn’t sure why.

They didn’t go out that night. She made up a lie to tell Natasha the next day in case Sam or Steve ever found out the date night was nothing but Darcy reheating a pizza and eating in silence while Danny sat on his phone, ignoring her.

-

Mother’s Day came around and Darcy kept thinking Danny’s lack of fury was a bad sign. He never once mentioned the felt mouse or the picture frames, but he didn’t look at her the same way.

There was an absence of something. It made Darcy feel sick with dread.

He didn’t turn to her when he wanted a kiss. He touched her, looked her in the eye, but something had changed inside him.

They had sex the night before, Darcy on top, trying to get him to make those breathy moans that spurred her on, but it was like he wasn’t even there.

She wasn’t wet enough and it hurt a little. He came with a short grunt, and Darcy went to the bathroom to clean up, returning to him lying on the bed while he scrolled through his phone, as if nothing had happened between them moments ago.

“What the hell, Danny?” she whispered, standing nude with the sweat still drying on her body.

Her eyes welled with tears, and Danny looked up.

“What?”

“I – I just – what the hell is wrong with you?” she whispered.

“Did I do something?”

 _You did nothing,_ Darcy thought, which was the point. He may as well have blown his nose and thrown away the tissue than just make love to her.

Darcy went to cry in the bathroom, and then went back into the kitchen to clean up while Danny slept.

She went out into the hallway to put something down the garbage chute, and saw Steve opening his door.

She covered her chest with her arm, but made it look as if she wasn’t disturbed by him seeing her in her little bathrobe and not much else.

He spotted her, nodding. “Hey.”

“How did your date go with Andrea the other day?” Darcy asked, walking back from the chute as Steve locked his door.

It was after eight o’clock. He wore a t-shirt and pants, seeming to be in a hurry, but Darcy wanted to know if her intuition had been wrong, and that Andrea turned out not to be that interested in Steve.

He seemed momentarily thrown by the question, keys missing the lock.

“Uh. Okay.”

“Oh. Just okay,” Darcy repeated softly.

There was a beat.

“She didn’t want a second date,” Steve said, and Darcy frowned.

“What the fuck?” she snapped, disgusted. “Why not?”

“Darcy,” Steve chided, laughing a little at her sharpness. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Darcy added, her voice louder. “She thinks she’s too good for you?”

“No!” Steve replied. He finally locked his door and shoved his keys in his pocket. “She just knows I have a lot on my plate.”

“So does everybody,” Darcy retorted. “But everybody deserves to be happy.”

“I am _happy_ , Darcy,” Steve said, and Darcy felt her outrage somewhat dissipate. “I’m just busy. Like right now – I need to see my friend in the hospital.”

“What? Who?” Darcy asked, blinking. “Sorry, it’s not my place.”

“Peggy. Peggy Carter,” Steve said, and the pieces fit into place.

Peggy Carter as in _the_ Peggy Carter, a founder of SHIELD. She wondered how the old woman was doing, with her organization going under on her mind.

Darcy bit her lip. “I hope she’s okay.”

Steve frowned, throat bobbing. “She has Alzheimer’s.”

“Oh.” And that was all Darcy could think to say, feeling like an asshole.

Sitting with Danny on the subway the next morning on their way to meet Darcy’s mom at another station, Danny let her rest her head on his shoulder.

Darcy kept waiting for him to turn around and push her away, but he kept still, and to her utter surprise, took one of her hands in his own, squeezing.

She hoped dearly that was a good sign.

Rachel Lewis’ face split into a smile as she saw Darcy and Danny, throwing her arms around them to pull them all into a hug, the three of them squashed as strangers passed.

Danny was true to his word and invited Rachel to the brunch with his mother Sofia, and Darcy was grateful to have someone else familiar to have between them.

“Hey, you,” her mom whispered, and Darcy closed her eyes, breathing in her familiar scent.

“I missed you so much,” she whispered back, and wished she’d done this sooner.

Danny put on the charm, paying for their ferry tickets as they made their way over to Staten Island, and soon they met up with Sofia at a coffee shop, full of people with their own mothers.

“Whoa. I’m glad you booked this early,” Darcy whispered in Danny’s ear, and he turned to kiss her, making Sofia and Rachel coo at their PDA.

“Alright,” Danny muttered, one hand up. “Calm down.”

“She is so beautiful, when are you going to marry her?” Sofia demanded, as they all took their seats.

Darcy laughed, looking at her lap, her cheeks turning pink.

“Soon, Ma.”

How soon? Darcy turned to stare at him.

“Really?”

“Yeah, really,” he murmured softly, and Darcy felt her heart soar.

They could be like this forever. They could. She just had to remind herself that things were always better when they didn’t fight.

-

Darcy promised to see Danny at home, deciding to follow Rachel back home, walking arm in arm.

Rachel was a taller and slimmer version of her daughter, and a little bolder. Darcy supposed that came with age and experience.

“I had a great time today,” Rachel said, smiling.

She patted Darcy’s hand. They separated once they reached Darcy’s childhood home, Rachel letting them in.

“Mom, you think Danny meant it? About us getting married.”

Rachel shut the door and they went into the living room, floorboards creaking as always.

Darcy felt a lot whenever she returned home. The house held so many memories and sad stories.

“I think so,” Rachel said. “Why?”

Darcy felt unsettled. She looked at the old curtains drawn aside, the afternoon sun streaming in.

She sat down on the couch, regretting bringing up the subject.

“It’s all over the place.”

“What?” Rachel sat beside her, clutching Darcy’s hands. “Honey.”

“I love him so much but I piss him off all the time. And I’m pissed off, too.”

“You think you’re meant to be jumping into bed together every five minutes?”

Darcy scoffed, taking back her hands. “No.”

They were like that in the beginning. It was like he never got enough of her. He’d worship her, and she remembered a blow job that turned into him whispering “Venus, Venus, Venus” over and over, like she had just stepped out of the painting, a real-life goddess.

“He’s stressed. You’re pretty stressed, too, I bet. Living in your new apartment.”

Darcy looked at her mom. “I have a nice neighbour. Makes things feel less shitty sometimes.”

“What’s her name?”

“He. His name’s Steve.”

Rachel’s face changed, and Darcy watched the cogs turn inside her head, figuring out who she meant.

“Oh. That Steve. What’s he like?”

“He’s -” Darcy was about to say so much, but chose to suppress her outright joy, opting for a small smile, her stomach fluttering just the same. “He’s really great. _So_ nice.”

She thought of him now. She had no idea where he was, whether he came back from the hospital in the night or in the morning. She didn’t hear him either way.

She thought of his mother in the photo frame and cringed. Everybody he knew from that time except Peggy Carter was either dead or missing.

“Darcy?”

“Nothing,” she said, running a hand through her hair. “Can I go get something from my room?”

Later on her way home, Darcy turned her Star of David over and over between her fingers, contemplating it.

It wasn’t hers to begin with. It was her grandfather’s. He died in Vietnam, which in turn made Rachel a strong enough woman to survive once Darcy’s father left her years ago. Loss strengthened a person’s resolve, in a funny way.

Darcy was lucky to have what she had. She didn’t want to fuck it up, despite the urge to argue whenever the temptation arose.

She put her necklace on, letting it hang across her décolletage instead of hiding it under the fabric of her neckline.

-

Annie called her a few days later.

“Emo Night,” she said by way of greeting.

Darcy was midway through her lunch, Jane beside her. They were taking turns trying the soup from the cafeteria. The jury was still out on whether it was any good, especially in the near-summer weather.

As sad as it was, Darcy considered sticking to salads because of the heat.

“What’s that?” Darcy asked, and Jane cocked her head to the side.

“It’s a dope idea that I had. Emo music all night at a club in – ding ding ding! – Brooklyn!”

Darcy snorted. “That’s not an idea. I bet you saw that advertised on Facebook.”

She imagined Annie conceding, rolling her eyes. “Instagram, but okay. Rude.”

“So when is it?”

“Friday,” Annie replied. “We dress up and go sing songs and watch performances –”

Darcy imagined a sweaty, incoherent mess and it somehow still appealed to her. Being cooped up in the labs or at home with the AC on, praying for death, was turning into legit cabin fever for her.

“You bringing anyone?”

Annie huffed. “No. But I was hoping you’d bring Steve.”

Darcy promptly pulled the phone away from her ear and pressed the button for speaker mode.

“Repeat what you just said, Annie.”

“I was hoping that you’d bring Steve.”

Jane dissolved into a long cackle, and Darcy began to laugh along with her. Jane knew Annie almost as long as Darcy had, and knew what she was like.

“What, I’m not his type?” Annie snapped, sounding hurt.

Darcy willed herself to stop laughing. “It’s not that. We’re just imagining him at an emo event, a guy who missed that particular aspect of early 21st century culture.”

“Then why don’t you do a Karamo and educate him?” Annie said, and Jane finally stopped laughing as well.

Annie meant the culture expert from _Queer Eye_ , and Darcy thought about it for a second.

Going back to helping him might be fun. Dragging him to the Emo Night as a social experiment could also be fun to witness.

“Alright.”

-

Natasha somehow got Steve to agree to come with them. Darcy didn’t want to know exactly how, but she was aware of Natasha’s persuasion skills. She luckily hadn’t had personal experience with them.

Danny was being really good. His charm had gone on for days, and Darcy hoped nothing would squander it. When she got home, he was there, too.

Early and smiling at her.

They had sex on the couch, Darcy coming twice. She was elated.

They both dressed in all black, and walked over to Steve’s, where Natasha already was with Jane.

Steve answered the door, smiling. Danny clapped him on the shoulder, and Darcy got the feeling things were going to be fun for once, so her anxiety subsided significantly.

“What’s he wearing?” Darcy asked Natasha, who then pointed at a black shirt and some black jeans.

“What about eyeliner?” Jane asked, and turned to Steve, whose eyes widened.

“Do it, man. Chicks dig guyliner,” Danny said, nudging him.

Darcy grinned, before running back to her place and grabbing the kohl pencil she just used on herself.

When she got back, Jane put on Darcy’s playlist for the night, and Darcy saw Steve taking it all in, fascinated.

“It’s so sad, and loud,” he murmured, drinking from his beer as everyone laughed.

Darcy approached him. “Sit down, you’re too tall.”

Steve’s eyes flitted over her, smiling. “You’re too short.”

He sat on the arm of the couch, frowning with his eyes closed, but keeping perfectly still.

Darcy carefully drew a line across his top lids, biting her lip while she tried to concentrate.

Danny was busy chatting with Jane and Natasha, and when Darcy saw him in the corner of her eye, he didn’t seem annoyed by her being that close with Steve.

He wasn’t jealous because he didn’t need to be, Danny made that clear enough.  

“Okay, now look up,” Darcy murmured, and Steve’s eyes opened, and Darcy swallowed.

They had not been this physically close in weeks, and something about that made Darcy stop dead in her tracks.

“Just relax,” she said to Steve, though she knew she meant herself as well.

“I’ll relax when you stop pokin’ me in the eye,” he whispered, and Darcy chuckled, beginning to drag the pencil across his bottom lashes.

She finished, inspecting him. The black made the blue stand out in his eyes more than ever, and she smiled.

“Good?” he whispered.

He touched her arm.

“Yeah,” Darcy whispered back. She stepped away, turning her back to him, speaking louder. “Doesn’t he look good?”

Jane gasped, and Steve smiled.

“No, he really doesn’t,” Natasha teased.

-

The club was packed, but Darcy expected it. They met Annie outside, wearing a yellow hoodie which read NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS across its front, her hair in a sleek pony tail, nails black with bold eyeliner to match.

She grinned at Steve, her eyes travelling up and down. “I’m Annie.”

“Hey,” he said, and Darcy smirked.

Inside, a cover band was partway through their set, but they gathered to the side of the crowd that occupied the dancefloor.

Darcy took Danny’s hand and begun to dance. She knew she had little rhythm. She was the more improvising kind of dancer, which was good enough for Danny.

He smiled at her, kissing her again and again, hands slipping down to feel her curves.

The band started a Paramore song, and Danny groaned.

“I appreciate you letting your ears bleed for me tonight,” Darcy yelled in his ear so that he could hear her over the blasting sound.

“I love you,” he mouthed, and she grinned.

They made out for a while, people bumping into them, but Darcy felt at ease. When she pulled back to find the others, Steve was with Annie, who was invading his space, her short arms barely reaching his neck as she tried wrapping herself around him.

“You want a drink?” Danny yelled, and Darcy nodded.

He left her to find the bar, and Darcy sidled over to Steve and Annie.

The shorter of the two glared at her, and Darcy covered her mouth, trying not to laugh, wading through the crowd to find Natasha and Jane.

She found them, drinking at a small table.

“Hey, you see Annie and Steve hit it off?”

Natasha smirked. “She’s intimidating.”

“Good,” Jane said, taking a sip of her drink. She tilted her head at Darcy.

“Where’s Danny?”

“He’s – ”

Darcy looked in the direction she came from, and spotted him talking to a girl. She was tall and slender, wearing black cut-off shorts with combat boots. A shaggy black wig adorned her head, the hair partially covering her eyes.

“What the hell?” she muttered, glaring at Danny.

He whispered something in the girl’s ear and she felt a flare of fury lick at her insides.

The song ended, and Annie walked over to them, pulling Steve along behind her.

“What’s up?” she yelled, and saw Darcy’s face.

Annie turned, spotting Danny.

“It’s nothing, Darcy,” she yelled, shaking her head. “The girl probably thinks she’s got a chance.”

“He’s not telling her to fuck off,” Darcy grumbled, feeling herself grow hot.

“She’s nothing, she’s nothing,” Annie yelled, and Darcy knew her friend wasn’t lying for Danny.

Maybe Darcy was overthinking it.

Danny finally moved away from the stranger, making his way toward the group.

He laughed, looking uncomfortable.

“What?”

“You dick,” Annie yelled, pushing past him.

Steve looked like he wanted to say something, his mouth opening, but Darcy put up a hand, and shot Danny a glare.

Moments later, Danny was following Darcy outside and down the street.

“What the _fuck_ , Darcy? Why was everyone looking at me like they were gonna murder me?”

“What the fuck were you doing flirting with that girl?” Darcy snarled, rounding on him.

Danny stopped dead in his tracks. “That’s what this is about? She was just someone from work.”

He looked at that girl like he’d rather be there with her than Darcy. She didn’t feel like it was reaching at all.

“Someone from work,” Darcy repeated. “You were practically on top of her.”

“I could barely hear her.”

Darcy looked toward the club they left, frowning.

“But you – you looked at her like –”

The more she listened to herself, the dumber she sounded.

“Darcy, you sound paranoid,” Danny said, sighing. “I thought we were doing better.”

“We are,” Darcy insisted, hurt. “We’re really good together.”

Danny shook his head. “I don’t know.”

“Danny,” she said, stepping closer to him to touch his face.

Just minutes ago they were making out with the world falling away from them, and now she was bringing everything down again.

He pushed her hands away. “No. I want to go.”

“Please don’t.”

Her chest felt tight, and the tears came without warning.

He shook his head, pushing his glasses up. “No. I wanna go.”

Darcy’s hands fell to her sides, watching him sidestep her and head down the street, leaving her by herself.

She sniffled, looking at the ground. She closed her eyes, one hand going for her pendant and stroking it, willing herself to breathe steadily.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S. Never been to an Emo Night. We don't really have those where I live. My emo 'phase' was brief as hell, but I had a lot of emo friends in high school and I never had anything against it. Embrace your past! 
> 
> Full credit goes to crimtastic for the idea of Steve and Andrea coming home and Darcy seeing and processing it and reminiscing.
> 
> [none of your business hoodie](https://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/post/177786193018/annie-from-goodnight-n-go-owns-this-hoodie-thats)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmm. HMMM. Don't hate me for this part?

 

 

 

_"She don't show no pity, baby. She don't make no rules. Oh, I need your love, I need your love..."_ \- Led Zeppelin

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**VII.**

 

 

 

Darcy remembered the last fight she ever saw between her mom and dad.

She was eight. She sat with her forehead leant against the bannister, her little legs dangling down to the floor below.

Voices were louder and louder. Her mom broke a plate against the table, flinging it aside.

Darcy bit her lip, wishing they’d stop, wishing they didn’t fight like this, wishing they were like other parents she saw at her friends’ houses.

At least those parents pretended. Why didn’t hers pretend?

Darcy’s mom came into the hallway, staring up at her daughter.

“I told you to go to bed.”

They both knew Darcy didn’t do as she was told, and besides, her parents were too loud for her to sleep.

-

Standing in the street, crying by herself, Darcy began to hyperventilate.

She should try and find Danny, run after him.

Maybe the things she wanted the most would always be a little bit shit. She paced, her shoes squeaking.

She looked down at her phone, and dialled Danny’s number.

She pushed it to her ear, waiting, breathing heavy. She felt like the humidity was smothering her, she just couldn’t get enough air.

It rang and rang and rang, but Danny didn’t pick up. She knew it meant the silent treatment, it meant him leaving her dangling, the loneliness like a physical weight on her chest.

“Darcy?”

She spun around to see Natasha, her arms outstretched. She walked up to her, pulling her away from the curb and wrapping her arms around her.

“Where’d he go?”

“He left.”

“I’ll kill him,” Natasha hissed, and Darcy knew she meant it.

“No, don’t,” she whimpered, and her wracking sobs muffled against Natasha’s form.

Darcy heard footsteps, and looked behind the redhead, seeing the rest of the group making there way over.

Darcy felt her cheeks redden, pulling away to wipe her face.

“I’m going home,” she said once they arrived.

Steve’s face was like stone.

“You okay?” he asked, and Darcy nodded, looking away.

She knew her makeup looked more fucked up than ever, but it still fit the night’s aesthetic. She was just self-conscious of the snot.

Natasha clutched her hand, not letting go until Steve bundled her into a taxi, wishing everyone goodnight.

Jane and Annie looked like they were out for blood. Darcy was just glad Annie wasn’t upset about Steve leaving so soon.

Darcy was embarrassed, hoping Steve wasn’t about to dispense life advice when the taxi took off. Darcy just kept crying, her head against the window, watching the lights as they drove by.

“Don’t think – ”

Darcy half muttered something to him without realizing it until it was already out, and she did not know where her thought was meant to go.

_Don’t think less of me. Don’t think I’m an idiot._

But Steve didn’t seem like the kind of guy to make her feel stupid just for the sake of proving a point.

“Don’t think what?” Steve asked, and Darcy turned her head to him.

His intense gaze split her chest to the core. All she could do was stare back, blinking the tears away that clung to her eyelashes.

“Why the _fuck_ would he leave you?” Steve said, and his face slackened, so much sadder.

Darcy had nothing to say, and pretended the question was rhetorical, turning back to the window, closing her eyes.

They got home and she walked to her door. She fumbled with her key, sighing.

She wished Max was there. She looked over at Steve, who stood at his own door.

“Goodnight,” she mumbled, locking eyes with him.

“Goodnight,” he echoed, and Darcy slipped inside.

She lived by herself for years, but this was the first time that the idea felt wrong. She slid to the floor, her back resting against the door.

She heard the hum of the fridge and the street outside, but the lack of life in her own apartment made her want to curl up into a ball under her covers and never come out again.

When she got into bed, she stared up at the ceiling.

Where would Danny even go, when half his stuff was here? All the way back to Staten Island?

She could just make out the outline of Al Pacino in the _Godfather_ poster that hung on her bedroom wall.

-

She didn’t fall asleep until almost morning, feeling exhausted.

She peeled herself off her mattress, the heat already stifling at 9AM. She checked her phone as she made coffee.

Nothing from Danny. No sign he was anywhere at all. All his social media hadn’t been updating since before Emo Night.

Danny chewed her lip.

She heard a door opening, and got up from her spot on the couch, jogging over to the front door.

She looked in the peephole, and saw Natasha and Steve.

Darcy froze, knowing she was witnessing something private, by the way Steve was gazing at Natasha with a morose look on his face.

Natasha touched his arm. Steve just nodded at her.

He was dressed, and left with the redhead.

Darcy reeled back, thinking of Danny’s suspicion.

Natasha rarely spoke about her love life. When she did, it was usually a mark she led on for a few months before turning him out for SHIELD. Some Danish prince was on her radar once, too, but Darcy didn’t like to pry.

If something was going on with Steve, wasn’t it more likely Natasha kept that to herself instead of divulging it to Darcy?

Except she was a spy, and meeting in a hallway that Darcy looked into was a little obvious.

Darcy went back to her coffee, checking Danny’s profiles again.

Where did Steve and Natasha even go?

Darcy opened her messages.

_Want to finish Queer Eye today?_

No reply from Steve for several minutes. Darcy opened her laptop and pulled up her own Netflix queue, getting right back into an episode she was re-watching weeks ago before she even started their own makeover project.

She messaged Natasha.

_Want to get Steve to finish the rest of Queer Eye today? Where are you?_

Did she sound needy? Darcy thought she had a right to be when people were sneaking around behind her back.

She bit her lip harder, refreshing Danny’s Facebook.

Natasha replied: _He’s at the hospital today._

Darcy felt like such a jerk she groaned aloud, remembering Peggy and Steve looking miserable. Had she had a turn?

Natasha dodged the rest of the question, not elaborating on her whereabouts. She said Steve was at the hospital, not her.

Darcy didn’t think for a second that the spy hadn’t marched him in there herself.

She finished the episode before coming up with a decent reply.

Friendships were built on trust.

_I saw you leave with Steve earlier._

She waited, seeing the dots appear as Natasha typed.

_You onto me, Lewis?_

Darcy sighed, conceding maybe Natasha had her own reasons and Darcy wouldn’t always find answer to her question every time.

It was Natasha’s nature to conceal and observe.

The spy probably thought Darcy was embarrassed – which she was – but didn’t anticipate her friend wanting to be around other people.

Darcy hadn’t anticipated it herself, but when she woke up that morning she knew being alone was worse than being embarrassed around her friends.

_When are you back?_

The answer was immediate: _We have no idea._

Darcy swallowed, dread pooling in her stomach. She pressed play.

-

She burned through the remainder of the episodes, all the while keeping an eye on her phone.

After dinner, which she ordered because cooking was the last thing she wanted to do, Darcy dozed off, her head lolling on her shoulders.

An ambulance siren ripped her back to reality, and she checked the time on her laptop.

After eleven. She wiped the drool from her mouth, checking her phone.

_We’re coming back._ Natasha sent that an hour ago.

“Shit,” Darcy hissed, nearly upending her laptop in her haste as she got off the couch, dashing for the door.

She opened her door, practically stumbling across to Steve’s door, heart pounding.

She managed to be out of breath just from _that_ – she really needed to work out more.

She knocked hastily, and Natasha pulled the door open.

“Darcy,” she whispered, her eyes widened, shaking her head.

“What, what is it?”

Natasha didn’t have to say anything, Darcy knew by the look on her face.

Darcy craned her head, seeing Steve sitting on his couch, the TV off, staring straight ahead.

Darcy swallowed. She took a deep breath, Natasha taking her cue to let her past, and Darcy walked straight in.

Her whole body felt like a giant pulse, and with each step she took, Darcy knew she was closer to danger – the danger of her own barely suppressed feelings.

Steve blinked, registering her, but Darcy didn’t say a word, didn’t demand an explanation.

She stood by his couch, pulling Steve toward her.

He surrendered, pressing his face into her midsection, just beneath her breasts, arms wrapping around her.

She sucked in another breath, so overwhelmed her eyes stung with tears.

He began to shake. Darcy didn’t have to look down to see Steve was crying.

“She died,” he gasped, and Darcy felt her tears begin to stream down her cheeks.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered.

She was aware of him being able to feel the contours of her body with his face buried in her shirt. She felt the warmth of his own body, the way he cradled her though he was the one who needed to be held.

She brought her hands to the sides of his head, fingers threading through his hair. She just stroked, never wanting to stop.

She saw movement in the background, and Natasha was moving around the kitchen. She turned, Darcy and Steve still wrapped up in each other.

The spy gave nothing away. There was no judgement on her face. Not even a knowing quirk of the lips.

Steve sniffled and Darcy leaned to press a kiss to his crown, distracted.

How was she supposed to come back from this, being in his arms? She felt her throat tighten with emotion, knowing the embrace had to end.

Steve finally pulled off her, his cheeks streaked with tears. He seemed bashful, glancing at the wet patches on Darcy’s shirt.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, getting up and walking over to the kitchen.

“It’s okay,” Darcy whispered, her voice so small she wondered if Steve’s ears could register her.

She wished she could comfort him, but she didn’t know where to start. She didn’t know what to do with her body, feeling stuck.

Steve and Natasha came back a second later, Steve handing Darcy a mug of tea. Natasha had a vodka bottle and her tumbler.

“You don’t want anything?” Darcy whispered.

She was like the stupid mouse she gave him – feeling small and useless.

Steve sat beside her, shaking his head. “No.”

Darcy held her mug in her hands, watching the steam curl and float up as Natasha poured her liquor three fingers full and drained it in two gulps.

Steve watched the redhead as well, eyebrows quirking as she went back for more in an instant.

“You sure you don’t want any?” Darcy asked, and Steve glanced at her.

“I can’t get drunk.”

“Oh,” Darcy said. “Oh.”

Natasha threw back her second drink, her fist pressed to her mouth as she swallowed.

After a several minutes of silence, Natasha’s eyes were glazed with tipsiness, and Darcy quickly drained her mug.

“Can we watch _Queer Eye_?” Natasha asked, and Darcy got up, finally seeing a job she could fulfil, moving about to find the remotes and pull of Steve’s queue.

-

The next morning, Natasha was sleeping with her head on Darcy’s lap, while Darcy played with the loose red curls by her ear, aware that the sunrise was happening somewhere behind Steve’s blinds.

When Steve went to be last night, he seemed distant, and Darcy didn’t blame him. She wasn’t sure how comfortable he was with crying, but it seemed to take everything out of him. He may have wanted to give the two women space.

Steve gave them blankets and pillows but Natasha crawled over to Darcy’s couch in seconds when the lights were out, clinging to her.

“Goodnight,” Darcy called out, and listened for Steve’s reply.

“Goodnight.”

Natasha stirred, looking up at Darcy from where she lay.

“Hungover?” Darcy asked, and Natasha’s eyebrow quirked.

“Please.”

She sat up, stretching. “You get much sleep?”

“No.”

Sunday morning with Steve and Natasha was easy. Darcy occupied herself with making pancakes while Natasha watched with her gallon of black coffee beside her.

Steve padded in, and Darcy froze. He had no shirt on.

She averted her gaze, but the image of him would most likely burn into her mind forever – his broad chest, his miniscule waist, the way the fabric of his pajama bottoms hugged his ass and hips, as he pulled on a t-shirt.

“Hey,” she said, attempting to be light. She flipped a pancake, hearing the sizzle.

“You commandeering the kitchen now?” he asked, and Darcy’s gaze fell to his, and she couldn’t deny the desire that threatened to pool between her legs, if it hadn’t already.

The feeling was so sudden and strong she felt herself blush, but she didn’t want to look away.

His eyes were bright, taking her in, and Darcy remembered Natasha nearby, finally looking away.

“I should go get my phone.”

She walked off, leaving the pancakes, knowing her composure was blown. She opened the front door and stepped out, breath shuddering.

She wished she could clamp her legs together, get some kind of relief, but she knew she had to get a hold of herself.

She walked across to her apartment, her hands shaking while she tried to unlock her door.

Inside, her laptop still lay open from last night with its battery dead, her phone beside it.

She unlocked it, seeing a flood of messages from Annie.

_Don’t call him! Call me first._

_Did you see his Facebook?_

_Where are you?_

_Are you at Steve’s?_

Darcy opened Facebook and saw the photo Annie had to be referring to.

It was Danny with a group of people Darcy recognized as work colleagues. They were at a club, with one girl beside him with his arm wrapped around her shoulder.

It wasn’t the girl from Emo Night, but a blonde one. She was skinny with a perfect set of teeth, her push-up bra doing wonders for her chest. She looked sculpted.

Danny on the other hand looked tired and red in the face. He had to be drunk; he wasn’t focusing his gaze in the right place.

She nearly wrote a comment beneath it, but paused her fingers, huffing a breath.

She was crying over him and he couldn’t care less. He looked happier without her.

She didn’t call him, but stabbed out a text, her teeth grit.

_You need to fucking talk to me. I saw the girl. I’ll throw your shit out into the street if you don’t._

Darcy knew she wouldn’t actually do that. She hated the idea of littering, even if it was his things. She waited a few minutes before her phone began to ring.

“Darce.”

“Who is she?”

“I work with her. Like you work with Steve.”

There it was. There it fucking was. The resentment he’d been harbouring toward Steve coming to the surface, accusatory and twisted.

“Did you cheat on me?”

“No.”

He was sharp. He seemed alert for so early in the day.

“I’d never cheat on you,” Darcy snapped, before Danny could ask. “But _never_ do this to me again.”

When he didn’t reply, she went on.

“The punishments. You never get to leave me in the street again, you hear me?”

She knew she sounded crazy. She was surprised he didn’t hang up, but maybe she freaked him out enough for him to stay on the line.

“Okay.”

“When are you coming back?”

“I’ll leave now.”

There was a beat. All Darcy could hear was Danny’s breathing. She hung up, sighing.

She was surprised that she didn’t want to cry. Instead, she opened Facebook again, scrolling down to the offending photo, and checked the random girl’s own page.

She was married. There was a photo of her and her infant son on her lap with the sun coming out from behind some trees. Darcy began to feel less hurt.

He was telling the truth.

_I saw the photo,_ Darcy messaged Annie.

The reply was near instantaneous: _I want to break his balls._

“Get in line,” Darcy muttered.

There was a knock on her door, and Steve ducked his head in, since the door was already open.

“Your pancakes are ready.”

Darcy nodded, avoiding his gaze. Steve looked at her phone in her hand.

“Danny coming back?”

Did he know because of the look on her face? Darcy nodded again.

“I’ll put your breakfast aside.”

That was all he said, shutting the door behind him, and Darcy felt ashamed.

-

After eating with Steve and Natasha, Darcy departed, waiting for Danny while she washed some clothes.

She knew it was Danny walking in, wearing different clothes to Emo Night. He must have gone back to Staten Island. She wondered if Sofia had any idea what her son was up to.

“What did you tell your mom?”

Danny paused, standing by the couch where she sat. “Nothing. I said you were sick.”

“Right.”

He couldn’t stand the idea of his mom knowing what he was really like. She knew his dad could be overbearing sometimes, but he wasn’t like Danny.

Except maybe he was like Danny, when no-one else was around.

Darcy sat with that thought, looking straight ahead at the TV.

_The Wizard of Oz_ was playing, and as soon as Danny opened the front door, she turned up the volume.

“Darcy, I’m sorry.”

Darcy stared at Dorothy’s face, the crease between her eyebrows. She remembered being Dorothy one Halloween, and having her mom make the gingham dress herself. Darcy tried to wear it every day after that before she grew out of it.

“Darcy.” He said her name a little louder.

“Don’t yell,” Darcy muttered. “Steve can hear you. And he’s going through enough shit right now – he doesn’t need to be dragged into any more shit.”

All she wanted to do was swear, spit venom. Danny crossed his arms.

“What happened?”

“A friend of his died. Peggy Carter.”

She knew the name meant nothing to Danny. She finally looked up at him, glaring.

“She was a founder of SHIELD,” Darcy added, sighing. “And no, she wasn’t a Nazi.”

Danny frowned, moving in front of her, obscuring the TV. He sat down beside her, facing her side-on.

“I wasn’t going to say that,” he muttered, pushing his glasses up.

He looked at his hands. “I am really sorry, Darce. I was an idiot. I really missed you.”

Darcy pictured the Facebook photo and rolled your eyes.

“If you’re so sad, go find a girl to wrap your arm around,” she hissed. She shot him another glare, then rose her eyebrows dramatically as if she remembered something. “Oh! I mean, _another_ one.”

Danny’s face twisted in disgust. “Oh, _leave it_ , Darce.”

He made her name sound like a cuss word.  It made the hairs stand up on the back of her neck, but she refused to show he frightened her. She swallowed, blinking several times to right herself.

“It’s you and me, alright?” he went on. “And I want to make this work.”

“You’re the one who left me.”

“I needed time,” he retorted. He wasn’t sorry at all.

Why wasn’t telling Danny he hurt her enough of a reason for him to apologize, to try to learn from his mistake?

Her eyes prickled. “Well, I need time, too. I don’t forgive you yet.”

Danny stalked off to their bedroom, slamming the door. Darcy jumped at the sound, swiping at her eyes, hoping she didn’t give herself away.

-

He was charming. Cooking, complimenting Darcy, and checking on her, answering her texts right away.

He doted on her. Darcy tried to remain neutral, never expressing herself in his presence.

She was a liar, telling everyone at work she was fine.

She pushed back if anyone pried. She felt sick all the time, wondering when Danny would snap.

She looked after Max when there was a mission to North Africa, and she spent hours with the puppy. She was growing so fast that Darcy couldn’t pick her up anymore, but the creature always made her feel wanted and cuddled up to her.

She didn’t have to avoid Steve because he was away a lot. His dating life appeared to be non-existent once again.

Nearly a month went by without seeing him, and Darcy thought he might never be home the same time as her again.

She agreed to a truce with Danny, offering him to take her out to the movies one Friday night, and she told him to wear a tie.

He obliged, opening doors for her, paying for everything, including the popcorn she knew he hated.

She picked the movie. She wondered if it could be like this when they married.

On their way home, they held hands in the Uber.

Darcy kicked off her heels when they finally reached the apartment, undoing her tight hair bun, and sighing.

She heard a soft giggle behind her. She knew Danny was in their bedroom, so she tiptoed to their front door and put her eye to the peephole.

Steve and a woman Darcy had never seen before were pressed up against his door, his arms around her waist.

The woman had to be a model – with her high cheek bones, lithe limbs and her height – and Steve was kissing her neck, her teeth bared in a smile.

Darcy’s stomach flipped, feeling her heartbeat pick up speed. She knew it wasn’t her business, but she couldn’t look away.

She remembered holding him weeks ago, his body heaving, and how fucking perfect it felt and tears sprang in her eyes.

She blinked rapidly, watching Steve move back up to the woman’s face, one hand now gripping her hair and pulling her into a filthy kiss.

The woman moaned, and Darcy saw the pink flesh of their tongues as Steve slipped his into her mouth.

Steve didn’t giggle; he wasn’t like this woman the way he was with Andrea the other time. It unsettled Darcy.

It made her want to rip open the door, because she knew she envied the statuesque stranger he pawed at. She wished she was the one he pulled into his apartment.

He managed to unlock the door, grunting, and although Darcy was livid with her jealousy, the primal sound echoed in her mind, and her arousal hit her like a physical blow.

Steve’s door opened, and the pair shuffled inside, the woman laughing once more. Darcy hated the sound, _hated_ this complete stranger.

She reeled back from the peephole, and marched down the hallway to her bedroom, where Danny was pulling off his tie.

“Hey – ”

She kissed him, biting his lip. He groaned, and Darcy shoved at him so that he fell on the mattress.

She fiddled with his fly, her tongue in his mouth with her other hand gripping his bearded chin.

No foreplay. She didn’t want it. She shoved his pants down, stroking his cock rougher than usual – she was almost certain she hurt him, but she didn’t care.

She just wanted him inside her as fast as possible. He got hard fast, like always, and she pushed her thong to the side.

She sat down on his cock, gasping, hips rolling. She rode him, dictating the angle and pace.

The image of Steve’s eyes on her when she just met Max for the first time. His hooded eyes when he shoved the woman against the door, assaulting her mouth. The feel of his body against her, pressing his face so close to her tits –

Her hand went between her legs where Danny split her open, her fingers finding her clit and pressing, rubbing –

The release was so perfect, so sweet, Darcy let out a hoarse scream, hips rolling as she tensed and slackened over and over.

Danny felt far away from her, but she registered him coming soon after her, his fingers digging into her hips.

She climbed off him a few seconds later, her legs shaking. She knew she just used Danny like a toy, but she didn’t care.

He didn’t seem to understand the significance of what happened, following her into the bathroom as she cleaned up, wrapping his hands around her waist and kissing the back of her neck.

“That was fun,” he said, and Darcy nodded.

“Yeah.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I joke, angst is my "brand", so have some. 
> 
> I considered Steve *not* hugging Darcy, [can you believe](https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/2018-03/7/12/asset/buzzfeed-prod-fastlane-03/sub-buzz-22630-1520442037-8.jpg?downsize=715:*&output-format=auto&output-quality=auto)?
> 
> I'd like to think Darcy's evolved somewhat in this part. She's still got a lot to learn, but she's finally got (some) agency, even if it's still pretty fucked up. 
> 
> P.S. I was otherwise going to quote Peaches' "Fuck the Pain Away" but Zeppelin felt less... misleading?


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted part 7 a few hours ago. Make sure you've read that part before coming back here otherwise shit's confusinggggg....

_"It's bad enough we get along so well. Just say goodnight n' go..."_ \- Imogen Heap

 

 

 

**VIII.**

 

 

Darcy answered Annie’s phone call for once instead of letting it go to Voicemail. She’d been screening more calls lately – ones from her mom and Annie, the two people in her life who were always their harshest when she had bad news – but since she was at home with Max on her lap with no Danny in sight, she felt better about being honest.

“Yo,” Annie said, and Darcy tried to hear whereabouts she was – most likely back on campus getting a coffee during her break.

Annie was an assistant professor specialising in quantum mechanics, but she never acted like an academic. It was drew Darcy to her when she looked for a roommate years ago back at Culver.

“You in the mood to talk?”

“Hmm,” Darcy replied, rubbing Max’s tummy. She was falling asleep on top of Darcy but she didn’t mind, wondering if she should give her a bath before Sam came back from another mission.

“Can I offer an olive branch?”

Darcy sat up a little straighter. “Uh, sure.”

Annie never spoke this way. She was always direct to the point of rudeness. Darcy remembered one time having a Special K box thrown at her head since they ran out because Annie had lost the will to be civilized during finals three years ago.

She still had to be in her quiet academic persona while trekking across campus. It was only a matter of time before she got to her apartment, ripped off her heels and bra and jumped on Instagram Stories with what Annie liked to refer to as “Asian Ariana Grande selfies”.

“Let’s do a double date.”

“No,” Darcy said immediately. “No way.”

She could imagine sitting in a booth, Annie and her date on one side with Darcy and Danny on the other, Annie screaming at Danny over something he said or did, and Danny sneering back at her.

It happened once before nearly two years ago, and Danny apologized since, but Darcy vowed it would never happen again.

“I’ll be very, _very_ compliant,” Annie insisted. “I’m told my social skills have greatly evolved since meeting young Pascal.”

“Who?” Darcy asked, as damn it – Annie peaked her interest. “Who’s Pascal?”

“He’s forty. Two kids with his ex-wife. He works on Wall Street.”

“Wait, what?” Darcy snapped, and Max stirred, opening her eyes.

The puppy reached up and licked Darcy’s chin.

“I thought we said we’d never settle for Wall Street guys.”

“How is _one hundred million dollars_ settling?” Annie said, sounding elated.

Darcy gaped, then remembered Annie couldn’t actually see her.

“I’m speechless. I’m totally speechless.”

“No, you’re not, you’re still talking,” Annie muttered.

Darcy heard a door being unlocked and opening on Annie’s end. She must have got back to her apartment already.

That meant Darcy had mere minutes before Annie dissolved into her alternate identity.

“You know what I mean. I didn’t know you were into that.”

“What, money?” Annie said. “I went on a date with him _before_ I Googled him.”

“That sounds like a lie,” Darcy muttered.

Annie huffed. “Alright. I knew how much he was worth well before we started dating. He is a great guy, though. So why not meet him this week with Danny? It’s an excuse to go to Per Se. He’ll pay.”

“I don’t know,” Darcy said.

She knew Per Se was a lavish French restaurant with probably obscenely long waiting lists. She’d have to find something to wear, and make sure Danny was interested enough to come.

She paused, her lip between her teeth. Annie had never described a guy she was dating as “great” before. It was always, “dickwad”, “dickhead”, or “douche canoe”.

“Did something happen with Danny?” Annie asked, her tone changing to concerned.

“No,” Darcy said. She didn’t mean to sound snippy but it still came out that way. “We’re doing okay.”

They were having sex on her terms, and last night Darcy rode him into oblivion and woke up exhausted, her legs aching. She still didn’t want to do foreplay.

Danny didn’t seem to mind either way. He just enjoyed being with her.

“We’ll do it,” Darcy added, trying to sound more pleasant. “We’ll do a double date.”

-

She decided to splash out and take Max to the groomers before heading back to Sam’s place the next afternoon.

She was rounding the corner when she nearly walked straight into Steve, who happened to be coming out of Sam’s apartment building.

“Hey,” she said.

Why did her own voice sound weird to her? Darcy looked up at him, in his t-shirt and pants with a few beads of sweat on his brow.

Darcy wore red shorts and a Star Wars t-shirt, feeling suddenly self-conscious, her legs on display. At work she still wore cardigans inside because the labs were freezing, often opting for ankle-length capri pants or maxi dresses.

Not since the first time Steve saw her in her pajamas had she been this naked in front of him.

She saw his gaze swivel to her legs and then back up to her face. It was near-undetectable but Darcy was watching him so closely herself that she noticed it.

“Hey,” he replied, sounding breathless. “I just did a work out with Sam.”

“Huh,” Darcy said. “I’m bringing back Max.”

They both seemed to be stating the obvious.

“You’re leaving?” Darcy asked, and Steve blinked, looking behind him and then back at her again.

“I can stay. I’m not – I’m not doing anything.”

He followed her up the steps to Sam’s apartment, and Darcy hoped he was getting a good enough look of her ass in the low light of the stairwell. A second later, she felt guilty.

She lost her temper with Danny for taking photos with co-workers but she was okay with Steve ogling her?

And what made her think he was interested in that way, anyway? He hadn’t spoken to her in ages.

People had eyes. He looked at her legs. She should stop.

They reached Sam’s door and Darcy knocked.

“What, you forget something – oh!”

Sam opened the door, smiling down at Darcy.

“Hey, Steve. You brought Lewis back with you.”

Darcy smiled, and Max began to bark, and Sam took the leash from Darcy’s hand and led the puppy inside.

Darcy and Steve stood in the doorway, watching Sam roll on the floor with Max, laughing.

“That’s the purest thing I’ve ever seen in my life,” Darcy said, and Steve laughed out loud, much louder than she expected.

She felt Steve’s fingers brush her back, and she almost jolted. He only did it to let her know he was moving out from behind her, but Darcy still felt her stomach flip at the sensation, knowing what those hands did when he kissed someone.

She followed him, feeling the blessed relief of the AC, fanning herself a little.

 _My tiddies are on fiyahhhh_ was what Annie texted her that morning.

She kicked off her shoes. A bottle appeared in her periphery, and she took it from Steve, smiling gratefully.

Sam’s place was a lot like Steve’s, except he had more photos. They were a mixture of friends, work people and family.

Darcy only met his girlfriend Kelly in passing a while ago but recognised her in a photo with Sam, his arm around her.

Darcy thought about the last time she took a photo with Danny. He hated pictures. He usually ducked out of them. It must have been last Christmas in Staten Island, and the thought made her sad.

She could take photos with Jane all the time, with different filters and dumb expressions on their faces. She even had one of Natasha, with her hand up to shield herself from the sun. It made Darcy feel like she was shooting for Vogue. And then of course her photo of Thor, which was her all-time favorite.

She gazed at the photos, sipping her beer. His walls were a celebration of everyone he knew.

Steve was there, smiling awkwardly with a pair of barbeque tongs in one hand.

Darcy burst out laughing, seeing the apron Sam undoubtedly bought for him. It read _Red, white and ohhhhh!_ in patriotic colors, with several hearts around the text.

“Fourth of July,” Steve said, looking embarrassed as he came up beside her.

“You look good.”

“That’s sweet,” Steve deadpanned.

Sam was still lying on the floor, but was watching them looking at the photos.

“I don’t have one of you, Lewis.”

Darcy pulled her beer off her mouth with an audible suck. “Uh, no. I’m – ”

Max barked, annoyed Sam wasn’t giving her his full attention.  

“Steve, take a photo of Max’s aunt.”

Darcy blushed at the words, feeling her heart soar.

Steve got out his phone, pointing it at her.

“No, don’t!” Darcy said, putting up a hand to cover her face. “I’m all sweaty. I’ve got no makeup on.”

“You look beautiful.”

Butterflies in her stomach at Steve’s words. He sounded sincere. She knew he didn’t lie that often, not like her.

One of his large hands touched her own, the one that covered her face, gently tugging it down to show her face.

“Hmm,” was all Darcy said, trying to keep her breathing steady. Steve kept her hand in his, giving her a little smile.

She mirrored him, and heard the shutter sound on his phone.

“There,” he whispered.

He let her go, and Darcy balled the hand he touched into a fist at her side, relieved Steve’s eyes were occupied elsewhere on his phone.

He handed it to her, and she gazed down at the portrait.

“See?”

Darcy nodded. “Yeah, send it to Sam.”

She chugged the rest of her beer, before wandering over to play with Max on the floor with Sam.

She turned her head to see what Steve was doing, and he still gazed at his phone.

“When was the last time you saw him?” Sam asked, and Darcy whipped her head toward him.

She knew he meant Steve.

“A while ago. I heard Peggy had her memorial.”

Steve looked at them on the floor, putting his phone away.

“Yeah,” Sam said, his mouth no longer on the constant verge of smiling.

Darcy looked down at Max, knowing things were unsaid. Why hadn’t she checked on Steve?

Did Sam know about her hugging Steve the way she did weeks ago?

“How are you doing, though, Lewis?” Sam asked, touching her arm.

She knew he was looking at her like he was assessing her. Natasha looked at her that way all the time, too.

Darcy forced a smile. “Oh, you know. Same old.”

“You got any stories to tell?”

She tilted her head. “Not really. There’s not too much to me.”

Saying it aloud sounded almost pathetic to her ears, like every time she told her friends how her summer went, and the story was always the same – hung out with Mom, didn’t see Dad. Dad still owes child support.

One summer her Dad got married and she told nobody, though it got around eventually. Someone’s mom knew Darcy’s stepmother whom she’d never met.

There was a lull, and Sam shook his head.

“I somehow doubt that, Lewis,” Sam said, nudging her. “Being the one who tasered Thor.”

Darcy let out a short laugh. “Where’d you hear that from?”

Sam shrugged.

“I mean, it’s true, but where’d you - ?”

Sam tilted his head, indicating Steve, who sat on the couch nearby. He must have snuck there when Darcy made it sound like she had no life.

“He told you?”

Darcy couldn’t help smiling, sitting up and resting her chin in one hand, her elbow on her knee as she sat cross-legged.

“He talks about you all the time,” Sam added.

There was a flicker of something on Steve’s face before he looked away, Sam's teasing making him grumpy.

“You want another beer?” Steve asked Darcy, trying to change the subject.

He got up before Darcy could answer, turning his back on them.

“How’s your man, though?” Sam ventured, and Darcy was suddenly back on Earth, pretending to be preoccupied with rubbing Max’s ears.

“He’s fine.”

“You know, I knew a lot of guys like him at college.”

“Oh?” Darcy didn’t want him to elaborate but Sam did anyway.

“Real assholes,” Sam said, and Darcy shot him a look.

She didn’t want Steve there, able to hear everything.

“You don’t know him very well, Sam.”

“I know him plenty.”

Steve came back, handing Darcy her beer and settling on the couch, drinking his own.

Darcy’s eyes locked with his before looking away. She wondered what he saw – a pathetic idiot, or a controlled little lamb.

Damn him with his good looks and manners and shameless hook-ups right where she could see them.

She swallowed. “Sure, Sam. So what does that make me?”

“A really sweet girl,” Sam said, and Darcy rolled her eyes.

“You make me sound like I’m five.”

Fuck it. Steve would listen even if he was outside on the balcony pretending to get fresh air.

“Danny sounds like he’s five.”

Darcy sucked in a breath, tracing Max’s veins on the inside of her ear. The puppy had settled into a lying position, and began dozing off.

Who was she meant to have if it wasn’t for Danny? She spent nearly three years with him. She cried with him, bared herself to him, and made love to him. He built her up.

Except sometimes he tore her down. But she chose him. It wasn’t right to reduce him to a snarky observation. She saw him with his baby cousins – he did care about people. And Darcy knew he cared about her.

“Right. Because it’s easier to make a judgement on _my life_ without knowing the whole story,” Darcy snapped, and Sam’s lips parted in shock.

Darcy felt sick, and got up suddenly, making Max wide awake again and barking, as if the puppy could detect her distress.

Darcy marched over to her shoes, shoving them back on. She could feel the tears building up, threatening to spill over, and she couldn’t stand the humiliation of either of them seeing her.

“Darcy!” Sam called after here from his spot on the floor, sounding apologetic. “I’m sorry, honey.”

Darcy sobbed, ripping his door open and running out. He had to be sorry because he usually never referred to her as anything other than her last name.

She nearly tripped down the stair case, and burst out into the street below with her breath panting. The sweltering heat was a comfort – she was still here. She was still alive.

She thought about running down the street but knew she had little energy already, being so unfit.

She took a few steps out, closing her eyes to settle her nerves.

“Darcy!”

It was Steve. She froze, looking behind her.

He must have ran all the way down, but she knew that took little effort on his part. She thought about her tears and turned away for a second, wiping her eyes.

When she looked back, he opened his mouth, but she interrupted him.

“I’m sorry about not seeing you sooner. I mean, with Peggy and everything.”

Her voice sounded so sad, because she meant every word.

Steve blinked a couple times, frowning. “Oh, Darcy.”

“No. Really, I’m sorry,” she mumbled, looking at her feet for a second before daring to look up into his intense stare once more. “I’m a terrible friend.”

“You’re not.”

She swallowed. “I’m sorry,” she said again, moving to walk away.

“Darcy, I know it’s more complicated with Danny than people know.”

She didn’t like the sound of her boyfriend’s name on his lips. It sounded wrong.

“Don’t, Steve,” she snapped. “Please. I know what people think of me.”

Steve stared at her. “I don’t think you do, doll.”

The pet name rang out in her head, and she wished so badly she could treasure it forever.

“I’ll see you around, Steve,” she managed to reply, finally continuing her walk back to Brooklyn, the sun beating down on her, reminding her she chose to walk away.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: An anonymous question was post to my Tumblr re: pride and denial I expressed Darcy having. If you feel like I've written a toxic depiction of a woman in an abusive relationship, please read what I wrote [here](https://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/post/177829972828/abt-the-latest-gng-chapter-idk-ur-own) before sending me a message about it. I'm sorry if you've found what I've written offensive. Now onto what I wrote earlier today...
> 
> Wow, do I hate the in-between stuff. Except I chose to make this a slowburn. Imagine me being the one in charge, wishing things would just flippin' fall into place but I *chose* to make the huge build-up. 
> 
> I think Darcy's reaction to Sam's upfront comments is common. There's pride and denial there. Darcy wants to stick with her choices because at the time they seemed best for her, but other people are telling her that what she chose is a dud. There's projection and insecurities galore. We loooove daddy issues here. (No, we don't.) 
> 
> Hope you liked this part. Please vent to me over [here](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/ask) if you want.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **WARNING: TRIGGERING CONTENT IN THIS PART.** I said a few chapters ago that no sexual or physical abuse would be depicted, but I need to own up to the fact that Darcy has been in an abusive relationship this whole time, and that it's triggering either way. People who may be triggered by abusive relationships or themes like it should skip this chapter. PLEASE do not read this part if you're not comfortable with reading it. 
> 
> Writing this part took a lot out of me. Thanks to everyone who has sent me nice messages about this fic. I hope you can join me in the next part if you want to skip this one. I promise there are great things to come. 
> 
> The shit has hit the fan.

"Will you, won't you want me to make you? I'm coming down fast but don't let me break you..." - Lennon/McCartney

 

 

 

**IX.**

 

 

 

Darcy started using the gym at work.

One section of the gym was dedicated to elliptical machines, bikes and treadmills.

Darcy chose one elliptical of the dozen, shoved her headphones in and got to it, and by the end of her thirty minutes, she thought she’d have an asthma attack and die.

Jane came and got her, plying her with water.

“I burned like, 250 calories,” Darcy panted, grinning. She was damp with sweat, leaning on Jane for support. “And I didn’t die.”

“I’d call that progress,” Jane said, smiling back.

-

Danny agreed to the double date. He took little convincing when she mentioned which Pascal Annie was dating.

“You fucking serious? She meet him on some sugar daddy app?”

Darcy screwed up her face, surprised by his lewd comment. “Jesus. No. I don’t think so.”

She had no idea, and she didn’t care too much. Annie seemed happy.

“She’s got a hundred million reasons to be,” Danny drawled, and Darcy narrowed her eyes at him.

She was standing by the couch, handing him his dinner.

“You can’t talk about her like that at dinner.”

“As long as she doesn’t make fun of me.”

Annie did that with everyone. Darcy chewed her lip, considering the worst that could happen. Maybe Danny would storm off and Darcy had to run behind him.

 _Most likely_ she’d choose to follow him, despite her threats from the last time. Her last conversation with Sam came to mind, and the roiling shame was back again.

The elliptical and the music blasting in her ears was a decent distraction, but she still agreed to sitting for Max in the next week or so. It made her feel uneasy, seeing him after she stormed off like a child.

“She won’t,” Darcy said, sitting beside him with her food. “And besides, the food’s supposed to be amazing. She’ll be easily distracted.”

 _And you will be, too_ , she hoped, chewing her food.

-

She picked up Max from Sam’s, just making small talk. She knew he was keeping his distance that time, choosing not to pry.

She walked back with her, her nose to the ground.

She thought of what to wear that night. They waited days and days for their reservation to come through. Annie joked Elon Musk must have elbowed his way to the front of the queue.

She ran into Steve on the way back, and he opened the front door to the apartment building for her, nodding.

“Thanks,” Darcy said, squeezing past him.

Max’s nails scratched the stone floors on their climb up. Darcy tried not to think about the last time she saw Steve – crying in the street like that had to stop.

“What are your plans?” she asked, to demonstrate how okay she was with seeing him.

Max barked a few times, tugging on her leash.

“I got a date,” Steve said, and Darcy glanced at his face side-on, smiling.

“Oh, that’s great. Good for you. Who is she?”

Max tugged her toward her own door, trying to dig into the carpet.

“You wouldn’t know her,” he said, and Darcy opened her mouth, not sure what to say.

“Oh. Sure. I just –”

She just what? She was faking interest, faking her contentedness around him.

“What?” Steve prompted, and Darcy blinked.

He wasn’t smiling at her like always. It made her uncomfortable.

“Nothing. I’m sure she’s great.”

She unlocked her door, Max diving inside.

She gave a half wave and joined her, not waiting for Steve to say anything else.

She nearly walked into Danny, who stood just beyond the door.

“Hey, babe,” Darcy whispered, trying to mask the shake in her voice with the pet name. “What’s wrong?”

“What’s Cap up to?”

“Going on a date. Like us.”

She let Max roam free. She could spare a couch cushion if the puppy decided it was her new chew toy.

“We have to get ready.”

Danny leaned in and kissed her without warning, and she pulled back.

“Danny, we’re gonna be late.”

“No, we won’t,” he insisted, his fingers on her buttons on the front of her dress.

She sighed. “Really, Danny. I need to steam my dress. Wash my hair – ”

He leaned in and kissed her clothed tits, nuzzling and biting. He was rougher than usual.

“Danny, stop. You’re hurting.”

He didn’t. She placed her hands on his shoulders and shoved him away with all her strength, suddenly so afraid.

Danny fell on his ass, and Darcy covered her mouth in shock.

“No! I didn’t mean to,” she whispered, trying to reach for him, but he shuffled back, glaring at her.

“Fuck’s sake, Darce. You don’t have to act like I tried to rape you.”

She froze. She didn’t want to move. She wasn’t sure if she could. The jarring syllable in her ears, with that look on Danny’s face made her feel like moving was the dumbest idea.

He got up, walking toward the bathroom and slamming the door.

Seconds later, the shower was on, and Darcy let out her breath, clutching her chest.

-

An hour later, she was changed into her red gown from a Science Ball she went to at Culver a few years ago. It was snug, but it always had been, her breasts pushed up by the bodice.

Danny saw her in it once he got out of the shower and trimmed his beard, his eyes falling to her chest.

“What?” Darcy asked, midway through putting some hoop earrings in. “What’s wrong with it?”

“You don’t think it makes you look cheap?”

Darcy looked at herself in the mirror. Minutes ago she thought she looked like a million bucks.

Why would he say something like that? What had she done wrong?

“I look fine.”

She looked like she was about to step onto the Oscars red carpet. She tried to force his words out of her head. He just shook his head at her, tying his only tie, a navy one that clashed with his suit.

She didn’t dare point this out.

In the Uber on their way to Per Se, Darcy tried not to bite her lip. She knew it would get lipstick on her teeth, and she didn’t want to embarrass herself.

 _Or Danny_ , a voice said in her head. She stared at his face while he typed on his phone. He shoved it into his pocket once they arrived, taking Darcy’s hand as they stepped out.

His eyebrows rose. “Whoa.”

“Yeah,” Darcy said, the maître d’ ready to greet them.

The tall red awnings with silk banners littered the entrance. Darcy knew there were some chandeliers inside.

“We’re with Annie Tan,” she said, and they were led inside by a blonde waiter with a ponytail and little black bow tie.

In the corner of her eye, Darcy saw Danny’s eyes shift to the waiter’s ass, which looked perfectly round and tight in her black pants.

“Doctor Tan for you,” the waiter said, gesturing with her hand.

“Thanks,” Danny said, and Darcy looked up, before remembering what usually happened when she rolled her eyes at him in public.

Annie and Pascal sat in a booth with plush velvet seats, one side empty for them.

“Pascal, I’m so pleased to meet you,” Danny said, shaking the millionaire’s hand.

Darcy worked alongside a billionaire who called her ‘kiddo’ last time he saw her, skulking around in his executive elevator.

“I’m Darcy,” she said, giving a small wave. “Danny’s girlfriend.”

Danny glanced back at her, realizing he hadn’t introduced her. “Yeah. Darcy.”

Pascal’s lips twitched. “You look fantastic, Darcy.”

He had silver hair and a square jaw, resembling an ex-football star. Something about his mere presence made Darcy want to impress him, interest him.

“Thank you,” she said, smiling, sure her gap between her teeth showed. “You’re so nice.”

They sat down, Darcy sitting opposite Pascal.

The blonde waiter was back, handing them drink menus.

Pascal ordered champagne, shrugging a little. “I know it’s a cliché, but it’s a French restaurant and I’m new money.”

“How new?” Danny asked, leaning forward.

Annie’s forehead wrinkled in disgust, before shooting Darcy a look.

“Not as new as you, my boy. But close,” Pascal said, and Annie laughed like a tinkling bell.

Darcy had never heard her sound like that. It didn’t seem fake. Annie was hanging on his every word.

Danny gave a short chuckle Darcy knew was fake. That hit too close to home.

Pascal either noticed and didn’t care about Danny or didn’t take note of him at all, and reached over to touch Darcy’s hand.

“I heard that you work for the Avengers. What a fascinating creature you must be.”

Darcy felt herself blush. His eyes bore into hers, but there was nothing lecherous about it. He seemed genuinely interested.

“It’s not the Avengers. Just the people who work with them, like SHIELD,” Danny said, and Annie sucked on her teeth loud enough for Darcy to hear.

“I work with Captain America and those guys,” Darcy added, trying to lighten the mood. “Steve Rogers in my neighbor across the hall.”

Pascal smiled, his dimples showing. “See? Fascinating.”

The waiter was back with their chilled champagne, and Darcy took a little sip, hoping to not smudge her lipstick.

Danny threw his back in a few gulps, and handed it back to the waiter.

The blonde made no judgement, just smiling at him. Danny smiled back.

Annie locked eyes with Darcy and she frowned. “Danny, leave her be.”

The waiter handed him another flute, as if producing it out of thin air. Danny took it, narrowing his eyes slightly at Annie before taking a little sip, putting it down and fiddling with the stem.

Pascal told them how he met Annie. She was walking home from a club one night, in her thigh-high boots and a hoodie, a lollipop in her mouth.

She probably staked out the area she walked through weeks ago, knowing Annie, but Darcy nodded, emoting enough to make Pascal believe she bought the chance encounter.

“She stole my heart. I know what it sounds like. But she’s smarter than me. I love that.”

Darcy properly cooed at that. Annie being finally happy with somebody who liked her two different personas made Darcy believe her friend was going to be okay.

They ordered escargot for starters.

“I’m not a fan,” Pascal said. “I usually go for deep-fried mac n’ cheese balls or garlic bread.”

He was a man after her own heart, making her smile so easily. Danny nudged her ankle with his foot, but she ignored him.

Danny was busy flirting with that waiter like a moron, so Darcy making conversation with a silver fox was next to harmless, especially since Annie was the one taking him home, not her.

“I couldn’t help noticing your accent, Pascal,” Darcy murmured, prying her shell apart. The whole method was kind of gory and she didn’t even know if she wanted to eat a snail. “You’re New York born and bred?”

“Bronx,” he said with a smile, chewing on his own food. He grimaced, finally swallowing and shaking his head. “Lord, no. Not again.”

“My mom’s the same,” Darcy said, watching him with amusement.

“Maybe we went to the same high school.”

“She’s a little older than you, honey,” Annie said, taking one of his snails for herself. Darcy knew she loved garlic enough to withstand the texture.

“Rachel. Her name was Rachel Cohen.”

Pascal’s lips parted. “You’re fuckin’ kidding me. Rach Cohen is your mama? She was a senior when I was in middle school.”

Darcy burst out laughing. “You know her.”

“She was a – sorry, I know she’s your mother but – she was a fox. I bet she still is.”

“Maybe you should look her up, she’s single,” Danny said, his voice low, but Darcy knew everyone heard him.

She pressed her lips together. Pascal looked at Annie.

“No, thanks. I have my Annie.”

 _My Annie_. Darcy smiled at that, pushing her snail around.

Danny drained his glass, gesturing to the waiter.

She came over, smiling. “Anybody else for a top up?”

“No, thanks,” Darcy said, and once she came back and handed Danny his third flute, she touched his arm.

“Just blowing off steam, Darce.”

It was code for _leave me alone or I’ll make it worse_. Darcy bit back her sigh, abandoning her food.

The main meal Darcy chose was a broth. She tried to appear as delicate as possible, but knew her lipstick was bleeding into the lines, and Pascal had pulled off his tie mid-chew, winking at her.

“You want dessert?” Annie asked, and Pascal shook his head. “I’m stuffed, hon.”

Danny snorted into his plate, and Darcy froze mid-sip, not quite believing her ears.

The moment passed, but Darcy was so embarrassed she wanted to leave straight away, refusing dessert as well, and even coffee.

Pascal got up to make his way to the bathroom, touching one of Darcy’s knuckles again.

“He always like this?” Danny asked, and Annie shot him a venomous look.

“What do you mean, dickhead?”

“There she is,” Danny said, a crooked smile on his face. “There she fucking is.”

“Danny,” Darcy whispered. Her cheeks were already pink from earlier.

“Don’t do that. Take her side because she’s your friend. You’re _my_ girlfriend.”

“Not for much longer, I bet,” Annie snapped, folding her arms. “Not from what I heard.”

“Annie, don’t,” Darcy hissed, not sure what Annie meant.

Danny elbowed Darcy out of the booth, making her stand up to let him through as well. He grabbed Darcy by the wrist.

“What a fucking waste of an evening. Disappointing pick, Annie. But I’m sure he’s worth it.”

“What’s wrong with being comfortable?” she snapped, and for the first time Darcy saw Danny really hurt Annie’s feelings. “I love him and I don’t have to worry about him running away.”

Danny was clever enough to read into the subtext, and he looked at Darcy, who only shook her head.

He tugged her along, marching her through the restaurant for everyone to see.

Annie stood up on the booth seat. “Darcy!”

Darcy just shook her head at her, letting Danny walk her out.

-

He looked like steam was about to burst from somewhere deep inside his ears. Danny ripped off his tie, and Darcy picked it up, wrapping it around her wrist while they waited for their Uber.

“Annie’s a fucking cunt.” He spat on the ground.

“Don’t talk about her like that.”

The words were out before she could stop them. She was in deep trouble now.

She looked away, starting to shake.

He rounded on her, his finger in her face. “You were wagging your tits in front of that asshole all night. Don’t think I didn’t notice you practically opening your legs for him.”

“I would never do that,” Darcy whispered, desperate.

“Listen to me when I’m talking to you! And don’t lie to me,” he thundered.

Darcy gasped, closing her eyes, trying to shut out the world. Times like these, years ago Darcy would have tasered him. But she got rid of her taser soon after she met Danny.

Because he told her to. The thought finally hit her, that he made her defenceless years ago.

Danny stepped back, huffing.

After what felt like forever, their Uber arrived. The entire ride home, Darcy’s knee jogged up and down. Her eyes darted all over Danny from his place on the other side, wondering what he might do.

She thought of her kitchen knives. Maybe if she got inside before him, she could press the door on him, shutting him out. Then she could call Natasha, or Jane.

Or the police.

She was sick with dread as they arrived at their building, Danny taking her by the elbow.

“You’re hurting me,” Darcy muttered, and Danny shot her furious look, silencing her.

She began to cry, shaking as she got out her keys. She opened the door.

She forgot all about Max, who came bounding over, wanting kisses.

Darcy flew to her, clutching at her and weeping. Danny slammed the door behind them, and Darcy knew she was trapped.

Maybe she could distract him. She squeezed Max a few times, wishing she could communicate something to her to soothe her. The puppy seemed to know something was wrong by how she began to shake in Darcy’s arms.

She kissed the top of her head before getting up, her eyes never leaving Danny.

He pulled off his jacket, putting his phone down with it on the couch and huffing.

“Come to bed, baby,” Darcy said, lifting her arms out to him, but all he did was stare her down with utter disgust, shaking his head.

“Unbelievable. You think it’s okay to degrade yourself like that in front of me?”

Darcy tried smiling a little. “I’m sorry. I’m tired. Let’s just go to bed.”

She tried touching his face but he shoved her hands away, scowling.

“You’ve been lying to me from the beginning,” he snarled.

His eyes darted in the direction of Steve’s apartment beyond their walls.

“How long have you been fucking around?”

“I swear I haven’t. Please. I would never,” Darcy pleaded, trying again to reach his body, to try and touch him enough to subdue him.

“Don’t lie to me!”

Darcy flinched, her arms dropping to her sides.

“Please believe me, Danny.”

She wished she never came to Brooklyn. They used be great together. It was like ever since she became neighbors with Steve, all she did was upset Danny.

His finger was in her face again. “You and Annie are two fucking peas in a pod. Fucking whores.”

Darcy kept her mouth shut, and in the corner of her eye Max began to whine.

Danny took a step toward the puppy and Darcy’s arm shot out, pushing his chest.

“Don’t touch her. She’s done nothing wrong.”

Danny looked from Max on the floor to Darcy, eyes narrowing. A crooked smile spread across his face.

“What’ll you do to me if I do?”

His point was that she was powerless. He was heavier and stronger than her.

“Please, Danny. Let’s just go to bed.”

She even tried to lean in and kiss him but he pulled back, stalking off to the bedroom and wrenching open the door.

Darcy went to Max, trying to pull her up. She was too big, too heavy. She struggled, but managed to pull her behind the couch.

“Stay, girl,” she murmured.

There was a crash from her room, and Darcy looked toward the sound, seeing something fly against the wall and shattering.

It must have been a picture frame. There was a rip of material. Danny started kicking the closet door over and over.

“Fucking lying whore!”

Darcy scrambled over to her bag, knowing she had seconds to get to –

“No!” she screamed, as Danny came charging up behind her and knocking her phone out of her hand.

The device fell to the floor, and Danny shoved her aside to grab it.

He stalked into the kitchen, his breath still coming in huffs.

Without even blinking he threw it against the benchtop, attempting to smash it completely.

Darcy watched as he hit it over and over, pieces of its cover beginning to break off it, the screen beyond repair.

If she ran for the door, he might kill Max. If she stayed, he might kill her.

She blinked, remembering Danny’s own phone, and shuffled back toward the couch.

She dove for it the second Danny caught her in his sight.

She didn’t know his password. She tried swiping for the emergency call option, but Danny reached her faster than she anticipated, snatching the phone from her.

Would screaming for help work?

Max began barking, coming out from behind the couch.

Darcy’s only other option was stupid, but it had to do.

She ducked around Danny, dashing back into the kitchen to the top drawer.

He rounded on Max, raising his leg. He was about to kick her when Darcy pressed the blade of the kitchen knife to his neck.

“Leave her alone,” Darcy said, her voice wavering.

Danny turned, the knife never leaving his skin.

“You wouldn’t.”

“Don’t fucking touch her!” Darcy yelled.

She started crying again. She couldn’t believe she was actually threatening the man who was supposed to be the love of her life.

They were supposed to get married.

“Darce,” he began, voice softer. He put up his two hands. “I won’t hurt her.”

“Please don’t hurt her,” Darcy begged. “ _Please_ , Danny.”

Danny stepped away from Max, who hadn’t stopped barking.

His hands were still up, and Darcy still had the kitchen knife to his neck.

“Give me your phone.”

“Darce.”

She hated the sound of her name on his lips. “Give me your phone, Danny.”

“What are you gonna do?”

“Call the police.”

“We don’t need to,” he said.

He always had some fucking excuse.

“I wanna call the police.”

His face changed again, his frown intensified. He looked like he was close to tears as well, though Darcy wasn’t sure why. Maybe he was cracking up and he didn’t know how to react, how to make everything just go away.

If she involved the police, it meant his behavior was exposed to people outside their relationship.

“You’re gonna call the cops on me?”

They were angry tears, Darcy realized. She swallowed, feeling the adrenaline still pumping through her veins, sure that she would have to run again.

She chose not to answer him, but didn’t move the knife away.

For a whole minute they just stared at one another, the sweat on Darcy’s forehead trickling down to her cheek and then dripping off her chin, her breathing never slowing.

Danny finally handed the phone to her, and she gripped the knife’s handle harder as she concentrated on typing with one hand.

“Password.”

“1988.”

She should have known it was his birth year. She typed it with her thumb.

The screen opened up to Danny’s Snapchat. There were several messages unopened, sent by ten or so different names Darcy had never seen before.

“Don’t,” he murmured, seeing Darcy about to open one of them.

A nude photo appeared. The face was obscured, but Darcy could see the naked tits pressed together, nipples hard and rosy.

“Darcy,” Danny said. “Don’t.”

She opened another. A black woman from behind, bent over a bedspread of some kind, her legs apart, revealing her wet pussy to the camera.

Darcy opened more. All she could do was stare, the images of all those naked women flashing up at her over and over.

She felt sick, like the world was about to swing off its hinges.

“Darcy,” Danny began. “It’s not what you think.”

She turned her head toward him. “Get out.”

“What?”

“Get. _Out_ ,” she snarled, eyes ablaze. She pressed the knife against his jugular, and for a sick second, she wished she’d slip.

Danny backed away, before slipping by her, making his way to the front door.

He left without his jacket. He left without his phone.

Darcy let the knife and phone drop to the floor with two soft thuds.

Seconds later, she dashed to the kitchen sink and vomited. She wasn’t sure how long she was there with her head in the sink, but she hurt all over afterward, her eyes streaming.

She sobbed, and then felt fur brush her leg, Max looking up at her.

She went and sat down on the floor next to the kitchen knife and unlocked Danny’s phone again, opening more pictures.

There were dozens. She rifled through his call list. Numbers upon numbers she didn’t know. She dialled some, hearing a strange woman’s voice every time.

Darcy thought of the girl at Emo Night. She thought of the blonde waiter at Per Se, and something clicked into place.

She didn’t know him. Two and a half years of her life and she never knew him.

She opened up Facebook and found Annie, since she remembered they were connected online.

She found the messages between Annie and Danny.

 _YOU PIECE OF SHIT._ Annie sent it an hour ago, which had to be when Danny dragged Darcy off after dinner.

She hoped she could get Annie to respond.

_I took Danny’s phone. He broke mine. If you have Steve’s number please call him._

Darcy vowed learning people’s numbers from then on. Her life may have depended on it, and she had no clue.

A couple minutes later, Annie replied: _He’s on his way back. What happened?_

_We had a fight. He was going to hurt Sam’s dog._

Danny’s phone began to ring. Annie was using Facebook to phone her.

“Darcy. Are you okay?”

Darcy began to sob louder, her chest tightening. “I don’t know what to say.”

“He hurt you?”

“Not exactly. Fuck, I can’t stop shaking.”

It was true. It was like she was shivering but her apartment was sweltering. The AC was off. Max licked her arm.

“You’re in shock. Steve’s coming back. He’ll be there soon.”

Darcy’s teeth chattered. “I’m so scared, Annie.”

Never before had Darcy seen or heard Annie cry, but she began to hear little sniffles coming from Danny’s phone.

“I should have run after you. I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t cry, Annie. Please don’t cry.”

They sobbed together for a while and Max tried to climb onto her. The puppy managed to settle into her lap, looking worried still.

Darcy heard movement somewhere outside and she tensed.

“Shit.”

“What is it?” Annie asked. “Did Danny come back?”

Darcy shuffled a little, and Max took the hint, moving off her to let her investigate.

Danny left the door open. Darcy froze, hearing someone push the front door open.

She let out a shuddering breath when she realized it was Steve.

He dashed in, looking down the hallway to her bedroom first.

“Son of a bitch,” he muttered.

He turned his head, spotting Darcy on the floor.

“It’s Steve, right?” Annie asked.

“Yeah,” Darcy whispered.

Darcy hung up, and Steve walked over to her, crouching on the floor.

His hands went to her face, eyes checking her for marks. He pushed her hair back with both hands.

His breath was rapid, his eyes fierce with anger and worry.

The memories of her night came back to the surface. She laid bare for him.

“Come here,” he whispered.

She hesitated, the adrenaline finally beginning to wear off. She was so tired. She felt as though all of the energy had been twisted out of her.

“Come here,” he whispered again, and she fell against him, her face crumbling.

She shook with her sobs, burying her face into his neck, his arms tight around her, cradling her against his chest.

-

Darcy lost track of time. She had no idea how long it was before Natasha showed up.

At some point, she sat on the couch in a stupor, Max on her lap, while Natasha and Steve packed her some things in a little bag.

She would go to her mother’s tomorrow. For tonight, she’d stay over at Steve’s.

Natasha took her by the hand across the hall, Steve right behind them. Max slipped into Steve’s place first.

Instead of the couch, Steve offered his bed, and Natasha didn’t argue.

“What about you?” Darcy asked, her voice hoarse from tears. “You can’t sleep on the couch.”

“Darcy, I can survive a night out there with Max,” he said, helping Natasha put clean sheets on the bed, Darcy watching from where she stood, holding the felt mouse in her arms.

“No. Don’t do that.”

Natasha and Steve exchanged a look.

“Okay,” Steve said, and his eyes slipped away from hers.

Darcy lay between them, clutching the felt mouse.

After an hour of trying to sleep, Darcy reached out to touch Steve’s arm.

He wore a shirt to bed. She knew he didn’t usually. The thought of him sleeping next to her was enough to make her hyperaware of his body heat next to hers, and the smell of him all around her, but she was glad that he wasn’t half naked as well.

She wasn’t sure if Natasha was asleep. She might have been faking.

“Steve,” she whispered.

“Hmm?” he asked, and Darcy noted he didn’t sound sleepy at all.

“You think he’ll come back?”

She meant Danny.

“I don’t know. But you’re safer here.”

Her voice shook as she replied: “I don’t want to be alone, but I don’t know if I could have asked you to let me stay. I’m glad you and Nat decided.”

She felt one of his hands slide down, stroking her calf muscle.

“You don’t ever have to be alone again,” he whispered.

Darcy felt the tears that were brimming start to spill over. She squeezed her eyes shut, Steve’s fingers still resting against her leg as they fell asleep.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was at the gym yesterday when this part came into my head like a bolt of lightning, and I knew it was going to be a roller coaster. Hence why I chose to quote The Beatles' "Helter Skelter" for this part. 
> 
> Pascal and Annie 4ever~*~
> 
> Per Se is a real restaurant, but I made up everything else in this fic. I'm very much aware that it's a cliche to have escargot at a French restaurant.
> 
> P.S. If there are any errors, please excuse them while I clean up behind the scenes. I edit my own stuff so I tend to miss them the first re-read.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Trigger warning** for misogynistic language toward the end of this part. Danny does **not** show up in this part.  
>  Thanks for crimtastic for giving me the name Joe. I could only think of Travis.

_"Baby, you're a loser and I'm ashamed to say I ever knew ya."_ \- Gabbie Hanna

 

 

 

**X.**

 

 

 

There were murmuring voices outside of Darcy’s sleeping escape.

Her eyes fluttered open and reality set in, and she looked around.

She lay on her side toward Steve next to her.

 _You slept in Steve Roger’s bed last night_ , was her immediate thought.

He lay on his stomach, looking somehow equally vulnerable and at peace, his thick eyelashes against his skin, his mouth slightly open.

The memories of last night came back, and Darcy felt a wave of fear and sadness. Poor little Max with Danny poised to strike her. Poor Annie crying on the phone to her because she felt guilty and helpless.

Poor Natasha for taking charge because Darcy froze and couldn’t move anymore.

Poor Steve for sleeping beside her even though he didn’t want to.

His breath was soft and barely audible, but he was fast asleep. Darcy did not want to ruin that, but she knew she wanted to touch him, being this close to him.

His hair was messy, a blotch of pink on his cheek. Darcy lifted her hand, tracing the hair by his ears, her fingers feather light but still detectable.

“Mmm,” he murmured, from somewhere deep in his slumber.

He looked so young and pretty laying there like that, and Darcy felt like she did not deserve to be that close to him, to see him like this.

That closeness was reserved for a lover or a companion.

Darcy was the one who tried pushing him away whenever he was kind to her because of Danny.

Knowing Danny was no longer close enough to suspect something, Darcy felt a strange mixture of emotions. Guilt because she was leaning on Steve so much for support, embarrassment because he saw her so broken last night over her boyfriend – and she knew she was a fool to think he thought about her just as much as Darcy thought about him.

He was doing this because it was the right thing to do, and Steve Rogers was the type of guy to always help others, and Darcy wasn’t used to that.

She needed to create some boundaries, but she knew she didn’t want to.

She moved very slowly from the bed, trying not to wake him.

He didn’t move at all, so Darcy then turned her back to him, stripping off her pajama top and pulling on a bra and a clean shirt, leaving on her leggings from last night.

She turned to Steve, who still lay on his stomach and looked at the angle of his legs, how one knee was up with the other down and straight like a runner, his ass pushed into the air.

She left his room before she stared too long, and found Natasha sitting at the kitchen island with two men Darcy had never seen before.

They both wore all black and earpieces. They both carried a holster at their hip, their jackets resting on the backs of their chairs.

“Hey,” Natasha said as she realized it was Darcy who emerged.

“Hi,” Darcy replied, coming over and putting her hands behind her back.

“These guys are your new guards for your place.”

Darcy’s eyes travelled to the man with auburn hair and moustache to the taller one with a face tattoo and thick neck.

“Travis,” said the darker one, smiling at her. He had a gold front tooth. “Nice to meet you, Miss Lewis.”

“I’m Joe,” said the redhead, shaking Darcy’s hand and nodding. “Pleased to meet you.”

Natasha gestured to Joe. “Joe will be working days, with Travis working nights.”

Darcy didn’t know what to make of this arrangement. It sounded expensive and a little invasive for her tastes. She adjusted her glasses on her nose, frowning.

“I don’t know about you guys guarding me day and night.”

“Miss, I would be more than happy to help you,” Travis said, hand on his heart. “Being a security detail for someone whose relationship with an abusive partner has ended can take your mind off of the threat of violence.”

Having it all said out loud like that made Darcy’s face redden. Travis was so matter-of-fact she didn’t know what to say.

“Being secure in your own home should not be a privilege, Miss,” Joe added, nodding.

“Okay, enough of this ‘Miss’ stuff,” Darcy blurted, her hand up. “I’m Darcy.”

Steve’s bedroom door swung open, and Steve came out, giving the men short nods.

“Hey, guys. Thanks for coming.”

“We didn’t want to seem like we were controlling things, Darcy,” Natasha began. “But after last night, we don’t want the possibility of Danny showing up without warning and harassing you.”

She exchanged a glance with Steve who stood beside Darcy. “Or worse.”

“Fine,” Darcy said shortly. “Will Joe follow me to work?”

“No, M- Darcy,” Joe replied. “I will watch the apartment block here. Captain Rogers will take you to work. Your friend Doctor Tan has also volunteered.”

“How long will this go on?” Darcy asked Natasha.

“For as long as you want.”

-

Darcy had a lot to do that day. She did not look at Danny’s phone any longer than necessary. She didn’t want to vomit in a sink again or see red, so she found his mother’s postal address and gave the device to Joe for him to take to Staten Island.

Next, she put in a request via Steve’s phone for her own. It was going to be a new Stark phone with a ridiculously cheap employee plan. She’d have to build her contacts list again but Darcy wasn’t mad about not having social media for a few days.

She made an appointment at a clinic in Brooklyn, which Natasha walked her to.

She got tested for the basics. Then she got an HIV test. She didn’t feel judged or humiliated with Natasha being there for most of the time, waiting for her outside the bathroom stall.

She was clean. Luckily they did not have to send away for any results. Darcy insisted they didn’t do any test at the med bay at work. She hated the idea of bringing Danny to her employment, contaminating it.

They met up with Steve again and rode the subway to Darcy’s family home.

By the time they got there, Annie was there, answering the door.

“Hey MTV, welcome to my crib,” she said, her joke half-hearted at best, but Darcy appreciated the effort.

Darcy was the first to come in, and Annie wrapped her arm around her neck, pressing her forehead to her cheek.

“How are you feeling?” she asked in a low voice.

“Like microwaved shit.”

“Your mom’s put on a spread.”

Darcy didn’t feel much like eating. “Sorry I pulled you away from Pascal for this.”

“Are you fucking kidding?” Annie hissed. “He sent half the fruit your mom put on the table.”

Darcy still felt embarrassed, her first impression with Annie’s new man being tarnished by Danny’s despicable antics last night.

Annie peeled off her, walking with Natasha toward the kitchen.

Steve was looking around at the photographs near the front door, and Darcy felt her stomach flip.

“My grandfather,” she said, and Steve looked away from the grainy black and white photograph. “I wear his necklace now.”

Steve’s eyes travelled to her chest where the Star of David lay.

Feeling bold, Darcy sidled up to him, the pendant between her finger and thumb, the gold shining in the afternoon light.

“The edges are a little worn. He died before I was born.”

Steve’s fingers brushed hers, taking it to feel its points. “I have a favourite photo.”

He let the pendant fall against her neck, and turned to the group of frames, his finger touching one with Darcy in the dead centre.

“Prom night,” Darcy groaned. “Not my best look. I did my own makeup, obviously.”

“You’re very pretty,” Steve murmured.

He glanced her way, eyes going up and down.

“I mean, you’re beautiful all the time –”

Darcy tried to ignore the flutter in her stomach. “You know I’m barely eighteen in that photo, right?”

Steve let out a short laugh. “Right. A ninety-eight year old man admires the photo of a teenager.”

There was a commotion from inside the kitchen and Rachel came out, her hands flapping.

“Ah! Here he is!”

That was typical Rachel Lewis, though. They were all there for Darcy’s respite but Steve had managed to become the center of Darcy’s mother’s attention without doing anything at all.

“Hi, Mrs. Lewis,” he said, and Darcy watched a smile break out again on his face.

His hand went to the back of his head, and Darcy smiled briefly at his adorable bashfulness.

“So _this_ is Steve Rogers. My brother and I used to read the vintage comics our dad left us growing up. But you’re so much more handsome in real life.”

Her hands went to his face, and Darcy gave a surprised laugh.

“Mom. Relax,” she chided.

“What? I’m not allowed to tell him he’s gorgeous?  _Look_ at him!”

“I am, Mom,” Darcy said, feeling her cheeks redden like Steve’s were.

She ducked away, leaving her mom to harass Steve some more while she investigated the kitchen.

“I love Jewish moms,” Annie said, giggling. “He getting the third degree?”

“She might ask him for his number, you never know,” Darcy muttered, shoving a grape in her mouth.

-

They sat around the kitchen table, Darcy sitting between Steve and Rachel while Natasha and Annie sat with barely suppressed smiles as they ate their late lunch.

“He eats so much,” Rachel whispered to Darcy, loud enough for everyone to hear.

“Mom. He needs to,” Darcy said, hearing Annie’s snort opposite her.

“What about you, you’ve barely had anything,” Rachel said, pointing at Darcy’s plate with her fork.

_“Mom.”_

“We don’t want her to get skinny, do we Steve?” Rachel asked, and Steve’s mouth quirked into a smile.

His eyes travelled over Darcy for a second, making her wish they were back in his bed alone in Brooklyn.

“No, ma’am.”

“Ohh, ‘ma’am’, I like that,” Rachel said. She bit a tomato and smiled.

Darcy felt her mom’s foot nudge hers. She knew what Rachel was doing. She used to do that when Darcy was in middle school and a boy asked her if she wanted to go rollerblading.

“I’m gonna get some fresh air,” Darcy said.

Rachel’s face dropped. “You okay, honey?”

Darcy realized everyone was watching her, concerned.

“No, I just – I’m tired. I’ll go to the swings.”

Annie followed her out, swinging her handbag and chatting all the while, filling the silence. They walked across a few houses to the tiny park with the old swing set Darcy used to sit on for hours at a time as a kid and then as a teenager.

“You ever do anything with boys out here?” Annie asked, beginning to swing a little. Darcy sat motionless, trying to remember.

“Yeah, but dumb stuff. Showing them my chest and letting them put their hand in my pants.”

The grass was overgrown and there was an empty beer can crushed by the rusty old slide. Not many kids hung around there those days since it was so ugly.

“Darcy Lewis, a harlot from the start,” Annie pretended to gasp, but smiled the entire time. “How many boys?”

“Does it even matter?”

“Why’d you do it?”

“I hate talking about this,” Darcy muttered. “We both know why.”

Her daddy didn’t love her. She wanted attention. She wanted love in whatever way she could find it, yet she didn’t show it off to other girls. She knew the insidious double standards. By the time she lost her virginity, people thought she already had anyway, so one of her male friends didn’t believe her when she said it was her first time.

Her friendships were intense and full of fighting as a kid. It wasn’t until college where there were no more super cliquey groups that Darcy became a loner, except for her relationship with Annie.

She knew she’d love her from the moment she snarled “If you touch my food I’ll fucking kill you.”

“Boys aren't the same as men, though,” Annie said, and Darcy knew she had a point.

Danny was the first serious boyfriend in years. She hated monogamy, the whole ordeal of getting to know someone.

So now she was going to have someone find out all about her all over again.

“Danny was cheating on me, I think.”

“What?” Annie snapped, and she jumped off her swing to face Darcy straight on.

Darcy sighed. “I saw on his phone, all these texts. These phone calls. He had hundreds of nudes.”

“That fucking pig,” Annie hissed. “Fucking asshole.”

Darcy shrugged. “I feel stupid. He said he was going to marry me.”

She scuffed the ground with her foot. “Makes me the dumbest bitch in the world. I bet someone else noticed.”

“Don’t, Darce,” Annie said. She put her hand on Darcy’s shoulder. “It’s not your fault.”

Darcy felt annoyed. More at the situation of having to tell Annie the truth than the fact that Annie was stating the obvious.

“I know that, but like – what if I ended it earlier?”

“You didn’t know. And I think you were hiding the extent of it from the rest of us.”

Darcy’s gaze fell to the ground. “Right. I know it’s not my fault, but it feels like I could have avoided a lot of things.”

Annie sighed. “The same guy who says you’re his soulmate mindfucks you for more than two straight years. Darcy, something’s got to give.”

“I feel bad for dragging Steve into this,” Darcy admitted. She licked her lips. “It’s not right.”

Darcy felt tears start to fall, her nose beginning to run.

“The second I called him last night he knew something was wrong.”

Darcy shut her eyes, wincing. “I didn’t even ask him how his date went.”

Annie laughed. “Oh… you think he cares about his date when he dropped everything to make sure you were okay? And then slept in his bed with you last night?”

Darcy opened her eyes, looking up at Annie.

“Natasha told me.”

“What does she think?” Darcy’s eyes fell. “Don’t tell me. I don’t want to know.”

It was too soon to go into her full-fledged analytical single lady mode where she dissected every moment between herself and her crush. Right now it seemed childish and totally stupid.

“You know what?” Darcy snapped, jumping up from her swing. “I don’t care that I was easy and hooked up with a bunch of guys around here.”

Annie looked surprised at Darcy’s sudden change of subject. “I didn’t do it just because I was lonely. I liked sex and sexual things, and I was a friendly person. I still am.”

“I know,” Annie said, for the first time quiet.

Darcy thought there was more to it, but her thoughts were still a scramble since last night.

“Fuck being called ‘easy’,” she muttered. She sat down again.

Annie broke out into a smile.

“Here comes your man.”

Darcy’s head turned to see Steve making his way down the road, his eyes looking around. Darcy knew he was on the lookout.

Annie chose then to move off without another word, giving Darcy as significant look as Steve sat beside her on the swings, mimicking her kick the ground with his shoe.

“I keep thinking Danny’s about to pull up and start screaming at me, trying to drag me back,” Darcy said.

Steve nodded. “Me, too. I got a text from Joe – he delivered the package without any issues.”

“Thank you,” Darcy whispered.

“No problem,” Steve said. He was still frowning.

“No, really. Thank you,” Darcy murmured, and she reached out and squeezed his hand, looking into his eyes. “I’m so glad I’ve got you and Natasha to look after me.”

“I don’t think you realize how much you do by yourself, Darcy,” Steve murmured, his fingers threading through hers.

The heat of his skin, the rough feel of his palm. She wished she could memorize the feeling of their skin touching forever.

“I don’t feel very capable at the best of times.”

“But it’s not true. You’re a survivor.”

Darcy let out a breath. “Right.”

“I mean it,” Steve insisted.

“You were in a war,” Darcy said, frowning a little. “That’s real survival.”

“But you’re like my mom, Sarah,” Steve said, and Darcy blinked, not daring to look away. “She did whatever she could, always with a brave face. I knew how much we were struggling. Right up until the end, she was a fighter. And she never fought in a war.”

He didn’t let go of her hand.

“I’m an asshole, of course your mom was a fighter. Like mine,” Darcy said.

Steve nodded. Not condescending or impatient, just listening.

“You know what Sarah means in Hebrew?”

He shook his head.

“‘Princess’.”

Steve’s face changed, like the time when he told her he named the felt mouse after her, and his lips parted, his hand slipped from hers.

Darcy froze as the hand came up again to cup her face, Steve leaning toward her.

She wondered what she saw - perhaps a wounded creature with wide eyes opened in shock. She couldn’t quite wrap her head around him being this close to her, despite the fact that she slept beside him last night.

His eyes fell to her lips and Darcy tensed. She was full of anxiety despite the fact that she knew that with Steve alongside her she was close to invincible.

She spent a moment too long keeping still and Steve’s hand fell back down to his side, and he pushed his feet against the ground, the moment still hanging between them.

Darcy let out her breath, looking at the dirt.

-

She got up without saying anything else to him, and Steve followed her back to the house, before departing with Natasha and Annie soon after.

She must be reading too much into things. It wasn’t fair to think he meant to kiss her. She remembered him pushing her hair back last night with such care before she collapsed into his arms.

He touched Natasha all the time. Maybe it was the right time to tell her two friends to get together. They seemed the best fit for one another.

She picked at her dinner, the thought of Steve being with Natasha while Darcy was still his neighbour rolling around beneath the surface.

“Honey?”

“What.”

“You’ve twirled that spaghetti into oblivion,” Rachel said, one eyebrow raised. She put her glass of red wine to her lips, sipping before putting it back down and resting her chin one on hand, her elbow on the table.

“How come you and Dad broke up?” Darcy asked, still staring into her food.

“That seems a little out of left field,” Rachel muttered.

Darcy put down her fork with a clatter. “No, I mean it. I want to know.”

“He didn’t cheat on me.”

“Did he hit you?” Darcy asked, and Rachel’s face contorted a little.

“No. We just weren’t compatible.”

Darcy didn’t feel like that was a good enough answer. “Why’d he leave me?”

“Because when women give your father love he gives them shit,” Rachel muttered, taking another sip of her wine before pushing it toward Darcy.

“Figures I can’t trust any man,” Darcy said. “What a fucking cliché.”

For once Rachel did not tell her off for cussing, instead nodding.

“Sometimes men have to give the dumbest reasons for what they do,” she said. “Me being left behind, I didn’t care so much about. But _you_ – ”

“Mom,” Darcy whispered. She touched her mother’s hand, feeling tears start to gather.

“I could never forgive him abandoning you like that. You needed him and he took off.”

Darcy didn’t finish dinner. She finished off the bottle of wine instead.

-

After Darcy spent the weekend with her mom, she returned to Brooklyn, giving Travis a short nod when she met him outside her apartment building.

“Darcy, hope you’re doing well.”

“So you’re here all night?”

“Yes. I’ll be here until 6AM and then Joe will take over.”

Darcy nodded again. “You want something to drink? Or a snack?”

“No, thank you, Darcy. I have food with me. I tend to eat around midnight.”

“Maybe I’ll come see you later,” Darcy said, because she hated the idea of Travis being lonely outside all night.

“I hope not, Darcy. You’ll need some sleep before work tomorrow.”

 _Alright_ , she thought. She just nodded again, conceding that he was dedicated to the task at hand. She just needed to live like she was before all this.

How was she meant to do that, again?

She ducked inside, walking up the steps two at a time. Once she got to her hallway, Natasha came out of Steve’s room, walking briskly toward her.

“What’s up?”

Natasha grabbed her by the elbow, unlocking Darcy’s door and letting her into the apartment.

“What’s up?”

“I got something. It’s from Danny.”

Darcy felt her heart in her throat, and she looked around her place. It was squeaky clean, better than before Danny tried trashing her bedroom. Someone had vaccumed the crumbs from the kitchen floor.

“He handed something to Joe when he went out there with his phone yesterday,” Natasha said. She reached to her back pocket of her jeans and produced a piece of paper.

So Danny was staying with his family. Darcy wondered what story he was spinning to them about her.

“You read it already?” Darcy asked, and Natasha nodded.

She didn’t care that she had. The same woman had gone with her to the sexual health clinic without so much as batting an eyelid.

“It’s juvenile.”

“Did Steve see it?” Darcy asked.

Natasha hesitated.

“Nat.”

“Yeah. He saw over my shoulder.”

Darcy swallowed. “Let me see.”

“You don’t have to.”

Darcy grit her teeth, her hand up to take it from her. “Give it to me.”

Natasha placed the paper in her palm and Darcy turned toward the couch, flinging herself on it, unfurling the paper.

_Good riddance. I wasted years of my life with your fat, dirty ass with your dumbass friends. I was fucking whatever moved behind your back and you ate it up every fucking time. Good luck being Captain America’s little fucktoy before some terrorist blows him up in a year or two. Fuck off and die, you fucking CUNT._

The white of the paper felt too bright to look at, but all Darcy did was stare for a good minute until the words blurred and jumbled.

“Darcy.”

She closed her eyes. “Where’s Steve now?”

“He went for a run. He’ll probably go break a punching bag somewhere.”

Darcy laughed bitterly, and felt Natasha’s weight on the couch beside her, her hand finding hers.

She opened her eyes, so tired by the worst weekend in a long time.

“You want Max? She’s at Steve’s.”

Darcy nodded, but didn’t let go of her hand. “Steve okay?”

“He didn’t know what to do with himself, Darce.”

Darcy looked at her. “What do you mean?”

Had he mentioned the moment on the swings yesterday?

Her heartbeat kicked up a notch again as Natasha shook her head. She wasn’t about to tell her the whole truth, Darcy realized.

“He wanted to run over to Staten Island and beat Danny to death. He was like –”

The redhead shook her head again. “He doesn’t know what to do.”

“He’s doing more than he should, anyway.”

“I bet he doesn’t think so,” Natasha replied.

Darcy didn’t ask her to elaborate. She felt it was too soon to be worrying about even more things that felt out of her control.

“Why haven’t you two ever got together?” Darcy asked.

Natasha withdrew her hand, looking taken aback, but quickly the expression was replaced by an amused smirk.

“Nice try, Darcy. But we kissed once and he did not ask me out.”

“What?”

“It’s contrived, but – it was when we were on the run when we were finding out SHIELD was really HYDRA.”

Natasha shook her head, smiling more. “I told him we had to disguise ourselves in plain sight, since kissing in public makes people look away.”

“Oh,” Darcy said, feeling somewhat relieved. She thought she’d uncovered something she’d rather not know.

“He did not enjoy it,” Natasha said.

She got up from the couch, offering Darcy a hand.

“Anyway, your puppy’s been missing you.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gabbie Hanna's a YouTuber and I came across her songs Honestly and Honestly (Encore) recently and the line "baby you're a loser" (and so on) really resonated with me. 
> 
> Also, I hope it's clear that Darcy's sexual past is not a big deal. I wasn't shaming her, and neither was Annie, she was just curious. And Steve choosing to not to be a brute about Danny is very, very good. We don't stan a guy who can only respond to things with violence. I mean, that punching bag's toast but you understand. 
> 
> Thanks everyone for the response to the last part! See you soon. <3


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been really sick since last Friday and today I thought my brain was going to explode trying to work out how to tackle the next few parts. I *think* I'll get there. Thanks to everyone for commenting and giving me kudos.

_You make me wanna, you make me wanna scream..._ \- Ashlee Simpson

 

 

 

**XI.**

 

 

 

Darcy did not sleep well that night, but she didn’t want to ask Steve if she could share his bed with him again. She felt like that was taking it a step too far, especially with what she thought happened on the swings.

She pushed the thought to the back of her mind easily because Danny’s letter still sat on her coffee table beside her laptop, and she didn’t know what to do with it.

She read it enough times to learn it off by heart. If only she had that kind of dedication the first time she learned her times tables.

She knew what it meant that she read it over and over. It meant she cared what Danny thought of her, even though she realized she didn’t know him. He had his whole other life outside her in his phone, and whether or not he physically cheated on her didn’t matter, the fact was that he managed to get the last word in with everything he wrote.

He got what he wanted, and Darcy got shit. It made her lie awake with Max in her arms, wishing having the puppy was enough to calm her.

It wasn’t. She cried and barely slept, meeting Steve the next morning to leave for work together.

When he arrived at her door, she checked his face to see what he was feeling. He didn’t seem angry like Natasha described him. He just smiled at her.

“Ready?” he said, and Darcy blinked.

“Sure.”

They walked together to the subway and Darcy wondered how often Steve did this with other people. If he did this with the model he brought home that time Darcy was jealous.

They sat beside each other as she thought of that night, and she froze, suddenly remembering her crying out in ecstasy when she thought of his face.

 _Does he know what I sound like when I come?_ Darcy swallowed, trying to push that thought away, too. It was unhelpful and maybe Steve at the time was distracted since he was having sex, too.

“Sam’s back tomorrow,” she said, and Steve put away his phone, nodding.

“Yeah. But he said he can negotiate with you about visitation rights,” he said, smirking. “Max will miss you too much.”

“I never had a dog before,” Darcy said, fiddling with her pendant necklace since Steve’s eyes stayed on her.

“You’re a natural with her.”

“So are you,” Darcy replied. She looked back at him. “You have pets growing up?”

“I always wanted them but couldn’t. There were cats hanging around the home.”

He grew up in a home at one point in time. How had Darcy missed that? She felt selfish for not asking him more about his life, since he seemed to know hers better.

“My mom died when I was a teenager,” he added, and Darcy nodded. “Then I went into the home and moved out the second I could to live with Bucky.”

During the last part, Steve’s face changed to something duller, like he was remembering last year again.

“When was the last time you saw Bucky?” Darcy asked.

He swallowed.

“I’m not supposed to know, I’m sorry,” she added hastily.

She dug a point of the Star of David into the pad of her thumb because she was inexplicably nervous.

“I nearly drowned in Washington but he pulled me out. He was just starting to put the pieces together. I have no idea where he is or how much he remembers.”

His voice was quiet, but he didn’t seem annoyed by her questions or presence.

“Natasha said he was killing for HYDRA for years.”

“Yeah,” Steve said, sounding bitter. “Their version of a super soldier, I guess.”

The irony was too cruel. It made Darcy want to squeeze Steve’s hand but she didn’t dare, the swings still fresh in her mind.

“Nat also said you’re still looking all the time.”

“Yeah. It’s why I’m so busy,” he murmured. “When I’m not training or on missions, I can’t ignore that he’s still out there. Not when I promised him I’d be there no matter what.”

The train halted and Darcy turned her head.

“Our stop,” she said, getting up. Without realizing, Steve had in fact grabbed her hand to walk her out.

She thought about ripping it away, telling him to back off. It wasn’t her style. She wasn’t sure she could be convincing when all she wanted was to touch him all the time.

_Good luck being Captain America’s little fucktoy._

Danny was wrong. She was not arrogant enough to think he wanted her like that. He was just trying to comfort her the best he could, because she was broken.

He let go, and Darcy walked beside him up into the street, and soon they were at the work building.

“How did your date go the other night?”

“What?” Steve asked, looking genuinely confused, and then he shook his head. “Oh, that. She knew I wasn’t going to call her back.”

Darcy just stared at him while they waited for the lights to change.

Why wouldn’t he call her back?

-

Each day was much the same. Steve or Natasha came by to walk Darcy to work. She saw Joe on their way out and waved, then took the subway to work. In the afternoon she went to the gym and used the elliptical for an hour, and once she was sweaty and dizzy she went home with Natasha usually since Steve kept weirder hours.

Annie came by one afternoon instead, flashing a visitors badge and demanding a full tour.

“Where’s Steve?” she asked, and Darcy shrugged.

“I never usually see him unless something’s seriously wrong.”

The last time she saw Steve during work hours was when there was a false fire alarm and that was weeks before she started his makeover, when she was positive he didn’t know she even existed.

“Oh, boring. I was hoping you’d say ‘he’s around all the time’ and then you’d show me a bunch of closets and I could give you ideas.”

“Alright, Miss Thirsty,” Darcy muttered, rolling her eyes and shoving Annie into the elevator.

They walked home from the station with Slurpees since the weather was still stifling and just seemed to be getting worse each day.

Annie’s sunglasses made her look like a bug and she whipped them off dramatically once they reached Darcy’s place. She set them down on the coffee table while Darcy cranked up the AC.

“Wait, what the fuck is this?” Annie asked, and Darcy turned.

“No, don’t read that.”

“Oh, my God,” Annie breathed, her eyes wide in fury. “Is this from Danny?”

“I told you not to read it!” Darcy yelled.

Annie backed away, the paper still in her hand, and Darcy had to dash over to block her from leaving.

“Where are you going?”

“His mom should see this.”

“No, Annie. I don’t want to see him again. Or anyone he knows.”

Annie pointed at a word. “‘Fat’? Really? How original.”

Darcy just shook her head. “Just put it back.”

Annie made a show of walking back to the couch and throwing the paper down, crossing her arms and sitting.

“How’d he get that to you with those guys watching you?”

“He gave it to one of the guys when they gave him back his phone.”

Annie’s eyes widened again. “So you’ve been holding onto that little script of hate for more than a _week_?”

Darcy closed her eyes, knowing what this all sounded like to Annie.

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

Darcy’s eyes snapped open. “A lot, apparently. A lot.”

“No, I didn’t – Shit,” Annie muttered. “I just don’t get it. He treated you like shit, hated all your friends, he was going to hurt Max – ”

“Annie, I’m not about to go back to him.”

“I know,” Annie snapped. “I just want to be _clear_ about our _choices_ – ”

“‘Our’ choices?” Darcy repeated.

“I want to send the letter to his mom.”

“You’re not allowed,” Darcy said, narrowing one eye for effect. “Ever.”

“Fine,” Annie snapped. “Except didn’t he technically make a threat to Steve?”

Darcy thought for a moment. He only said that to make her feel bad about being free to be closer to Steve now that Danny was gone.

“That seems like a reach.”

“Fine,” Annie said again, sighing. “So why hold onto it?”

Darcy looked down at the piece of paper on the coffee table and bit her lip.

“Okay, what I’m about to say if fucked up.”

“Okay,” Annie said. “But get to it.”

Darcy gave a shrug, more elaborate, groaning. “I dunno, it’s like – if it’s bad it must be true. He’s said the worst shit about me there.”

Annie tilted her head. “Um. Why would you believe that you’re a piece of shit?”

“I don’t know,” Darcy said.

She put her face in her hands. “It’s like he looked inside my head and found the worst things imaginable. It’s like compliments are fake, or people are just being too nice.”

“That’s bullshit. You wouldn’t say that about other people. I mean –” Annie gestured toward the front door and beyond. “Steve makes me wanna lala and it’s not a lie.”

Darcy burst out laughing at Annie’s choice of words and the fact that she was referencing a song from 2004 to prove a point.

“Why are you acting like young Pascal isn’t giving you enough attention?” Darcy asked, wanting to change the subject.

“Oh, he does. Old men tend to be totally attentive with that, and I bet Steve is, too. How old is he, again?”

“I’m not answering that,” Darcy said, rolling her eyes.

“Anyway. I’m meeting his kids this weekend.”

Darcy stopped smiling and stared at Annie. “That’s huge.”

“Kids?” Annie said, tossing her hand dismissively. “I have three brothers and I deal with shithead undergraduates calling me ‘Ching Chong Bing Bong’ behind my back when they think I can’t hear them which _doesn’t even make any sense_ because _I’m not Chinese_ but anyway, meeting Pascal’s kids won’t be an issue.”

“But you’re worried about them reporting back to their mom?”

“Partly,” Annie admitted. “She gets them all the time. Pascal only gets them like, once a month. I know this is a huge deal. They’re basically going as her spies.”

She looked suddenly worried. “Shit.”

She sighed, flipping her ponytail one way as she tried to think.

Darcy scooted closer to Annie. “You want to sleep over?”

“Can’t. Pascal’s got a dinner tonight and I shall be the _bell of the ball_ , or whatever it is you white people want,” Annie muttered. “Then tomorrow there’s Junior and his little sister and I’m playing Happy Families in the park.”

Darcy wished she’d stay. Natasha was out and Jane was tied up with work but let Darcy leave early. Her boss had been especially accommodating lately since Darcy’s breakup.

-

Darcy ordered pizza for dinner. Ten minutes into her meal, she got a text from Annie.

_YOU DESERVE BETTER FOOD THAN THIS._

It was like she was psychic, but Darcy didn’t put down her slice, instead chewing more forcefully.

She watched _Paddington_ and heard Steve come home, and got up from her seat and tiptoed over to the peephole.

He was alone, and ducked inside his apartment before turning back out again, and Darcy scrambled back toward the couch, hoping he wouldn’t know she was spying on him.

He had the decency to knock in case he had heard her running around.

From the outside, did it just seem like Darcy was always doing something weird? Probably. She and Jane never seemed to be the type to just stick to desk work.

Jane bought a pack of googly eyes and they were going to slowly cover whatever they could in them all over the work building and see who noticed.

Natasha was in on it, but she insisted Stark’s floor was hers to sabotage.

“Darcy?”

Right, she was supposed to answer the door when someone knocked, and she skidded across the tiles of the kitchen to the front door.

“Hey,” she panted, and Steve split into a smile, surprised.

“You in the middle of something?”

“Nah, just – y’know, gotta stay on your feet.”

She attempted a shrug. He just smirked, nodding.

“Okay, then.”

“You just get back?” she asked, like she hadn’t just been checking him out.

“Yeah, I was gonna make – ”

He spotted the pizza box on her coffee table.

“Oh, you already ate.”

“What?”

“I was gonna make something.” He gestured his thumb behind him. “I got stuff for a stir fry I found online –”

His hand fell to his side. “I left it kinda late, sorry. Should have texted.”

 _Steve makes me wanna lala_ , came back into Darcy’s head as she tried to keep herself composed, nodding.

“Oh. We still have pizza.”

“Pizza’s – Pizza’s good,” Steve said, looking momentarily lost for words.

They sat on Darcy’s couch and she went back to the start of _Paddington_ and watched it again, looking at Steve most of the time to see his reactions.

He laughed a lot. Giggled the most. At one point, he was clutching his belly and howling.

After, Darcy put on _Gentlemen Prefer Blondes,_ knowing Steve liked to catch up on the classics he missed while under the ice.

“Marilyn’s great,” he said, watching as she bloomed onscreen as a woman placed a diamond tiara on her head. “She’s phenomenal.”

“She died really young.”

“Yeah, I heard,” Steve said. “She had a hard life. I guess people see her how they want to.”

“We see the version of her she wanted us to see,” Darcy murmured.

Steve turned his head toward her, distracted. “Yeah.”

The _Diamonds Are a Girl’s Best Friend_ number started up and Darcy clapped her hands together, before glancing at Steve, apologetic.

“I love this, sorry. I get caught up in it.”

Steve didn’t watch the movie, instead chose to look only at her as she mouthed the words, doing a few of the actions.

Once it was over, Darcy looked at him, knowing she was blushing.

“Every time I think I’ve got you figured out you do something else,” he said, and Darcy’s lips parted, wishing she had something as significant to reply with.

He somehow felt physically closer to her than earlier in the night, but neither of them had moved.

She smiled shyly, but it felt forced.

Her phone buzzed for a second, bringing her back to reality and she looked down.

It was an email. No subject line, the sender a mystery. It was her personal email.

She opened it, the movie still playing, but Steve still watching her.

“Doll,” he murmured, and she knew he was asking what was wrong.

She glanced at the heading. It was just her name and a wall of text, but she deleted it a second later, knowing it had to be Danny.

She deleted it before she could read it, gasping.

“What is it?”

“I’m fine,” she breathed, and then she suddenly wasn’t.

Her chest felt so tight she couldn’t help grasping at the neckline of her t-shirt, wishing she could rip it off.

She realized she was hyperventilating, and the movie was too loud, too bright. She pushed off the couch, going to her room and pacing.

“I can’t breathe,” she whispered, not sure if Steve could hear her, but he had followed her down the hallway but kept a distance between them.

He was waiting to step in.

“Doll, breathe.”

 _He called you ‘doll’ three times now_ , she thought, amongst the constant _I gonna die._

She looked over at the movie poster on the wall, the one from the Godfather that she left up there. She launched herself at it, tearing it from the wall.

She was crying and ripping it up, Steve just watching her from where he stood.

She panted, her heartbeat finally beginning to slow as she looked at the mess she made all over the floor, pieces of paper everywhere.

She sobbed, wiping her eyes with her shirt, feeling like a child.

She looked at Steve, and he took the two steps to get to her, scooping her up, lifting her off her feet and letting her sob against him with her arms around his neck.

What she was doing to him wasn’t fair, he had to know that. The thought made her sob harder.

He carried her back out into the living room, setting her down in her spot on the couch, and put on an episode of _Queer Eye_ instead.

-

Darcy woke alone in her own bed, not remembering getting there herself last night.

Steve must have carried her in once she fell asleep on the couch in the middle of watching TV still.

She groaned, annoyed with herself. Steve was almost too good to be true. It made her think it would wear off if he was around her long enough.

Maybe if she brought Natasha over she could be a physical barrier between them. Except it didn’t stop Darcy from sleeping beside him the other week.

She looked over at the poster on the ground she destroyed. Steve seeing her like that was embarrassing. She was creating the habit of him seeing her like that.

No more Steve. At least not until after the weekend. She should go for a walk, clear her head. Call Annie, or Jane, or even her mom. Someone else who she didn’t want to bury herself into and kiss all over, consuming them in her bullshit.

Her phone buzzed and she looked down. It was nearly 11AM.

“Annie?”

“Okay, so – you have to help me.”

“What is it?”

“Pascal dislocated his kneecap.”

Darcy leaned too far forward and fell out of bed with a loud thump.

“ _Darcy_ , kind of need you to be listening right now.”

“I _am_ , what the fuck happened?” she hissed, getting to her feet and stalking out into the living room and looking around, seeing Steve had taken the empty pizza box out.

He was nowhere to be seen.

“We were playing soccer in the park. And Pascal dislocated his fucking knee and _I need you to take the kids while I take Pascal to the fucking hospital!”_

Annie reached a hysterical high by the end of her sentence. She promptly cleared her throat.

“Also, don’t curse around them like I just did.”

Darcy’s mouth fell open.

“Right.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I quoted an Ashlee Simpson song from 2004 no less than three times. I saw it on Tumblr and remembered a time when that song was an obsession, so... you're welcome, I guess. Or, I'm sorry.
> 
> Also, babysitting in the next part. So, there's that.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are gonna haaaaaate me. <3

_"Just a perfect day, you made me forget myself..."_ \- Lou Reed

 

 

 

 

**XII.**

 

 

 

 

Twenty minutes after Darcy hung up with Annie, Darcy stood outside her apartment building watching as a town car pulled up at the curb.

She uncrossed her arms, hoping she could at least come across as safe to these two strangers she was about to see.

“You’ll be fine,” Joe told her mere minutes ago, after she confirmed that two new people were meant to come up to her apartment.

She even explained that Annie’s new boyfriend Pascal dislocated his knee, and Joe nodded.

“Terrible. I did mine twice in high school.”

“So it’s painful?” Darcy asked, not wanting to picture it, but she did anyway.

“I passed out the first time. They had to cover my leg because I made my friend puke while waiting for the ambulance.”

Darcy made a face. She hoped Pascal would be high as a kite and pain free as soon as possible.

“What about the second time?”

“It was more frustrating because I knew it meant weeks of rehab.”

Darcy imagined Annie barreling her way into the hospital, insisting she participate somehow. Annie was the one who procured Darcy’s taser all those years ago, making sure she knew exactly how to use it and showed Darcy every instruction.

The car arriving, Darcy’s heartbeat picked up. She had no idea what the kids were like. She just knew the eldest was Jackson and he was nearly nine years-old, and his sister was Wendy and she was six.

The driver got out and opened their door, and Jackson shot out, Wendy lagging behind.

The both wore shorts and shirts, Jackson’s Red Sox hat too big for his head and Wendy carried a small lunchbox covered in stickers and illustrations of fairies.

Jackson looked like a miniature Pascal, but Wendy had curly strawberry blonde hair.

Darcy gave a little wave. She didn’t bend to talk down to them. She knew children hated that.

“Welcome,” she said, arms wide. “To Brooklyn.”

Wendy smiled shyly but Jackson gave her a sidewards glance, narrowing his eyes slightly.

“I’m Darcy. You must be Wendy and Junior.”

It was a joke but Jackson didn’t like it, glaring at her.

“My name’s Jackson. My _middle_ name is Pascal.”

Darcy held up her hand. “Alright, Jackson. Can I call you Mississippi?”

“No,” he snapped, and Wendy giggled, probably not understanding the context of the joke, but enjoying an adult teasing her brother.

Darcy winked at her, before offering her hands to the kids, and Wendy obliged. Jackson hesitated, but eventually took Darcy’s hand, harrumphing.

“Can you spell ‘Mississippi’, Jackson?” Darcy asked as they climbed the stairs inside.

“Yeah. Easy.”

He sounded off, spelling it three times at the top of his lungs, his voice echoing in the stairwell.

They got to Darcy’s door and she let them inside.

“You guys eaten?”

“We had – ” Wendy began, but then she pressed her lips together, looking bashful.

“What, sweetie?” Darcy prompted.

Jackson started jumping on the couch.

“I had a chia this morning,” Wendy whispered.

Darcy supposed she meant a chia pudding. She nodded, trying to seem impressed.

“Is he allowed to jump on the couch?” Wendy asked, cautious.

Darcy turned her head, giving Jackson a quick glance and then turning back to Wendy.

“Sure.”

Wendy burst into a smile. “Mommy doesn’t let us do that at home.”

“This is _my_ place,” Darcy said, giving the girl a little squeeze on the shoulder. “You can jump on my couch.”

She looked back at Jackson. “What do you guys want for lunch?”

Without missing a beat, Jackson yelled, “Chicken nuggets!”

“What about pizza?”

Jackson stopped bouncing and jumped off the couch, glaring at Darcy again.

“Chicken. Nuggets.”

Wendy giggled, and Darcy pretending to roll her eyes.

“Alright. I’ll see what I can do, Prince Jackson.”

“You’re not that funny,” Jackson replied.

-

Darcy meant to stay away from Steve. When she woke up that morning she wanted to keep a physical distance between them, at least until she felt like she could be a better friend, and not take advantage of his generosity.

Except she had no food in her apartment, and Steve was meant to be around that weekend, since Darcy had not heard about any missions.

She realized at the same time that her security clearance was significantly lower than Steve’s and what she didn’t know could fill a book, but she could bet two dozen chicken nuggets that he was home right then.

She crossed the hallway and knocked on his door. She kept her own door wide open, glancing over her shoulder to see Jackson sitting with Wendy on the couch in the middle of watching some cartoons Darcy put on the TV.

Her head whipped back as the door opened, revealing Steve looking down at her.

“Hey,” he said, and Darcy instantly felt butterflies. He wore shorts and a t-shirt but no shoes.

Something about bare feet was endearing to her, and made her want to wrap herself up in him.

“Are you good with children?”

Steve opened his mouth.

“Human children?” Darcy added, thinking of Max.

Steve looked behind her into the apartment.

“I need chicken nuggets. And maybe some craft stuff,” Darcy elaborated, and a smile crept across his face again.

He nodded. “Sure.”

Darcy felt guilty. Except she knew carting the kids down the street to find a store and them walk them back in this weather would be a pain in the ass, so asking for help made sense, and telling Joe to run down the street for her didn’t seem right, either.

She handed him a few notes, and he shook his head at her.

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Let me give you money,” she said, and she pressed the notes into his palm, curling her fingers over them with her hands. “I’ll text you a list.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Steve replied.

He lifted his spare hand and gently tucked a piece of Darcy’s hair behind her ear and Darcy felt herself go still.

Seconds later, he dashed off, and Jackson could be heard yelling out to Darcy:

“Who was that?”

-

Steve came back no less than fifteen minutes later, sweat on his brow. Darcy realized he must have ran part of the way.

He walked into the apartment with several bags, and Jackson’s mouth fell open.

“You – you – ”

“What, buddy?” Steve asked, handing the boy his own little bag of chicken nuggets and dipping sauces.

“You’re Captain America!”

Wendy stared from her seat. She smiled, clapping her hands together.

“Sometimes,” Steve said, smiling a little. “Are you gonna eat that?”

Jackson looked at Darcy and then back at Steve.

He nodded dumbly. The children ate in silence, staring at Steve the entire time.

“Let’s watch _Frozen_ ,” Darcy said, after ten minutes of it.

Steve didn’t seem bothered by children giving him attention. Darcy had to admit that Jackson being star struck made her day.

Jackson finally looked away from Steve, frowning at Darcy.

“I’ve seen that movie a million times.”

Wendy grinned, her mouth covered with ketchup. “Please!”

“We’re gonna watch _Frozen_ while we do crafts.”

Jackson chewed with his mouth open, visibly annoyed. He glanced at Steve and then Darcy.

“Are you always this lame?”

“Yes,” Darcy replied instantly. “Except we’re making cards for your Dad.”

At the mention of their father, Wendy’s face fell. She looked at her lap.

“Daddy,” she whispered.

 _Oh, no,_ Darcy thought. She hadn’t anticipated Wendy being that empathetic. She didn’t give the kid enough credit.

“Sweetie,” Darcy said, and she crouched beside Wendy, who started sobbing.

Wendy let Darcy gather her into her arms and lift her off the couch. It was a struggle because she was heavier than she expected, but she managed to walk her out of the living room and down the hallway to the bathroom. She set Wendy on the edge of the tub, stroking her hair.

She dabbed at her eyes, and wiped her face clean of ketchup.

“Can I paint your nails?” Darcy asked, and Wendy sniffled.

She looked up, blinking. “Okay.”

Darcy opened a cabinet draw, revealing row after row of polish bottles.

“You pick one, sweetie. I’ve got too many. My boyfriend said I had an addiction.”

Wendy got up, leaning over the drawer and running her little hand across the tops of the bottles, the glass clinking together.

“Captain America said that?”

“No,” Darcy said, realizing her mistake. “My ex-boyfriend.”

She knew Wendy must have some idea about exes since her parents were divorced.

“I like him better.”

Darcy knew Wendy meant Steve.

“Yeah, me, too,” she murmured.

Wendy picked three different colors, handing them to Darcy.

“You still sad about your daddy?” Darcy asked, and Wendy nodded.

“He’s gonna be okay, sweetie. He’s got a doctor fixing his knee.”

Wendy suddenly giggled. “Annie was screaming when Daddy fell over.”

Darcy laughed, like they were sharing a secret. “Annie’s funny that way.”

“Mommy doesn’t like her,” Wendy said, her voice growing quieter than ever. She swallowed.

Darcy felt a lick of anger for a split second, wishing she could talk to Pascal’s ex about it, but she knew that kind of idea was useless.

“That’s too bad,” Darcy said. She gave a little shrug, trying to assure Wendy’s secret as safe with her.

“ _I_ like her. She cusses a lot,” Wendy admitted, starting to smile again. “She has a pink bag and she likes Ariana.”

Darcy laughed loudly at that, and Wendy joined in.

“Maybe we can listen to Ariana after we watch _Frozen_ ,” Darcy said, and Wendy nodded enthusiastically.

Darcy gave Wendy a piggyback out into the living room, where Steve was lifting Jackson above his head with one hand, the boy kicking at the ceiling and cackling.

“He wanted to see if I could do it,” Steve said, and then set Jackson down again the right way up.

Darcy just gave Steve a long look, wanting to project annoyance but she just wanted to smile at him. He was being so wonderful considering everything she put him through.

They had _Frozen_ playing in the background while Darcy, Jackson and Wendy cut out shapes and styled their cards for Pascal.

Steve sat on the couch, watching their progress, and Darcy’s eye fell to his more than once.

The third time it happened Darcy stuck out her tongue for a split second.

Wendy was pleased with her painted fingernails and toenails, especially after Darcy added a glittery top coat.

“We need to do something about your hat, Jackson,” Steve said, indicating the cap with a finger.

“No way,” the boy said, midway through gluing a blue heart to a corner. “Mom’s from Boston.”

“Hmm,” Steve said, sounding unconvinced.

“You like the Mets?” Jackson asked.

Steve made a face, and Wendy started giggling.

“Hardly. Dodgers.”

“They’re not even _here_ ,” Jackson said, like Steve was an idiot.

“They used to be but then they moved,” Steve countered.

He was showing his age, and Jackson tilted his head.

“I heard you’re like, a hundred.”

Steve spotted Darcy cover her snort and stuck his own tongue out at her.

-

Annie squeezed Darcy tighter than usual. She looked like a frizzy bug in her sunglasses and ruined hair.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” she kept saying, and Darcy grunted.

“Annie.”

She let her go, nodding. “Jesus. Pascal’s ex called me back and screamed at me about her kids, thinking I’d taken them for ransom.”

Steve, Wendy and Jackson were on the couch, exhausted. Darcy watched Wendy bury herself further into Steve’s side as Jackson slept on Steve’s other arm, drooling.

It got dark half an hour ago and Darcy didn’t have the heart to wake them.

“What’s the plan?” Darcy asked, and she handed Annie a glass of water.

She took it, throwing it back in a few gulps. “Pascal’s on crutches for a while. He’ll need physiotherapy. He probably won’t see his kids for a while.”

Darcy glanced at Wendy, remembering her tears. “Tell his ex they want to see him anyway.”

“It’s not that so much,” Annie added in a quieter voice. “She doesn’t approve of me.”

“Wendy likes you,” Darcy said, and Annie’s eyebrows hiked up.

Annie let out a short laugh. “I thought I was getting dumped. Like, for real. He busted his knee and went white and I thought, ‘Fuck, that’s it. That killed the romance’.”

Darcy shook her head. “I doubt it.”

They just stood there for a minute, Annie’s worry still on her face.

“I need to get them back. Their mom went to the Hamptons. She’ll send a cop car soon.”

Darcy nodded, and walked over to the couch.

She nudged Steve’s foot with her toe and his eyes opened, looking around.

“They need to go,” Darcy murmured.

Jackson groaned, his eyes snapping open. “Why?”

“Your mom’s wants Annie to take you.”

Wendy was stirring, and rubbed her eyes. “But Daddy’s meant to have us all weekend.”

Annie walked over, shaking her head.

“I’m sorry, honey. Your daddy’s not well and your mommy is worried.”

Jackson for once showed the most emotion, jumping up from his spot on the couch and stalking off toward the front door, stamping his feet.

_“It’s not fair!”_

Annie sighed. “He hates me.”

Wendy got up and took her hand. Darcy shook her head at her friend, remembering her own father’s behavior when she was Jackson’s age.

“He doesn’t. He just misses his dad.”

Wendy nodded. “I’ll miss you, Darcy.”

Darcy fell to her knees, bringing Wendy into a tight embrace, her hair in her face. She felt like crying.

“I’ll miss you, too, sweetie.”

Darcy looked up and saw Annie mouth to Steve, _Thank you_.

-

Once they left, hands waving from the town car, Darcy walked back up to her apartment alone, her arms wrapped around herself.

Steve was packing up the trash from earlier that day, lost in his quest.

“Hey, you were amazing today.”

He looked up, putting a scrap of paper in the trash bag. “It’s nothing.”

He handed her a piece of paper with a drawing of his shield on it. “Jackson made it.”

Darcy traced the crayon with a finger. She wanted to do or say something to properly express her gratitude, but knew Steve would shake it off, and tell her something nicer in return she couldn’t best.

“Do you want to…”

Steve put the trash bag aside, looking down at her as she stood by the couch, fiddling with her hands.

“Do you want to go get dinner?” she finished, and swallowed.

Her heart was beating so fast she half expected Steve to hear it, and he just stopped still for a few seconds.

“Like a date?”

The heat rose in her cheeks. “I know I’m not dressed for it. But – ”

Steve’s eyes fell to her bare legs. She wore her little pair of shorts again, her flip flops dirty. Her toe nail polish clumsily applied the way only a six year-old could – with love and dedication.

“Sure.”

He smiled at her, and relief washed over Darcy.

“Okay,” she replied.

They set out, not sure where the night would take them, but they ended up finding a food truck and ate hotdogs on the edge of the park, sharing a bench.

She made him laugh so much that he clutched at his stomach, and he made her face ache from smiling so much.

They stepped into a bar, which luckily let them in despite what they wore. Darcy had a feeling the bouncer knew who Steve was.

They got a tiny booth and drank beers, listening to the tinny speakers playing songs from decades ago.

Edith Piaf came on and Darcy tilted her head.

“I wish I spoke French.”

“Can’t say I’m an expert, but Natasha could teach you,” Steve replied.

Their knees kept bumping but Darcy liked it.

“What languages _doesn’t_ she speak?” she said, sipping her bottle and chuckling. “I bet you can tell me what she’s singing.”

Steve looked at the table, listening to the words.

 _“‘Give your heart and soul to me, and life will always be la vie en rose_.”

“Wow,” Darcy blurted, and Steve looked into her eyes.

“I’d say to Edith go for it.”

Darcy nodded, and rested her chin in her hand, her elbow on the table. She could only nod and listen.

The other people in the bar began to fade away, along with the song.

Every time she was with Steve, life felt so different, like she didn’t have to be a certain person like she was with Danny.

“That panic attack last night,” Darcy said, her voice quiet.

Steve’s face changed, and he nodded, listening.

“That hadn’t happened in years. I – I guess it was a long time coming,” she said, breaking eye contact. “I was embarrassed.”

“You shouldn’t be,” was Steve’s immediate response.

“Last time it happened I saw my dad get out of a car in Manhattan. He looked right at me and then he walked in the other direction.”

She never told anyone that before. She hated the story, couldn’t stand the idea of actually recounting it to someone, but Steve made her feel secure enough to share it.

She stared at her paper coaster, her throat feeling thicker.

“I have to leave tomorrow,” Steve said.

She looked up at him, and for the first time in a long time, he looked sad.

“I didn’t want to tell you. But I know I should,” he continued. “Because I didn’t want you to feel like I’d left you without saying anything. I meant to come by and tell you, but the kids happened. Didn’t feel right to ruin the mood.”

Darcy swallowed again. Her voice was wavering but she said:

“Can we go home?”

-

Back at Steve’s place, they sat together on the couch watching _Queer Eye_. Steve was close to finishing the show, and soon he’d have to wait for it like Darcy was. She hoped he liked rewatching it, because she planned to a dozen times over with him if he let her.

Steve’s arm was on the back of the couch, his fingers close to Darcy’s head.

“This episode makes me cry,” she whispered, and Steve chuckled.

“You say that every episode.”

“True,” Darcy replied, her eyes flitting from the screen to Steve’s face. “But still valid.”

“Still valid, doll.”

Her stomach flipped. She kept her hands to herself, but she couldn’t say the same for Steve.

She felt his fingers on the back of her neck, gently stroking her hair. Her ponytail was untidy from the long day, the curlier parts of her hair at the nape of her neck escaping the tie.

She sighed, closing her eyes at Steve’s touch.

She pictured lowering herself to the ground, being on her knees for him. Just the thought of sucking him off had the heat pooling between her legs.

She’d be wet soon enough if he didn’t stop touching her.

“This okay?” Steve asked, and Darcy nodded, her eyes still closed.

“Yeah.”

The credits rolled and her eyes snapped open, and Steve’s hand pulled away.

“I should go to bed,” Darcy murmured. “You, too.”

“Yeah.”

Darcy dared to look at him, and she didn't want to look away.

The next episode started but Steve got up, shutting down Netflix and turning off the TV.

Darcy didn’t know what to do with her body.

“Um. I don’t have to go.”

Steve just nodded, and Darcy licked her lips.

She got up from the couch, padding over to Steve’s bedroom and let herself in, and walked over to the bed.

She saw Darcy the mouse and took her off the bed, placing her on the bedside table, and pulled off the covers on her side.

She heard Steve come up behind her and she slipped under the covers, her heart racing.

She lay on her back, the covers up to her chest, her arms free. She didn’t mind sleeping fully clothed, but Steve tugged at his shirt, and soon pulled it off, letting it fall to the floor.

He was beautiful. It made her ache. He seemed to hesitate, but then his fingers fell to his belt buckle, and soon his pants joined his shirt on the floor.

Only a pair of boxers hid the rest of him away.

He bit his lip, but pulled back the covers on the other side, and climbed into bed beside Darcy.

“Okay,” he murmured.

Darcy closed the gap, wrapping her arms around him.

-

They fell asleep with Darcy as the little spoon.

That is, when Darcy finally fell asleep hours after turning out the light, and she was sure Steve did not sleep much better.

Around five AM she stirred awake, and saw Steve getting dressed, pulling on his boots on his side, the lamp light on.

He turned around, seeing her awake.

“I’m sorry, but I have to go.”

“Okay,” Darcy replied, her voice tiny.

She thought she might cry, but willed herself to rein it in, and composed herself.

Steve just kept looking her over like he was trying to read her thoughts. His hand went to the side of her face, his thumb stroking her cheek.

Too much had happened for her and she knew there was no turning back. She knew a life without him was less than complete, no matter how guilty she felt.

“Darcy, I –”

She lifted herself up, his hand falling away from her. She made the short distance between them, reaching his face and drawing him into a kiss.

It was so brief, a peck, so innocent, but Darcy felt her chest crack open at the feel of his warm lips on hers. It was over in a second, but she knew the moment would be drawn out forever in her mind.

She wished and hoped she’d always remember that kiss.

She drew back, and Steve let out a breath. Whatever he meant to say seemed less important to say, now.

“I’ll text you,” he said, and watched Darcy settle back against the pillows.

She knew it took a lot for him to leave her there in his bed.

“I have to go.”

“Okay.”

He smiled, looking pained. “See you soon, doll. I promise.”

She nodded, feeling herself start to shake.

He left the room, and Darcy soon heard the front door shut behind him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Darcy and literally everybody else who watches Queer Eye](https://78.media.tumblr.com/a4fe716e5a30ee743f2c6328d1cedafe/tumblr_peyyyaIEMV1wcwt5bo1_540.jpg)
> 
>  
> 
> So... how are we feeling? Did I just cockblock myself? I dunno. I didn't want something more to happen just yet. This felt right.
> 
> Vent to me [here](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/ask)
> 
> <3


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Trigger warning** for abusive relationships in this part! Nothing too graphic but I don't want any unnecessary stress for readers.

_"A light is coming to get back everything the darkness stole." -_ Ariana Grande

 

 

 

**XIII.**

 

 

 

Darcy was surprised that she fell asleep again.

When she woke a few hours later, she thought she might have dreamed that kiss. Her eyes opened and she stretched a little, rolling onto her side, her nose pressed into the pillow.

Steve’s scent was everywhere. She remembered that she slept there and not her own room or even his couch. She went to bed with him and slept in her clothes, and kissed him goodbye.

So she couldn’t have dreamt it. Once reality set it her hand fell to her pendant and fiddled with it.

She had the exciting flurry of butterflies in her stomach, but now she felt the thrill of the knowledge that Steve felt something for her as well.

Something tangible. It was exciting and terrifying.

She smiled, but it quickly faded.

She had no idea where he went, and for how long he may be gone.

-

Annie took no time whatsoever to text her back when Darcy sent:

_I kissed Steve._

All her friend replied with was the eggplant emoji and a question mark, and Darcy chose to ignore it.

Five minutes later, when Darcy had locked herself out of Steve’s apartment and made her way back to her own place and started making herself a cup of coffee, sighing over and over at not much in particular.

There was a knock on her door and she jumped. She walked over and looked out the peephole.

A frizzy bug glared up at her.

“Quit ignoring my texts!”

 _“Jesus Christ,”_ Darcy hissed, and she wrenched the door open, letting Annie in. “Why can’t you use this aggression for roller derby or something like that?”

“You think I haven’t already?” Annie drawled. “And don’t deflect. Did it happen?”

Darcy took her mug from the kitchen into the lounge and they sat together.

“It being?”

“Sex,” Annie snapped. “Sexy… sex. Did you you fu-?”

Darcy glared at her and Annie’s mouth flew shut. “Alright. I take it that you didn’t.”

“Is that the only reason why you’re here?” Darcy asked.

She blew on her coffee and took a sip, hoping her irritability would dissipate. If she thought about Steve too long she would start to regret nothing beyond their short kiss happening last night.

She did not want to be starved, and she worried Annie talking about Steve too much would make her clingy and desperate.

“I have an idea and tell me what you think.”

Darcy narrowed her eyes. Annie giving her the opportunity to speak her mind was unusual, since often enough Annie went through with whatever idea she had and then told everyone else about it later.

It helped that she was a genius and things often worked out for her, like her bumping into Pascal on Wall Street.

“If it has anything to do with me sleeping with Steve –”

“It’s to do with Pascal. Kind of. And you already know what my plan for Steve would be if I was you.”

Darcy tilted her head. “Why didn’t he call you back again?”

It was not a sore subject. Darcy recalled Annie only wishing Steve well when he didn’t ask her out after Emo Night.

“Deflection,” Annie said, rolling her eyes. “The plan with Pascal is pain management. And also a party.”

Darcy let her words roll around in her head, and maybe it was the earliness of the day and the lack of caffeine already in her system, but she just stared back at her dumbly.

Annie lowered her glasses. “Medicinal marijuana, honey.”

“You can’t buy weed here for medical purposes unless you have cancer or HIV or another serious health condition,” Darcy retorted, “If Pascal gets caught with it he’ll get a ticket or – wait.”

Annie just waited for Darcy to join the dots.

“You already bought it, didn’t you? Where?”

“I come to Brooklyn for the coffee, for you, and the questionable friends I make on Tinder for weed purposes,” Annie said, shrugging her little shoulders. “As much as I care about you getting it over with and _doing it_ with Steve already, my weed guy goes to the same Starbucks as you.”

“I hate Starbucks,” Darcy snapped. “Unless it’s fall.”

Annie just blinked at her several times. “Anyway, the party? I got Pascal weed for pain management and I got plenty of THC to spread around.”

Darcy snorted. “The richest man you know doesn’t buy his own drugs?”

“ _He doesn’t have to_. I offered very sweetly. And he’s not a fan of opioids,” Annie said, waving her hand around. “So I want us to go away next weekend and let loose. Steve’s invited too, of course.”

Darcy laughed, only because she couldn’t imagine Steve in that situation without him looking seriously uncomfortable with Annie lolling around like she used to do when they first moved in together at college. Annie at Emo Night and stoned Annie were subspecies of her party personality.

When Annie was stoned she called herself “Thot princess”.

And then Darcy kept laughing because Steve was God only knows where and she felt so lonely waking up that morning in his empty bed with the heady scent of him all over her.

“He won’t be coming. He’s away on a mission.”

Annie’s face fell. “What about Natasha?”

“You wanna invite Natasha?” Darcy asked, quirking her eyebrow.

-

The redheaded ex-assassin was throwing a knife at a dart board when Darcy found her on Monday morning, after she did her own workout on the elliptical.

“A girls’ trip.” Natasha said drolly. “You know I don’t do brunch so why would I do a weekend at some Chilean millionaire’s mansion?”

Darcy folded her arms. “Because Annie wants to do a ton of drugs.”

Natasha looked at her over her shoulder before throwing another knife against the wall without blinking.

“Just girlie things,” Natasha deadpanned. “Well, I guess I’ve got nothing better to do. Why the hell not?”

“We can organize music. And in the meantime there’s still the googly eyes.”

Natasha went over to the dartboard and pulled out each knife, and walked back toward Darcy.

“You kissed Steve.”

Darcy wondered when she’d finally bring that up.

“How’d you know?”

“You just told me,” Natasha said, smirking.

Darcy closed her eyes for a second, sighing. She had to get used to the mental gymnastics that came with spies if she was going to be any closer to Steve.

If that’s what he wanted. She hadn’t heard from him and she was trying not to take it to heart.

“You got anything to ask me, Lewis?”

Natasha stood closer to her, but Darcy looked away. “Noticed you weren’t with him.”

“He offered to take it from me.”

Darcy watched Natasha untie her bun and let her bob fall down and shake it out a little.

She swallowed. “Since when does he go on missions he’s not assigned to?”

“He never does what people tell him to do,” Natasha replied, shrugging a little. “Management advised he take time off since he’s been on every mission for the past eight months. He declined.”

“When did he decide that?” Darcy asked.

She felt like a fool – a pathetic little girl with a crush and too much hope in her heart. It must have shown on her face because Natasha frowned.

“A couple weeks ago.”

“Was I still with Danny?” Darcy asked, and Natasha nodded.

She rolled her eyes, mostly at herself. She kissed _him_. She invited _herself_ into his bed. Of course he would say yes to her because he was a decent person, and she still took advantage of him.

“What are you thinking?” Natasha asked, touching Darcy for the first time that day.

Darcy shook her head.

“Tell me.”

“You leave before you get left, right?” Darcy said with a short bitter laugh.

Natasha just stared back at her. “He does this. It’s not you.”

“He does what? Leaves people?”

“He pulls a friend out of a mission to spare them,” Natasha explained. “He knew me being part of it made it more complicated.”

She hesitated.

“You can’t tell me, I get it,” Darcy murmured. “I hate being a civilian but _not_ a civilian, you know?”

“It’s not as simple as that,” Natasha said, her stare intense. “I don’t want to scare you. Knowing what he runs into without a second thought disturbs people.”

Darcy’s throat felt thick. “Oh? I’m not scared enough already?”

She was referring to everything she’d been through up until that point. New Mexico, the Dark Elves, her relationship with Danny. She hadn’t spoken much about her father with Natasha but she knew the spy had ways of knowing everything.

“It’s a black market deal going down and Steve and the crew need to stake out a town for a few weeks. Me being there meant I could get caught,” Natasha said. “And be sold.”

Darcy nodded. She was beginning to understand. “You’re the only woman on the team.”

“Yeah.”

Steve would rather he was the one captured than Natasha. Darcy knew there were dozens of groups that would give anything for a piece of Steve.

“You think telling me all that will scare me off?” Darcy asked, and Natasha’s hand fell from her arm to her side.

“I guess I don’t always give people enough credit,” she muttered.

Darcy took a deep breath. “Whatever happens, I already knew that about him. It doesn’t make me change the way I feel about him.”

It was the most she ever said about her relationship with Steve to Natasha. For months the redhead had tried pushing them together and Darcy hated that it took her so long to address it fully.

“Before anything happens, if it does – ”

“It will, Darcy,” Natasha murmured.

She pulled Darcy into an unexpected hug, and Darcy sighed. She tucked her chin into Natasha’s shoulder.

“I need you to look at an email for me.”

-

Three days later, Darcy sat in a café down the road from her place with her eyes glued to the doorway, waiting.

She ordered a double espresso and was busy blowing the steam off of it when Danny walked in, and her heartbeat kicked into overdrive.

Her hands were already sweaty because _fuck_ August, really. Darcy was over summer. The cup in her hands nearly slipped and she put it down with a little clatter.

She wore her hair down, with minimal makeup. Her maxi dress was one Danny saw her in many times before. She didn’t want him to think she made much of an effort.

She rested her elbows on the table and watched him come over and sit down without asking.

“Hey,” he said, and Darcy swallowed.

“Hi.”

He seemed okay. Pleasant at a short glance – his beard was trimmed and he wore the usual work shirt and he smiled a little.

“I’m glad you got back to me.”

Explaining this scenario to an outsider would be a strange thing, so Darcy knew she could trust Natasha with it. According to her, the email she deleted from Danny that sparked her panic attack was polite and inquiring.

Darcy picked an unassuming public place because it was safer and smarter than anywhere she visited often.

“Your nonna. Is she okay?”

Darcy did care. The old woman was a gentle person, Sofia’s mother and tiny with huge glasses. Danny wrote that she had been in hospital.

“She said she misses you. I wanted to ask if you could come with me to visit her sometime.”

Darcy watched him watch her, wondering what he thought. He glanced at her neck and cleavage and she glanced down at her coffee.

She couldn’t deny she was nervous despite everything. She pushed her glasses up and took a sip of coffee.

“We’re not together anymore, Danny,” she replied.

She looked at him in the eye and he smirked.

“She doesn’t have to know that, though. For old time’s sake.”

“I’d rather not. Maybe I could send her something? You have her address?”

Danny looked at her bare arms, assessing.

“What’s he got you doing these days?”

“Who?”

“Cap,” he said without missing a beat.

Darcy kept her face neutral. “He’s a good neighbor. We both still look after Max sometimes.”

“Right,” Danny murmured. He tapped his finger against the salt shaker. “So nothing happened between you two?”

“I didn’t lie when you asked me that night.”

His eyes narrowed for a second. “And since?”

“It’s not your business, Danny,” Darcy said, and she knew the inflection would annoy him, the slight condescension.

“I knew it,” he murmured. He sighed a little louder than necessary.

She didn’t care if he was just trying to make her sorry or if he actually believed her. There were so many layers of games when it came to Danny that if Darcy spent too long on them she cried out of frustration.

“Cute letter you sent, too,” she added. She put down her empty cup. “You shouldn’t have done that.”

“I was passionate. You made me leave all my stuff at your apartment,” he retorted, edging on petulant. His eyes flickered to her chest and back up to her face.

Darcy wondered if he always did that to her when he spoke – measured her constantly. Being on the outside made everything he did unsettling because she knew every motivation.

“I tore up Michael Corleone,” Darcy admitted, just to piss him off a little. “Which was a little unfair.”

“What about the other stuff?” Danny asked, his voice different. He lacked any warmth.

“Goodwill,” Darcy said with a shrug. It was a lie. That afternoon she sent it off to his house in Staten Island. But she wanted to see him react.

He did not disappoint. He leaned forward in his seat, his voice low enough to be a hiss.

“You think Golden Boy knows you better than me?”

Darcy just stared at the space between his eyes where the bridge of his glasses lay.

“I’ve seen you. Deep down. So don’t think you’re any better than me.”

“Why, what’ll you do to me?”

Danny just smirked a little, and then only half answered her question. “No, I don’t think he does make you squeal. I still could.”

Darcy swallowed, and felt her cheeks redden involuntarily.

“Well, you know where I live.”

She leaned forward, and made the point to tuck her hair behind her ear, revealing the earpiece she wore.

“I should have said we’re not alone.”

Danny froze. “What.”

“I have it on good authority that Steve was keen to beat you to death with his bare hands the last time you invaded my space.”

Darcy shrugged a little. “Wouldn’t take much for someone at SHIELD to just take you away for a long time.”

“You’re bluffing,” he snapped, and Darcy saw the flash of doubt, of fear. “Not with fucking Captain Pussy.”

It occurred to Darcy that Danny had no idea what Steve had done. He just thought he was a government pawn.

“If not Steve then Natasha. And she’s killed men for far less.”

Natasha promptly opened the entryway door, walking up to their table.

She stood close to Danny, wearing her combat suit for the full effect. She smiled down at him.

“Hey, Danny.”

Darcy got up, linking arms with her. Danny stared as they left him behind without another word.

Rounding the corner, Natasha patted Darcy’s arm.

“What was that about music organizing for the trip?”

“Well, what music do you want on the playlist?” Darcy asked.

They were talking about something else to get her mind off of what had just transpired.

“Nine Inch Nails,” Natasha replied. “Radiohead.”

“Right, so _light_ stuff,” Darcy drawled. “Jesus, Nat.”

-

Darcy would bet Danny’s grandmother was never sick. She made the decision to have Joe and Travis on the lookout for him in the coming days as she was away, in case he decided to risk making some other dumb decision.

She didn’t care so much whether he insulted her. It was more if he meant to come back to hurt her or Max.

The puppy stayed at Sam’s that weekend, and by Friday night Natasha was staying over on the couch, their stuff packed.

Darcy still had not heard from Steve.

“He hasn’t texted me,” Natasha said abruptly as Darcy checked her phone again on their way to Annie’s specified meet-up station.

They were meant to be getting a town car up to the lake house with Jane and Annie.

Pascal was staying at home with his THC oil and sent Darcy some flowers for babysitting his kids on the past weekend.

Annie cheered as the four of them were united.

“Has she started already?” Natasha asked, but Annie did not seemed fazed.

“Edibles?”

“No,” Darcy said, shaking her head at the cookie Annie tried passing her in the backseat.

“You at least going to drink?”

“A little.”

“Why are we even doing this?” Jane asked, and Darcy thanked her for asking what everyone else wanted to know.

“I’m stressed,” Annie said, shrugging. “Every once in a while I need to break away and be one with –”

“It’s Pascal’s ex, right?” Darcy asked, and Annie drooped a little, nodding.

“Usually they’re simple morsels. Nothing,” Annie mumbled. “But Isabel hates me like it’s her mission.”

“ _Wendy_ adores you,” Darcy reminded her. “So why don’t we just use this weekend to get fucked up a little?”

Annie grinned at the thought.

“Or maybe you can just get fucked up while we supervise,” Darcy added shortly, and Annie didn’t seem to mind that idea, either.

-

Arriving at the mansion, they changed into their bathing suits and Darcy was soon lounging by the pool with a beer, and Annie was setting up her treats on a little table by her own chair.

Natasha wore all black with her muscled legs draped over her chair, and Jane was slathering on sunscreen.

Darcy took the bottle from her boss and began applying some to her own skin, aware that even sober she had the stupid tendency to forget to stay out of the sun.

Annie counted four squares of chocolate.

“That’s one hundred.”

“One hundred milligrams?” Darcy asked, eyebrows hiking.

Annie nodded, distracted. She picked up her martini glass and stirred her drink a little. “And I put some oil in this. One hundred.”

“So, two hundred milligrams of THC?” Natasha said, just to confirm they were all witnessing this.

“Hmm,” Darcy said, frowning a little. “You sure, Annie? What about a joint instead?”

“No, I’d rather this way. Take’s like, an hour or so.”

“And then what?” Natasha muttered, lowering her sunglasses.

“Princess Thot,” Jane whispered, and Natasha’s eyes widened.

Annie began drinking, and they all watched her intently. She drained her glass with a satisfied sigh.

“And the chocolate.”

She began eating each square slowly. Jane started to giggle, and Darcy joined in.

Annie finished in a few minutes, and lay down on her chair with another sigh.

“Now we wait.”

-

Darcy walked with Jane, because she knew being with her boss just the two of them was still precious. Since breaking up with Danny she knew she had to be honest about her other relationships, and she knew she neglected Jane over the last two years.

“I kissed Steve the other day.”

“Oh,” Jane murmured, and she took Darcy’s hand.

She had a couple glasses of chardonnay but Darcy remained stone cold sober, and she knew Jane was more open the more liquored up she got.

“Did anything else happen?” she asked, and Darcy saw her attempt to wiggle her eyebrows at her.

“You’d probably be one of the first to know,” Darcy chuckled, but she knew it was forced.

Jane just kept walking with her around the gardens, the sun setting behind them.

There was a splash in the distance, and they turned their heads.

“Natasha’s got her if she tries drowning herself,” Jane murmured, though they both knew it was most likely Annie jumping in just to swim if the splash was her.

“Maybe we should head back.”

“So, you’re going to go out with him?” Jane asked, steering Darcy away again.

Darcy wondered what Jane made of all of it. Being paired with Thor like that so strongly and so suddenly only for him to run off again just as easily.

Thor and Steve were alike in that way, and Darcy knew they both had reckless tendencies that just came with the territory.

“I don’t know,” Darcy muttered. “I don’t want to get ahead of myself.”

Jane scoffed. “He likes you. Whenever you leave the room he’s like, “where’d she go”?”

“You mean during Emo Night?”

“Whenever,” Jane said, shaking her head a little. “I guess he felt like he couldn’t do anything about it while you were with Danny. He’d never overstep that.”

“No, he wouldn’t,” Darcy replied, wishing her phone would be flooded with messages from him.

They heard a cheer and turned toward the sound.

Annie was twirling, dancing in the twilight and smiling.

“Oh, hello,” Darcy said in a low voice and Jane began to giggle.

Annie was making her way over, wearing Natasha’s black sarong she must have stolen.

When she was in earshot, Darcy called to her.

“Annie, how are you doin’?”

Her friend kept doubling over and giggling, and blabbering something Darcy couldn’t make out.

She could barely kept her eyes open but came up to her, throwing her arms around Darcy’s neck.

“You look sad, Darcy.”

“I’m fine.”

“I rolled something for you,” Annie said, ignoring her. She plucked out a joint from some part of her bikini top with a little Bic lighter and pressed them into Darcy’s palm.

She kept one arm around her neck, steering them back toward the giant pool.

“I won’t skinny dip,” Jane said. “There isn’t enough weed or alcohol in the world for that.”

Annie gave a scream and jumped into the pool, splashing their feet.

Natasha lounged on her chair still, a bottle of Absolut by her elbow.

Music played in the background, and Jane’s face screwed up.

“Are you playing _Hurt_ right now, Nat?”

Natasha just gave them a long look, daring them to change the track.

-

Darcy ate bits of fruit and watched her friends slowly descend into their partying sides.

She had less enthusiasm, nursing the same beer for hours, but she did join in when they all finally were in the pool.

She felt bad for the cleaners, but Annie was blissful and unaware of her troubles, and Darcy supposed that was the point of their weekend.

They spent hours talking, and there were times when Annie was incoherent but the enthusiasm was the same as always, and Natasha was happily tipsy. Jane struggled to stay upright at one moment but managed to settle herself by not going near any more wine.

Natasha ate a cookie but if she was anywhere near as stoned as Annie, Darcy would never know. Even in a compromised state, the redhead was composed and poised, sitting with them at the table as the night went on.

When the evening began to die down, Darcy excused herself, walking off in the gardens to find the edge of the property. There was a wharf and a few stray boats across the water but she was otherwise alone.

She went out there by herself because she got a new message.

_I miss you._

She stared at it, the glow of the phone too bright for her eyes, but the words were comforting.

She bet anything he wanted to say more, like the other night in his bed.

She waited a few minutes, thinking of what to say.

She swallowed and opened a new message to him.

_Come back to me soon._

She pressed send, and it was gone. She got out the joint from the pocket of her jean shorts. She managed to keep it dry when they swam earlier by stashing it under a wine glass.

It was the same Bic lighter Annie gave her, too.

She lit it, and the familiar smell filled her nostrils and she took a drag, inhaling.

She held it for a few seconds, listening to the crickets on the water.

She exhaled, and dared to smile a little to herself.

-

Two weeks went by and Darcy used the googly eyes prank to distract herself, along with a lot of working out to blaring music in her headphones.

One morning, Darcy opened her messages to see one from Natasha.

_Googly._

Next came a picture of Tony Stark’s personal PC with two googly eyes glued to its corner. Natasha had officially graduated to her Stark territory.

Darcy had put them mostly on water coolers and still hadn’t been asked about it. Whoever monitored their security cameras had to be on their side or just didn’t care, but Darcy knew Natasha had to have hacked Tony’s security cameras to get away with her most ambitious move to date.

Darcy sent back a thumbs-up before heading to the labs.

That afternoon consisted of more data entry, but Darcy kept herself occupied with her music, until it cut off abruptly close to home time.

“The fuck?”

She turned away from Jane’s pile of papers to her own desk and saw Natasha standing by it, pausing the music.

She ripped off her headphones, her heart in her throat.

“Is it Steve?”

“We just got the signal that he’s on his way back,” Natasha said.

She had a peculiar look on her face. It was close to fond.

“So, now what?” Darcy asked, and she put down the papers without caring what order they fell in.

“Go home.”

“I can’t leave.”

“Trust me, Darcy, he will go straight home,” Natasha said. She looked away for a second, and Darcy saw the brief smile. “He won’t wait to be told if he can leave. He’ll go home the moment he gets a chance.”

Darcy considered her words. “Right, so. I guess I’ll leave.”

She went for her bag, and knew Jane would understand if Natasha stayed behind and explained it.

“Is he okay?”

“Yes. Are you okay?” Natasha asked.

“I – I don’t know,” Darcy admitted. “I’m scared.”

She didn’t have to explain to Natasha why she was afraid. Her friend just nodded, keeping her thoughts contained as always.

Instead of waiting for her to say anything else, Darcy leaned toward her and kissed her cheek, before dashing off out of the labs with her bag.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part was heavily inspired by a YouTube video I found earlier this week titled [200mg BLACK OUT MAKEUP CHALLENGE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ku5bwOIMk6w) which I highly recommend watching for plenty of giggles. 
> 
> Also YAY WOMEN FRIENDSHIP!!!
> 
> I know it's kind of an annoying place to end this part but I felt like the smut deserved its own chapter. Just hold on a little longer! <3


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted this to have emotional weight. I hope I achieved this. I spent a long time thinking about how to write the eventual smut of this fic. I hope you like it.

_"We'd be good, we'd be great together."_ \- Imogen Heap

 

 

 

**XIV.**

 

 

 

The race back to Brooklyn was faster than Darcy expected.

Her train was on time. She walked pretty fast.

She stopped by a little boutique at the last second and slipped inside.

The woman by the register gave Darcy a quick glance.

“Ma’am, we’re closing in five minutes.”

Darcy worked in retail before and she usually hated customers that showed up at the last second, so she tried to be as polite as possible.

“I’m sorry, I’ll be quick. I just need one thing.”

-

She arrived at the apartment building and Travis was there, meaning it was past 6 o’clock. He gave Darcy a little smile as she approached, out of breath.

“Has Steve come by?”

“Not yet. Would I be right in guessing he’s back tonight from his trip?”

Darcy licked her lips, sighing. “Yeah, I hope so.”

She walked up to her hallway and sat on the carpet outside her door, jogging one leg.

She waited an hour. She only knew that because she kept checking her phone over and over, in case there was some bad news.

It felt a lot longer, especially with how she kept fiddling and looking around.

She shut her eyes to will herself to stop obsessing, and she knew it was a hopeless task.

She heard footsteps.

She jumped up at the sight of Steve coming through the stairwell carrying his pack in one hand, his suit still on.

His mask was stashed away with his hair mussed.

He looked dirty all over, and Darcy’s breath caught in her throat when he spotted her.

She bolted, before she could convince herself not to, and collided with him, his spare arm wrapped around her as she hugged him.

“Hey,” he breathed. His throat bobbed.

“Hey,” she replied, and she felt the tears spring in her eyes. She smiled, before noticing a mark on his forehead. “Baby – you’re hurt.”

The word slipped out, and it seemed to throw Steve for a second. She had only ever called him by his first name.

Her hand reached his forehead and she rubbed the dried blood away with her thumb.

“I’m okay, it’s nothing. I heal fast.”

Her hand fell back down, and Steve just looked at her mouth and then back up at her eyes.

“I need a shower. But – could you wait for me? I want to talk.”

Darcy felt a spike of anxiety and she half expected to have a panic attack right there in the hallway, but she just nodded, and then they reached Steve’s door.

He unlocked it, and threw his bag on the floor with a loud thud, and Darcy followed him in, throwing down her own bags and kicked off her shoes.

She looked around, and then walked over to the living room couch and sat down.

Steve pulled off his boots, and looked over at her where she sat.

“Just please wait there,” he said.

He disappeared, and Darcy curled her arms around herself, drawing her knees up.

She looked down at their bags on the floor and cursed herself for not just kissing him the second she saw him.

She blamed her nervousness, which had to be obvious to Steve.

 _Stupid, stupid, stupid,_ she thought, wishing she had the guts to do what she really wanted.

Her heart was still hammering, and her hands had gone numb, an equally bad sign. She sighed, hoping she could just push past it.

She was glad that she hadn’t actually started crying just then when she saw him – the tears had thankfully stuck in her eyes and she blinked them away.

“Hey.”

He was back again, in a white t-shirt and grey sweatpants with bare feet.

Butterflies, stomach flips, everything. Darcy felt everything.

He came over to her, but remained standing. Darcy didn’t think that was a good thing. She half thought he was going to ask her to leave, but then he started talking.

“I had a while – uh, weeks, I guess – to think about everything,” he said.

Darcy nodded, and Steve took a deep breath before letting it go.

“You said a while ago, when I said Andrea didn’t want another date – that everyone deserved to be happy.”

Darcy nodded again, but otherwise felt frozen in place.

That was months ago. She still remembered it clear as day.

“I said I was happy,” Steve added. His gaze fell to hers, and Darcy saw how important this was for her to understand. “I wasn’t lying. But I was lonely.”

“Oh,” Darcy said. Words failed her.

“When I woke up from the ice, I thought maybe it just wasn’t for me – that typical family life. Maybe relationships weren’t meant to be something I had.”

“But the makeover. You let me do that,” Darcy said, because she couldn’t help herself.

“Right,” Steve said. He bit his lip for a second. “Because I wanted to be your friend.”

 _Friend_ , Darcy thought and she closed her eyes.

“Right,” she murmured. She opened her eyes again to see Steve was still staring down at her intently but she felt a disappointment creeping over her.

“Except I knew that was a lie," Steve added. “Because I only wanted you.”

The words hit her, but Darcy failed to know exactly how to respond. Her lips parted in shock, but Steve kept going, not wanting to lose his nerve.

“I knew about you having a boyfriend because Natasha told me. And I knew I’d never try to pry you apart, no matter how much Natasha tried,” he said, giving a short laugh. “So I stayed away, but it kept coming back. I didn’t want to let you go.”

“Steve,” Darcy began, but he pressed on.

“I wish all my motivations were selfless, I wish that I wanted you to be happy with him, but that’s all a lie, too. I was selfish. I wanted you so badly.”

Darcy felt the tears coming back, her throat thick with emotion.

Steve’s throat bobbed. “Don’t you realize what you’ve done? I was fine with being alone until I met you. You’ve ruined it forever now.”

His voice shook as he said, “I’m in love with you. So I want to know if –”

Darcy cut him off, jumping up from the couch and going to her bag on the floor. She rummaged through it.

She walked back, revealing the charcoal silk tie in her hand, holding it up for Steve to see.

“I got this today. I said I’d get you a tie.”

Steve just blinked at it, before looking back at Darcy.

He walked right up to her, and took her face in his hands and kissed her. His lips pressed against hers as Darcy arched into him, closing her eyes.

The tie fell to the floor, and Darcy gave a sharp, raw gasp as the tip of Steve’s tongue pressed against the seam of her lips, coaxing her open.

She obliged, and his tongue swept inside, hot and devastating. Darcy fisted his t-shirt as he kept kissing her, making her dizzy, making her forget every nervous part of herself.

He pulled away finally, with slow kisses on her lips, his eyes darker than before.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Darcy breathed, and Steve looked down at her body pressed up against him.

“You’re trembling.”

“I know,” she said, and ducked her head. “I’m nervous. Can I stay here tonight?”

Steve let out a huff of a laugh and kissed her lips lightly, nodding.

He let go of her face and his hands fell to her waist, before lifting her with ease.

He carried her to his bedroom, letting them inside with a nudge of his foot.

Darcy knew she was still shaking, and being put on his bed made reality set in, had his words become true – he loved her and she loved him.

They sat side by side, and Darcy was still lost in her thoughts despite how he looked at her.

She never told someone she loved them before she slept with them. The concept of having feelings come first and sex second made her afraid.

She was scared because it meant the world to her. Having something that important be a relationship meant lot of risks.

Except she knew in her marrow that Steve was the one she would risk it for. And if she was being completely honest, she’d known that for a long time.

“What are you thinking?” he asked, and Darcy’s eyes travelled over his face, his eyes and then his mouth.

“I don’t want this to be a letdown,” she admitted.

“We don’t have to do anything – ”

He was just too cute she couldn’t resist, and she kissed him with more force than before, her tongue slipping into his mouth. She pushed against him so that he fell back against the mattress, his hard body beneath hers.

His hands fell to her waist where her dress was riding up.

She broke their kiss to stare into his eyes, wanting to savor each moment. Her hands went to the bottom of his t-shirt, stroking the hard muscle of his stomach.

She pushed the shirt up, until Steve reached down and tugged it off and threw it aside.

She was back on him in a second, hands gliding up and down, kisses growing filthier.

His groan against her lips had a hot arousal course through her so suddenly Darcy canted her hips, and she was sure Steve noticed, with the way his eyes flashed with something darker than before, his fingers going to her shoulder straps and pulling them down.

He leaned forward and kissed her neck, and Darcy sighed, distracted by his touch. His hand went to the back of her head, angling her so her neck was a long line for him to nip at, his other hand still gripping at her waist.

He pressed a kiss to her pulse point and Darcy moaned, sounding more wanton that she expected.

“ _Oh, my God.”_

Her fingers went to the buttons at the back of her dress, and she moved back onto her knees to pull the fabric away, her eyes still on shirtless Steve lying before her.

She felt her mouth go dry as she noticed the unmistakeable erection pressing up against the material of his sweatpants.

She shoved the dress off of her and onto the floor, and clambered back over, Steve’s warm arms wrapping around her.

She wore her underwear but was vaguely self-conscious. Steve on the other hand kissed her with the kind of enthusiasm that made everything scramble and her troubles fall away.

He rolled them, and he was crowding her into the mattress, his arms bracketing her head.

“This okay?”  he asked, and she nodded, close to frantic.

Then his hand was on the small of her back, the other tracing the side of her bra. Soon he found the clasp at the back and undid it, and Darcy lifted off to pull her bra off and toss it.

It was a fun game, taking off pieces of clothes with Steve. He kissed each newly revealed part of her, and with her lying topless beneath him, he went for her neck again.

It was a direct line to her pussy when Steve’s lips wrapped around her nipple, while he kneaded her other breast with his hand.

“Fuck, Steve,” she gasped, her hips canting again.

Her nipples lay wet and hard while he kissed all over her chest, eventually resting his head at the valley of her breasts, wrapping his arms around her middle.

Darcy played with his hair, conscious of the fact that her panties had to be wet enough to be seen soaked through if he looked down.

“Steve,” she murmured, and he tilted his head, just looking back at her.

“I wanted this for a long time,” he whispered.

Darcy knew he meant the topless cuddle, and she did too, because of the intense embrace they shared the night Peggy died.

She nodded, and soon Steve kissed her chest again, moving toward the waistband of her panties.

Darcy sucked in a breath when his tongue ran across the top of the panties, slipping a little underneath the waistband. She began to shake again once his fingers curled over the material and began to pull them down.

Darcy lifted her hips for him, and soon she lay completely naked under him, her heart racing.

Steve shuffled further down the mattress, and lay on his stomach, pushing Darcy’s legs apart with his shoulders to expose herself further.

His eyes flitted from hers down to her sex, and then he spread her lips apart with his fingers.

The feel of his mouth on her was almost too much.

Darcy gasped as he sucked on her clit lazily, his tongue flicking slowly between her folds.

One of her hands fell to Steve’s hair as the other lay beside her gripping the covers.

He was quick to show his enthusiasm for eating pussy, groaning more than once against her labia with his eyes closed, his tongue probing her as his nose grazed her clit.

“Steve,” she gasped. “Fuck, you feel so good.”

Her heels dug into the mattress, trying to gain purchase.

She knew she was doomed once he sped up, never taking a break. He lapped at her core as a finger pumped in and out, and Darcy could feel he was making her wetter than she’d ever been with another person eating her out.

She blamed the fact that he seemed to enjoy it as much as her, and once he looked right at her with his tongue deep inside Darcy clenched around his fingers, her hips lifting off the bed along with Steve.

She shuddered, her orgasm like the most beautiful wave she never wished to stop riding, but she came down, Steve still kissing the lips of her pussy, licking her down from the great height, making her whimper weakly as she fell back down on the mattress, staring at the ceiling.

She was crying.

He moved back up the mattress, wiping his mouth on his shoulder, and then he noticed her face.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Steve whispered, sounding alarmed. “Doll.”

Darcy covered her face with her arm, embarrassed. She hated that she was ruining the best feeling another person had ever given her.

“You’re so good to me,” she whispered.

Steve moved her arm out of the way, kissing her mouth.

“I’m really selfish deep down,” he said. “I wanted to do that forever, too.”

“Shut up,” Darcy said, grabbing his hair again and pulling him into a deeper kiss, and she felt his hard-on pressing up against her naked sex and shivered.

They made out for a while, until Darcy couldn’t take it anymore, pulling away from Steve’s mouth and looking deep into his eyes.

“Do you want to fuck me?” she whispered.

Just when she thought Steve couldn’t get any cuter, he gulped, with his lips wet and pink and his hair mussed from her busy hands.

“Please, can I?” he asked, and they began laughing together.

Darcy nodded, one hand going down his back to find the waistband of his sweatpants and began pulling them down, before Steve’s hands left her and he pulled them down past his thighs along with his boxers.

She stared between his legs, at his hard uncut cock that shined at its tip. He was larger than what she gauged from her brief glance at its outline before.

His hand fell to his cock, lining himself up with her, and Darcy brought him down to another kiss, thinking the anticipation might ruin her.

He sunk into her, before Darcy changed the angle of her hips to accommodate him, and he slid home.

“Fuck,” she gasped beneath him.

She felt so full, bordering on a burning hurt but it turned delicious once he began to move.

He dragged across her clit each time, and soon she was trembling again.

She tilted her head, inviting another kiss, and Steve slanted his mouth over hers.

He bucked a little harder, and Darcy’s eyes rolled back as she broke their kiss.

She couldn’t make sense of what she was blabbering while his fucking became relentless, with no second for her to gather herself.

“I’m gonna come, Darcy,” he gasped, and Darcy’s eyes fell to his, and she nodded.

His thumb pressed her clit without warning and Darcy started swearing again, writhing beneath him.

She came on a sob, and Steve kissed her mouth, and she was vaguely aware of him close to crushing her into the mattress while he chased his own release.

He came hard, with three distinct thrusts and his face buried in her neck.

Darcy knew she couldn’t live with Steve inside her, but she wanted to try it as long as she could, and after a few minutes of him softening inside her once he came, she knew she had to move out from under him and clean up.

Steve watched her go, lying on his back.

They had dinner together that night and fell asleep beside one another. As much as Darcy wanted another round, she wanted there to be just one night just for their first time. She wanted this night to be distinct.

-

The next day Darcy walked into work with Steve, and kept glancing over at him with secret smiles.

When she walked into the labs alone, Jane looked up from her desk.

“So, what happened?”

Darcy blushed and Jane broke into a smile.

“I’m so happy for you.”

Darcy remembered when Jane slept with Thor for the first time. She practically shoved them together and then left the place to them for the night, hoping to keep Erik occupied at the bar. Jane had been as bashful as she was now.

“Yeah, well. You’re the first to know.”

“Really?” Jane said, eyes widening. “Not even Annie? She’ll kill you when she finds out she wasn’t the first.”

“Well, Annie can – I dunno. I just know she’ll be happy, too.”

She messaged Annie later that day: _Steve and I happened._

Annie’s reply was just a series of exclamation points.

-

That weekend Darcy visited her mom.

Telling her she and Steve had started dating made Rachel’s eyes nearly pop out of her head.

“Oh! That’s great, honey,” she said, and she pulled Darcy into a hug.

“No wonder you look so happy.”

They sat on the couch with their coffee and cake, and Darcy glanced at her mother’s profile when they broke apart.

“Mom.”

“Yeah?”

She bit her lip. “I want to know what made you sure Dad and you should be together.”

Rachel seemed surprised by the question. She set down her cup, frowning.

“You mean when I first met him?”

Darcy nodded.

“He was very handsome and very nice to me.”

Darcy rolled her eyes. “No, Mom. Like, I _real_ answer.”

“Why do you need to know?” Rachel asked. “What are you thinking about to ask something like that - when I haven’t seen your father in nearly twenty years?”

“I saw him once,” Darcy murmured.

“What?”

“I saw him, in Manhattan three years ago. I was here after London. He got out of a cab and saw me, and then he ran off.”

“You sure he knew it was you?” Rachel asked, and Darcy sucked in a breath.

She didn’t need her mom invalidating her feelings.

“He knew, Mom. He looked like he saw a ghost.”

Darcy put down her own cup. “I just wanted to know what made you sure things would work out. Before they _didn’t_ work out, I guess.”

She wondered because sometimes she looked at Steve and wondered what the catch was. She knew she met him during relative peacetime so maybe she was especially lucky. He otherwise would have died young without her.

He might die young with her, too. The thought made her frightened.

“He made me feel safe,” Rachel said, and Darcy nodded.

It was the answer she expected all along.

-

Steve was home late that night. The only reason he couldn’t go with Darcy to visit Rachel was another training session with the elite team.

When he returned, he was sweaty but Darcy was turned-on, and Steve soon had her bent over the couch, their pants just down to their ankles.

All Darcy could hear was the sound of Steve’s hips hitting against her bare ass and their panting, and she loved it, loved him buried so deep inside her while she touched herself, Steve’s own hand joining hers between her legs to bring her off.

She clamped down on him as she came, and he groaned, never slowing.

“I’m close, doll, I’m close,” he panted, and Darcy turned her head slightly to watch his face.

She licked her lips, revelling in every drag of his cock.

“Can I come inside you again?” he asked, and she nodded, closing her eyes.

He quickly pulled her off the couch and turning her around.

They fumbled, and he pushed inside her once more as he held her in his arms, kissing her breathless as her legs wrapped around his waist.

She could hear the sound of how wet she was around him, and soon Steve shuddered, his eyes squeezed shut as he came.

“I love you,” she breathed.

“I love you,” he whispered back, coming back to Earth.

She never wanted this to end. She never wanted any of this to _ever_ end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a Spotify playlist of all the songs I've quoted so far, which you can listen to [here](https://open.spotify.com/user/12170838034/playlist/3iZopE38BBCG1erhu1iT3W?si=kp1pW7ikQ6utxAotDjpsqg). 
> 
> Thanks to the people who heard me out when I was insecure about my own smut writing abilities, including crimtastic whose own abilities are AWESOME. LIKE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GO [READ HER FIC.](https://archiveofourown.org/users/crimtastic/pseuds/crimtastic)
> 
> Vent to me [here](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/ask) as well if you want. 
> 
> <3 <3 <3 See you soon, I hope you liked this.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha ha ha... on my Tumblr I was like, "I'm too busy to write." That was a fucking lie. I will be doing an intership for a few weeks so you can follow my complaining [here](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/ask). 
> 
> I hope to also participate in Darcyland's Gen Week starting from September 29th.

_"I was gonna die young (I had it all planned out before you met me), now I gotta wait for you, honey..."_ \- Sylvan Esso 

 

 

 

**XV.**

 

 

 

For a few weeks, Darcy and Steve were like passing ships, making love when they could, stealing kisses, threading fingers together and holding each other whenever they had a moment to spare.

September went by so quickly Darcy wondered how summer was so long, and then she remembered that Danny made her so tired all the time for all the wrong reasons.

Steve made her tired when he spent all night between her legs, with his hands, mouth or cock – and then there were nights when he’d crawl into bed after a mission or some training and his body no longer knew what time it was, and Darcy would be woken up, if she’s somehow managed to fall asleep in the first place.

One morning the first week of October, Darcy was up at dawn in Steve’s apartment, making herself some coffee. They bought the machine together three days into dating when they decided they needed to re-join civilization and not spend every second climbing on top of each other. Darcy thought she ran out of that kind of enthusiasm for sex, until it was like Steve was in her blood and a simple look or touch would set her off. She didn’t see that slowing down any time soon, so the less time she spent making coffee over at his place, the better.

There was a rattle of the key in the lock and Steve appeared, coming home with a sweaty, worn out look to him that Darcy found adorable. There was less and less about Steve that she didn’t find cute in some way, or downright sexy. Sometimes they were little things he didn’t even notice he did, like when he watched TV she would stare at his face sometimes while his eye focused on the screen in front of them, and eventually Steve would turn to her and kiss her with a little smile on his face.

“Hey,” he said, dropping his bags.

He looked at the coffee that poured into her cup.

“You wait up for me?”

“I need to head to work in a minute,” she said, and walked over to him, pulling him toward her, arms wrapped around his middle. “You heading to bed?”

“I’m messed up again. I need to sleep but I’m still wired.”

Steve kissed her lightly, stroking her face. “You didn’t have to wait up for me.”

“I wanted to,” Darcy whispered.

They kissed again, lingering and slow, and Steve’s hands were in her hair as he sighed against her.

Darcy smiled, her hand resting on Steve’s belt.

Inspired, she unbuckled it and Steve chuckled at her handy work, pulling back from Darcy’s mouth and watching her.

“What are you -?”

His words trailed off as Darcy sunk to the floor, her hands reaching for his fly before she dipped inside and stroked Steve’s half-hard dick for a few strokes.

Steve watched her with dark eyes glued to her. Darcy felt the thrill of knowing he liked her – loved her – and wanted her like she wanted him. He seemed to appreciate the strokes, and bucked once he was released from his pants, his cock bobbing in front of her face.

Darcy’s tongue darted out, and she licked a stripe along the underside of his shaft with no hands to support her. It made it clumsy but showed her enthusiasm.

She hadn’t been on her knees for Steve before. Whenever she did this in bed in was when he lay down, and he often pulled her mouth off to have his way with her, and Darcy wanted to do this to completion for a while.

It was on her to-do list.

She used her hands to wrap around his shaft again, resting his tip on her tongue and letting him slide in partway, and Steve’s hands were hovering at his sides, like he was stuck.

“Doll,” he grunted, when she took him to the back of her throat and loosened her muscles, willing herself to relax. She fiddled with his balls, pulling back with a long suck and an audible pop at the end.

“I want to taste you.”

Her voice was small and light but Steve could hear her, and groaned, hands finally resting on his sides.

“Doll,” he said again, sounding strained.

Darcy knew she blushed whenever he looked at her like something he wanted to tackle, something he wanted to devour.

She looked him in the eye, pumping him in her fist, the movement sounding wet.

“I want to make you come,” she murmured, and then he was in her mouth again, her head bobbing with her wrist twisting on the downstroke.

Steve’s eyes closed.

“You can make me come tonight after work,” she said, her eyes watering as she pulled back. She needed to remember to breathe, but she considered Steve worth the sacrifice with the sounds he was making and the way he was looking down at her.

“Okay,” he breathed. “Okay.”

Darcy set to work, sucking, licking, dragging her tongue along him, massaging his balls. She sucked one into her mouth as she pumped him, and Steve groaned once more, louder than before.

“I’m gonna come,” he groaned, and Darcy could feel he felt hotter, his dick almost an angry pink.

She just nodded, and went for it – her head bobbing while Steve huffed above her head.

He let out a gasp, and Darcy felt his come hit the back of her throat and she grunted in surprise, her hand on his thigh and stroking his pant leg.

She pulled away, her tongue pressing against the roof of her mouth, exploring the feel of his seed in her mouth, before she swallowed it with her eyes still fixed on Steve’s gaze.

He looked considerably looser, and he still panted, tucking himself back into his pants.

He offered Darcy a hand up and she took it.

She wandered over to her coffee cup and took it, taking a sip.

Steve just watched her, looking dazed.

“You sleepy?” she asked, and he nodded.

“Yeah. That was – that was –”

“Don’t mention it.”

He shook his head, and to Darcy’s surprise he followed her into the kitchen and took her face in his hands, claiming her with a kiss.

Darcy made the mental note that after blowjobs Steve became cuddly. Or at least wanted badly to thank her, making her breathless as he kissed her again and again.

She pulled away, sighing. “You need to go to bed.”

His forehead bumped her shoulder, his arms wrapped around her waist.

“Right.”

Steve was so reluctant Darcy nearly stayed, but knew if she started missing work because of him, she’d be repeating past relationship behaviors.

“I love you,” she whispered to him as she went to shut his bedroom door.

“Love you,” Steve murmured, now curled under the covers, eyelids drooping.

-

When Darcy got to the labs, Jane showed her a text from Annie.

_Shit hit the fan!!! Again!!!_

“What?” Darcy said, and Jane shrugged.

“She didn’t text you about it?”

“She sent me a skull emoji but I had no idea about the context.”

Annie had a tendency to be dramatic but then not elaborate straight away, causing all sorts of confusion. After their girls’ weekend upstate, she hadn’t been around that much. Darcy assumed the worst – that something else terrible happened with Pascal.

It turned out to be something to do with Annie’s two personas colliding.

“His ex found my Instagram!”

Annie was on speakerphone while Darcy and Jane sat together with their mugs of coffee.

“How? Who sent it?” Darcy asked.

She knew Annie was very particular about who saw her social media, being an academic during the week and a party girl on the weekends made things more complicated. If faculty and students knew her personal life, there was the tendency to undermine a person’s accomplishments. Darcy couldn’t help thinking this was unfair. And as far as she could remember, Annie’s Instagram was pretty tame.

“I have some idea.”

Jane and Darcy exchanged a look.

“You mean Danny?” Jane said, and Darcy closed her eyes for a second to let the suggestion sink in before she chose to speak again.

“Could be. He hates me. I bet it wouldn’t take much to find out Pascal’s ex’s details and forward her the information. His last attempt at punishing Darcy.”

Opening her eyes, Darcy refused to let Danny control her little piece of happiness from that morning. This threatened to ruin her day.

“He knows we’re watching him.”

Darcy thought of the look on his face when Natasha walked into the café weeks ago.

“Wouldn’t stop him,” Annie retorted. “Fucking asshole.”

“I won’t call him asking if he did it,” Darcy said, feeling the resentment grow a little more in her chest, and she wanted to nurse it, let it grow.

But she also knew it wasn’t her style to punish people like Danny always did.

“Either way I’m fucked.” Annie sounded resigned.

“Why?” Jane asked. “Didn’t Pascal meet you out of work? So he knows who you are.”

“Irrelevant, Doctor,” Annie snapped. “His ex will want sole custody if he’s cavorting with some random Asian skank.”

“Annie,” Jane began, but Darcy shook her head.

 _Don’t,_ she mouthed, and Jane shut her mouth, huffing a little.

“When does Pascal have the kids next?” Darcy asked, wanting to steer the conversation away from the doom and gloom.

“Weekend before Halloween.”

“Perfect. We’ll have a party in Brooklyn and the kids can tell their mom what a great time they had.”

After they promised to catch up sometime soon, Darcy hung up with a sigh.

“She thinks Pascal’s going to leave her because he won’t get his kids anymore?” Jane asked, and Darcy bit her lip.

“I don’t think it matters who Annie is. His ex would hate her anyway, hate that her kids are anywhere near her.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes.

“You want to call Natasha and tell her about Danny?”

“I have no idea if it’s him. It could be some asshole she works with. Or some student that she gave a bad grade.”

Jane nodded, but neither of them seemed convinced they needed to speculate.

-

That afternoon when Darcy waited for the elevator, Tony Stark sidled up to her, looking her up and down before watching for the elevator light to switch on.

“Not using my executive one today, Lewis?” he asked, and Darcy turned to him.

“You know about that? How?”

“You just told me.”

“Goddamn it,” Darcy hissed, rolling her eyes. “Sure.”

Tony seemed amused by her frustration, eyebrows quirking.

“You got anything to tell me about the googly eyes around the building?”

Darcy smiled wide without regret. Someone finally was acknowledging the pranks.

“Uh. I saw a percolator with some eyes a few days ago.”

“Nothing to do with you?”

She adjusted the strap on her arm and shrugged. “Got a lot on my plate right now.”

“Yeah – doing _what_ , exactly?”

The elevator dinged and the doors opened.

Darcy stepped inside, knowing their conversation wasn’t over. Tony pressed the ground button for her and folded his arms.

He wore an exquisite navy suit with a yellow speckled pocket square, but had Vans on his feet like Darcy did. Suddenly him looking her up and down felt less strange; he was only noticing they had the same footwear tastes.

“I work with Doctor Foster.”

“I heard you’re dating Cap.”

Darcy felt her cheeks redden despite herself, and she cleared her throat.

“Yeah, that, too.”

“Occupying a lot of your time?” Tony asked, and Darcy narrowed one eye.

“If this is an attempt to make me so uncomfortable that I divulge googly eye information, it’s not going to work.”

Tony laughed at that, throwing his head back.

“Okay, Lewis. But I will find out one way or another.”

The elevator doors opened and Darcy stepped out, not before pressing the button for Stark Industries’ main floor to send Tony back where he came from.

“Mr. Stark.”

Her hand was in the way of the door, and she looked into Tony’s eyes, tilting her head.

“Tony,” he corrected.

“Tony,” Darcy said without missing a beat. “How’s your monitor? Googly?”

“Hey!”

Darcy drew back her arm and flashed Tony another smile as the elevator doors shut on his outraged face.

She knew mentioning Natasha’s most successful prank would drive him a little nuts, especially with no video evidence.

On her way home, Darcy felt her phone chime in her pocket and she took it out, inspecting the mystery number.

_If you tell me who googly-d my office I’ll make it worth your while_

She smirked, and another message popped up immediately.

_You know I could just fire you, right?_

Darcy scoffed. She typed back: _Nice try, but I work for Jane._

She promptly customized her phone to have _Uptown Girl_ play whenever Tony texted or called her.

-

Darcy waved to Joe on her way up to the apartment building.

“You walk home alone, Darcy?”

Her smile faded and she nodded. “Why? Was I not supposed to?”

“I thought we talked about that.”

Darcy scoffed out of nervousness – she didn’t mean to sound so blasé about her own safety, but she was so sure after not hearing anything from Danny that things should be fine.

“I’m fine.”

“I should have known and came and got you from the station.”

“Joe, I’m fine,” Darcy said, a little sharper, adjusting her bag strap. “Really. And I don’t think you need to be working for me much longer.”

Joe shook his head but Darcy avoided his gaze, deciding she needed to call Natasha about it.

Once she was inside Steve’s place, she kicked off her shoes and let her bag fall to the floor. She made her way to Steve’s bedroom and let herself in, seeing Steve on his phone in the dimness within.

“Hey,” she murmured, and he looked up.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” Darcy lied. She rolled her shoulders. She felt nervous but couldn’t pinpoint why. “I don’t think I need those guys watching the building anymore. Feels like it’s sorta redundant now, with Danny – ”

Steve frowned at the mention of her ex.

“- being out of the picture. I haven’t heard a peep. And Natasha probably agrees with me.”

Steve threw his legs over to the side and stood up, shaking his head.

“I don’t think so, doll.”

Darcy laughed shortly, her heartbeat going up a notch.

“Why? What did I do?”

“It’s not to control you,” he said, and he moved past her to go into the kitchen, and Darcy followed him, crossing her arms.

“I know it’s not – you think I’m scared you’re trying to control me?”

Steve’s eyes fell to hers, and he nodded. “Well, yeah. Considering Danny’s abusive past.”

“He wasn’t –”

“Darcy.”

“Okay, maybe he was controlling. But he didn’t hit me or rape me.”

Steve got them both glasses and filled them with water, handing Darcy hers.

“You know it doesn’t have to be like that for it to be abusive.”

“Right,” Darcy said, her voice smaller. “I know. I just – I don’t know. I think I got out pretty unscathed, considering.”

“So why do you look like you’re going to have a panic attack?” Steve asked, his gaze steady.

Darcy laughed nervously again, hating the sound of it.

“Darcy, are you feeling dizzy?”

“No!” she snapped, and then she pressed her lips together, ashamed. “Sorry.”

Steve put down his glass and leaned against the counter top, not looking the slightest bit upset with her.

“I feel bad for those guys who are spending day and night watching me because some asshole sent me a mean letter.”

Steve nodded, but then shook his head. “Fuck.”

“I – what?” Darcy blurted, not following. “What is it?”

Steve bit his lip, shaking his head again. “They’re not here because of Danny.”

Darcy tilted her head, and then she felt the dread she was ignoring the entire time come to the surface.

“Because I’m still in danger.”

“Yeah,” Steve said, and he let out a sigh. “I know it sounds scary, but –”

“I walked home alone, Steve,” Darcy said, feeling herself start to shake.

Steve’s face changed to angry. “What? Why?”

He frightened her, made her feel ten times smaller. Darcy knew it was never his intention, but she could not ignore the way he was glaring at no-one in particular while he learned this new information.

“I guess Annie was supposed to walk me home, but she had a bad day, maybe she forgot – ”

“Fuckin' hell,” Steve muttered.

Darcy had never seen or heard Steve like this before. This had to be the face he used when he was fighting the bad guys, the same bad guys he was certain were after her now that she was associated with him.

“I guess Annie didn’t text anyone about it. Maybe she forgot.”

“She better have.”

“Steve, I’m sure it was a mistake,” Darcy said a little sharper, and Steve’s jaw ticked.

“Darcy, this isn’t even close to what I’d be like if something happened to you.”

His words did not assure her. It just made Darcy shake more, and she set down her glass, untouched.

Steve sighed loudly, and then pushed off the counter top to walk off, and Darcy watched him, pacing the living room and running his hands through his hair.

“We need to keep someone on you at all times.”

“What good would Annie do?” Darcy snapped, and Steve shot her a look.

“Not Annie. Natasha, or Travis, or Joe. Sam, even.”

Darcy felt her lip quiver. “Okay, but I’m fine now.”

Steve went to his bad on the floor that had sat there since the morning, and rifled through it, producing a little plastic disc on a lanyard.

“I got you this. I meant to give it to you this morning, but – ”

“I was too busy blowing you,” Darcy finished, and she let out a shaky laugh without mirth.

“I was distracted,” Steve amended. “My fault.”

He handed her the lanyard, and she saw the plastic disc attached to it had her name and Steve’s phone number beneath it.

“It’s a panic button.”

“Right. Except I was fine today.”

“You might not always be,” Steve said, and he looked sad – as sad as when he left Darcy in his bed weeks ago after they kissed for the first time.

He looked guilt-ridden.

“You’re supposed to be scared. I’m sorry.”

Darcy nodded. “What I don’t know could fill a fucking library, I guess.”

Steve hung his head, and then took hold of her shoulders, their eyes locking onto one another.

Darcy swallowed. “Don’t you dare dump me because you’re feeling fucking guilty. I knew deep down this was the reality. I saw you fight aliens on TV, for fuck’s sake.”

Steve cupped her cheek in his hand, shaking his head.

“I would never do that,” he said, and Darcy nodded, wishing she believed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have Mixed Feelings about this part (capitals are totally necessary). And no, I don't think Darcy is dumb. I just had her confront another ugly truth. She's still learning to not deny things that scare her. 
> 
> Thank you for reading and waiting patiently for me to update. <3


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thanks for being patient with me and this fic. Things in my personal life have taken a few hard blows but I'm doing a bit better lately. To make a long-ass story short, my mental health has always been a series of ups and downs, and one of my therapists told me to create more joy outside of the things that cause my self-loathing. 
> 
> I've been trying to write just for the sake of writing, as a distraction, as a way to keep myself busier and therefore happier.
> 
> This part felt like pulling teeth at times, but I got there. I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> Please excuse any errors you may find while reading this part. I edit all my own work, so there's bound to be a few mistakes in here that I usually go back and correct (if I somehow missed them the first time). 
> 
> Message me [here](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/ask)

_"Darlin', darlin', darlin'... I fall to pieces when I'm with you, I fall to pieces..."_ \- Lana Del Rey

 

 

 

**XVI.**

 

 

 

Darcy wore her panic button every day and hated it. It was bulky, obvious and a constant reminder of her own mortality.

She wore it whenever she was not at work. She considered wearing a panic button in that secure of a facility overkill.

A few days after Steve first gave it to her, she was ripping it off when she arrived at work, tossing it onto her desk along with her pass, sighing.

Jane came wandering in with her own coffee, which meant she had been there for hours, and Darcy had some idea of her boss’ state of mind – possibly erratic, possibly edging toward jittery from the caffeine.

Darcy eyed the mug in Jane’s hands, and looked her boss in the eye.

“How long you been here?”

“Too long,” Jane replied, distracted. “Hey, I wanna ask you something.”

“Shoot,” Darcy murmured, watching Jane’s eyebrows take over.

“There’s the Culver Science Gala this Friday.”

“And?” Darcy pressed.

“You wanna be my date?”

Darcy considered this. She saw Jane’s email about the Gala a couple months ago, not very interested in going to the event at the time, because she was still with Danny. Having people see her with Danny always made her anxious.

“You’re leaving this kind of late,” Darcy replied, and Jane shrugged.

“I would have asked on the phone, except –”

Her boss looked away, suddenly awkward. “Uh, I spoke to Natasha, and she said it’s better to talk to you in person here, for… security reasons.”

“Oh.”

Darcy felt tired. Tired and a little sad, and she hated that. Steve did nothing wrong. It was still jarring to her, actually addressing the danger she could possibly be in. Before, knowing Thor was never that dangerous, at least, not by association alone.

No terrorist cell on Earth was interested in Thor.

“So that’s a –?”

“It’s a yes,” Darcy interjected, forcing a smile. “It’ll be good, going and seeing everyone there.”

Jane broke into a smile. “Awesome! I’ll just run it by Natasha.”

Darcy nodded, the anxiety beginning to seep into her once more. It was hard to tell anymore if she stopped being anxious at all before starting up again.

“Were you otherwise going to just go with Annie?”

“Well, yeah,” Jane admitted. “But she wants to bring Pascal.”

Darcy had not heard back from Annie since her Instagram was discovered.

“She hasn’t been investigated because of her social media?”

Jane’s face fell. “She wants to go to the Gala regardless. Wants to show up whether they want her to or not.”

“Oh,” Darcy managed, knowing Annie was probably up to no good.

-

That night after dinner, Darcy and Steve were watching a movie on Steve’s couch, Darcy’s feet resting in his lap, her hand resting on the back of his head, playing with his hair.

“Hmm,” he murmured, and Darcy waited.

He eventually turned, pulling her into a lingering kiss, making her sigh against him, the movie forgotten.

Darcy deepened the kiss, Steve’s mouth opening to hers and she slipped her tongue inside, hands going to the sides of Steve’s face while his hands went Darcy’s waist.

They moved so Darcy could clamber into his lap, his arms wrapping around her as they made out for a while.

Darcy registered her phone chiming, meaning she had a text, and they broke apart.

She grumbled under her breath and Steve chuckled against her neck, kissing her lightly.

“Better see who it is,” Darcy muttered, and moved away, grabbing her phone.

_I’m downstairs._

Annie. No emojis or clever remarks. Darcy frowned, biting her lip.

“Annie wants to come up.”

Steve’s face changed. Darcy knew he was most likely still pissed at Annie for not walking Darcy home the other night.

But unlike her last boyfriend, he didn’t cuss her out, instead he nodded.

“Okay. I’ll go get her.”

He got up from the couch and walked over to their pile of shoes by the door, picking up his sneakers and pulling them on.

He gave her a little smile before disappearing out the door.

A couple minutes later, he was back, eyebrows raised and giving Darcy a long look.

He revealed Annie behind him in the doorway, and Darcy’s mouth fell open.

She could barely stand, and there was no way she was able to focus on Darcy fully.

“She’s fucking wasted,” Darcy whispered, and Steve nodded.

“I’m doing fine, Darcy,” Annie proclaimed, a little louder than necessary.

“Travis asked if I wanted to order her a cab,” Steve said, and he and Darcy watched as Annie stumbled over to the couch and threw herself on it.

“Or an ambulance,” Steve added.

He looked at Darcy, touching her face with a hand briefly.

He walked off to the kitchen, calling over his shoulder to Annie:

“I’ll make you some coffee.”

Annie began to giggle, and Darcy stalked over to the couch and sat beside her, glaring at her side on.

“Annie, what the fuck?”

Her friend giggled again, and then plucked her vape pen from somewhere inside her cleavage, taking a long drag from it.

Darcy had not seen Annie’s vape pen in a long time, which meant something was wrong. She clearly lost the ability to give any more fucks, and Darcy felt herself envying her.

Sometimes she wished she could let go like Annie.

 _Really_ let go.

“Was I interrupting something?”

Annie attempted to wink but failed, her smoke in Darcy’s face as she exhaled with a shaky laugh, Darcy’s glare intensifying.

“Did something happen at work? Or with Pascal?”

“Here’s the thing, I know I was interrupting. I bet you guys are always at it,” Annie elaborated, ignoring Darcy’s questions. “Steve looks like he _fucks_ , y’know?”

Darcy ripped the vape pen from Annie, forcing her to look at her.

“Enough.”

“Okay,” Annie said, looking surprised. She blinked several times. “I’m sorry.”

Darcy sighed, handing back the vape pen. “For what?”

“Showing up like this.”

Darcy looked away, shrugging. “You were meant to walk me home the other night.”

“I know,” Annie said, her voice growing smaller by the second. “I’m sorry about that, too.”

Darcy looked at her once more, seeing her friend was being sincere.

Seconds later, Annie was back to smirking again.

“Pascal and I are doing really well.”

Steve returned with a mug full of black coffee and handed it to Annie, who took it with a smile.

Steve left the room to shower, and Darcy heard Annie sigh beside her.

“I keep thinking I’m going to fuck everything up.”

Darcy blinked, and Annie looked entirely sober as she sucked on her vape pen and exhaled through her nose.

“Why do you say that, Annie?”

“Because things are going _insanely well_. And despite everything, Pascal wants me.”

Darcy knew that feeling too well. She nodded, swallowing her emotion.

“Do you want me to call a cab?”

She did not stop to tell Annie things would be okay. She wanted to, but knew she would be lying, or at least not willing to bet on that being the case.

Things felt unpredictable, and no matter what she did, Darcy was not able to shake that fear of the unknown.

Annie just nodded, vaping in silence.

-

When Annie left, Steve emerged from his bedroom, just in his sweatpants with no shirt. He was looking at Darcy differently.

“Hey,” she began, and Steve reached her where she stood in the kitchen leaning against the bench.

He pulled her into a hug and Darcy felt overwhelmed – he cradled her against his chest, her hands slowly wrapping around him.

“You okay?” she asked, and she felt him nod.

He pulled back, and Darcy looked over at his couch, feeling a little braver.

“I don’t want you to think – I don’t want – ”

She did not know where she was going with this. She swallowed.

“I’ve slept with a lot of people.”

She blurted it, and Steve just stared at her for a few seconds before finally speaking.

“Okay.”

“Like when I was a teenager. And when I was at college. I slept around. I did that a lot.”

Steve looked confused. “Why are you telling me all this, doll?”

Darcy let out a breath. “Because I keep waiting for you to – ”

Steve frowned. “Waiting for me to leave you?”

Darcy nodded, feeling her cheeks burn with shame. “Yeah. Or at least – ”

She looked around Steve’s apartment behind him, avoiding his gaze.

“I keep thinking I’ll do or say something and it’ll make things not as good.”

Steve moved in her peripheral vision.

“Doll, I love you.”

Darcy nodded, feeling her eyes prickle.

She felt like a coward, despite being this honest. This was the most candid she had ever been with him.

She dared to look at him, and then she was stuck staring back at him, overwhelmed by the way he was looking at her, nothing but love and longing.

“I’ll diminish this. And you’ll think, ‘Geez, I wasted so much on her’. You’ve already gone to so much trouble.”

“You’re worth it,” Steve countered, and Darcy blinked several times.

His hands took hers and he threaded their fingers together.

“You’re so good to me.”

“Darcy, you’re worth it,” he said again, firmer. “And I _love_ you.”

Before she could stop herself, before she could overthink it, she leaned up and kissed him with urgency.

It was different to their kisses from earlier in the night. She whimpered, her chest tighter. She knew she did not have to look to see Steve was as passionate about her as she was about him.

She tried her hardest to ignore the voice that threatened to diminish her, to bring her down.

She felt like anything she could try to say would come out wrong. She wanted to do her feelings justice – except she just couldn’t speak easily when they tangled up together.

She was choked up when Steve drew back, lowering himself in front of her.

He was on his knees on the kitchen floor for her, pulling down her leggings with her underwear along with them. He was a man on a mission, focusing himself at the apex of her thighs.

The cool air on her naked skin made Darcy shiver, and he glanced up at her for a second before his gaze returned to her pussy.

“God. I was hoping you’d be a little wet already.”

Darcy sucked in a breath, swallowing hard.

The arousal was like a trickle down her body, her fingers and toes tingling. When he spoke, Steve’s breath was on her inner thighs.

“You can’t just _say_ stuff like that,” she mumbled, and Steve’s tongue ran along her slit.

She closed her eyes, gasping. “Shit.”

“What do you want me to do, doll?” he murmured, his voice muffled between Darcy’s legs.

“You’re doing it,” Darcy managed to whisper back, just as his tongue worked inside her, his thumb on her swollen clit.

He threw her leg over his bare shoulder and proceeded to undo her no less than three times. By the third time she came, Darcy was screaming, gripping the back of Steve’s head and pulling a few hairs out.

She drew her hand back, seeing the strands of blonde hair laying in her palm.

Her legs were like jelly, and she was grateful when Steve moved back up her body, wrapping his arm around her middle and lifting her.

He managed to shuck off his sweatpants, kicking them aside.

With some manoeuvring in between clumsy kisses, they managed to take off Darcy’s shirt and bra.

“I’m sorry about your hair,” Darcy whispered, and Steve chuckled, shaking his head.

“Means I’m doing something right.”

It blew Darcy’s mind that things could be this easy with him.

Not that fucking was ever easy when it came to Steve. It took everything out of her, because Darcy gave him everything.

She managed to let go. She managed to unravel.

“I love you so much,” she whispered, and Steve’s face softened.

When she kissed him, she felt the tears in her eyes spill over. She wondered what caused the crashing waves of emotion – hormones, or just good feelings?

Whatever it was, the combination was fucking perfect.

She knew she’d be sore tomorrow when he finally pushed inside her, her ass resting against the countertop with her legs wrapped around his waist.

She might not come again, just because she was too exhausted already, but sheathing Steve’s cock and feeling him fill her to the brim still felt so sweet, so good –

Steve stopped moving, making a point to cup Darcy’s face in his hands as his eyes bore into hers.

“Tell me how I feel,” Darcy murmured, and Steve nodded.

“You feel fuckin’ fantastic, doll,” he replied, his voice ragged. “Fuck, you feel so good.”

She smiled, pushing back the doubt and worry from before.

“It’s your turn to come,” she whispered. “I want to you to come.”

He nodded, hips beginning to circle. It was enough to make Darcy’s chin tremble when his pace quickened.

Some days, he was all she thought about – Steve between her legs, making her forget the world around them.

She tightened her legs around him and whispered, “Harder. Fuck me really hard.”

Steve’s mouth covered hers and he went for it, his hips snapping.

The world became a pinpoint as their skin beat together.

“It’s just you and me,” she babbled, managing to move her mouth away from his.

Steve’s fucking was relentless. Annie was more than right – Steve _fucked_.

“Just you and me -”

“Fuck,” Steve growled. “Babydoll. I love you –”

He tensed, his grip on her hips like iron as he came, face buried in her sweaty neck.

She felt his cock twitch inside her, his shuddering breath the only sound.

For a few seconds, they stayed together in the kitchen, his cock softening inside her.

Darcy kissed his eyelids, his nose, and his chin.

Steve finally opened his eyes and pulled out of her with a grunt, his seed already spilling out of her and down her thigh.

After cleaning up and showering, Steve was the first to slip into bed.

He watched as Darcy’s hands went to her Star of David, rubbing its worn edges.

“You okay?”

Darcy nodded, and then found the clasp at the back of her neck with her fingers and undid it.

She took Steve’s hand and pressed the necklace into his palm.

“I want you to have it. For safekeeping.”

“Darcy –”

She cut him off. “You bring it back to me whenever you go away, okay?”

Steve’s throat bobbed.

“Sure. I promise.”

-

The Gala was two days later.

Darcy brought Jane home with her after work on the Friday, taking their time to get ready before taking a taxi across to the hotel the event was being held at.

There were a few tequila shots between them, and Darcy helped Jane curl her hair just so.

“You’re really good at looking after me still,” Jane murmured, as Darcy took each piece of her hair and wrapped it around the curler.

“You make it sound like you’re an old grandma,” Darcy replied, rolling her eyes.

The compliment was nice. She felt she was still good at her job, despite everything she went through being with Danny for more than two years.

“I am getting old,” Jane retorted, looking at herself in the mirror and cringing a little. “Ugh.”

Darcy shook her head. “You will _always_ look young for your age, so shut up.”

Her diminutive boss didn’t mention aging again, and instead poured them both another drink, throwing hers back with little reaction.

“To your good health,” Darcy said, nodding at Jane in the mirror, making her boss laugh softly while she patted her newly sculpted hairdo.

Darcy threw back her shot, the tequila still a nasty burn down her throat, making her wince as she swallowed.

She supposed they looked more like sisters than boss and assistant, and Darcy liked it better that way.

They arrived at the hotel with their arms linked, standing shoulder-to-shoulder since Jane wore her highest heels.

There was an arch in the entryway for people to stand under to have their pictures taken.

“It’s just like prom,” Darcy muttered, and Jane made a show of shuddering.

“I hated prom.”

“Didn’t the captain of the football team take you, though?” Darcy said, and Jane made a face. “And you were prom queen?”

“Don’t remind me.”

They sidled up to the archway, standing together while the photographer consulted a list.

“Culver alumni?” he asked, and Jane nodded.

“Doctor Jane Foster and Darcy Lewis.”

He nodded back, taking a moment to aim his lens their way.

Darcy put up her hand to stop him.

“Wait. Let’s pose.”

She stood behind Jane, wrapping her arms around her middle and smiling toward the camera.

“Totally inappropriate, but okay,” Jane whispered, laughing just the same.

“Just like prom,” Darcy said again, and the photographer snapped them, smirking a little behind his camera.

They made their way into the ballroom where the other guests were standing around, some of them already seated.

“What is it with football guys and crushing on nerd girls?” Jane muttered, and Darcy shrugged.

“Opposites attract.”

“You and Steve aren’t really opposites,” Jane said, and Darcy had to agree.

“Sure, but – you know. I know what people would think when they see us together.”

Jane tugged at her wrist, forcing Darcy to look at her, and Darcy stared at the glitter she applied to Jane’s eyelids.

“They would think, good for him. She’s a catch,” Jane said, her voice firm.

Darcy nodded, not wanting to argue. She still ached from the sex she had with Steve in the kitchen. A good, satisfied ache.

She felt her heart swell at Jane’s words, and she gave her a small smile.

“You and Thor have more in common than most people think,” Darcy added, wanting to change the subject.

They loitered on the edge of the dance floor, not quite committing to the music. Not many people were dancing. Darcy figured that would change once the champagne sank in.

“You’re both fucking nuts,” she said, and Jane smiled.

“Yeah. God, I miss him.”

They nodded together, and Darcy wished there was a way to fix that for Jane. From what she heard from Natasha and Steve, Thor was elusive as hell, even to their Avengers team.

“Hey!”

Darcy turned her head and saw Annie rushing up to them with Pascal in tow, waving.

Darcy could see Annie was sober enough, her high ponytail sleek with her eyeliner sharp and thick. Pascal looked his same handsome self, wearing a tuxedo and a small yellow rose in his lapel to match Annie’s dress.

“Hello, ladies,” Pascal added, kissing Darcy’s cheek before moving toward Jane.

Darcy watched Jane take him in with wide eyes and a smile. She remembered her boss hadn’t met the Chilean millionaire before.

“Pascal, this is Doctor Jane Foster,” Darcy said, and Pascal nodded.

“I’ve heard a lot about you, and you might have to quiz me. I’ve been reading up on your papers –”

“Very dense stuff,” Jane interjected, blushing a little. “But fascinating to me, I guess.”

“You don’t want to teach like Annie does?” Pascal asked, and Jane shrugged.

“Maybe. I’m a little preoccupied with SHIELD at the moment –”

Pascal mimed locking his lips with a key. “Right. Enough said.”

They all sat together, Pascal and Jane in deep conversation while Annie murmured to Darcy about the last time she saw Pascal’s kids.

“I managed to get Halloween from Pascal’s ex.”

Darcy nodded. “You feeling better since we last spoke?”

Annie made a show of shrugging her shoulders, rolling her eyes. “I dunno. Maybe even showing up here was a bad idea. Faculty cleared my Instagram but I think I’m still on thin ice.”

“Those fucking –” Darcy cut herself off with a frustrated sigh. “You didn’t find out who leaked your social media account?”

Annie shook her head. “I want this job, Darce. Despite everything. I want to be a professor.”

Darcy nodded, looking around the ballroom at the other faculty members, some of them looking back at her and then glancing away like they weren’t spying.

Civilians were too obvious.

“So, Halloween?”

-

Trick or treating with Wendy and Jackson was more complicated than Darcy ever remembered to be when she was a kid.

She remembered nagging her mom to make her Dorothy costume, the rest of the night a kind of candy-hazed blur, but ultimately magical.

Jackson was a skeleton, his face paint the most complicated part to create, and he was constantly fidgeting while Darcy dabbed at him with a sponge.

Wendy was easier. She was Wonder Woman, with her black wig, lasso and tiara with matching gold plated bracelets.

“Wendy, you’re gonna freeze without a jacket.”

Steve, Darcy, Annie, Wendy, Jackson and Pascal were over at Darcy’s mom’s house getting ready to go trick or treating.

Wendy looked at Darcy who was still painting Pascal and screwed up her face.

“But my costume –”

“Young lady,” Pascal said, from his seat on the couch beside Darcy’s mom Rachel. “You will freeze. Wear a jacket when you’re walking and then take it off when you ring doorbells.”

Wendy nodded solemnly, and Jackson stuck out his tongue at his sister.

“Jackson,” Pascal warned.

It made Rachel chuckle.

Darcy finished Jackson and stood back, admiring her work.

“Awesome. Go show Steve.”

Jackson raced off to the kitchen where Steve was getting more drinks for Rachel and Pascal. They volunteered to stay and hand out candy to trick or treaters while Annie, Darcy and Steve took the kids around.

It was not yet dusk, but Darcy wore her panic button under her black dress just in case, putting on her witch’s hat and taking Wendy’s hand in her own.

Annie came out of the bathroom wearing her pink Glinda costume, winking at Wendy.

“Ready?”

“Yeah, I think,” Darcy said, and she knew she was tired already.

She wanted this to be fun, to show Annie was capable of looking after Pascal’s kids. Maybe if they only had good stories to tell his ex about their time with their dad’s girlfriend, custody wouldn’t be such an issue anymore.

That, and Darcy wanted these kids to enjoy themselves. She knew her own childhood holidays were strained with her divorced parents.

She wanted the kids to just enjoy being kids.

Wendy smiled up at Steve when he came back in with Jackson.

He was costume-less, which Jackson pointed out for the third time as they exited Rachel’s house, walking into the street.

“I dress up all the time, buddy,” Steve explained. “Time for me to take the night off.”

“Lame,” Jackson retorted, and he surged forward, Annie and Wendy following.

“Slow down!” Darcy called, shaking her head at them.

Steve squeezed her hand.

“Cute costume,” he murmured, making Darcy smile.

“What costume?”

The streets were teeming with kids in their costumes, and luckily Steve was not recognisable with his baseball cap, brown jacket and jeans.

Wendy threw off her coat at each doorstep they came to, posing with her fists in the air.

A little boy around Wendy’s age was running around as Captain America, and Steve laughed.

Darcy gestured to the boy, making him pose with Wendy and Jackson for a photo.

“And one with Steve,” she added.

The kid was oblivious, but Wendy and Jackson giggled, nudging each other.

Darcy put a finger to her lips, appreciating their discretion as she took the second photo.

The miniature Captain America raced off, and Darcy showed Steve the photo on her phone.

“I’ll send it to Sam.”

Just as she pressed send, a few kids came running past, bumping into them as they raced down the street to the next house.

Wendy and Jackson were keen to follow, so Steve took their hands as they broke into another run.

“Maniacs,” Darcy muttered, watching them go as Annie fell into step with her.

“Almost enough to thaw my icy heart,” Annie added.

More kids pushed past.

“Jesus,” Annie hissed, and Darcy began to laugh.

“Better get used to it.”

There was a beep of a car horn in the street and Darcy turned toward it, squinting as she tried to make out the driver in the front seat.

“Fucking idiot. He’s not meant to be driving down here,” Annie snapped, despite the children that surrounded them being within earshot.

The car beeped again, and Annie flipped them off.

“Go _back_ , asshole!”

The car stopped, and Annie froze, eyes ablaze.

Darcy knew Annie was more than willing to fight in most situations. Some selfish asshole driver was peanuts to her.

“Asshole!” Annie yelled, and one kid running past burst out laughing.

The front door opened, and a man in all black got out, reaching into his jacket.

“Annie,” Darcy warned.

She should have known. She should have realized sooner what was happening. Everything about the car being there was wrong.

It took no time at all, and yet the moment crawled. There was a crack that split the early evening air, and Darcy heard screams –

Next came a blow to her shoulder. No, it was her chest –

She was hit in the chest. Darcy felt something slice and rip the breath out of her.

It was like the worst panic attack, crushing her under an invisible weight.

She met the ground, still not entirely sure what happened.

Tires screeched as the car sped away.

Why wasn’t she feeling any pain?

She was shot. A bullet went through her. Didn’t it?

Darcy tried to swallow and felt light-headed. Annie’s face was all she saw when she opened her eyes, staring at the worry lines on her friend’s forehead.

She tried to speak, but words failed her.

“Steve –”

“He’s running back.”

“My button.”

“What?” Annie asked, and then she remembered.

Darcy felt fingers slip under her dress and find the panic button.

She couldn’t fucking _move_.

“Move back!” Annie yelled, to the kids that had begun to swarm.

Darcy tried finding her legs again but everything was like lead.

Hands on her face. Darcy knew those hands.

“Darcy!”

Steve’s voice was far away.

“Baby,” Darcy managed to whisper, before passing out.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [me the second I knew how this chapter would end](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DgebVjiXkAAfYls.jpg)


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me for this.

_"It's love's illusions I recall, I really don't know love at all..."_ \- Joni Mitchell

 

 

**XVII.**

 

 

When Darcy came to, she was rocking back and forth.

Her nose filled with an overwhelming sterile scent, followed by a musk she knew came from Steve.

She was in an ambulance, rocketing towards whichever hospital they decided on.

Darcy’s eyes swivelled to the paramedic whose head was close to her face, their fingers on the bandage on her chest.

She remembered everything, and began to sob.

“I don’t wanna die,” she wailed. “I don’t wanna die.”

Steve came into view, taking her hand in his.

“Darcy, honey –”

Her eyes were so blurry from tears, his blonde hair and blue eyes swirled around and Darcy cried harder.

“Are Wendy and Jackson okay?”

She blinked several times and Steve’s head hung for a second, letting out a breath.

“Yeah, they’re fine.”

The paramedic moved their hands away, checking the blood bag that hung above her.

“We’re three minutes away.”

“Steve,” Darcy wailed, feeling the same alarm. “What’s going to happen?”

Words were not registering. She tried to concentrate on Steve’s face, his hands wrapped around hers.

She woke later, the brightest Pepto-Bismol pink in her peripheral – and then she knew Annie was with her, still wearing her Glinda costume.

“What the fuck?” she mumbled, her mouth dry.

Annie jumped up from her seat next to the bed and stood beside her. She looked like she’d been crying, with long streaks of mascara down her cheeks and only half the face crystals from before still attached to her temples.

“Darce,” she gasped. “Hey. You’re okay.”

No, she wasn’t. Darcy had never felt less okay in her life. She looked down at her chest where the gauze and bandage lay over her wound and swallowed hard.

“What the fuck,” she repeated.

It was just her and Annie in her room. She wondered where the kids were.

“Pascal took Wendy and Jackson home,” Annie said, watching Darcy take in her surroundings.

“Did they see me get shot?” Darcy rasped.

“No,” Annie said, and Darcy let her head fall back onto the pillows, sighing in relief. “I made sure they stood back with the other kids, too, before the ambulance arrived.”

“The panic button worked?” Darcy asked, because she didn’t remember pressing it. Annie must have.

“Yeah,” Annie murmured. “Fuck, Darce –”

“Where’s Steve?” Darcy asked, cutting her off. Whatever sad thing Annie was about to say, Darcy didn’t want to hear it.

Not with a hole in her chest and a ruined Halloween night.

“He’s getting coffee with your mom. She had to practically drag him out of here.”

 _I bet_ , Darcy thought.

They sat in silence, before a nurse came in and smiled at Darcy like they knew her.

“You’re up. Excellent. I’ll let your doctors know –”

“She needs to eat something,” Annie interjected. “Before she has to hear any bad news.”

Darcy felt anxiety roil in her gut and wondered how she was supposed to eat at a time like that.

The nurse read her face and lessened the intensity of her smile, the woman seeming to register Darcy’s reluctance.

“OJ, maybe? Or applesauce?”

“Applesauce,” Darcy mumbled, and the nurse nodded, before turning her heel and exiting into the hallway.

Darcy stared at her hands in silence while they waited. Annie kept looking at her, making Darcy want to crawl under the covers and sleep, but her pain was intensifying the longer she was awake.

“Oh, thank God,” came the voice of Rachel, and Darcy’s eyes snapped up to her mother and Steve that were coming in with a tray of coffees.

Steve looked like a wreck, but smiled anyway. Darcy felt her eyes burn with tears.

“Mommy,” she sobbed, as Rachel came over and kissed her, cradling her face in her hands.

“You’re okay. You’re okay.”

Rachel shot Annie a look.

“Why don’t you go home, Annie? Get out of that costume and sleep.”

Annie just nodded, her chin wobbling.

“Hey,” Darcy called after her, when Annie grabbed her bag off the floor and made for the door.

Annie’s head turned. “What?”

“You better call me tomorrow, bitch.”

Annie gave a wet laugh. “Alright.”

Rachel gave a soft chuckle. She glanced at Steve who stood away from the bed.

Then she looked back at Darcy, smoothing her hair back.

“I’m gonna go get magazines. Because I am bored out of my brains in hospitals.”

Darcy knew it was her mom’s way of giving them space.

“You want a Sudoku?”

“Sudoku me,” Darcy replied.

Rachel gave her nose a tap with her finger and left, not before squeezing Steve’s hand and winking up at him.

“She’s flirting with you,” Darcy muttered once her mom left, and Steve drew up a chair and sat down, distracted.

He looked at the IV in her hand and Darcy saw his jaw tick.

“Hey.”

He didn’t look up. Instead, tears began to fill his eyes and he sniffed.

“Steve. Baby.”

“Don’t,” he muttered. “It should be me in that bed, not you.”

Darcy chose to stare at the ceiling, aware Steve was blaming himself entirely. She wasn’t sure how to tell him she thought she should have known the danger, especially being in the open like that.

He wasn’t going to listen to her. Maybe this was just a prelude to their demise.

The nurse came in then with both OJ and applesauce and a spoon, putting it all on the tray attached to Darcy’s bed and swivelling it around.

“Doctor’s going to come in soon and tell her the plans.”

“I can catch her up on some of it,” Steve offered, and the nurse nodded at him.

“I’m right here,” Darcy snapped, but the nurse didn’t seem at all bothered by her tone.

“Of course.”

She left, and Darcy shoved the tray with one hand and a growl.

Steve just took it all in with his face like stone.

“So, what happened?” Darcy muttered. Her gaze swivelled to his, and she felt so distant from everything around her. She may as well hear the ugly truth.

Steve explained the shooter got her on her right side, well away from her heart and major arteries.

“I’m lucky, then.”

“Luck got nothin’ to do with it, doll,” Steve muttered. “This was just strike one.”

A warning for what was to come.

“Do we have any idea who did it?” Darcy asked, and Steve nodded.

“Most likely the guys we ripped off when I was in South America. The mission I took instead of Natasha.”

“They want me. As payment.”

“We took away the equivalent of what they’d get from one woman trafficked, yeah,” Steve said.

“A life for a life,” Darcy breathed.

Rachel breezed in, unaware of the tension in the room – or maybe she chose to ignore it – and handed Darcy her Sudoku book and a pen, and sat in another chair.

She leafed through her own tabloid trash magazine, tutting occasionally.

“Mom, how long am I meant to be in here?”

“Two more days at least.”

Darcy stared up at the ceiling again. “Can I get some drugs then, please?”

Rachel threw her magazine aside, jumping up from her chair.

“You in pain?”

Darcy nodded.

Rachel walked off to find a nurse, and Darcy took her chance and glared at Steve.

“You need to get out of here.”

“Why?” Steve asked, his face softening. He no longer looked brooding, just hurt and confused.

“Because I’m beating you to the punch, Steve. You need to leave.”

He gaped at her.

“Go. Before I start screaming,” Darcy hissed, feeling hot tears start to rise.

The truth was, she couldn’t stand the idea of him seeing her like this, propped up on pillows and broken. Beneath the surface Darcy felt inadequate. And not just as a girlfriend, but as someone who was beside someone as strong as Steve.

“Darcy.”

“Please just go.”

She closed her eyes, waiting. She heard him move away, and opened her eyes.

In the doorway, he and Rachel were whispering, and then Darcy’s mom brought him into a tight hug, kissing his cheek.

Once he left, Darcy turned her head away and closed her eyes again, wishing she could sleep until the New Year.

-

Darcy ignored her mom’s judgemental looks and refused to talk about Steve. The next three days were an agony, and not just because of the physical pain.

The boredom was enough to make anyone miserable.

Darcy barely touched her phone. Rachel must have blabbed to Annie about Steve leaving abruptly because Annie’s texts left on read became a flurry of confusion.

_What happened?_

_Darcy, what happened???_

Several emojis in a row just made Darcy switch of her phone and return to staring at the ceiling, waiting for her next round of painkillers.

Rehabilitation might take weeks or months. The scar would be small, but it would still be a scar.

Eileen, the first nurse, quickly became Darcy’s favorite because she didn’t treat her like a helpless baby, and despite her constant loveliness she didn’t get on Darcy’s nerves.

She didn’t ask after Steve, unlike Darcy’s mom.

“I just don’t understand it, Darcy.”

She said this just hours before Darcy was meant to be discharged, shaking her head.

“He was going to break up with me.”

“How do you know that?”

Darcy bit her lip. “This was leading up to it. He knows being with him puts me in danger.”

“But you could get hit by a car tomorrow,” Rachel retorted. “So you’d rather be alone?”

Darcy shot her an icy look. “You’re one to talk.”

Rachel hardly dated anymore. Her enthusiasm for finding someone after Darcy’s father left them had worn off over the years, and she spent most of her time in her old house in Buffalo.

“So wouldn’t I be a good motivation for you to try harder?”

Rachel didn’t seem too hurt by their exchange, yet Darcy felt guilty.

Guilty, and yet – she _knew_ she knew better than her mom.

-

Jane came to take Darcy back to Brooklyn, doing her best to not talk about work or Steve. Darcy warned her they might run into him on their way home, but she didn’t want to see him.

She was glad her boss didn’t press her about it.

Darcy was weaning herself off meds, because she’d rather do it sooner than later, so her irritability made her harder to be around.

Rachel went home before them, brow furrowed.

Once they arrived in Brooklyn, Darcy climbed out of the cab with a wince, Jane’s hands clutching her spare arm.

There was no sign of Steve in the hallway as they made their way up to Darcy’s floor.

“You want me to stay?” Jane asked, and Darcy shook her head.

She was tired to the point where the exhaustion was seeped into her bones, and she knew the second she took her meds she’d be out cold.

Luckily she had another week off before she had to go back to work.

She felt the urge to savour a solitary existence, and yet she wondered where Steve was.

And whether he was okay.

“You got any plans?” Jane prompted, and Darcy shook her head. “Are you gonna be okay?”

“I’m gonna have to be,” Darcy mumbled, and Jane frowned.

Darcy shook her head for the umpteenth time. “Don’t start. I need to sleep.”

“Okay.”

Jane sounded worried, but made Darcy some tea. She handed her the mug as Darcy sat on her bed, pills in hand.

She gulped them down with her tea, aware of Jane still hanging around, picking her nails from where she stood beside Darcy’s bed.

“I’ll let myself out. See you,” Jane mumbled.

Darcy just nodded.

“Love you,” Jane called out, her voice higher than usual. She sounded more childlike and afraid.

It occurred to Darcy that Jane had never said she loved her out loud before, but she was too late to return the sentiment as she heard her front door shut seconds later.

-

Darcy’s week was spent mostly indoors with the blinds down. She knew the next season would be harder than usual. She could tell by the way her toes ached and how November felt more like the dead of winter every time she woke up alone.

And waking up alone sucked anyway, without the freezing temperatures.

She needed to see someone about her physical therapy but felt too tired still. She knew she’d have to wait until she went back to work.

When she returned to SHIELD, Darcy saw her desk was covered in cards and flowers.

“Some of those are from Pascal,” Jane said, pointing to the lilies in a blue vase.

There was a teddy bear with googly eyes from Tony Stark and Darcy couldn’t help laughing at it. He still wanted to know who vandalised his office.

There was nothing from Steve. Darcy took that as a sign he was moving on.

Which was good. He should. Except it still hurt a little that he didn’t even send her a note.

Darcy found Natasha in the gym, practising her knife skills with a piece of wood shaped vaguely like a human torso and head.

The spy’s head whipped toward Darcy and her eyes lit up, a bead of sweat trickling down from her hairline.

“You’re back.”

“Yeah,” Darcy said. She folded her arms, wondering if there was much point explaining herself to Natasha.

If she was honest, it was hard to breathe being back in the thick of SHIELD. She kept thinking she’d walk straight into Steve by accident.

She didn’t even know why she wanted to see Natasha, except maybe she just missed her.

She was in Sweden during Halloween.

They just stared at one another for a while, and then Natasha looked away.

“You don’t want to know about Steve.”

“No,” Darcy said, feeling her heartrate kick up at the mention of his name. “I’d rather not.”

“Darcy, he’s – ”

“What? What, Nat? He’s upset? I am, too,” Darcy snapped. She gestured to the bandaged side of her chest. “And I got hurt.”

“I thought you weren’t afraid,” Natasha said.

The disappointment was there. A kind of toxic, shameful disappointment that would usually have Darcy in tears, but she refused to be manipulated that easily.

“I guess not,” Darcy said.

She turned away, wanting to leave, but she spun back, balling her hands into fists.

“You were the one who pushed me to him. Wanted me to be with him.”

Darcy meant to have the same conversation with Annie and Jane, she just hadn’t got around to it yet.

Natasha’s eyes flashed with a kind of anger Darcy rarely witnessed, except when Danny was still around.

Darcy grit her teeth. “Except _you knew_. You knew the cost.”

Natasha’s throat bobbed. “Right.”

“So fuck you for judging me, Natasha.”

She couldn’t believe she actually said it. She huffed a breath.

She was crying again. She hated that her emotions were never contained anymore. Darcy went from furious to depressed in seconds.

When Natasha didn’t reply, just narrowed her eyes, Darcy decided it was best to leave.

She went to leave, but felt the spy grab her wrist.

“Wait.”

Darcy ripped herself away from her grip, glaring at her.

“You need to know something, and then I’ll leave you alone.”

“What?” Darcy asked, wondering what Natasha could possibly say to make her feel worse than she already was.

“You have a sister. And she wants to meet you.”

Darcy stared at Natasha’s plump lips, knowing she heard the words, but she still sifted through them in her mind, shaking her head in confusion.

“No, I don’t.”

“Your father’s second marriage,” Natasha said, her voice gentler.

There was something close to regret on her face.

“How long did you know, Nat?” Darcy whispered, her throat tightening. A fresh wave of tears came.

The redhead needed prompting.

“ _Natasha_. How long?”

The world felt like it was tilting.

“A while. Since you moved to Brooklyn. I had to clear you for security.”

Darcy’s anger flared once more. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

Natasha shook her head in a barely detectable way.

Darcy sniffled, wiping her nose on her sleeve like a child.

“I swear, Nat,” she whispered. “If I didn’t love you so much, I’d fucking hate you.”

She stalked off after that, leaving Natasha calling after her.

 

 

   

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's so memes I could use but I keep coming back to [this one](https://66.media.tumblr.com/6b64bbfbcf5e1dda4547e21b252fd186/tumblr_okz4e6nRsD1rqbl96o1_500.jpg). I was so sad writing this but I love to make you suffer along with me, so... there you go.
> 
> Also, the sister thing was in the works from the start. I know it seems like I threw that in at the last minute, but we'll finally meet her next part.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've learned I don't want to pace myself anymore! I hope I stay super motivated with this fic from now on. This part is angsty, but there are some nice moments. 
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to read this fic again after I took forever to update. I've been MIA lately but I'm optimistic. Also, plot bunnies happen in the darkest of times. <3

_"Just give me mercy, 'cause I keep hurtin', hurtin'..."_ \- Hayley Kiyoko

 

 

**XVIII.**

 

 

Darcy reached the elevator, hearing Natasha call out to her.

Being back at SHIELD brought everything to the surface. It was as if she’d been ignoring the outside world for the past ten days, in her own cocoon of pain pills and Netflix at home.

Now, she couldn’t breathe, and doubled over as the doors shut behind her in the elevator.

Thankfully, it was empty, but she needed to get it together.

She chose this, didn’t see? She beat Steve to his own decision.

She wished she wasn’t so fucking weak.

She kept breathing deeper, counting to five before exhaling. She wiped her face and wondered what she looked like.

She was on autopilot that morning and didn’t reach for her mascara, thank God. She would be a panda by then from her copious, pathetic tears.

She swallowed several times to contain more whimpering as the elevator doors opened and she came face to face with Sam Wilson.

“Oh, fuck.”

The words slipped out, and she covered her mouth, stepping out of the elevator and avoiding his gaze.

“Lewis, you alright?”

“Yeah,” she said, attempting to be light. “You just caught me off-guard.”

“Jane said you were upstairs, so I was gonna leave –”

Darcy allowed herself to look at him. He didn’t seem to pity her with his gentle gaze.

“Yeah, I was. I saw –”

She remembered what she said to Natasha just moments ago and forced herself not to cringe.

“Natasha,” she finished. “Except I might head home early. I’m not feeling well.”

“I meant to ask about your physical therapy,” Sam said, and Darcy nodded.

“Yeah, that’s… meant to start tomorrow.”

She didn’t want to meet another stranger to talk about her situation, to relive Halloween again. She felt her chin wobble.

Sam’s hand went to her shoulder and Darcy chose not to shrink away.

“You wanna talk about it?”

Sam was one of Steve’s closest friends, and Darcy had just bit off the head of the other, so what did she have to lose at that point?

Certainly not her dignity. And truth be told, they had hardly spoken since the summer when he badmouthed Danny and made Darcy cry.

“I dunno. I don’t know what you want from me,” she murmured.

Sam’s hand slipped away from her and he gave a small smile.

“I came to see if you could take Max in a couple of days.” He shrugged. “Figured you’d say yes. She misses you.”

Darcy nodded, knowing she missed the dog, too. She forced a smile. “Sure.”

Sam nodded back, and then his face changed. He hesitated, but Darcy looked away, starting to move toward the glass doors of the labs.

“You tell me if you need someone to talk to, right, Lewis?”

“Sure,” she lied. She smiled again, thinking she was being more convincing the longer she persisted.

She pushed the glass door open.

“Send Max over to me when you want. I’m free.”

She didn’t mention Steve, or whether Sam had asked him to babysit first.

-

The physical therapy appointment was in the SHIELD building after work the next day, and her assessment resulted in little to no participation on Darcy’s part.

“It’s remarkably resilient, the human body,” the doctor said as Darcy clumsily rotated her arm to show her muscles were hardly affected.

The main area where her bandage still sat stung, but she refused to medicate anymore.

The second she had a chance, she threw out her pills and switched to a shot of straight vodka.

As she threw back the liquor, she heard her phone ping.

An email from Natasha. It was something forward from someone named Noelle Lewis, which made Darcy stare for a few seconds longer than probably necessary.

Reality regrettably sank in again.

She wanted to keep her head down and stick to Jane’s lab and nights alone.

She opened the email anyway.

Noelle was her sister. She was eighteen. She wrote about seeing Darcy’s photo online for the Culver Science Gala, and she wanted to know if she was the same Darcy Lewis her father mentioned growing up.

Darcy stopped midsentence to pour herself another shot. And then two more after that when she was done.

She returned to reading, waiting for something to sink in, but she was numb. Her father mentioned her growing up. What could he have possibly said?

What was he like with Noelle, considering he was absent from Darcy’s life?

Darcy remembered him seeing her by chance in Manhattan a few years ago, and how he went white and fled.

The bitter bile of jealousy lingered for hours as Darcy reread the email over and over, before closing it and having one more shot for good measure.

She was face down in her couch when a knock woke her an hour later.

She was drunk and clumsy as she got up slowly, padding over to the peephole in her door.

She saw Annie in her professor clothes glaring up at her.

“Fuck,” she hissed, her voice slurred.

She took her time unlatching the door and opened it, wondering what had possessed Annie to come all that way after she’d been lecturing.

“Good, you’re not dead.”

“Yeah,” Darcy muttered, letting her past, and Annie stopped abruptly, staring at the extent of Darcy’s mess surrounding them.

“Jesus Christ. I give you space for a few days and you lose your fucking marbles,” Annie said, her eyes bulging at the stacks upon stacks of empty pizza boxes and takeout cartons. “You can’t live like this.”

“Well, I am already, so there you go.”

Darcy made her way to the couch and sat down. Annie saw the vodka bottle and sighed.

“Right. So the roles reverse now.”

She was referring to her showing up drunk at Steve’s weeks ago, when she felt overwhelmed by everything with Pascal.

“Darcy…”

Darcy looked up and saw Annie had burst into tears.

She wanted to disappear. All she seemed to do was disappoint people.

She pushed Steve away, and now all she wanted was to be left alone.

She watched as Annie cried, her face in her hands and she felt the nagging urge to hug her. But she couldn’t lie to her. She wasn’t okay.

“Did Jane tell you to check on me?”

Annie took her hands away, shaking her head.

“Natasha did.”

Darcy stared as best she could with an unfocused set of eyes.

“She told me I have a sister. She knew about her for months.”

Her words were slurred so she was careful as she spoke, and Annie’s eyes bulged again.

“What? Since when?”

“Since I was ten. My dad stopped talking to me around the time Noelle was born.”

Annie screwed up her face.

“Wait, what? Have you told your mom?”

Darcy shook her head, looking away. She had no idea how her mom would take that.

Annie made an incredulous sound, before sitting down beside Darcy and taking the vodka bottle from the coffee table.

She screwed off the lid and put the bottle to her lips, taking a long chug before coughing.

“Darcy, you have to – _process_ this,” she urged, still coughing. “All of this. The shooting –”

“No,” Darcy snapped, and she took the bottle from Annie and slammed in back onto the coffee table.

Annie, bewildered, raised her hands helplessly as if to appeal to her.

“What’s your plan, then? You think you can punish yourself for something that isn’t your fault?”

“Shut up, Annie,” Darcy snarled. “You are the last fucking person who should give me advice right now.”

Annie narrowed her eyes. “You sure about that? I’m doing pretty well compared to you.”

The second she said it, Darcy felt it like a slap to the face, and she grimaced.

“I had no idea it was a competition.”

Annie looked stricken, knowing she shouldn’t have said it.

“I’m sorry. We’re not competing –”

Darcy just felt embarrassed and alone. She wanted to go lay on her bed for a week. She wanted to drink herself to sleep.

She got up from her seat and stalked into the kitchen, and threw up in the sink.

She overdid it. She hadn’t drank that much in forever. It made sense.

Annie came over and got Darcy a glass of water, and handed it to her without another word.

“You going to meet Noelle?”

Darcy thought about it in between those shots and falling asleep, and she still didn’t know what to do.

She shook her head. “I haven’t decided.”

“Maybe I could go with you? What’s she even like?”

Darcy shrugged. Annie pulled up Instagram while Darcy waited for her ears to stop ringing.

While throwing up again, the second time just bile, Annie talked over the sounds of Darcy gagging.

“She’s _really_ pretty.”

Annie scrolled more. “Honour student.”

More than Darcy ever was.

She gasped for air, wiping her mouth on the back of her hand.

“There isn’t any other Noelle Lewis that look just like you on Insta. This must be her,” Annie concluded, before showing Darcy her phone.

Noelle looked a lot like Frank, their father, which meant she looked like Darcy, except Noelle had black hair and long limbs.

She didn’t have a gap in her teeth, either. She posed with a girl, their heads close with wide smiles.

“I’ll think about messaging her,” Darcy muttered.

She mostly said it to get Annie to drop the subject.

-

Jane encouraged Darcy to meet Noelle.

“Come on. She sounds nice.”

She sounded perfect, which made Darcy feel worse about herself than ever. No wonder her dad chose Noelle over her for more than a decade.

Darcy rolled her eyes, folding her arms as she swivelled her work chair in between reports.

“I said _maybe_ to Annie. Do you, her and Natasha all have a group chat?”

When Jane didn’t answer, Darcy’s mouth fell open.

“Since when?”

“Since – I dunno – since Danny moved to Brooklyn. We talked about him there ‘cause you didn’t want to hear it,” Jane said.

Darcy felt her cheeks burn.

“Thanks.”

“No, come on,” Jane whined. “Don’t be like that. You know what it was like then. You didn’t listen to me. Or anybody else.”

Even thinking about Danny made Darcy want to stuff her face until she was sick. She was lucky if she didn’t eat her feelings whenever something that reminded her of him popped up without warning.

Sometimes she swore she saw him when he wasn’t there. She even had dreams where they got back together again and she’d wake up in a cold sweat, relieved it wasn’t real.

“You guys make it all sound like I was oblivious. I’m not stupid,” Darcy muttered. “I was trying to make it work. He made me sure I’d only be happy with him.”

 _You were happy with Steve and look what you did_ , came a nasty thought in her head before she could stop it.

“We never thought you were stupid,” Jane retorted, though there was no bite to her tone. “We just felt helpless.”

“So did I,” Darcy mumbled.

Her eyes stung without warning and she looked at the fluorescent light above them, willing herself to stop the tears from falling.

“I feel like I’m unlovable.”

“Darcy –”

“I know what that sounds like,” Darcy added, cutting Jane off. “But that’s how it feels. And now Noelle wants to meet me, and she’s gonna see I’m nothing to be proud of. She’ll walk away knowing why our dad left me in the first place.”

Jane looked pained when Darcy finally stopped looking upwards.

“It’s fine,” Darcy muttered. “It’s just my own shit to deal with.”

“It doesn’t have to be.”

Darcy nodded, though she meant nothing by it. She had friends. But that wasn’t the issue. She struggled with the idea of anything other than a broken family.

Later that afternoon, Sam came running into the labs, out of breath.

“Lewis!”

Darcy’s head whipped towards the sound of his arrival.

“Are you okay?”

“I know I said Max needs picking up tomorrow, but there’s an emergency, so I have to fly out like, _right now_ and I need to get Max tonight.”

The words all came out in a rush but Darcy nodded.

“Okay.”

“What’s going on?” Jane said, dashing over from her whiteboard.

“Mission pushed up to now,” Sam explained, trying to catch his breath. “A chunk of us need to go tonight.”

“Steve, too?” Jane asked, and Sam nodded.

Darcy felt her stomach flip. She’d pushed away Steve’s name for a couple days. She tried her hardest not to think of him.

She hadn’t spoken to him in sixteen days. She’d gone longer before, but this felt like months.

“Lewis, he wanted to keep his distance.”

Darcy didn’t need an explanation. She was the one who made him leave the hospital, and though she hadn’t said they were broken up, he hadn’t reached out to her.

She hadn’t ran into him in Brooklyn. She was pretty sure he was staying somewhere else.

“You need to go,” Darcy said, ignoring the mention of Steve. “I’ll get Max after work.”

Sam just nodded, looking defeated.

“Leave it, Jane,” Darcy said, before her boss could say anything else.

-

Darcy still had Joe and Travis to guard the apartment building day and night. She wished they’d leave already, but that meant reaching out to either Natasha or Steve to arrange that, and Darcy felt incapable of communicating with either of them.

She got Max from Sam’s apartment and walked home. She had her panic button and Jane accompanying her, but once she let herself into Sam’s with her spare key, she felt like shutting herself away again.

Steve had been staying there. The place smelt of him.

A pair of his boots lay by the door.

Darcy left Jane to play for Max for a few minutes, pretending she needed the bathroom. She let herself into the spare bedroom and saw the bed made with Steve’s pristine signature style.

She lay her hand against the doorframe as she looked around, wondering what to do with her feeling of longing.

She needed to accept he might not come back to Brooklyn.

She checked the bedside table and the dresser, but she couldn’t find it –

Her Star of David. She wasn’t sure what to think. If he took it with him on a mission, that meant something. He promised he’d take care of it.

She left the room without looking back, and soon she and Jane left for home.

-

Darcy relented and messaged Noelle the next morning after walking Max.

_If you want to meet up for coffee, come to the SHIELD building. I can give a tour._

She found herself wanting to impress her teenage sister. A part of her hated herself for wanting to get alone with this usurper sibling, but she knew it wasn’t Noelle’s fault that their dad was a piece of shit.

Noelle had originally emailed Culver who forwarded it to SHIELD, and then to Natasha, so the kid didn’t need to be vouched for.

Darcy still hadn’t spoken to Natasha.

She didn’t want to end up screaming at a co-worker and have a report filed. She imagined Natasha didn’t miss her much, anyway, since she hadn’t come around asking for her.

Darcy took Max to work the morning she meant to meet Noelle.

She hung around in the lobby, pretending like the golden retriever wasn’t her emotional therapy companion, fiddling with the strap of the dog’s harness.

“Hey. Darcy?”

Darcy’s head turned and saw Noelle, unmistakably a Lewis woman looking right at her from across the marble floors, other people swarming around them to catch elevators upstairs.

“Hey,” Darcy replied, feeling strange.

Max barked, and Darcy caught a few agents staring.

Noelle saw Max and came over, cooing.

“So cute, oh, my God,” she said, kneeling to let Max lick her face while she pet her.

Noelle smelt like marshmallows. She looked up at Darcy and smiled.

“Wow. You look just like Dad.”

Right. They had the same father. Darcy nodded, her voice faint:

“Yeah.”

Except Noelle seemed to be the ideal version of Darcy. Taller and thinner, stunning and outgoing. She didn’t seem bothered by anything at all; the fact that she was in an intimidating government building, the fact that she was meeting her sister for the first time –

It was like water off a duck’s back.

It probably helped that she was eighteen years-old, as well.

Darcy let out a shaky breath.

“This is nuts.”

“I’m sure you’ve had weirder days. You work with Tony Stark, right?”

The kid didn’t know the half of it.

“I technically don’t work with him, but we’re under the same roof, sure – ”

“Can I meet him?” Noelle asked, cutting Darcy off.

“Why?”

Darcy sounded short without meaning to, and Noelle laughed.

“I want to get into MIT but I can’t go to college without a scholarship, and I heard he gives those out only really selectively –”

Darcy felt her heart sink. “Right.”

Noelle’s face fell for the first time. “No, I didn’t mean to come just for that. But it’s my dream to go there, and I already applied.”

Darcy felt herself nod. Max looked up at her and barked a couple times.

“Yeah, I’ll get him to talk to you if you want.”

There was an awkward silence and Noelle took out her phone, making a show of silencing it.

“I want to hang out with you. Dad says I’m on my phone too much, anyway.”

Darcy couldn’t stand this girl mentioning the man who walked out of her life eighteen years ago.

“You know what he’s like,” Noelle added, with a roll of her eyes.

But Darcy really didn’t know her father anymore, except she nodded at Noelle, pretending.

They were so different. Noelle was waving at random people they ran into while Darcy showed her the SHIELD building.

She kept asking questions, and some men perked up around her, making Darcy want to keep moving, avoiding any creepy situations.

It was awkward trying to gauge the kind of person Noelle was underneath all the smiles. She never seemed to falter. It was like having a persistent retail worker following Darcy around, except Darcy was the one trying to sell something  - the idea that she was a cool enough sister to consider keeping now that they knew each other.

They took the elevator up to see if Tony was in, and his receptionist called through, mentioning Darcy by her first name.

Tony appeared seconds later, wearing another suit with chunky sneakers and tinted sunglasses.

“Lewis! And – who’s this?”

“Noelle,” Darcy replied. “Uh, my sister, Noelle Lewis.”

Max barked.

“And Max. Sam Wilson’s dog I’m sitting.”

Tony didn’t seem bothered by the dog until she tried to jump on him, and he stepped back.

“It’s okay, she doesn’t know this is Tom Ford,” he muttered, and Noelle laughed loudly at his joke.

He motioned behind to his office.

“You want to come in? Confess to some googly crimes?”

Did he really have nothing else on his plate, or was he still obsessed with revenge?

“Googly what?” Noelle said, and Darcy shook her head.

“Just a stupid prank that I actually know _nothing_ about, Tony, so –”

Tony cut her off. “A likely story, Lewis. What about a drink.”

Darcy, Max and Noelle followed him into his office, and Noelle gaped at the stained glass ceiling above.

Darcy was used to it by then and narrowed her eyes instead at Tony.

“She’s eighteen.”

“What about a ginger ale, then?”

“Sure,” Darcy said hastily. “And then maybe we can quickly segue into you endorsing her for Stark MIT Scholarship for next year.”

Tony’s face changed just as Noelle spluttered, for the first time looking uncomfortable.

“See? It’s easy enough to ask,” Darcy said, giving Noelle a pointed look.

She occupied herself with patting Max for a while as Tony and Noelle spoke.

After half an hour, Tony’s receptionist interrupted to remind Darcy he had a meeting.

With the President.

“Oh, that guy again,” Tony said, making Noelle titter.

Darcy made a face behind her sister, and forced her disgust down while they made to leave Tony’s office.

Noelle walked ahead but Tony called out:

“Darcy, just a second.”

Darcy and Noelle turned. Darcy handed Noelle Max’s leash.

She tried to ignore her twist of anxiety in her guts again, as if she hadn’t been intense for the last few hours anyway.

Noelle left with Max, shutting the door.

“Big sister looking out for her?” Tony began, and Darcy folded her arms instinctively.

“Yeah. She’s very young.”

“Don’t look at me like that,” he retorted, frowning a little. “I am very much in love with Pepper.”

“I’m just saying,” Darcy replied, and looked him up and down. “The Tom Ford _is_ nice, by the way.”

Tony returned the gesture, eyes resting on her beaten up suede boots with puppy bite marks still on them. People were lucky to see Darcy with makeup on those days, so she wasn’t that offended by the look he gave her footwear.

“You’re still watching Sam’s dog?”

“Obviously. I didn’t steal her if that’s what you mean.”

“Yikes.”

Tony turned away, walking back toward his bar by the window.

“You sure you don’t need a drink, Lewis?”

Darcy thought about it, wondering how to politely decline without accusing him of alcoholism.

“I don’t do that during the day, usually, Mr. Stark.”

“Tony,” he corrected, getting himself a scotch on the rocks. “You can call me Tony.”

It was maybe eleven AM but Darcy had no idea what time he was on.

She waited for him to mention Steve. She kept her arms folded, glimpsing the view from the window.

There was a helicopter coming closer.

“That’s my ride,” Tony said, looking over his shoulder. “I should probably stop pissing off this administration, but – y’know.”

He finished his drink in one gulp and put the empty glass down, quirking his eyebrows at Darcy.

“Good talk, Lewis. Remember to take Steve back when you get the chance.”

He spoke fast and dashed out the door before Darcy could come up with a reply, her mouth open.

She expected it, and yet it was like a collision to her chest.

Once she headed out to find Noelle and Max, they ducked into an elevator. Noelle had to get back to class.

“You were cutting?” Darcy asked, and Noelle shrugged, smiling.

“I mean, yeah, but it was worth it.”

She was on her phone, scrolling as they descended. Darcy patted Max’s head while she considered her next words.

“Be careful when you’re around the men here. I don’t want them asking you out.”

She sounded so stupid, she realized the second that she said it, but Noelle just burst out laughing, instead of being offended or petulant.

“God, I hope not. I’m gay.”

Darcy’s eyes bulged, and felt her mouth drop again. She thought of the picture of Noelle on Instagram with the girl smiling with her face so close to hers.

“Oh,” Darcy said. How boringly heteronormative of her.

Noelle paused her scrolling and glanced down at Darcy. She towered over her.

“No big deal.”

“That’s great,” Darcy added. “I mean, good for you. Do you have a girlfriend?”

“Yeah. And she’s freaking out because I’m not back already. I have to tell her about how nice you were.”

Darcy felt something warm bloom in her chest and she smiled freely.

Noelle smiled back at her, and then Max on the floor of the elevator.

“And how nice _you_ were, princess!”

Max preened, wagging her tail.

Noelle glanced back at Darcy.

“What about you? Boyfriend? Girlfriend?”

“Uh,” Darcy began. She cleared her throat. “I mean, neither. I _mean_ – I had a boyfriend.”

Noelle frowned for the first time. “Oh. I’m sorry. Did you break up recently, or -?”

“Yeah, I mean. We didn’t exactly break up.”

Her sister looked confused. “What’s his problem?”

“It’s not really –”

God, Darcy hated how she sounded. So weird and unsure, like she was new at forming sentences. She hated not having the confidence to just state things like Noelle.

And what was Steve’s problem?

Nothing.

“It’s complicated.”

It felt like a stupid answer to give Noelle.

They walked out into the lobby, and Darcy’s sister turned to her, eyebrows hiking.

“This has been fun.”

“I’m… glad this happened,” Darcy said, nodding.

“I’ll call you or something. Is that okay? I feel like this was a job interview or something.”

Noelle looked hopeful, and Darcy wasn’t about to crush that. She deserved better.

“Sure.”

Noelle smiled, turning to leave. She paused.

“Listen, whatever it is, with your guy…”

Darcy felt her eyes widen, wondering where the hell this was going.

“I _know_ I have no idea, and I’m just a kid, but he’s missing out.”

Darcy gave a short laugh. “Right.”

Her throat felt tight as Noelle walked away.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Message me [here](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/ask) if you want. Thank you for reading. See you soon! <3


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my defense, when I am left unattended I listen to Jeff Buckley and write porn, so...

_"It's never over, she's the tear that hangs inside my soul forever..."_ \- Jeff Buckley

 

 

**XIX.**

 

 

It rained once Noelle left SHIELD, and it didn’t stop.

Not for hours and hours, and Darcy wondered if it might ever.

She and Jane shared an umbrella back to Brooklyn, and it was harder to walk together and keep Max out of the rain, since the puppy was determined to play in the puddles.

“I might take her to the groomers before Sam gets back,” Darcy muttered, as she and Jane peeled off their wet coats and watched Max dart around the apartment.

Jane shivered, rubbing her hands together.

“It’s freezing, Darce. How can you stand it?”

“Goddamn it. I wish I had an AI for this apartment,” Darcy grumbled under her breath, tossing Jane the controller for the heater as she kicked off her boots.

She nearly fell over again as Max tripped her.

“She doesn’t ever slow down,” Jane said, looking over her shoulder as she cranked up the heat.

Jane was like a lizard and craved warmth and it probably helped that Thor was always exceptionally warm.

When it began to rain earlier, Darcy instinctively thought of their Asgardian and her chest ached.

Jane always got the same look on her face whenever the thunder clapped.

“Pizza?” Jane said, and Darcy nodded.

Did she even need to ask?

Jane got her phone out to start ordering just as Darcy’s own phone began to ring.

“Uh,” Darcy looked at the display. She unlocked her phone. “Hey, Mom.”

“I heard you met a _sister_?”

Darcy spun away from Jane and lowered her voice.

“Yeah. I meant to talk to you.”

“No, you didn’t, Darcy Lewis.”

Rachel sounded apoplectic, and using Darcy’s full name was a bad sign. Darcy half expected to hear teeth scraping together as her mom ground them to dust.

“You weren’t planning to tell me _shit_. Who is she?”

“Who told you about this?”

Darcy turned back to Jane who looked up from her phone, shaking her head.

_Annie._

“Her name is Noelle and she’s eighteen.”

“Darcy,” Rachel said, for the first time sounding tired and sad.

Darcy swallowed.

“Mom?”

Max finally stopped circling the living room and plopped down beside Darcy’s foot and panted up at her.

“Mom?” Darcy said again, and then heard something grow louder in the background on Rachel’s end.

“Oh, shit. Turn on the news, Darcy.”

“What?”

Darcy’s heart sank. She motioned to Jane to pass her the TV remote.

“What’s happening?” Jane asked.

“Mom, what channel?”

“CNN.”

“Mom, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Noelle.”

Rachel sounded distracted, making a noncommittal sound from her side.

Darcy brought up the CNN feed, and took in the images.

Max immediately started barking, because Steve was on the screen in his combat gear, with a swollen, cut lip and blood on his face.

Darcy sucked in a breath.

“Mom?”

“They’re in some kind of standoff. Bystander got the footage and sent it in.”

“When was this?”

“Ten minutes ago,” Jane said, who was actually reading the text scrolling across the screen, because Darcy was too distracted by Steve’s face.

Darcy felt her heart in her throat.

“Where even is he?”

“Morocco,” Jane said. “Natasha told me.”

Everyone was talking to each other without her, because she chose to shove people away.

When had she become so self-obsessed?

_You piece of shit._

Natasha didn’t seem to be with Steve or any of the men all shooting in the direction of a group of beaten up Jeeps. All Darcy could hear was the ringing shots, and the CNN announcer stating over and over that Captain America was caught up in it.

“But this isn’t live, how do we know Steve’s not dead already?”

“We _don’t_ know that,” Jane said, her voice low.

Darcy didn’t want to think about the horrible possibilities.

Darcy forgot her mom was still on the phone and remembered she still held it in her hand.

“Mom, I have to go.”

She hung up without another word, and pulled up another contact.

Natasha answered after two rings.

“He’s okay.”

Darcy let out a breath. “What’s the situation?”

“Traffickers couldn’t keep up with them. Some civilian fatalities, too.”

Natasha didn’t judge.

“Are you at SHIELD?” Darcy asked.

“You’re at home?”

“Yeah.”

Darcy licked her lips. The same footage on TV kept playing over and over and Darcy felt her eyes prickle at Steve’s blood.

“I really fucked up.”

Natasha paused, and Darcy wondered where she was.

“It’s okay.”

Darcy’s throat was thick as she stamped down her feelings. Or attempted to, because she couldn’t stop staring at the TV.

The shots were jarring, and suddenly she remembered the car stopping in the street –

The sound of the air being cut as the gun was fired.

She had been so good at pushing aside things, for years and years.

She dealt with her dad’s rejection by trying to find attention and love with boys at school.

She coped with anxiety by having her taser as a crutch.

She dealt with Danny’s control by making the most of one of the worst situations of her life.

And now she was dealing with being shot by pushing away Steve, the person she felt the safest with.

It took so little to convince herself that she wasn’t strong enough, and now she was alone.

Jane took the phone from Darcy and started talking with Natasha, and Darcy sat on the couch.

She felt Max move up beside her leg and pant, but she didn’t look at her, just felt her fingers being licked as they lay in her lap.

“Darce. Natasha said Steve’s out.”

_Out?_

“What?”

“They’re leaving. CNN should have the full story in a couple minutes.”

Darcy remembered Steve confessing his love for her.

He said she ruined being alone for him, because he wanted her that much.

And then she _chose_ to leave him. She knew everything he’d been through, and how he always thought relationships were not for him.

Darcy lay down on her side and closed her eyes, wishing the world would fade away.

-

When Darcy woke the next morning, she was still lying on the couch with a blanket draped over her, the heater still going while she heard the rain falling outside.

No sign of Jane or Max.

She saw the note scrawled on the back of an old envelope on the coffee table.

_I took Max to work. Take the morning off._

Darcy saw it was close to noon. She must have slept like the dead.

She didn’t remember acknowledging Jane after she lay down. She felt another layer of shame.

She couldn’t be bothered to treat the people around her like they were even there half the time.

What did she expect? She was alone for a reason, and she was poisoning the people still attempting to surround her.

She washed her face and checked her phone. And then there was the sound of a door opening in the hallway beyond Darcy’s own apartment.

She held her breath, her phone still in her hand. She carefully made her way toward her front door, aware of each step she took.

She reached the peephole and saw Steve’s door open.

Her heart hammered as she waited. She heard footsteps, and then Steve came into view, coming back from putting something in the garbage chute.

Darcy turned away before she could make another sound, but not before seeing Steve stop still outside his door and sighing.

She sank to the floor and sighed.

She opened her messages and began typing, feeling her face grow hot.

_I’m so sorry. I miss y-_

The grey bubbles popped up and Darcy froze, catching her breath.

And then nothing.

Darcy waited a few minutes before getting up from the spot on her floor.

-

She left for work with Joe, since no-one else was available.

He talked about his daughter a lot, which was a welcome distraction to Darcy.

She otherwise felt numb, and the lab felt very big, sterile and distant, and Darcy craved her blanket back home.

Darcy swung by the med bay to get her stitches out. The mark wasn’t very big at all, but she still couldn’t look at without feeling like she might lose her breath.

She found Natasha, who was back to throwing knives at a wall.

“I don’t know how to fix this,” Darcy said, and her voice wobbled.

Natasha’s eyes spun to her, recognizing her. She blinked. She tossed her last knife aside and walked up to Darcy.

She pulled her into a hug and Darcy tensed, her arms still at her sides.

“Nothing’s broken.”

“I don’t just mean with you,” she murmured into Natasha’s hair.

She pulled back, and saw Natasha frown.

“You should see something.”

Darcy waited as the spy packed up her knives, wrapping them in a cloth, before they headed out the door and down a corridor.

They came to a small desk two chairs with a computer in a tiny, otherwise unoccupied office space.

“This yours?” Darcy asked, eyebrows raised.

“Not really. But it’s a spare one. And I can get into most PCs, anyway.”

Natasha wiggled her fingers before sitting down, logging on and typing.

Darcy looked at her hands as she sat down, still feeling guilty. She wanted to make it up to Natasha somehow, but she wasn’t sure how.

“I meant what I said, Natasha,” she murmured, and the redhead stopped typing for a second, looking at Darcy.

“That you’d otherwise fucking hate me?”

Darcy shook her head. “I never could. But you’re a real friend. I do – _I do_ love you.”

Natasha looked away, a small smile playing on her lips, near undetectable. She began typing once more.

“Me, too,” Natasha said.

It was the best Darcy could hope to get in return.

“Except I know your anger was justified. You felt like I’d betrayed you," the spy added.

Darcy nodded. “But I know you didn’t know how to tell me. Did Steve know?”

Natasha’s eyes locked with hers. “No. Never.”

Darcy believed her.

Natasha stopped typing and pushed the monitor so that it turned to face Darcy.

There was an image of Steve from yesterday, bloody-faced and exhausted. Darcy stared as she glimpsed the gold of her necklace around his neck, his skin speckled with brown and red.

“It’s not over,” Natasha said.

Darcy supposed either Steve told Natasha about the necklace, or that the spy just deduced it herself. Either way, she knew she didn’t have to explain any significance.

“I should go,” Darcy said.

Natasha just nodded, turning the monitor back.

“I should – I should – I have to go,” Darcy managed to say, getting up from her seat.

She didn’t say another word as she walked off, out into the corridor.

Her heart raced as she took an elevator down to the lobby. She knew Joe was meant to pick her up after work, but that was hours away.

This couldn’t wait.

-

She forgot her umbrella, so by the time she made it to Brooklyn, she was soaked through, but her body ignored the chill.

She reached Joe at the apartment building entrance.

“Darcy, what the - ?”

“I’m okay, just – I have to go,” Darcy cried hastily over her shoulder as she sped up the stairs inside.

Climbing the stairs two and a time, her blood running, she reached their shared hallway.

She got to Steve’s door, breathing heavily as she knocked.

_It’s not over. It’s not over-_

Once Steve opened the door, Darcy froze.

She was aware of her dripping hair, her wet clothes.

Steve’s eyes were wide as he took her in, as she looked over his face to see his cuts were almost completely healed.

He was wearing her necklace now, under his white t-shirt.

“Darcy. I didn’t know you were here.”

He was avoiding her, so of course this took him by surprise. He probably supposed he could crash here for a few hours before returning to Sam’s.

Darcy tried to make her brain slow down, to process her words properly.

“I- I forgot my umbrella.”

They stared at one another, and then Darcy felt herself blush.

“I ran all the way from the station. I ran there from work, I –”

She looked him in the eye again and pressed on.

“I know I’m not meant to walk anywhere alone, and I’m sorry, but –”

“Darcy.”

“This is _important_. I needed to tell you…”

Darcy closed her mouth and her eyes. She took a second to gather herself while Steve just stared at her with widened eyes.

Her voice shook. “I am… so sorry. For everything.”

She blinked a few times, before Steve took a couple steps, lifting his hands to cradle Darcy’s face.

It took just a second for their kiss, first light and tentative, to turn to desperate and longing.

Steve’s tongue swept into her mouth, and Darcy closed her eyes, sighing.

They shuffled back into Steve’s apartment and he kicked the door shut, and Darcy’s hands were everywhere, in his hair, on his arms, up and down his back.

They didn’t make it much further than the front door.

The desperation did not falter, and Steve’s hasty fingers went to her soaked jeans, wrestling with the fly, pulling them down past her knees.

“Please fuck me,” she whispered, as they sank to the floor, Steve on top of her while he shucked his sweatpants down, freeing his cock.

_"Please."_

She pleaded as if that wasn’t where this was going, and he caught her in another kiss as she curled her legs around him, as he brushed at her entrance –

 _“Ah,”_ Steve gasped, pushing inside.

He bottomed out and Darcy sucked in a breath, overwhelmed as he stretched her.

It took no time at all to come undone, despite the hard floors beneath her. The world fell away when Steve was between her legs.

It was over in less than a minute, with Steve’s thumb on her clit as he drove into her, trying to never break their kiss.

They lay there, Steve cradled in her hips, and Darcy was wet from sweat, tears and the rain. And she felt the mess on her thighs as Steve pulled out, rolling onto his back on the floor.

They stared up at the ceiling, silent except for their panting breaths.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [me @ me these last three chapters](https://66.media.tumblr.com/78a2d8f0c87eafea4a809f420c3c1eaf/tumblr_pbycxjfOzw1svmsajo3_500.gif)
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you for reading my messy angst! <3 <3 <3
> 
> Message me [here](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/ask)


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted part 19 a few hours ago. Check that you've read that part before this one to avoid confusion.
> 
> ps. this is NSFW so... y'know. Be discreet.

_"I'm with it, only for the night, I'm kidding, only for life, yeah, only for life, yeah, only for life, let's get it..."_ \- Kendrick Lamar

 

 

 

**XX.**

 

 

 

“Did that just happen?”

They still lay sweaty on the floor, looking at the ceiling, and Steve was the first to speak.

“Yeah,” Darcy replied, equally breathless.

They were silent a few moments before Darcy rolled onto her side, trying to gauge what Steve was thinking.

“You okay?” she murmured.

He nodded a few times.

“Sure.”

“Steve, we need to talk,” Darcy added.  
  
She never thought she’d be the one to say that, but they were both on his apartment floor with their pants down and they hadn’t done much else. She hadn’t spoken to Steve in nearly three weeks, and she just barged in and he came inside her.

Steve nodded again, pulling his pants back up and Darcy tried to do the same, except her jeans were so sodden they were a struggle to move.

“You wanna borrow somethin’?” Steve asked.

He seemed to be trying to hide his smile, biting his lip as he watched her shove the jeans off completely and kick them aside, the wet material slapping the floor.

Darcy covered her face with her hands and laughed at herself, and then she felt Steve reach for her and he wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her close.

He kissed her forehead and Darcy let her head fall to his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, too,” he murmured.

Darcy blinked. “Why?”

He moved his head so he was looking down at her into her eyes, making Darcy’s stomach flip.

“I should never have walked away. I gave your space, because I wanted to respect your choice. But I went about it wrong. I made it about me.”

Darcy made a face, but he shook his head at her.

“When you were shot –” His voice broke. “I was so angry at myself, dragging you into my life. I didn’t comfort you like I should have. I’m so sorry, doll.”

He swallowed, and Darcy tilted her head toward him, brushing her nose against his.

Their kiss was softer, calmer than before. When she pulled away, she pressed her face into his shirt and sighed.

“I need to move off this clean floor, baby.”

Steve chuckled, seeing the mess between her naked legs and the rain water on the floor.

-

After cleaning up and having dinner, they had sex on the couch, working each other over with hands and mouths for over an hour.

They made love without Steve being inside her, until finally Darcy couldn’t take it anymore, chiding Steve for making her beg.

She sank onto his cock, Steve’s eyes widening beneath her with his hands on her hips, guiding her.

It took very little of his strength to lift her up and down, and Darcy made no complaints, because her knees otherwise got tired too quickly –

With Steve finally inside her, she didn’t want the night to end. Something about drawing it out made it all the sweeter as the pleasure grew by degrees, Steve was more vocal, almost desperate.

“I missed you so much, I missed this,” he whispered, and Darcy kissed his neck, drew her fingers through his hair.

She was never going to leave him again. She knew she’d always regret those weeks alone, hurting Steve like that. She never wanted him to be resigned to loneliness ever again.

As she rocked, he looked like he was in awe of her, and it overwhelmed Darcy.

She wished she saw herself the way he did. Not in terms of attractiveness, but the parts of her that he clung to, the parts that made him wear her Star of David now, the gold shining under the light.

She wanted to see herself as a big deal. She wanted to convince herself that she was strong enough to be committed to someone, to be committed to a man like Steve.

“I missed you all my life,” she replied. “I love you.”

Her words didn’t feel like enough, but Steve’s face changed once more, and he blinked several times.

“Sorry, I didn’t want to start crying,” he muttered, Darcy still rocking back and forth.

She claimed him with another kiss, and then Steve pushed up and rolled them so she was beneath him, and he never left the cradle of her hips.

She loved that he had moves and didn’t understand how impressive he was at times. He just did things and made no show of them.

“I adore you,” she gasped, as he pushed her leg up to his shoulder, switching the angle.

Her core tensed up, and soon he pressed onto her clit as he kept thrusting, each drag so sweet that Darcy felt her lips start to quiver involuntarily and her toes tingled.

“Why are you so good at this?” she muttered, and Steve laughed breathlessly. “I should give you a card or something as a thank you.”

“I should be thanking you,” he retorted, and Darcy meant to scoff but she moaned instead as he sped up, hips snapping.

“I- _fuck!”_

Darcy’s back arched as she came, white hot pleasure coursing through her, and she clamped down on Steve.

He chased his own release, spilling inside her, face pressed into her sweaty, naked chest. He drew back, smoothing back Darcy’s hair.

She was still coming down from it all, feeling boneless. They kept tracing each other’s faces with their fingers.

“Eventually, you’ll have to get out of me,” she murmured, and Steve rolled his eyes.

“If I must.”

He pulled out, and Darcy’s eyes went to where they once joined, Steve’s seed drooling out.

She sighed again, her fingers dragging through the mess, feeling the consistency.

In porn, she hated seeing the women do that, and never understood why people were into marking sex partners with come.

And then she met Steve.

“Darce?”

“Hmm?” Darcy replied vaguely, and looked to Steve, who had her phone in his hand.

“Your mom.”

Darcy smiled. “You answer. She’ll be happy to hear your voice.”

“Stop trying to set me up with your mom,” Steve retorted, smiling back at her, making Darcy bite her lip and ponder a near impossible third round somewhere else in his apartment.

Steve put the phone to his ear and Rachel’s voice was loud enough for both of them to hear.

“Darcy, you said you’d call me back tonight. Jane said you ran off from work in the middle of the goddamn – ”

“ _Hi_ , Rachel,” Steve said, and Darcy covered her laughter with her hand over her mouth at the face he made.

“Oh, hi, Steve!”

Rachel’s whole tone changed, and Darcy rolled her eyes.

“Is Darcy with you, now?”

In all sense of the word, yes. And Darcy felt her heart soar.

“Yeah, we’re catching up. It’s good.”

“Okay, I won’t bother you two right now. Darcy can call me back later.”

“Sure, Rachel. I’ll pass that message on.”

He hung up, and Darcy burst out laughing. She leaned forward so that she pressed her forehead into Steve’s bare arm, her fingers dragging as she revelled in the feel of his smooth, hard muscle.

“Is it weird your mom is condoning makeup sex?”

They slept very little that night. Darcy would get sore and Steve was soft at times, so there was a lot of kissing, a lot of _Queer Eye_ to watch naked on the couch, and a lot of heart to heart conversations.

Darcy was sweaty and quivering, Steve’s two fingers enough to stuff her as she pushed up into his palm, and once she came, she bit down on Steve’s neck.

They lay together on Steve’s bed, the covers pushed aside hours ago, and Darcy rolled onto her back, Steve’s arm around her shoulder while he played with a piece of her hair.

“I convinced myself love wasn’t for me, either,” Darcy admitted, and Steve frowned.

“Why, doll? You had Danny before me.”

Darcy hated the fact that for months Steve had to put up with her being with Danny, and because he was such a gentleman, he took whatever moments he could from her, though her heart was locked away.

“Felt like that part of my life would always be a little bit shit, y’know?” she murmured, hating that old feeling of being afraid of abandonment that Danny always exploited. “I thought I’d be alone, otherwise.”

“Sometimes I have to stop myself from running away, from leaving,” Steve admitted, and Darcy propped herself up on one elbow to look at him.

“It’s not selfish to be with me, Steve.”

He seemed to find that hard to believe. Her hand fell to his chest, then trailed up to her Star of David.

“I’m not going to stop working, doll.”

“I know,” she murmured, voice smaller. “You just have to keep coming back to me.”

She lifted the pendant and pressed it against the flesh of her thumb, denting the skin before it bounced back.

“It’s a family heirloom, right?” Steve said, even though they both knew he remembered that.

Darcy nodded.

“So I guess we’re family.”

Darcy stared at him. Her throat tightened. A day ago she thought she’d lost him forever, and it almost felt like she couldn’t take the feelings she had for him.

“Yeah,” she whispered.

She drew him into a kiss, feeling his cheeks were starting to feel scratchy, and soon he’d have to shave unless she wanted rashes all over her body.

His hand was between her legs and she groaned, rolling her hips, coaxing him.

“Steve – ”

Her hand wrapped around his half hard dick and he took her wrist, releasing himself from her, shaking his head.

“I can’t come again, doll. I’m gonna die –”

“Then why are you picking on me?”

He chuckled, for the first time bashful.

“I’m sorry.”

They both sounded fuckdrunk and Steve took his hand away, resting it on her stomach instead, and Darcy closed her eyes.

Twenty minutes later, after a half nap, she put Steve’s hand on the top of her mound anyway.

She woke the next morning with Steve curled around her, and she liked not needing the heater at full blast.

-

The next week and a half was the best Darcy had in years.

She felt anxiety, but she felt more grounded than ever, especially with being the most honest in her life about how she felt.

She stopped floundering in silence and told everyone when she felt overwhelmed. She no longer flinched whenever she saw chest scar, and although Steve’s eyes always fell to it when it was on display, he no longer brooded about Halloween.

Natasha taught her some basic skills, and Darcy picked up a gun for the first time.

It was frightening, but she was aware that the more knowledge she armed herself with, the better she felt overall.

She also got back into using the elliptical at the gym, bitching the entire time that her legs were going to fall off, but she stuck to it.

“You are not my dad,” she once said to Steve, after she cried after an anxiety attack. “And we are not my parents.”

However comfortable she became, Noelle kind of threw that out the window, inviting Darcy to Thanksgiving after they met up for the second time for coffee.

Noelle loved that Darcy lived in Brooklyn, asking her about trendy places Darcy had never heard of.

“I don’t do foam soup. I just eat soup,” Darcy muttered, making Noelle snort into her gingerbread latte.

“My mom asked if you want to come to Thanksgiving,” she said, and Darcy choked on her own drink, a peppermint mocha that was so sweet her teeth ached each time she sipped it.

Noelle waited as Darcy recovered, coughing.

“You mean at your house, with my dad?” Darcy asked, and Noelle nodded.

Darcy thought she missed something. The kid couldn’t be serious.

“Where else would we have it?” Noelle asked, giggling.

She must think Darcy was a hoot, from the amount of times Darcy would say something dryly and her sister would be in near tears of mirth.

“You don’t know what’s going on here?” Darcy asked, and Noelle frowned, her giggles subsiding.

Darcy sighed, and shook her head.

“I haven’t seen Frank – Dad – in forever.”

“I mean, I figured – ”

“You’re not bringing us together like some fucking Sarah Jessica Parker movie. He left me before you were born and –”

Darcy cut herself off, because Noelle’s face changed to something sadder.

Darcy ran a hand through her hair.

“Your mom invited me?”

-

That night, Steve and Annie sat on the couch as Darcy paced, telling them about Thanksgiving.

“You can’t go,” Annie said, and Darcy nodded.

“Except,” she began, and Steve frowned.

Annie put her hands in the air. “You already said yes to Noelle.”

Steve nodded, having already figured that out.

“I’ll go with you.”

Annie shot Steve a look.

“Oh, _right_. Like that isn’t going to make things weirder,” she drawled. “Let’s hope nothing gets too Freudian, either.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We get to meet Frank Lewis soon, yay....(!) And I fucking hate him.
> 
> EDIT: "LOVE" by Kendrick Lamar feat. Zacari was one of my favourite songs from last year, and it perfectly illustrated my own personal relationship, but I listened to it about a billion times while writing this part but you should also check out the cover by Chvrches [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=msgimk3mV6g) because it is phenomenal and makes me cry.
> 
> Message me [here](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/ask)
> 
> EDIT: A new Darcyland Discord was created following Tumblr announcing its new guidelines coming into effect on December 17th. You can join by clicking [here](https://discord.gg/DZ6NTtQ)
> 
> Thank you for reading. <3


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, it's been a while since I updated this fic. I hope you like this. It's full of fresh angst.
> 
>  
> 
> [goodnight n go Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/12170838034/playlist/3iZopE38BBCG1erhu1iT3W?si=6HEv6iv3TruoJHxTSioRzg)  
> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com)

_"Lucky for you I've got all these daddy issues."_ \- Demi Lovato

 

 

 

**XXI.**

 

 

Darcy woke to hear Steve coming in through his bedroom door, and she turned on the lamp on the bedside table and squinted at him.

“Shit, sorry, doll,” he muttered, tugging off his boots and tossing them. “I meant to be quiet.”

“I hope you realize that every time you move in this bed, I move, too,” she mumbled, rubbing her eyes. She glanced at the clock. It was close to three AM.

“Sorry,” he whispered again, climbing into bed next to her and stripping off the rest of his clothes, throwing them on the floor.

“What happened?” Darcy asked. She wasn’t annoyed, she just wondered why he was gone for so long. He was meant to be back at dinner but phoned to apologize. Her hand hovered by the lamp as she looked deep into Steve’s eyes.

He seemed keyed up or something, wide awake.

“It’s – it’s nothing,” he muttered. He shook his head. “At least, it was nothing last time.”

Darcy frowned. The last time he got that look on his face was when she took the subway with him one time and he mentioned –

“It’s Bucky,” she whispered, and Steve’s eyes met hers.

“It might not be.”

“But you think it is,” she said, and Steve nodded.

“Yeah. I’m sorry, doll. I meant to get back here –”

Darcy turned her body toward him, sinking to his lying level as she took his face in her hands.

“I don’t care about that. What do you know?”

“They think he was seen in Europe.”

“Who’s ‘they’?”

“Intelligence,” Steve amended. “Nat was with me at SHIELD all night looking over the data. It points to it being the Winter Soldier.”

Darcy felt her heart in her throat. She swallowed.

“Steve,” she murmured, fingers rubbing skin. “This is huge. Are you okay?”

Steve looked away from her, sighing. “I don’t know if – if it’s him, then – why…?”

Darcy began to stroke his hair, and he closed his eyes, sighing again.

“You’re in all kinds of pain, baby. I’m sorry.”

Darcy held him for several minutes before Steve claimed her with a kiss.

When she woke again, Darcy remembered it was Thanksgiving morning. She groaned into her pillow, arm reaching out to touch Steve.

They slept naked again. Darcy was suddenly reminded of the cool air and shivered, rolling over to see Steve still asleep beside her. He stirred.

“We gotta get up,” she murmured, hands gliding over his chest. “Steve.”

He grunted, eyes snapping open. “Okay.”

Darcy wasn’t used to his enhanced reaction timing. It caused a lot of jolting on her behalf, and she moved away from him with her heart hammering.

“You coming to see my mom?” she asked, and Steve yawned.

“Yeah, of course,” he replied, stretching his arms.

Darcy got up and wandered around the bedroom to find underwear. She needed a better system that a floordrobe – a floor wardrobe – because she kept losing too many socks among other things.

“Where’s my bra?”

“Which one?” Steve asked, sitting up and looking on the floor. “There’s about five in this room.”

“Glad you’re on top of the inventory,” Darcy muttered. She finally found the thing under some boxers and sighed.

“Why don’t you just use one of my drawers like I said, babydolll?” he asked, padding around in the buff to find his own clothes.

Darcy was distracted by his bare ass for a second and smirked.

“I have too much stuff for one drawer.”

“Then…” Steve pulled on his boxer-briefs and put his hands on his hips. “…move in.”

Darcy’s stomach flipped and she looked away, trying to think of an answer to that that didn’t involve her sharing more of her insecurities. She had all but moved in to Steve’s apartment since they reunited. She hardly ever stayed in her own apartment across the hall unless Nat was there, and most of the time they watched movies and _Queer Eye_ on Steve’s TV.

Moving in meant a lot.

“I can’t concentrate with your adorable face looking at me like that,” she retorted, and Steve quirked an eyebrow.

“Please move in? Please?” he asked, and Darcy bit her lip.

“I’ll think about it,” she said, and he just gave her a long look while she dressed.

She felt immensely guilty but pushed the feeling away, sighing.

“I’ll think about it,” she repeated. “Which usually means _yes_ , but I’m kind of scared.”

Steve nodded, face slackening to something resigned. She knew he wished he could make her feel more comfortable. That was what therapy was for, which she promised to get into sooner rather than later. She just hadn’t made the call yet.

-

Darcy and Steve had breakfast with Rachel, and Darcy kept catching her mom making ridiculous faces at Steve.

“I’m so glad you two worked it out,” she cooed, and Darcy made a face.

Steve ducked his head, giving a short laugh. “Yeah. Me, too.”

He caught Darcy’s eye and squeezed her hand. Darcy wished they were back in bed, and not gearing up for Thanksgiving lunch at Noelle’s place. Or Frank’s place, or Darcy’s father’s place. She wasn’t sure what to call it yet, but the whole idea of it made Darcy’s guts twist with anxiety and dread, and Steve could sense it.

“We don’t have to go,” Steve murmured, his gaze steady.

“I want to,” Darcy said, because she did. Strange as it was, she had the compulsion to meet the woman her father was married to now. She wanted to see Noelle and be her sister even though the prospect was daunting.

Rachel and Steve exchanged a look.

“Wait, what was that?” Darcy snapped, and Rachel narrowed her eyes at her.

“Do not use that tone with me, Darcy. Your partner and I are worried about this going badly,” her mother said.

Partner? No. Steve wasn’t – except – well, maybe he was her partner. He was at least her boyfriend and they loved each other a lot.

“I’ll be fine since _my partner_ is coming with me,” she snapped, and Rachel just shook her head.

“There are people all around you who love you.”

“I _know_ that,” Darcy retorted. “You make me sound so stupid.”

The rest of their breakfast was tense and Darcy didn’t appreciate her mom implying that she was about to fall apart. The borrowed Rachel’s car and Steve took off with a shake of his head.

“Why were you so bothered by your mom calling me your partner?” he asked, and Darcy glanced at the side of his face, momentarily thrown by his directness.

“I wasn’t. It just sounds weird to me. Too… adult,” she mumbled, looking at her hands.

“You’re an adult. I’m an adult,” he said, sighing a little. “And you mean a lot to me.”

“You think I don’t know that? You wanna pick a fight with me about a stupid label?” Darcy snapped, and she saw Steve’s jaw tense.

He signalled and pulled over with little warning, causing Darcy to freeze up, her hands in her lap as she waited for him to start yelling.

“ _You’re_ picking fights, doll,” Steve said, sounding concerned rather than angry. He took his hands off the wheel and sighed. He unbuckled his seatbelt and turned his body toward hers, attempting to take her hands in his to make her turn but Darcy just stared straight ahead.

“I’m sorry I’m fucked up,” she whispered, blinking rapidly.

“You’re not fucked up,” Steve said, and he squeezed her hands. “Did you hear me? You’re not fucked up.”

Darcy smiled, shaking her head. “I am.”

She turned her head finally. “We should get going.”

-

They arrived at the address Noelle texted Darcy. It seemed like a pretty ordinary street and it wasn’t even that far away from Rachel’s place.

That hurt, but Darcy shoved it aside so she could get to the door and ring the bell with Steve’s arm around her shoulders.

A woman in her forties with long black hair and big eyes lit up at the sight of the pair, smiling.

“Welcome! Oh, my goodness. I’m Maria.”

Noelle came into view, her arms open to Darcy and pulling her into a hug.

“Thank you so much for coming,” she whispered in Darcy’s ear.

When her sister drew back she stared at Steve, raising a finger.

“Is that -?”

“Steve,” Steve said, offering a hand. “Nice to meet you.”

“Holy shit, you’re fucking dating Captain America?!” Noelle blurted, causing Maria to slap her arm.

“Stop screaming obscenities and let your sister inside.”

The house smelt of cooking, and Darcy licked her lips. The living room was so normal. Darcy wasn’t sure what she ever expected. There was a nagging question in her head:

_Why did he leave me and mom for this?_

Steve’s hand was close by, touching the small of Darcy’s back or lingering on her arm for the constant reminder that she wasn’t alone.

“Hey,” came a voice, and Darcy turned her head toward it.

Frank Lewis was still the same man, just grey and lined. He still stood the same way, still looked at Darcy with a boyish glint in his eye. He looked the same was the time she spotted him in the city, before he ran for his life.

“Dad,” Darcy breathed, and he swallowed.

His beard was grey and his glasses were probably even the same frames. There was a strange silence that settled over the room as Frank looked Darcy up and down as well, assessing.

“Darce,” he whispered, and Darcy flew to him, grabbing him tight and burying her face in his chest.

After a few moments, they broke apart and Darcy glanced at Steve.

“This is Steve, Dad,” she murmured.

Steve offered his hand and Frank took it.

“Sir,” Steve said, and Darcy wanted to kiss him for being a good sport.

“I’m taking drink orders,” Noelle piped up, and Darcy nodded at her.

“I’ll have something alcoholic, please.”

Everyone chuckled and Darcy caught Frank staring at her and smiled back at him.

-

Steve sat in the living room with Frank watching TV while Darcy was in the kitchen with Noelle and Maria, chopping and chatting.

“Did you meet Steve at work?” Noelle asked, and Darcy smiled.

“He’s my neighbor,” she said, and Maria’s eyebrows raised.

“Really?” she said, making Darcy smile more. “ _I_ should move to Brooklyn.”

“Mom, you’re so gross. Stop,” Noelle chided and Darcy chuckled.

She wished she was in the living room with her father but she liked Noelle and Maria was growing on her. She was first generation American Colombian, which was how Noelle had straight dark hair and a deeper complexion than Darcy.

“Why do we even celebrate Thanksgiving?” Noelle asked, placing the potatoes on a tray to brush them with oil. “It’s all about genocide anyway –”

“Noelle Lewis, please,” Maria hissed. “We do it for your father. And I’m proud to be American.”

“Oh, please,” Noelle said with a dramatic roll of her eyes.

Maria’s eyes met Darcy’s. “She’s upset her friend Casey wasn’t allowed to come.”

“She’s my girlfriend, Mom. You know that. Darcy knows that, too,” Noelle grumbled, thumping potatoes against metal.

Darcy bit her lip and Noelle muttered something under her breath. Maria sighed.

“I’ll see if they want more drinks,” Darcy said, gesturing behind her.

She walked out of the kitchen just as Maria and Noelle began to bicker in Spanish. Darcy didn’t speak the language but she knew what _pap_ _á_ meant. She held her breath as she walked into the living room. Steve looked up at her and so did Frank, sipping his can of beer.

“Hey, you guys good?” Darcy asked, and Steve nodded, his eyes glued to her. He was most likely sensing her tense composure.

Frank patted the seat beside him and Darcy stared.

“Sit down, kiddo.”

Tony Stark called her kiddo. Hearing it come from her own father’s lips sounded strange, like expecting someone to have a completely different voice to what they turned out to have.

“Sure.”

Darcy sat down, swallowing.

“Casey’s not coming?” she asked, and Frank instantly sighed.

“Noelle’s been-”

Darcy frowned. “What? She’s her girlfriend.”

Frank just nodded, sipping more of his beer. “You need to tell me all about you, what you’ve been up to.”

His demeanor was eerily familiar. It gave Darcy the same feeling as when she ran into someone from college and they were asking to be polite. Frank was doing it to change the conversation.

Steve was looking straight ahead during the exchange but Darcy knew him better. The tendons on his arms were moving too little for him to not be poised for a fight, verbal or otherwise.

“Dad, can we talk somewhere else?” Darcy asked, and Steve blinked, eyes swiveling toward her.

She trusted Steve but she didn’t want him to stop her from saying what she intended to say to her father.

Frank nodded. “Of course, Chicken. After lunch.”

He always called her Chicken as a kid and Darcy was instantly transported, a small smile spreading across her face. Maybe he could make up for lost time. Stranger things had happened. Steve’s long lost best friend was still out there.

They watched the TV in silence, and Darcy tried not to think too much about Frank sitting beside her but she kept analyzing every move he made, every secret look he gave her.

He must still love her. She was his first born child, never mind how that marriage ended.

When Maria called them to the dining room Darcy sat beside Frank and smiled at him as he winked at her. To Darcy’s surprise Maria, Noelle and Frank suddenly bent their heads and crossed themselves. Steve did the same the second he realized it was happening but Darcy froze.

Her father had converted? Since when? Maria was murmuring something about Darcy and Steve being there and Darcy closed her eyes, blushing. She hadn’t paid attention but muttered “amen” at the right spot, eyes opening again.

Maria smiled, offering green beans and Darcy took them, spooning some out.

“How’s your mom, Darcy?” Frank asked, and Darcy’s throat felt dry.

“Uh, she’s good,” Darcy said, thinking about how she left her a couple hours ago. Her mom didn’t deserve any of the shit she gave her. She wished she was there and holding her hand.

“She by herself?”

Why did he care and why did it matter? Darcy frowned.

“She’s got people coming today,” she said. It wasn’t exactly a lie. Most likely some of Rachel’s friends would be stopping by. Darcy chewed quietly.

“She got a man?” Frank pressed, and Darcy felt herself bristle.

“Why does it matter?” she snapped, and Frank let out a very fake chuckle. He sounded uneasy. Darcy seemed to bring that out of people too easily.

“Just asking.”

Darcy nodded, feeling her cheeks redden. She wasn’t asked another question by him and they all ate in awkward silence. After clearing their plates, Maria smiled at Darcy.

“We usually have a little break before dessert, so you can go sit with your dad for a while if you’d like,” she said, and Darcy felt Steve’s eyes on her.

“Sure. Do you need any help?” she asked, but Maria shook her head, patting Darcy’s shoulder.

Frank got up from his chair and stretched.

“Dad, that talk?” Darcy murmured, and he looked at her, face falling.

“Yeah, sure. Follow me,” he replied, and Darcy left the dining room with him, going to the kitchen and heading out a back door.

There was a little shed at the edge of the yard and Frank opened the door to it and stepped inside, Darcy following. It smelt of dirt and cigarettes, and Darcy spotted the filled ashtray and her nose wrinkled.

“Really, Dad? You never quit?” she couldn’t help asking.

Frank was immediately defensive. “It’s hard to do, have you ever tried quitting smoking?”

Darcy shook her head.

“Well, there you go,” he muttered, lighting up and taking a drag. Darcy crossed her arms. She found a little box to sit on and lowered herself.

After a brief silence, Frank shook his head.

“You look so much like your mother now,” he mused, and Darcy’s eyes snapped to his.

“I look like you,” she countered. She knew her eyes had begun to glare. “And you would already know that since you saw me in the city a few years ago.”

Frank exhaled through the corner of his mouth.

“If you came to pick a fight, this ain’t the day for it, Darcy,” he said, and Darcy looked away, swallowing. “Noelle asked me if you could come and I said yes.”

Darcy ignored the part that made it seem like she was lucky to be there and focused on Noelle.

“How come Casey isn’t here?”

Frank hesitated, and then he sighed.

“Oh, my God,” Darcy said. “You don’t _approve_?”

“Oh, stop it,” he snapped, and Darcy was instantly reminded of the fights she witnessed between her parents as a child. “She doesn’t have enough to deal with already being biracial, she’s gotta spend all her time with that girl?”

“Casey is her _girlfriend_ , Dad,” Darcy said, her face becoming fiercer. “Noelle’s gay.”

Frank looked away, smoking and shaking his head.

“It’s not a phase and even if it _was_ you take your child seriously,” she added.

“Is this just going to be an interrogation, Darcy?” Frank snapped, mashing his cigarette into the ashtray and brushing his hands on his dirty pants. “You as your mom’s puppet taking swings at me when you come here to eat _my_ food –”

Darcy clenched her fists. “I can think for myself. Mom didn’t want me coming here, because she knows you well enough. I’m eating _your_ food because I’m _your_ daughter and I wanted to see you.”

She breathed heavily, and Frank passed a hand over his face.

She felt her throat close up with emotion and she sniffled. She regretted the sound as Frank looked more uncomfortable than ever.

“Why didn’t you ever see me?” Darcy whispered, unclenching her fists and looking down at her lap.

“It’s been hard for me,” he replied, and Darcy shot him a look. “And from what Noelle told me, you don’t see your mom that often, either.”

She felt white hot fury rise up in her and she stood. She was taller than her father then and saw an old man.

“I’m the child! _I’m the child!”_ she yelled. “What about me? Why didn’t you love me?”

Frank’s jaw tensed. “I saw me in you, okay? You’re too much like me.”

Darcy frowned, her voice dropping to a whisper. “What?”

“We’re different,” Frank said. “It’s harder for us to – to –”

“Fuck you,” Darcy snapped, balling her fists again. “Why do you think I’m like you? Because you ruined my life. You abandoned me.”

“Darcy, I couldn’t do it,” Frank insisted, his tone pathetic. “I’m not cut out for this shit.”

“Then _why_ are you with Maria?” Darcy thundered.

Frank looked away, swallowing. “We’ve had problems before. I separated for a year when Noelle was born.”

Darcy let out an incredulous laugh lacking mirth. “I don’t even know why I’m _surprised_.”

Frank closed his eyes, sighing once more. “We’re having problems now, too. Financial ones as well.”

Things fell into place and Darcy glared at him.

“You’re a piece of shit and you make me wish I was never _born_.”

That seemed to hit a nerve and Frank finally stood up. There was a bang and Darcy spun around to see Steve standing with the shed door open, the door slamming against the side of the shed.

“Come on, Darcy, we’re going,” he said instantly.

Darcy wondered how much he’d heard.

“He was about to ask us for cash,” Darcy said, not even looking at her father as she said it.

“Yeah, I got that,” Steve said, and he held out a hand.

Darcy took it, not looking back as they walked back toward the house and into the kitchen.

“I’m sorry, Maria,” Darcy said, and the older woman frowned. “We’re going.”

“Oh, what did he say?” she asked, her face screwing up. “I’m so sorry, honey. I wanted him to try. I wanted you to be part of our family.”

Darcy hugged her, grateful.

“I’m so sorry,” Maria whispered.

“It’s not your fault,” Darcy murmured. They separated and Darcy glanced toward the back door. “He’s not in a good place.”

Noelle walked in, her face changing from joyous to outrage instantly.

“What the fuck did he do?”

Darcy’s sister moved to go outside but Steve blocked her path.

“I wouldn’t,” he said, and Noelle narrowed her eyes at him.

Noelle backed off anyway, irritable.

Darcy picked up her bag and she and Steve were out the door, making their way to the car when they heard the front door open and stomping footsteps following them.

“Hey! You’re staying!” Frank yelled. “You can’t leave.”

Darcy spun around, Steve beside her with his arm shielding her.

“You don’t get to tell me what I can’t do,” she snapped.

Frank looked lost for words, glancing up at Steve and then back at Darcy.

“I’m not gonna attack her,” he said to Steve.

“It’s not you I’m worried about,” Steve replied, his arm still blocking Darcy.

Frank narrowed his eyes at Darcy. “I’m your father.”

Darcy swallowed. “You need money? Fine. I’ll pay for whatever Noelle needs. I’m getting her a scholarship, anyway. And if you need a kidney sometime, _sure_. Otherwise I want nothing to do with you.”

She supposed it was an odd mixture of things to say. Frank looked hurt, stepping forward. Darcy moved back, Steve standing his ground.

Frank invaded his space, and all Steve had to do was press his fingers into his chest for his point to be made.

“You think you’re so fuckin –” Frank began, and Steve only stared him down.

“Frank,” he said, voice low. “You will never come near her again. _Never_.”

Frank looked like he wanted to throw a punch but he relented, stepping away.

Darcy didn’t look at her father when they peeled off. Steve took her hand in his and squeezed, his other on the wheel.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The whole song of Daddy Issues is like a punch to the gut but my fave lyric will always be "you're the man of my dreams 'cause you know how to leave". A sister snaps! I had this song in mind months ago when I first started writing this fic. Listen to the whole song [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c8GBc_XVmC8).
> 
> Edit: Travelilah made me a banner that I posted on Tumblr [here](https://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/post/182744920573/this-phenomenal-banner-is-by-skyforgedsoul)  
> I also made a corresponding moodboard for this fic [here](https://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/post/182745497958/goodnight-n-go-moodboard-after-shield)


	22. Chapter 22

 

 

 _"I know times are rough, but winners don't quit so don't you give up..."_ \- Kali Uchis

 

 

**XXII.**

 

 

Darcy fell hard to the mat beneath her, sweat pouring down her spine and forehead as she groaned.

“You hesitated,” Natasha said, offering Darcy a hand.

She took it, shaking her head up at her friend.

“I know.”

“If you hesitate –”

“- I die,” Darcy finished for her. “I got that.”

They’d been training for weeks. Darcy knew her ability to defend herself had improved exponentially but there was still a long way to go. She kept stalling before trying to land a punch. Since Thanksgiving Darcy had thrown herself into a new routine of work and play, trying to not let her last interaction with her father cloud her feelings too much. It was made harder by seeing Noelle every two weeks or so, but she knew it was important to value her sister.

Darcy trained daily with Natasha after work, and sometimes they’d spend the rest of their evening together if Steve was away or busy with something else.

“You hear about Jane’s date?” Darcy asked Natasha though she was out of breath.

The redhead shot her a look. “Stop trying to change the subject.”

Darcy raised her fists and they jousted, Natasha’s expert dodging too fast for Darcy to keep up with. Occasionally Darcy would get close to landing something but Natasha always bobbed and weaved right out of harm’s way. It was enough to make Darcy believe this was just an excuse for Natasha to beat her up once a day.

“Maybe – I’m – trying to distract,” Darcy huffed, “- _you_.”

Natasha suddenly whipped out a leg and Darcy fell backwards, the air knocked out of her again.

“Jesus,” she hissed. “You couldn’t try to take it easy on me for once?”

Natasha pulled her up again and shook her head with a knowing smile on her face.

“Can’t let you win. It wouldn’t be real,” she replied. “In a real life situation your opponent doesn’t let you win.”

“You never know,” Darcy retorted. “Maybe they’ll fall for me mid-fight and let me beat them up.”

Natasha chuckled. “As charming as you are, I seriously doubt that, Darce."

They showered and packed up their things. Natasha watched Darcy check her phone.

“Steve’s still busy,” Darcy read, sighing. She was sort of hoping he’d be home for dinner, but she’d just have to put his plate aside. She was used to his absence at times, but confusingly it was not consistent. Some weeks he was home every night with her, and then others he was nowhere to be seen and sleeping weird hours, stressed and keyed up.

“Bucky again?” Natasha asked, though Darcy knew she knew more than her. It was just an excuse for her to gauge how Darcy was feeling.

“There’s only so much worrying I can do,” Darcy murmured. “I don’t want him worrying about upsetting me. I’m okay. I just want him to be, too.”

“It’s a big job,” Natasha murmured. She zipped up her jacket as Darcy pulled on her beanie. “He might never find Bucky. It could be his lifelong mission.”

That broke Darcy’s heart. She couldn’t imagine what that was like, waking up to find yourself in another world with everyone around you gone or close to it. And then finding your friend again, only to see that they were taken and abused, used for evil for decades.

“I hope not,” Darcy murmured.

They rode the elevator down to the lobby and Darcy passed a hand over her face.

“Is it bad that I think this’ll turn out badly either way?”

Natasha blinked. “How so?”

“I can’t say it out loud,” Darcy whispered.

Maybe death would be kinder for Bucky. Maybe HYDRA would never ever really let go of him, their tendrils deep inside his brain, controlling him until he was destroyed completely. Darcy felt useless. All she knew was Steve. She was never really able to see him as Captain America.

Natasha didn’t lie to her then, telling her everything would be okay. Instead, she squeezed Darcy’s shoulder and they gave each other small, sad smiles.

Brooklyn was covered in snow. The whole city was icy. Darcy was looking forward to a half dozen blankets wrapped around her when she got home. She and Natasha shivered together as they walked from the station with their arms linked.

Natasha muttered something in Russian that Darcy knew had to be a cuss word and she smirked at the redhead.

“New York giving your homeland a run for its money?”

“Something like that,” Natasha said. Her nose was pink.

They waved at Travis who’d just come in for his shift watching the building. Once inside Steve’s apartment Darcy kicked off her boots and threw off her coat. Natasha was already going to the kettle to fill it up with water for tea and Darcy smiled at her gratefully.

She walked over to Steve’s room to go find her slippers. As soon as she opened the bedroom door she was hit with a wave of scent – mud and sweat - and scrunched up her nose.

She turned her head and saw the shape of a man standing behind the door and she froze, her hand going to her panic button around her neck.

The man was faster, emerging from the shadows to close his fingers around her wrist, his grip too strong for Darcy to rip herself out of. His other hand went to her mouth, smothering whatever chance she had of screaming.

This happened in a second and yet Darcy felt as though time had stretched. She couldn’t see the man’s face as he stood behind her. She could only hear her own shallow breathing, the panic rising in her chest. She was completely helpless.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured.

His accent sounded American. His voice was rough in her ear and Darcy tried to squirm but she was held in place. She wondered if she could manage to bite his fingers.

Wait – why did her wrist feel cold? She glanced down and saw the fingers wrapped around her wrist were shining and metal.

“Please don’t scream,” Bucky murmured. “Please.”

He took his hand away from her mouth and Darcy spun around, seeing Bucky’s face for the first time.

He was a mess. His face was unshaven with cuts and bruises littering his skin, his lip split and bleeding. He was covered in mud. He looked so different from his framed photograph by the bed that Darcy saw every day, but his eyes were the same. Big and blue, and they were full of fear as he stared down at her.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Darcy whispered.

“It’s a trap,” he said.

“What?”

“Your Steve’s girl, right?” Bucky asked, and Darcy nodded. “If he tries to save me, don’t let him. They want him for me. He needs to kill me.”

“We both know he won’t do that,” Darcy hissed.

The exchange was rapid fire and Darcy felt a sob nearly bubble up from the stress of it. If Bucky was there in Brooklyn it meant he’d been smuggled into the country, either by himself or by the people who meant to hurt Steve – the people who’d turn Bucky into a trap.

“Doll, you gotta convince him,” Bucky said. His voice broke at the end and Darcy swallowed hard.

“No, wait, wait, wait,” she hissed, her hand going to grab his arm but he stepped back, shaking his head. “Where are they?”

“I didn’t mean to. I brought them here,” Bucky whispered. “Where’s Natalia?”

“What?”

Darcy forced herself not to try and analyse that little blip and turned her head to see Natasha walking toward them with her pistol high, pointing it at Bucky.

“He’s okay,” Darcy said hastily.

“You can’t know that,” Natasha said, her face like stone. She looked him up and down, eyes narrowing slightly.

“The guys are on their way to get me, I ran here,” Bucky said, both hands up. “They’ll kill both of you. Or take us all.”

“How did you get here?” Natasha snapped. “Who sent you this time?”

“It’s not HYDRA, they’re smugglers. They grabbed me in Bucharest, I think.”

He wasn’t blinking like normal, it was like he was twitching to refresh his eyes. In no way did Bucky seem okay.

“We have to leave, now,” Bucky added. He looked at Darcy. “Please.”

“Put that away,” Darcy said to Natasha, moving in front of Bucky.

Natasha relented, holstering her pistol and glancing behind them at the window.

“That how you get in?” she asked Bucky and he nodded.

That would explain how he got past Travis. Darcy figured they needed a better system. Or maybe she should just never leave a room alone anymore. Maybe she would never, ever be safe again.

Natasha tugged Darcy back to the present with a hand on her face.

“We’ve practised this,” she said, and Darcy forced herself to nod.

They followed Bucky out the window, using the fire escape to make their way down to the alley below. Darcy had never been down there before. There were bars on the windows, save for the ones that Bucky must have bent backwards with his special arm and enhanced strength.

Natasha grabbed a small backpack from under the bed before they left and she ripped it open to retrieve Darcy’s own pistol and some knives.

Bucky glanced around the alley as Darcy checked her ammo. She was fine, for now. She hoped she wouldn’t actually have to fire the thing.

“Clear?” Darcy asked.

“Yeah,” Bucky and Natasha replied. They exchanged a glance and Darcy quirked an eyebrow.

“You guys know each other?”

“Something like that,” Natasha muttered for the second time in less than an hour.

Bucky just frowned and they set off together. They needed to split up and then meet at the safe house. It meant Darcy going to a gym a block away.

“We practised this,” Natasha said again, squeezing Darcy’s hand.

“Okay, I love you,” Darcy replied, and Natasha nodded back. She hadn’t quite managed that part of the routine yet but Darcy couldn’t hold that against her.

She glanced at Bucky hoping it wasn’t the last time she’d see him alive. He nodded at her.

“See you, doll.”

“Bye,” she whispered.

They separated so that Darcy could slip into the crowd crossing the road ahead of them. She didn’t dare look back but she knew Natasha and Bucky would stick together. If something were to happen to Bucky, Natasha was probably the only person Darcy could trust handling him.

She texted a code word, _Maxine_ , to Steve and weaved through the people. He’d know where she was. She hoped Bucky was able to evade his captors long enough. She kept glancing around at the people she passed, wondering if someone might grab her and pull her into a car and take her away. Her heart was hammering so hard she thought she might soon hear it in her own chest.

She reached the gym and got to her locker, taking out the backpack inside before slipping into one of the showers and changing as fast as possible. She waited three more minutes once she changed. She opened the stall door and looked around to see the change room was empty.

She left the gym wearing a black and teal wig under a Yankees snapback, knowing only too well that if Steve spotted her wearing the hat she’d never live it down. The point was that Darcy didn’t look like herself. Her outfit was less soft, and the fabrics were tighter around her body. Last time she wore the jeans she had on they were almost unbearably tight. She must have lost weight, or at least toned a little since then. Thinking about how she’d gained some muscle mass helped shift her mind from almost outright panic for a couple minutes as she made her way to the train station.

No sign of Bucky or Natasha. She didn’t have time to think about it too much before she jumped on the next train. She put in her headphones and readjusted her sunglasses. No-one was looking at her, but then again some spies weren’t so obvious.

“We’re almost there,” came a voice in her ear, and for a second Darcy forgot her earpiece and nearly jumped out of her skin. “Any trouble?”

“No,” Darcy whispered. “He still with you?”

“Yeah.”

Darcy wiped the nervous sweat from her forehead and waited for her stop. Once she got off, she glanced around to see no-one straggling behind. Everyone else seemed to be in as much of a hurry as her.

She had never felt more relieved than when she reached the little apartment above the rundown laundromat. The security code to get in changed every twelve hours so she just managed to get inside with fourteen minutes to spare. The code was from a text that was sent to her phone, Steve’s and Natasha’s every morning at 7AM.

Inside it was quiet, and Darcy moved down the short hallway to the living room with her gun drawn. She turned the corner and saw Natasha and Bucky together on the couch.

She let out a long breath, lowering her pistol and holstering it. Bucky looked paler than before.

Natasha was rifling through a first aid kit on her lap as Bucky watched Darcy come over and kneel beside him.

She supposed they should start over.

“Darcy,” she said, offering her hand.

“I’m… Bucky. I’m Bucky,” he replied, taking her hand and shaking it.

Natasha moved toward him and Darcy watched as Bucky lifted his shirt to reveal a deep cut along his abdomen.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Darcy hissed. “You were bleeding the whole time?”

To her surprise, Bucky gave a small smile. Natasha handed him some alcohol for him to clean the wound and he set to work as Darcy watched. He grunted a little as he first made contact with his skin, the alcohol probably stinging like a bitch –

“You okay?” Darcy murmured.

Bucky glanced at her. “I’m used to it.”

“Pain?”

Bucky nodded. Darcy nodded back at him. She went quiet, looking down at the floor. The last hour finally hit her and she felt a wave of fear. She thought of Steve, getting that text from her. Her phone hadn’t chimed and there were no new messages. She tried to remember where Steve was, or what he told her he’d be up to tonight.

She tugged off her wig and hat awkwardly, finding her eyes were pooling with tears already. She hadn’t even done any of the hard stuff yet and she was in tears.

“Doll, you okay?” Bucky whispered, and Darcy glanced up at him, sniffling.

“Am _I_ okay?” she said. She looked at Nat, whose face was also etched with concern. She nodded, shrugging. “Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

She wiped away her tears with her hands, standing up. She looked around the living room, trying to find something to do.

“I’ll go fix a snack.”

Darcy rummaged through the cupboards in the pokey kitchen beyond, deciding on making s’mores in the microwave. She stared as the plate turned and turned inside. The tiny apartment was too quiet.

She returned with the snacks and sat on the floor, taking out her phone to see no new messages from Steve. Darcy glanced at Natasha who was scrolling through her own phone.

“What now?” Darcy said.

Bucky was done bandaging his stomach and fidgeted in his seat. He couldn’t quite keep still, his eyes traveling around the room, ears no doubt listening out for dangers beyond the apartment.

“We have to wait for Steve,” Natasha muttered. She narrowed her eyes slightly at her phone, annoyed. “Not much else we can do.”

“I should go,” Bucky muttered, and Darcy glared at him.

“Don’t you dare,” she snapped. She lifted the plate and shoved it under his nose for him to take his share and he obliged, looking uncomfortable. “He’s spent too long trying to find you only for you to run away again.”

“It’s not like I want this,” he retorted. “I don’t have a choice.”

Natasha actually snorted at that and both Bucky and Darcy stared at the spy as she composed herself, shaking her head.

“Got something you want to share with the rest of the class, _Natalia_?” Darcy drawled, which caused Natasha’s eyes to widen in surprise.

So she hadn’t heard Bucky call her that. That made things more interesting. Bucky shoved his snack in his mouth and chewed while Natasha narrowed her eyes at Darcy. Once Bucky swallowed his food, Darcy finally allowed her gaze to drop from Natasha.

“You have to tell me something,” she murmured. “Because there’s only so much Steve could say, when he was looking for you, Bucky.”

She glanced up at him and he looked scared again, unsure.

“I won’t hurt you,” she added.

“I know,” he said.

It was a silly thing to say. It was hard to hurt someone like Bucky, at least physically, if she wasn’t enhanced. She did have a gun, though, and she was getting better at using knives.

“Bucharest?” Darcy said, and he nodded.

“I was there six months,” he murmured. “Uh… I woke up last week with these guys. They found me and… said Steve had fucked them over.”

“You said it was a trap.”

“Yeah,” Bucky rasped. He took off his cap and carded his flesh fingers through his hair, sighing. “So they took me here, and I escaped.”

That explained the blood and the mud all over him.

“How did you find Steve’s apartment?” Natasha asked.

Bucky blinked at her. “It’s the same.”

Darcy’s eyes widened. Steve had failed to mention that. “You mean we live on the same block as -?”

“They tore down the building years ago,” Natasha interjected. “I just didn’t think Bucky would… remember. It's the same street.”

“They’ll be watching us. And then I’ll have led them right to Steve,” Bucky said in a rush, his jaw ticking.

He got up from his seat abruptly and Darcy shot back, her hands up in fright. She watched him circle and then stalk off down the hallway.

“ _Where_ are you going?” Darcy called after him.

“Shower.”

He didn’t bother raising his voice. Darcy covered her face with her hands and sighed. She glanced at Natasha.

“Well, thank God. He stinks.”

Natasha gave a small smile in return.

-

She managed a few hours’ sleep beside Natasha in the tiny bedroom with Bucky on the couch. Darcy was sure he probably wouldn’t rest at all. He seemed as agitated as Steve often was when he came home from a mission.

There was little comfort Darcy could give him, since he kept to himself, ignoring them as they talked about banal things to pass the time. The bed was okay. Natasha squeezed Darcy’s hand when her voice began to wobble. Steve still hadn’t replied to her coded text. They had no idea where he was or whether any of the smugglers had figured out where Bucky went.

Darcy kept thinking about how Bucky and how frightened he was. She wished he let her touch him. She didn’t dare try anything like that especially since he looked like he was crawling out of his own skin. He reminded Darcy of her own anxiety that clawed at her insides.

“He’s fucked up,” Darcy whispered in the dark, turning her head against the pillow toward Natasha. She couldn’t quite make her out but she imagined her face being a mixture of sadness and resignation.

“He won’t suddenly try to kill us when we close our eyes,” Natasha replied.

“I meant he’s got a lot ahead of him,” Darcy said, and she knew Natasha already knew. Maybe the spy was just trying not to get too emotional about it like Darcy was.

When Darcy woke later the sun was up and she was alone in the bed. She glanced around, remembering the night and she felt her stomach tense. She threw her legs over and padded out down the hallway. Voices were murmuring from the living room.

As they came into view she saw Steve was standing with his arms crossed wearing his suit. Darcy’s heart flew and he turned, his eyes lit up. The intense relief that Darcy felt melted away the rest of the world as he pulled her into his arms. There was no safe house, no fear. Darcy felt invincible, until they broke apart a couple seconds later.

He cradled her face in his hands, and his eyes were shining.

“You okay, babydoll?” he murmured, and Darcy nodded, though her chest was tight.

“What’s the plan?”

His hands fell away. “I’m not –”

“Because I’m not going home yet,” Darcy added, her hands resting on his sides. She turned her eyes toward Bucky who was standing by the wall, his eyes on the floor. “And… I can’t waste a second. None of us can.”

Natasha was the only one sitting, and she was readying herself to explain something, Darcy could see it on her face. They’d probably discussed already what they had to do, and Darcy needed to catch up.

“Why didn’t you wake me the second he got here?” Darcy asked.

Steve swallowed. “Darcy –”

“I’m not going home. I’m not going home!”

“You can’t stay with us, we’re going,” Natasha said.

Darcy shook her head, feeling her eyes prickle. Her throat felt tighter. She looked up at Steve to see him looking so sad that she had to fight the urge to burst into tears and curl herself around him.

“You’re going to fight,” she murmured.

Steve nodded.

“And you might not come back,” she whispered.

Darcy glanced at Bucky, who was staring back at her like a deer in headlights. He couldn’t have predicted how intense she was and she wanted to apologize for it, but –

She faced Steve again.

“I can’t do this,” she whispered.

“What?”

“This – this will kill me,” she murmured. “’Cause if it’s not Bucky, then it’s Natasha or Sam or…me and – maybe I’m just not strong enough.”

“What?” Steve said again, looking like he might cry.

“I’m not strong enough.”

“Yes, you are.”

“No, I’m not,” Darcy retorted, shaking her head.

“Yes, you are,” Steve said again, his hands going to touch her shoulders. “Doll –”

“I’m not and maybe I never will be because all I’m thinking about is how mad I am at you for wanting to do the right thing,” she whispered.

Tears fell and she sniffled.

“I’m not strong enough.”

-

Three hours later, Darcy was sitting at home with Max on her lap, Annie on her way.

She was no longer staying in Steve’s place.

She played back the rest of her time at the safe house. They kept arguing, until Steve pulled her aside finally and took her into the hallway for a sliver of privacy.

“Darcy, I will come back,” he said. He kissed her lips briefly. He touched the place where her Star of David sat beneath his suit. “I’ll bring this back. I want you to stay, and be safe here. I’m so sorry. I don’t know if I could ever make it up to you –”

“Don’t you dare,” Darcy snapped. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

They kissed with mounting desperation, and when they finally broke apart Steve’s throat bobbed.

“Doll, I got a question to ask you when I get back. It’s important.”

Oh. _Oh._

“Okay,” Darcy managed to murmur.

Sitting with Max, she knew he meant to ask her to marry him. When she opened the door for Annie after Joe gave her the all-clear, it all came out in a rush:

“Steve’s gonna ask me to marry him.”

Annie’s eyes bulged.

“Oh, snap.”

“What?” Darcy said.

Annie pulled off her glove on her left hand and showed Darcy the giant ring on her ring finger.

“Holy shit.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit this took me forever to get here. HI, I know it's been a while. I'm still here with this story. I'm on the home stretch. THANK YOU for sticking with this story. <3


	23. Chapter 23

 

 _"I’m nothing more than skin and bone, with wires that make me tremble (so electrical)..."_ \- Eves The Behaviour

 

 

 

**XXIII.**

 

 

 

Darcy’s eyes bulged at the colossal ring on Annie’s left hand.

“Holy shit,” she said, and Max began to bark up at Annie.

Darcy let her in, seeing her friend was carrying a bottle of champagne in her purse.

“When did it happen?”

“Last night,” Annie replied, falling onto the couch and stretching like a cat.

Darcy went to get glasses for them and managed to only find two clean mugs instead of anything fancy enough for what she knew to be an obscenely expensive bottle of booze.

“Speaking of which, where were you? Your phone went straight to Voicemail all of yesterday.”

Darcy came to sit beside her, putting down the two mugs. She doesn’t want to rain on Annie’s parade so soon.

“Crazy busy.”

Annie doesn’t seem convinced. “We’ll talk after the first drink.”

She popped the champagne and it only made a little mess, but at this point Darcy doesn’t care about her apartment anymore. She wished Steve was here to celebrate, with Natasha.

Darcy’s yearning must have shown on her face because Annie touched her arm, sipping her drink while Darcy’s own mug remained untouched.

“You know how there was the big fall out with SHIELD?” Darcy began, and Annie frowned with concern.

“Is it HYDRA?”

“Bucky Barnes came back,” Darcy murmured. She sipped her champagne finally, feeling the bubbles on her tongue.

Annie’s eyes bulged. Darcy launched into an explanation, telling her where she was last night and how Steve had to leave with Natasha and Bucky that morning. In the time that it took her to explain everything, Max came over and sat across Darcy’s lap, her tail smacking into the couch as she panted.

“Now you’re scared shitless, which is understandable,” Annie finally said, giving a heavy sigh. “Did he ask you about marriage to lessen the blow or something?”

Darcy blinked. “No, I think he meant to ask me for a while. He just wanted me to know.”

Annie met her gaze and she tried to lighten the mood.

“Well, the good news is we’ve both trapped a decent man.”

Darcy gave a short laugh, feeling something like a sob threatening to overtake it with the passing seconds. She pictured Steve running toward gunfire with his shield aloft.

-

“Bad news, Darce,” Noelle began, when Darcy grabbed her phone in time to answer it.

She took a spare second to shower after not doing so for three days. She was in a state of constant agitation, hoping her phone would light up with some news.

Her heart sank at Noelle’s words.

“Did he take off?” she murmured.

“Yeah,” Noelle breathed. She sounded like she was trying to keep everything in. She drew in a sharp breath. “Yesterday.”

That heartless bastard. Darcy closed her eyes, passing a hand over her face. Max was lying on her bed and Darcy shifted in her towel she’d wrapped around herself.

“Can I come over?” she asked, and Noelle sniffled.

“Okay.”

“I’ll grab some stuff and bring Max, is that okay?”

Noelle began to cry and Darcy felt her eyes sting.

“I’ll be there as soon as I can, I promise.”

Darcy got an Uber across town. She didn’t care about the fee, she worried that Noelle might turn her away at the last second, blame her for their father leaving. Instead, Noelle answered the door with her mother Maria beside her and Darcy flew into a hug.

Though she’s still a lot shorter than her younger sister, Darcy was able to cradle Noelle on the couch as she sobbed. Maria made them tea and held Noelle’s hand in hers.

“I’m sorry, Maria,” Darcy whispered. “I feel like me showing up for Thanksgiving had something to do with –”

Maria shot her a sharp glance. “It’s not your fault. What a man does is never your fault.”

Darcy’s lips parted but she snapped her mouth shut again, nodding.

Noelle let Darcy play with her hair while she stared into space.

“I got in.”

“What?”

“Early admission to MIT,” Noelle went on, wiping her nose with her sleeve. “Tony Stark has a program for upcoming high school graduates.”

Darcy knew all this but nodded, giving her sister a small smile.

“I’m really proud of you.”

Noelle nodded. She was probably still thinking of their father and whether he would care.

Max was lying on the floor, sleeping. Noelle reached down to stroke her fur.

Darcy had dinner with Maria and Noelle, and stayed up when Noelle went to bed. She sat with Maria in the kitchen, sharing some chocolate with milky cups of tea.

“How could he do this to her?” Darcy whispered, her voice wobbling at the end. She’d tried so hard to keep her composure that day, but the night brought back all the heavy thoughts. “She’s a kid. She didn’t need to know how much he could hurt her. Not now.”

She thought of Noelle trying to find love in the wrong places like Darcy used to do. She could end up in an abusive relationship because she felt it was all she deserved.

“You have a lot in common,” Maria admitted. “Your daddy’s left you both. But she’s got you, when you didn’t have her.”

Darcy’s eyes met Maria’s and she felt fresh tears fall.

“Why did he leave my mother for you? Why did he leave _you_?”

Maria looked toward the ceiling for a second, murmuring something in Spanish that Darcy didn’t know.

“He was always so charming, but even in the early days I knew there was a piece missing. He could never really attach to people.”

Darcy remembered school and college before she met Jane and Erik and she swallowed hard, trying to not see parallels. She knew she had attachments now. She was waiting for Steve to come back. She had real friends, she had her mother.

And she had Noelle.

“I shouldn’t bring up my mom,” Darcy muttered, shaking her head. “She said they weren’t compatible. I don’t even remember them being happy together when I was little.”

Maria nodded, taking a small sip of her drink before speaking again.

“He left Noelle and I went she was a baby for three months.”

Darcy nodded. “He told me. Said he also had financial problems.”

“He’s got debts, but he left _me_ , Darcy. He sent money the last time he left, and I’m sure he’ll feel too guilty to not do the same this time.”

Darcy shook her head, her limbs feeling heavier.

“Frank is a guilty man, and he knows he’s a coward.”

Maria didn’t sound as if she loved him. Darcy watched her finish her drink and take it away, leaving Darcy sitting at the table as she cleaned up. Darcy leaned down to scratch Max’s ears.

_Darcy, I couldn’t do it. I’m not cut out for this shit._

She thought of Steve the other day when she told him she wasn’t strong enough.

_This will kill me._

It couldn’t. She’d waited her whole life for Steve. She was capable, or she wanted to be.

-

Pascal’s ex was the one who leaked Annie’s social media accounts to the Culver University board. She flew into a rage when Pascal told her he was marrying Annie that whatever sabotage she was trying to achieve wasn’t working because he was in love.

Isabel showed up at the mansion upstate when Darcy, Annie and Pascal were sitting around a bonfire toasting marshmallows. It was a week after Steve left and Annie dragged Darcy out of the city to get her mind off things.

By the way Isabel was acting it was hard to believe she was ever happily married to Pascal. She was beautiful, blonde and terrifying with how her veins popped out in her neck while she screamed.

“Holy shit,” Darcy murmured to Annie.

Pascal was trying to calm her down, but it only seemed to irritate her more, screaming obscenities across the lawn.

Darcy glanced at Annie who was trying her best not to react to it all, because she was trying out an uncharacteristic ploy of not engaging with her own cuss words or threats.

Darcy had already spent her week holding a lot in so she was up from her chair in seconds, putting down her drink and sunglasses as she made her way toward Isabel and Pascal.

“Darcy,” Pascal began, “It’s alright. She’s just upset.”

“ _Who_ the fuck is she?” Isabel said, her eyes traveling up and down Darcy’s smaller, wider shape. Her perfectly sculpted nose wrinkled with disgust.

“I’m the maid of fucking honor, who the fuck are you?” Darcy replied, and Isabel turned a deeper shade of red. “You’re trespassing on private property.”

“You’re the one who got shot in front of my kids,” she added, and Darcy narrowed her eyes for a second. “Wendy cried over you for weeks and I had no idea who she was talking about.”

Darcy felt her heart sink, but pressed on.

“You want to be a good example for Wendy? Leave now. And where are they, by the way? I thought you had them this weekend.”

“Darcy has been nothing but an angel toward our kids, Is,” he said, and Isabel shot him another glare. “And I’m wondering why you drove all this way just to disturb our afternoon when you’ve got Wendy and Jackson all to yourself.”

Isabel looks hurt, her chin starting to quiver. Darcy feels sorry for her for just a second, until she doesn’t spot any real tears start to form in her eyes as she whimpers.

“Please don’t marry her.”

Darcy looked toward the skies for a second and yawns, a flicker of irritation on Isabel’s face before she manages to push it down, gazing at Pascal imploringly.

“She’ll only bring embarrassment to your name. See what her online antics have already done?”

Pascal just stared her down, his hands going to his hips.

“Really, Is. You’ve got all the embarrassment covered, darling.”

Isabel looked like she’d been slapped. “You’re both disgusting.”

She shot Darcy another venomous look.

“And I don’t know who you are, but you’re a pig, too.”

“Get out, lady, before I sic my Retriever on you.”

Isabel huffed and walked off. Pascal pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing.

“You sweet girls, I’m sorry,” he said to them both, but Darcy shrugged.

Max came over with a stick and she began to laugh, tugging the dog toward her and hugging her.

-

Hours later in the dead of night Darcy’s phone lit up.

_Charlie Oscar Mike Alpha_

Darcy squinted in the dark, bringing the text message closer to her face. The realization dawned on her and her heart was in her throat.

She fired back a message, her hands shaking:

_Near? Or far?_

She swallowed, waiting mere seconds for the next message:

_Near. Sorry doll_

Darcy knew it wasn’t Steve texting her, because he never referred to her by a name, not even a term of endearment. She looked back at the first message that was sent.

It was Bucky, using Steve’s phone to text her, using the NATO phonetic alphabet.

It spelled out ‘coma’.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's felt so much longer than a couple months since I've visited this story. Obviously Endgame was a tough time and it was hard for me to get back into the right head space for my version of Steve. 
> 
> Thank you for your patience. Thank you for reading. <3  
> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	24. Chapter 24

_"And you're an all-American boy, I guess I couldn't help trying to be your best American girl..."_ \- Mitski

 

 

**XXIV.**

 

Darcy began to cry, her breath coming in short gasps. She stared at the wall in the dark as she waited with mounting desperation for someone to pick up Steve’s phone.

If he was in a coma, did that mean they were captured? Where did they go? Was anyone else in a similar state? Could someone have stolen the phone and worked out which contact in Steve’s burner was Darcy’s phone number?

She went to Voicemail but she hit redial before she could leave a message. The second time, she went straight to Voicemail without any rings. Things seemed to have gone from bad to worse, and Steve’s phone must have died.

Darcy squeezed her eyes shut and took a deep breath. In a number of seconds, it was as if her body was telling her _enough_ , and she felt a wave of resolute calm wash over her and she opened her eyes to the dark once more.

She called every relevant number in her phone. Natasha’s phone was disconnected. Sam’s phone went to Voicemail. She didn’t have a phone number for Bucky, in fact she was quite sure he didn’t have a phone since he was on the run. She checked the time and saw it was three A.M. She ordered an Uber and left Pascal’s place without saying goodbye, deciding instead to leave a note for Annie on the fridge.

Her fingers kept going to the panic button around her neck, but she never felt the need to press it as she sped back toward the city. Once she arrived at the offices of SHIELD she let herself in with her pass. She would be safest there. She knew she’d have to wait this out until she had more information.

-

Jane shook her shoulder, and Darcy’s eyes snapped open. The sun was streaming in through the windows and Jane stood over her with a coffee in hand.

“Natasha called. They’re in a hospital in Sweden.”

“Sweden?” Darcy repeated groggily, wiping the drool from her mouth.

She must have fallen asleep at her desk midway through her data entry. She looked at the clock on her laptop and saw it was just after 8 AM. She grabbed her coat from the back of her chair as Jane watched her.

“Please be careful,” she said, and Darcy brought her into a tight hug, pressing a kiss to her friend’s cheek.

“I love you.”

“Love you, too,” Jane said. They never usually said it to one another, and Darcy thought she should start doing that more, make the people around her feel appreciated, because they absolutely were. She had no idea what she’d ever do without her friends, and she hoped desperately she’d never have to.

Darcy took the executive elevator up to Tony Stark’s office and let herself out, seeing Tony sitting at his desk with an expectant expression on his face.

“It's about time, kiddo.”

“I need transport,” Darcy said, ignoring his jibe.

Tony’s eyebrows hiked. “What -?”

“Long story fucking short, Mr. Stark, my boyfriend went to fight smugglers with Natasha, Sam and Bucky Barnes.”

Tony’s mouth parted in shock and he shook his head, trying to process her words.

“Bucky Barnes, as in his ex-HYDRA buddy?”

Darcy nodded, feeling her throat begin to close with emotion.

“I left Sam Wilson’s dog downstairs with Jane, but he’ll need somewhere to stay for a few days while I go find Steve,” she babbled, and her lips began to quiver when her thoughts became too much. “Tony, I need to be in Sweden, like… yesterday.”

“I get it,” he said. He was suddenly serious, talking to JARVIS to organize a private jet for Darcy while she paced, gnawing at her bottom lip.

When he glanced at her once more, Darcy stopped in her tracks, swallowing.

“Is this what Pepper looks like?” she asked, and Tony nodded.

“She’s getting better at not screaming at me when I get back,” he replied, a small smile forming. “Kiddo, Cap’s probably in really bad shape.”

Darcy nodded. “But that’s what I signed up for, so –”

“It doesn’t mean it will always be this way,” Tony interjected, and Darcy forced herself to nod. It was hard to believe Steve would one day stop fighting.

Her eyes darted to his once more.

“What did you mean, ‘it’s about time’?” she asked, and he smiled.

“Wondered when you’d visit.”

“You don’t… know me,” she said, blinking.

Tony shrugged. “I’m helping your kid sister, figured you were a decent kid, too.”

Thinking of Noelle made her wonder about how she was meant to get through this next chapter of her life with their father gone God knows where.

“Our dad ran away,” she admitted, and Tony only nodded, not seeming to judge. “She needs help. Sometimes I don’t feel equipped.”

“Your instincts are good, Lewis. Go with your instincts.”

Darcy nodded, feeling her eyes sting with fresh tears but she forced them down. There was nothing wrong with crying, but she felt like she’d have more time later to do it when she got to Sweden.

-

She landed in Stockholm and went straight to the hospital in a taxi that waited for her at the airport. She thought New York was cold. Clearly she had no idea what cold meant.

Thick snow fell as they made their way to the hospital, and Darcy wished she had gloves. She’d have to get some if she was staying here a while.

She met Natasha in the hospital lobby. The redhead looked a little scratched but otherwise fine, but on closer inspection Darcy could see a bandage under her leather jacket, the spy wincing when she hugged her.

“What happened?”

“He ran into the crossfire.”

He made the sacrifice play. Darcy nodded, throat bobbing.

“And?”

“Medically-induced coma, he’s been out for about twelve hours,” Natasha went on.

Darcy let out a shaky breath. “Okay.”

Natasha walked her down a corridor and then another, until they reached a long, white hallway with Sam sitting in a chair outside a closed door. He looked exhausted, but lit up at the sight of Darcy.

“Hey, honey,” he murmured, squeezing her hand.

“Max is with Jane at SHIELD. I asked Tony Stark to keep her safe, too,” Darcy said, and Sam rubbed her shoulders.

“Stark, huh? She’ll be spoilt by the time we get back.”

“Yeah, I hope so.”

Darcy glanced at the closed door with a questioning look on her face, and Sam nodded.

She went inside, keeping her eyes to the ground for a couple seconds to ready herself for what she was about to see.

Bucky sat by Steve’s bed, watching his friend. Darcy’s eyes landed on Steve, who was covered with wires, an oxygen mask on his swollen face. His evident pain hit Darcy in the chest and she whimpered, covering her mouth with a hand as she walked toward the bed. Bucky remained seated as Darcy hovered by Steve.

She put a hand to his forehead and stroked the little bit of hair she had access to. He had stitches on one cheek, and his eyes were swollen shut. He was red and bruised, dried blood in parts of his scalp.

Darcy worried it would for her to touch him too much, so she kept her fingers feather light as she traces the skin of his face, his arm. She squeezed one limp hand and swallowed hard.

Her eyes travelled all over the love of her life, trying to remember him when he was put together and smiling at her. Her eyes watered from her lack of blinking and she looked away, watching the heart monitor.

She didn’t know what the numbers meant but the steady beeping seemed to assure her that his heart was fine for the time being.

She finally glanced at Bucky whose eyes were trained on Steve.

“What happened?”

“They took a couple slugs outta him,” he murmured, his voice hoarse. “He got pretty badly concussed so he’s not altogether there.”

She wondered what it was like to see Steve broken in bed like this, having fought for his friend so hard.

“Bucky, don’t blame yourself.”

Bucky didn’t seem to hear her. He didn’t look at her.

“Bucky.”

She said his name a little harsher and his eyes snapped up to hers, a little wider than they were before.

“If he wakes up and you’re gone, I’ll never forgive you.”

He glanced away, giving a short nod.

Darcy looked back at Steve, seeing his chest rise and fall with his breathing. She longed to hold him, instead she closed her eyes and pictured her apartment, their bed together.

-

Bucky and Darcy never left Steve’s side except to pee for a day and a half. They didn’t speak to each other. Bucky didn’t speak at all, not even when Natasha said something to him in Russian Darcy didn’t understand.

She wondered what Natasha and Bucky were to each other. It must have been from when Natasha used to kill for the other side, and maybe they’d been thrown together along the way. Whichever way Darcy looked at them she felt as if she was intruding on something when they were in the same room.

Steve came to when Darcy was out of the room. He fussed as nurses came rushing in to sedate him. He might have been hallucinating. Darcy had read about that happening to patients and his pained expression made her chest ache. She clasped one of his hands as he fell back onto the bed, chest heaving while his heart monitor picked up speed.

He still needed time to heal, but he was out of the woods for now. Darcy had a sponge bath in his adjoining bathroom sink and decided to get coffee alone downstairs while Bucky stayed. To her surprise, he followed her out and Natasha took his place.

“Should you even be walking around the hospital?” Darcy muttered, and Bucky fell into step beside her. “Being _you_ with _your face_ , and all.”

“We killed everyone,” he replied, and Darcy faltered for a second, catching her breath. “Anyone looking for me is far away from here.”

She pressed a button for the elevator and turned her head toward him, their eyes meeting.

“You don’t like me very much.”

“I don’t know you,” came his reply.

Darcy knew she represented a happier, more stable life without Bucky. She knew he’d have complicated feelings toward her in general. Not just because she was sleeping with his best friend.

“Steve said you saved him when SHIELD fell,” she murmured.

Bucky blinked twice, like a twitch. He was doing it less often but Darcy could still pick up on it. She felt a wave of sympathy.

“You pulled him out of the river.”

He didn’t say anything to her, but Darcy moved toward him, managing to get her arms around his middle as she pulled him into a hug.

He resisted, tensing at her touch. Darcy closed her eyes, letting herself feel his discomfort, choosing to sit with it. She waited for him to push her away, but instead his arms wrapped around her.

Steve’s oldest friend clung to her in that busy hospital in Stockholm, the whole world falling away. Darcy breathed in the smell of him on his dirty clothes, feeling the safe warmth of his body against hers.

She pulled back a little to look into his eyes, feeling her chest squeeze once more.

“I’m so sorry for everything that happened to you,” she said, and Bucky’s throat bobbed.

His metal hand came up to cup her face and she felt her eyes prickle with tears.

“No crying over me, doll,” he murmured. He brushed away a stray tear that fell.

She hugged him again, feeling him kiss her crown.

-

“Darce,” Steve murmured, sounding drowsy with the drugs he was pumped with. It would be a matter of minutes before he’d metabolize them, needing another dose.

He didn’t need the oxygen mask anymore, and his eyes looked less bruised. There was a broken blood vessel in his left eye where Natasha said he took a boot in the face.

“Baby,” she replied, her legs falling from Bucky’s lap as she sat up, moving toward Steve’s bed. Her hands went to his face, and he blinked rapidly, seeming to take her in for the first time.

“What are you doin’ here?” he muttered, and Darcy gave a short laugh.

“Tony sent me in a jet, you mad?”

“No,” he mumbled, wincing a little as he tried to sit up.

He squinted at Bucky sitting down in his chair, partially obscured by Darcy.

“Buck.”

“I’m here, Stevie,” Bucky replied, getting up as well.

Steve was elated, but he fought off exhaustion, eyes going from Darcy to Bucky.

“Nat’s fine, Sam’s fine, too,” Darcy said, and Steve nodded.

“Don’t…”

“What?”

“Don’t,” Steve began again, eyes meeting Bucky. “Don’t try to steal my girl.”

Bucky chuckled, sounding choked up as he replied:

“I’ll try really hard, punk, but she’s damn near perfect.”

“She… is,” Steve said, and he glanced at Darcy once more. “Babydoll.”

“He’s high as a kite,” Darcy said, not quite over Bucky’s incredible words. She shook her head, glancing behind them for a nurse that could be nearby.

She left them, walking out into the corridor to find a doctor. Sam was chatting with someone in broken Swedish. He seemed to be getting better at it while Darcy was still hopeless.

“He might be clear to leave tomorrow,” Sam explained to Darcy.

The doctor left to do his rounds and Sam touched Darcy’s shoulder for a second.

“Listen, I owe you… so much for Max,” he said, and Darcy put up a hand.

“Shut up. I loved every second of it, even when she ruined my shoes,” she said.

“You willing to co-parent?” Sam said, and Darcy’s eyebrows rose.

“I guess so, but you realize I might run away with her?”

“I’m fine with that, as long as she’s happy and you send lots of postcards.”

-

Darcy woke on the jet, Steve’s head in her lap.

She remembered leaving Europe. They’d be back in New York in a few hours. She tried to settle back in her seat, closing her eyes. She felt Steve stir, taking her hand in his and kissing it.

Sam, Natasha and Bucky were sitting in their own seats further down the cabin so Darcy and Steve were in relative privacy.

She opened her eyes once more, bringing her head down to kiss him, his mouth coaxing hers open and his tongue slipped inside. She cradled his face in her hands, returning his longing. She felt needy, but she was glad he felt the same way.

She could see her Star of David still rested under his t-shirt, and she lay her hand on his chest over the shape of the pendant, pulling away from Steve.

His eyes were blown, staring up at her in the dimmed cabin.

“We should… go away for a while.”

Darcy stared at him.

“We did.”

“I mean a vacation,” he said, and Darcy’s eyes widened. “You with me, doll?”

“Yeah, always,” she replied, starting to smile. “Really? You mean that?”

She couldn’t quite believe it, but he nodded at her.

“We’re family.”

She kissed him again, wishing she could make love to him then, but she wouldn’t subject that to her friends. She was sure she’d never live that down, anyway.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I'm so close to the end... sometimes I shake my head at myself, thinking I'll never quite get an ending ever right, but I'm going to try. It's what Steve and Darcy deserve. (And what all their friends deserve, too.)
> 
>  
> 
> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	25. Chapter 25

_"My whole life got me ready for you, ooh, got me happy, happy...I'ma be happy, happy, yeah..."_ \- Ariana Grande

 

 

**XXV.**

 

 

Darcy picked up Wendy’s flower crown and looked around for any sign of her, listening out for laughter or children screaming.

As if on cue, she heard Jackson making machine gun sounds in the distance and Darcy spotted him taking aim at his little sister with a stick.

Darcy dashed through the grass, picking up her skirts, ducking under a tree branch as she made her way toward Jackson. He glanced up at her as she approached with her hand out.

“Come on, please?” he whined, and she shook her head.

“I’m Maid of Honor, also Made to Boss You Around, get it?” Darcy said, taking the stick from him and tossing it aside.

“You’re really not that funny,” Jackson retorted, but he didn’t look too upset.

He looked very cute in his little three piece suit. Darcy put Wendy’s flower crown back on and stood back to admire her work, nodding.

“You’ll steal the show,” she said, and Wendy smiled. She’d just lost another baby tooth, and there were several gaps in her front teeth.

“How much longer?” Jackson whined, and Darcy shot him a look. “It’s so stupid. All Annie has to do is walk down the carpet and say a bunch of words.”

“She has to write a letter, too,” Wendy added, and Darcy chuckled.

“She has to sign the marriage certificate, sweetie,” she gently corrected, and Wendy nodded.

“I’m _hungry!”_

“Jackson, I gave you trail mix.”

“He threw it away,” Wendy said, and her brother shot her a fierce look.

“Hey, it’s no big deal,” Darcy said, trying as always to keep the peace. “We can ask the chef to rustle up some chicken nuggets.”

Jackson lit up. “For real?”

“Yes,” Darcy replied. “Or, we’ll get someone to go to McDonald’s. We’ve got another twenty minutes until the ceremony.”

Darcy knew the chef was already swamped with all the reception food, so she texted Steve while she coaxed Jackson and Wendy back inside, leaving them in the tent at the front close to the altar.

She went back to the makeup tent and found Annie, whose spray tan made her look like a bronzed goddess. Her hair was piled high, her makeup artist doing the finishing touches on her face.

“I look fucking ridiculous and I love it,” Annie said, her teeth freshly whitened and gleaming at Darcy.

“Good,” Darcy replied. “You know, you could still make a dash for it.”

Annie picked up her champagne flute and cackled. Darcy only said it because Annie asked her to last weekend during her Bachelorette party.

“You know you’re my best friend,” she slurred, leaning toward Darcy and blinking blearily at her. At the time they were sitting at a bar with unlit cigars in their hands, dressed in men’s suits so they looked like mobsters. “Like, I have no friends.”

“Who do you think you’re talking to? I’ve got, like, no friends,” Darcy said, shoving one of Annie’s tiny shoulders. “Except you, Natasha, Jane, Sam and Steve. And… Bucky, I guess.”

“You have friends, you… idiot.”

Annie sipped her champagne now as she was spritzed with setting spray.

“I’m wearing white for my wedding,” Annie said, starting to giggle.

She seemed to be on a natural high of good feelings and Darcy was so happy for her. She would have never predicted that someone could ever make Annie this happy, and she didn’t care that it was fast. She knew she and Steve moved pretty fast, too.

When they came back from Sweden, Annie hit Darcy with a ton of responsibilities. The plan to go on vacation was put on hold until after the wedding. Annie wanted an April wedding.

Darcy wore a long lilac gown with her hair in a long side braid, a matching bouquet for her to hold. Wendy wore the same dress as her, insisting on them having matching glittery nails so they could more like sisters than ever.

Darcy supposed she should have Pascal and his kids as part of her group of friends. Sometimes she felt part of their family. Pascal was a blend of brother-in-law and father figure to her. Wendy was pure of heart and Jackson always argued with her, only to hug her tight seconds later.

The ceremony itself went by without any issues. Darcy felt as though her last interaction with Isabel was enough to keep her away, so there was no fear of someone interrupting at the last second. Steve watched Darcy the entire time. She could sense his gaze throughout the ceremony.

Annie’s mom took the most photos, even more than the official photographer who came from the _New Yorker_. Pascal being the Chilean millionaire he was, there was a lot of press surrounding the rushed nuptials.

“I swear I’m not pregnant,” Annie said, as they began their speeches during the reception.

Darcy and everyone else laughed, and it didn’t really matter if that were true or not. Everyone just seemed happy to be there, and happy for Pascal and Annie. There were a lot of faces Darcy didn’t recognise but she was better at dealing with social situations, dealing with crowds again after Halloween. It didn’t stop her from getting a new Taser for her own peace of mind, the device tucked away in her purse at all times.

She sat on Steve’s lap during the speeches, until it was her turn to talk. He squeezed her hand when it felt like her stomach was going to fall onto the floor and she stood up, walking over to take the mic from one of the grooms.

“Hi, everyone,” she began. “I’m Annie’s Maid of Honor, and I have a list of sins to confess.”

There was mock astonishment from the crowd and Darcy smiled, her heart beating fast.

“I mean, I’ve known Annie I long time, since college. So you can imagine the amount of dirt I’ll be selling to TMZ the second she casts me out for her new Hampton housewife friends.”

Darcy tossed her hair over her shoulder, shrugging.

“I’m just saying. There was sex, drugs… copious amounts of booze…”

Cheers erupted from around the tent and Darcy smiled.

“I mean, consumed by me, personally. Annie was doing her PhD and became a professor.”

She glanced at Annie, who was sitting beside Pascal and looking up at her.

“I love you. So much. Honestly, Annie’s the type of girl you call to help you bury the body.”

Everyone laughed but Darcy was telling the truth. Annie would never judge her, only help her. Darcy looked at the table in front of her and picked up a random water glass.

“To Annie and Pascal.”

“Annie and Pascal.”

-

A week later, Bucky was standing in the street outside the apartment block in Brooklyn, his hands in his pockets as he spoke to Steve.

Natasha and Darcy murmured to one another, watching them from the front step.

“What do you think they’re talking about?”

“Probably debating whether they’ll run off into the sunset now or later,” Darcy replied, and Natasha snorted.

“You got somethin’ to say, Romanoff?” Steve called, and Darcy saw a smirk on his face.

Natasha walked down with Darcy in tow.

“You done gossiping like old maids? We’ve got a plane to catch,” the redhead quipped, and she bumped Steve playfully, eyes on Bucky.

“You don’t have to go,” Darcy said, glancing at Bucky, her tone suddenly serious. “You haven’t been here that long.”

“HYDRA’s not gonna go away just because I wish on a star, doll,” Bucky replied.

Darcy felt her throat close up with emotion, thinking of her friends so far away. She knew though Natasha was capable of keeping them safe.

She launched herself at Bucky, gripping him tight against her, trying to memorize his scent, the feeling of herself in his arms. She drew back, staring up at him.

“Please be safe, _please_ ,” she murmured. Bucky nodded as he touched her cheek with his flesh hand.

He and Natasha were about to leave for Europe once more, on a long mission to find the HYDRA hideouts Bucky already knew about to bring down some of their major assets. Steve elected not to go, which surprised Darcy but she was so grateful that he thought of her and their life together before running toward the danger.

She hugged Natasha as Steve hugged Bucky.

“Don’t do anything stupid until I get back,” Bucky said.

Steve squeezed his shoulder.

“How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you.”

Natasha squeezed Darcy’s hand, nodding at her with shining eyes.

“Break a leg, dumbasses,” Darcy called after them as they walked down the street.

She heard Bucky chuckle and that was enough for her.

-

Darcy lay on the beach with her sunglasses on as Steve came up from the water, pushing his hair back. It lay slick with sea water and he flopped down on his towel, looking over Darcy’s shoulder.

“What are you readin’?”

“Harry Potter. The second one.”

“It’s on my list,” Steve replied, which made Darcy smile.

His hand lay on the small of her back and he kissed her arm, leaving a wet mark there.

“Hey.”

Darcy pushed up her sunglasses to rest on her head and looked at him properly, putting her bookmark back.

“What?”

“Do you wanna get married?”

Darcy felt her stomach flip. They’d been in Hawaii for three days, with no real plans to return to Brooklyn anytime soon. She had some idea Steve was going to ask her soon.

“Do you mean here?”

He nodded, looking almost shy but nonetheless excited.

“Yes.”

He grinned. “Today?”

“Today?” she repeated, and then she thought about it for a second. “Yeah, sure. Why the fuck not?”

She began to laugh and Steve kissed her, pulling her toward him until she was under him and kissing him in the sand, their legs entwined.

“Let’s get married,” she whispered, before their mouths slanted together again.

Steve wore no tie and Darcy’s best dress had some remnants of sand in its creases, but neither of them seemed to care. They were too happy to try stop themselves. They found a couple witnesses outside the courthouse and signed the papers.

Darcy teared up a little and so did Steve, cradling her face in his big hands as the celebrant named them husband and wife.

Darcy never wanted to leave his side, holding his hand for the rest of the night as they ate by the shore while the sun set.

“Do you know the first time I saw you?” Steve asked, his hand on her knee while they still sat at their table. “It was at SHIELD.”

“Did you notice my butt?”

“Of course I did, babydoll,” he said, chuckling. “But I saw you smile. Something Jane must have said, but you lit up. It was like the world stopped.”

Darcy stared at him, feeling her stomach flip for the umpteenth time that day.

“I just thought… shit, that’s it for me.”

“I saw you out of your suit, and you were with Natasha,” Darcy said, trying to think back to a time when she didn’t know Steve.

It was hard to picture. She knew her life was now in two parts – before and after meeting him.

“And you looked so cute, so fresh-faced. And I was like, well, _fuck_. This guy is everything.”

Steve watched her as she went on, her heart racing.

“I had the biggest crush on you. I still do.”

Steve smiled at that. “Me, too.”

They fell silent, watching the waves in the dark, listening to the sounds of the other people on the island in the distance.

“You’re my dream girl, you know that?”

She turned to stare at him.

“Steve.”

They raced back to their room, Steve scooping her up to carry her into their bedroom. He kicked off his shoes, putting her down on the bed to pull off his shirt and toss it aside. Darcy yanked off her dress and bikini underneath, lying naked as Steve pulled off his shorts, his cock bobbing in the dim light of their room.

Darcy giggled and he smiled down at her, pulling her across the covers and under him, her legs wrapping around his waist as he leaned down to kiss her, his hands everywhere.

He played with her clit, two of his big fingers inside her for her pussy to clamp down on, and she felt drunk. Drunk with desire and hope. She was ridiculously fucking happy.

He drew back, searching her face.

“What is it?” she murmured, her nose brushing his, coaxing him into another greedy kiss.

“I’m so lucky,” he said, his voice wavering.

When he pushed inside, they both gasped, feeling that rush of fullness as they were finally joined.

Darcy didn’t dare close her eyes, and neither did Steve as he slammed into her over and over, the sweat gathering between them.

Steve gasped into her mouth as he came, squeezing his eyes shut at the last second as he twitched inside her.

After cleaning up, they fell into bed without their clothes, fingers tracing skin, until Steve’s eyes began to flutter.

“Goodnight, wife.”

Darcy began to giggle feebly, her own urge to crash rising.

“Goodnight, husband,” she replied.

She closed her eyes in his arms, hearing the ocean in the distance.

Half an hour went by before Steve was awake again, stealing yet another kiss.

Darcy laughed against him, hearing Steve’s own chuckle into her skin.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not crying, you're crying. 
> 
> I'm kidding. I am _verklempt_. Thank you to everyone who stuck with this story, who took the time to comment and leave kudos. Thank you to everyone who just clicked on it because they wanted to try something out. THANK YOU for reading. I love you.
> 
> Jesus, I'm going to miss this little corner of my world. Anyway, I'll see them in my dreams every now and then, I'm sure. Especially little Max with her wagging tail...


End file.
